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Muy Feliz

I used to have an '84 Volvo. The paint was rusted and flaking. The glove compartment didn't close at all, so you had to jab a pen in the side opening to jam it shut. The back seats had springs jutting out in all directions. I consumed cigarettes and Snapple as if they were the secret to immortality and wealth, and I was also a lazy, lazy man. The combination resulted in a back seat filled with American Spirit boxes and Snapple bottles. We're talking piles of each. The ashtray was constantly overflowing, so throw a few soggy butts into the melange. About once a month, one of the Snapples would leak, and my back seat would become a primordial soup of nastiness. It smelled even worse than you think it did.

I got better. Trust me. Just focus on the car.

The last time I drove the car, the electrical system failed. The car died on 280 in San Bruno, and without an electrical system, all I had was a single flare to warn people to stay off the shoulder as they came around a blind curve at 80 MPH. It was one of the more terrifying sequences of my life.

Still, when I donated the car to a charity I didn't like, a large part of me was crushed when the tow truck pulled up to take the car away. It wasn't the car's fault that it stunk; it couldn't just decide not to stink. It wasn't the car's fault that it died; I've almost lost both eyes and a thumb trying to check my oil at various times in my life, so I had no business thinking I could handle the tics of a car with 200,000 miles on it.

And, heck, the car kept me safe. Volvos are made from adamantium and unicorn horns, or some crap, so they're built like tanks. So the car wasn't all bad. It provided good defense, if you will.

Every I see an early '80s Volvo, it's nostalgia time. I don't think about the hectares of black smoke that flowed from the exhaust every time the car was started. I don't think of the possum-in-a-rice-cooker smell of the interior. I just think of the car as a lyric in the opera of my early 20s. And if I were to see that exact Volvo again -- say, batting seventh for the Phillies -- I would stand and applaud.

We'll miss you, Petey. Parts of you. Mostly the parts that weren't involved with swinging a bat. But we'll still miss you.

Open Pedro Feliz Analogy Thread. The more forced and ridiculous, the better.

0 recs | Comment 108 comments

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*looks around disgustedly and begins to walk away*
walks a few feet and then slows down

turns around and looks nostalgiacly

nods head and walks back

Coming to you from the Land of Many Beers

by WalrusMan on Jan 29, 2008 7:56 AM PST   0 recs

Gah forgot to turn off formatting...
Coming to you from the Land of Many Beers

by WalrusMan on Jan 29, 2008 7:56 AM PST to parent up   0 recs

Re: Gah forgot to turn off formatting...
No he didn't....he was doing all that loudly.
Screw the Giants, but not Omar. I'm getting drunk and watching some footy.

by PacBellBoozer on Jan 29, 2008 1:56 PM PST to parent up   0 recs

Re: Muy Feliz
I too will applaud him when he returns to SF in a Phillie uniform, but I wouldn't buy him a beer. He doesn't seem like the type to drink anyway. And I don't have any money. Everybody wins! Good luck, Pedro.
Nattowear | comics | Durham? I hardly know 'im!

by Natto on Jan 29, 2008 7:58 AM PST   0 recs

Re: Muy Feliz
Pedro Feliz is like a loveless relationship. You're friends. You enjoy doing some things together. You fill in just enough of each others "gaps" that the partnership is justified year after year. But you know there is no love, you know there is no passion.

Deep down inside, you admit there is something better out there. Way better. Of course there will be nerves and maybe a little sadness upon the initial split. You've grown comfortable together. You've even shared some great moments. Maybe the sadness comes from a regret of all those wasted years.

Pedro Feliz is not the enemy, and deserves a very warm welcome back to Mays field. Feliz played whenever and wherever the Giants asked. He's gunna have a great season in Philly, but would have turned in his typical season in SF- so it's a mutually beneficial split. It's easy to get a little nostalgic right after the break up. But after a brief period of mourning, you realize there are more fish in the sea. And Giant fans can learn to love a third baseman again.

