When the Giants lose as awfully as they did, there's no need to recount the story like some teenager jabbing a dead possum with a stick down by the railroad tracks. Enter the Auto-Recap 2005, V. 2.4!
Ugh! The Giants just could not ______ (hit/pitch) yesterday. It makes me sick to my stomach the way they couldn't ______ (get anyone on base/knock baserunners in). The biggest problem with this team right now is (the bullpen/the bullpen), though there is something to be said about the ________ (starting pitching/farm system that coughs up a Lance Niekro every five years, smacks its lips, and then goes back to sleep). I wish I spent my free time paying attention to ________ (professional poker, if only they showed some on television/those vaguely familiar people who share my house and last name) instead of this stupid sport.
So, yesterday's game would go like:
Ugh! The Giants just could not ____PITCH____ yesterday. It makes me sick to my stomach the way they couldn't _____KNOCK BASERUNNERS IN______ The biggest problem with this team right now is _______THE BULLPEN______ (the bullpen/the bullpen), though there is something to be said about the ______STARTING PITCHING _______. I wish I spent my free time paying attention to ________THE ENCROACHING RASH ON MY UPPER TORSO______ instead of this stupid sport.
It beats talking about Carlos Lee deciding to be himself on a terrible day, and Jerome Williams grooving two meatballs on two-strike counts to help him out. And, oh mercy, the stranded baserunners were a killer. The season is too early and the team is too close to .500 to start taking hostages, but even the return of Barry Bonds on Giants Easter doesn't look like it could help this team.
Also, there is more roundtable prospect discussion over at Fogball, this time dealing with the hitters. After Will Clark, the best first baseman developed by the Giants was Damon Minor, easily. Now, however, do you think Lance Niekro has already beat out J.R. Phillips and Desi Wilson for the runner-up spot?