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Opening Day

My benevolent overlord, Athletics Nation, is floating the idea of a National Pastime Day. I like it. Thousands of people call in disinterested to work, and go to the games. Give us a Federal day off, the masses cry. Heck, California state employees get Cesar Chavez' birthday off. What the heck is that? The salad is delicious, but why should that be the only chef whose creation is honored? (Edit: After several angry e-mails, I realize I misinterpreted Chavez's accomplished life. My apologies.)

National Pastime Day. Heck, don't give us the day off, but give us amnesty if we're caught skipping work. Make it illegal to be terminated on the grounds of cutting work to be at opening day. The sport isn't in trouble, no matter what is being regurgitating every second year or so, but it would be a showboating call for a return to a simpler American time. Family values. Dad mussing the hair of his six-year old, saying, "Sure, you can have a program, you little scamp." If Congress can't get behind that piece of soundbite-ready fluff, then they might be forced to face real issues. Give us amnesty, take a few pictures, and enjoy the beauty of baseball.

If that doesn't work, at least give us the chance to have all the games open on the same day. This stilted schedule stuff is killing me.