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Doing haiku is almost an internet cliche at this point, so I need to reestablish my credentials. I've rocked the Giants 'ku since 1998. I also saw Radiohead in a small London club, and Thomas Pynchon gave me his manuscript of Gravity's Rainbow to read before it was published. I told him it needed more confusing parts. I was the guy who tested Pong before it came on the market, I saw Marlon Brando's high school performance of "You Can't Take It With You", and I was there when the first Chuck Norris joke was told. So, yes, I am much, much, much cooler than you. This haiku stuff proves nothing.

Thrusting costumed seal,
Ed Sullivan would not show
Learn a new gag, Lou.
Starving man buys a
four thousand dollar hot dog
Matt Morris deal
Up the middle, or
just goodbye, another George
Foster R.B.I.

That was the actual text of a George Foster garbage can I had as a kid. Oh, you mean to tell me you didn't have a metal George Foster garbage can? It's stuck with me for 25 years. Even before I counted it out, I knew it had to be a haiku. So elegant.
Break back! Back! In! No!
Strike one, two, three, four, five, six
Linden could surprise
The younger Alou
Urine joke is too easy
Psyche: Pee hands! Pee hands!
Wise men once intoned:
Don't Viz on the electric fence
Twice as careful now
I don't like Finley.
Man-buzzard with heart of ash
Still, better than Fonz
Kruk, Kuip, Miller, Flem
Rest of league, not even close
Best announcing team

Fact: It's impossible to look cool when counting on your fingers.