Defender of Noah Lowry.

by Kid Fresh on Jan 29, 2008 8:01 AM PST   0 recs

Re: Muy Feliz
Brian Sabean is headed off to Craigslist right now and will post under both "Men Seeking Men" and "Casual Encounters". Not that there's anything wrong with that.
Lon Simmons' adopted dad.

by Kitspool on Jan 29, 2008 10:00 AM PST to parent up   0 recs

Re: Muy Feliz
He's seeking someone who can ably fill his gaping hole...at 3B...or anyplace else they might be when the mood strikes them.
Is anyone working on a drug to treat RPS? (Restless Penis Syndrome)

by Goofus on Jan 29, 2008 10:18 AM PST to parent up   0 recs

Re: Muy Feliz
Pedro's departure means that Sabean has to go out and shop for another centerfielder to plug up that hole, right?

by jae on Jan 29, 2008 8:13 AM PST   0 recs

Re: Muy Feliz
Never thought I'd miss him but he's gone...I would have loved to see him as a #8 hitter on a good Giants team.  I hope you hit 30 jacks in the band box in Philly, though the fans there will soon learn to call you Cock Happy (just like me & my fellow Giants fans).
Down in front meat!

by Homerdrew on Jan 29, 2008 8:22 AM PST   0 recs

Re: Muy Feliz
that's a learned thing?
Pedro Feliz: Marginally better this year.

by SloIsLonelyForTheOrange on Jan 29, 2008 11:31 AM PST to parent up   0 recs

Re: Muy Feliz
My old next door neighbor had that same car, but she's Filipino so it was an eighty-pour bolbo.
Is anyone working on a drug to treat RPS? (Restless Penis Syndrome)

by Goofus on Jan 29, 2008 8:37 AM PST   0 recs

Re: Muy Feliz
Do they have a Virgin Mary statue by their door as well?
Idolizing the Nuschler Face since April 8, 1986 / GIANTSPACE returns!

by SoFa King Mike on Jan 29, 2008 9:55 AM PST to parent up   0 recs

Re: Muy Feliz
Birgin Mary.
Is anyone working on a drug to treat RPS? (Restless Penis Syndrome)

by Goofus on Jan 29, 2008 10:19 AM PST to parent up   0 recs

Re: Muy Feliz
Aye 'SusMaryJose
Idolizing the Nuschler Face since April 8, 1986 / GIANTSPACE returns!

by SoFa King Mike on Jan 29, 2008 11:24 AM PST to parent up   0 recs

Re: Muy Feliz
Feliz is like the annoying friend everyone has, where the friend constantly does things that make you feel uncomfortable and embarassed to know that person, but deep down you know he's a good guy. A lot of this isn't so bad. It's just dealing with the circles around you two that makes the friendship hard to maintain. And while people can crow "OMG FRIENDS FOREVER!" you know you can't always be friends with this person because they just drive you up the goddamn wall sometimes. Grasping for answers to the question, "why are you friends with him/her anyway?" etc.

So you apologize to alleviate your own guilt over judging another human being so harshly. And the friend sort of knows all along that they bug you, but since it's an awkward topic to breach for most people it never gets discussed. So you go on for years and years and years of periods of not speaking to one another, not because one necessarily did something bad to the other. Nothing outside of the minor offenses that caused this whole thing to begin with. It's just getting more and more awkward to let it go.

Feliz signing with the Phillies is the cut ties that people in this situation almost never get. While the friend in this scenario might move away or get a new job or something, they still might email or call and say hey next time I'm out there maybe we can get coffee, and then you find yourself making excuses to get out of it, or accepting because that pesky guilt comes back. However I don't think Pedro will want to have coffee with us anymore.

Guilt. Guilt keeps you together. Pedro is gone now, so the guilt stops on our end. Or maybe it doesn't. Maybe it'll manifest itself as the annoyance we feel when some dumbass writer inevitably calls the Giants stupid for letting Pedro walk after he hits inflated home run numbers in that band box of a ballpark he's headed to. Either way, we may never be completely free of our annoying pathetic friend. And that, friends, is why hell is other people.

Democracy is lovely but baseball is more mature. BVCE supports Manny Burriss and SF Dugout.

by BaronVonCurrentEvents on Jan 29, 2008 9:11 AM PST   0 recs

Pedro is not gone...
The Phillies will pick up the option and then for the 2011 season, the Giants will 36 year old 3B man (who has lost most of his defensive prowess I might add) to a 2-3 year contract after his .275/.330/.490  averages in Philly.
Coming to you from the Land of Many Beers

by WalrusMan on Jan 29, 2008 9:39 AM PST to parent up   0 recs

(sniff) you mean me, don't you? (sniff)
With the season over, I release my adoptee Brian Sabean. Good luck in the world, little buddy.

by Mayor of 311 on Jan 29, 2008 10:09 AM PST to parent up   0 recs

Re: (sniff) you mean me, don't you? (sniff)
Nah, you don't strike out nearly as much as Fleas does.
Democracy is lovely but baseball is more mature. BVCE supports Manny Burriss and SF Dugout.

by BaronVonCurrentEvents on Jan 29, 2008 12:10 PM PST to parent up   0 recs

Re: Muy Feliz

Pedro Feliz is like that third baseman who came up with the Giants, showed some impressive power, but then revealed that he was 2 years older than everyone thought.  He was fitting right in as a super-sub with some pop, and generally not much of an issue.  Then some genius decided to hand him the full time 3B job.  

