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My heart is like a Lionel Richie song right now

I have no idea what the Angels want with Edgardo Alfonzo, but they're welcome to him. There was never a way to get rid of the lump without taking on another contract, and usually the ideas were just as reprehensible as Fonzie. Eric Milton. Kaz Matsui. Yick and yick.

Steve Finley actually fills a need for this team. In an outfield with two old 'n' brittles, a fourth outfielder who can play centerfield is going to get a lot of playing time. He had an awful, putrid season in 2005, and isn't likely to get better. But what if he does? The good Finley is only a year removed from the wreck the Angels saw. The Giants aren't counting on Finley to be their clean-up hitter; they're counting on him to be vintage Armando Rios. And if he falls on his face, oh well. It was a good try.

At the end of April, I came up with marginally funny joke. When Alfonzo hit his next solo home run, I was planning to comment with a Jabba the Hutt quote in the gameday thread: "Manchy kabook noonee Solo!" See? Jabba the Hutt's fat, and Alfonzo is kinda fat. D'ya get it? After you wipe the tears from your eyes, the rest of the post will be waiting for you.

But Alfonzo NEVER HOMERED AGAIN. The offensive nothingness he closed the last five months of his Giant career with was amazing. It was one of the most complete collapses in recent history. It was Ron Burgundy finally agreeing to eat the cat poop, chomping on it, knowing that the elevator of his career had reached the basement. It was five months of eating cat feces, all spread out over summer months, all broadcast over television and radio. Also, Alfonzo did not have a good season.

There is a worry that Steve Finley, who is bound by the laws of physics to only hurt the Giants, will use this opportunity to give us the ultimate sendoff. Maybe he's in his lair right now, feeding live bunnies to his pet boa constrictor ("Wrangles"), and wondering just how he can top Jose Cruz Jr.'s artistry. Yeah, that's a concern, but I can live with it. The only way Finley could top Alfonzo's damage to this organization is with a roofie, a burlap sack, and a trip to the coast with Matt Cain. Finley's reputation as a Giant killer can't extend that far, can it? Can it? Hold me....

Another concern I almost had was related to Alfonzo's performance. As in, what if Alfonzo had a good season for the Angels? Would I be able to sleep with that much injustice in the world? That concern was short-lived. Alfonzo is done. Worrying about something like that is like worrying about Maury Wills taking advantage of Jason Schmidt's slow delivery.

This is a great move for the Giants, even if Finley does his best Ricky Ledee impersonation. Finley turned down a three-year deal from the Giants to go with the Angels. Now he's on the Giants, he doesn't get that expensive third year, he didn't harm the team with last year's performance, and we were able to dump an overpriced saddle sore in the process. The fates threw us a bone on this one, and it really doesn't matter if there is any marrow left.