First Time Caller, Long Time Moron

Is there anything better than sportstalk radio? Other than the 309,389,102,698 things you just thought of which are objectively better? I've often found myself talking to a complete stranger about baseball at, say, a grocery store, and while their fractured ramblings are fun to listen to, there is something missing. Talk radio gives that something, adding the element of nervousness and uncomfortability to irrelevant opinions. Pure gold.

The greatest of all sports talk traditions is the mock trade. Two rules of the call-in show mock trade:

1. Assume the prospect you've heard about on your team is as valuable as the best prospects in the game. If Daric Barton and Dan Haren add up to Mark Mulder, then Todd Linden and Brad Hennessey must equal Mark Mulder, too. Why didn't the stupid Giants trade for Mulder?
2. The scapegoat of the Giants needs to go in the trade. However, and this is crucial, the player's value is not affected by his being overpriced and/or terrible. In 2001, Marvin Benard was in every trade proposal. In 2004, it was Neifi. This year, make sure your trade includes Kirk Rueter. Now that makes it Linden/Hennessey/Rueter for Mulder.

That's all there is to it. This, of course, was all just a long-winded lead-in to my open call for trade ideas. The Giants might need a centerfielder. They could definitely use another strong bullpen arm. What are your mock trades?

To Mets:
Something from 3rd team

To Giants:
Mike Cameron
Cash

To 3rd Team:
Merkin Valdez
Craig Whitaker

That's the best I could do in limited time. Help me out with the 3rd team, or in cleaning up what the Giants are giving out.