Doing haiku is almost an internet cliche at this point, so I need to reestablish my credentials. I've rocked the Giants 'ku since 1998. I also saw Radiohead in a small London club, and Thomas Pynchon gave me his manuscript of Gravity's Rainbow to read before it was published. I told him it needed more confusing parts. I was the guy who tested Pong before it came on the market, I saw Marlon Brando's high school performance of "You Can't Take It With You", and I was there when the first Chuck Norris joke was told. So, yes, I am much, much, much cooler than you. This haiku stuff proves nothing.
Thrusting costumed seal,
Ed Sullivan would not show
Learn a new gag, Lou.
Ed Sullivan would not show
Learn a new gag, Lou.
Starving man buys a
four thousand dollar hot dog
Matt Morris deal
four thousand dollar hot dog
Matt Morris deal
Up the middle, or
just goodbye, another George
Foster R.B.I.
just goodbye, another George
Foster R.B.I.
That was the actual text of a George Foster garbage can I had as a kid. Oh, you mean to tell me you didn't have a metal George Foster garbage can? It's stuck with me for 25 years. Even before I counted it out, I knew it had to be a haiku. So elegant.
Break back! Back! In! No!
Strike one, two, three, four, five, six
Linden could surprise
Strike one, two, three, four, five, six
Linden could surprise
The younger Alou
Urine joke is too easy
Psyche: Pee hands! Pee hands!
Urine joke is too easy
Psyche: Pee hands! Pee hands!
Wise men once intoned:
Don't Viz on the electric fence
Twice as careful now
Don't Viz on the electric fence
Twice as careful now
I don't like Finley.
Man-buzzard with heart of ash
Still, better than Fonz
Man-buzzard with heart of ash
Still, better than Fonz
Kruk, Kuip, Miller, Flem
Rest of league, not even close
Best announcing team
Rest of league, not even close
Best announcing team
Fact: It's impossible to look cool when counting on your fingers.