He was just like that guy who continued his hacktastic ways for YEARS.  It seemed like every year Pedro would be like that guy whom everyone said  "this off-season he learns how to walk".  But he's like the guy who never did.

He's similar to that guy who becomes an object of ridicule - a lightning rod of abuse if you will - but all the while he's putting up really a ridiculously superb defensive effort.

Finally, just when you think he might not be like the worst possible option, he's like the guy who signs with another team.

 

by zenbitz on Jan 29, 2008 9:20 AM PST   0 recs

Re: Muy Feliz
Now that's way too farfetched.  Grant did ask for analogy stretching, but there really has to be a limit!

by North Side Chicago Expatriate Giants Fan on Jan 29, 2008 10:03 AM PST to parent up   0 recs

Ahhhh the lightning rod of abuse...
So he's Colin Mochrie?
Coming to you from the Land of Many Beers

by WalrusMan on Jan 29, 2008 10:22 AM PST to parent up   0 recs

Re: Muy Feliz
i like the car analogy, but if you included a few experiences when you were relying on it and it always seemed to break down in the same place at the most important moments, then id really be on board with ya.
lets hope we can find a cheap crede subcompact to hold us over til that first royalty check comes in and we can buy the a-rod hummer
my non-baseball friends think im listening to art bell all the time when they hear "giant spaceball is on the air"

by son of riles on Jan 29, 2008 9:22 AM PST   0 recs

Re: Muy Feliz
Feliz. Crede. Ensberg. Inge. This 3B used car lot is full of lemons.

by Goat on Jan 29, 2008 9:26 AM PST   0 recs

Re: Muy Feliz
yea crede may just provide us the same kind of thing with a new paint job, but ensberg has a turbo-charged engine that we might be able to tinker with and get running again.  either way id rather be riding a bike (frandsen) than commit to driving that old volvo for another 2 or 3 years.

by sam23 on Jan 29, 2008 9:44 AM PST to parent up   0 recs

Re: Muy Feliz
IMHO, Ensberg>Crede≥Ingeliz.
***

Succumb to the Enchanted t-shirt! Adopted dad of Minor Izzy

by hairball on Jan 29, 2008 9:48 AM PST to parent up   0 recs

Re: Muy Feliz
I saw that the Tigers have Inge coming into spring training with Pitchers and catchers this year. Positing this is true I would then put Inge > Crede. Not just from versatility but because the team that knows him best is going out of its way to find was to use one and  that is happening not so much so with the other. Of coarse someone sneezes hard enough at the right time and  it shuffle the order yet again.

by daveinexile on Jan 30, 2008 8:44 AM PST to parent up   0 recs

Re: Muy Feliz
Except Inge has 3/$18+M remaining on his contract.

I like Inge, he's a good "all" utility guy. He has played LF, CF and RF, and of course he came up as a catcher. He's got good wheels for a catcher, and he fields well with a career .994 FP in 316 MLB games as a Catcher. As a 3B his .956 FP in 542 games puts him about the middle third of 3B. He just hasn't been able to provide the "stick", with a few exceptions.

He hit well in '04 and 05 with a combined average line of .274/.335/.436, 31 XBH, 15 HRs, OPS+ of 105 in 1024 total AB's. Light for a 3B, but decent numbers for a catcher.

In 2006, he started "swinging for the fences" and hit 27 HR's almost doubling his average HR's from '04 and '05. His AVG/OBP/OPS+ has not ever recovered. His SO rates have climbed since 2004, and 2007 was a horrible year for him at the plate.

His current numbers are similar to Feliz, with a little less power. Therein lies the problem. Why let Feliz go only to "trade" for a slightly younger version of him again. I suppose it is possible that he could recover, but the contract is pretty big to take that risk. Plus, the Giants would most likely have to trade young pitching. Now...if the Tigers picked up half of the salary, I'd consider it.

My adopted son Matt Downs. Because face it, everybody else was already taken by the time I got here.

by nvsfg on Jan 30, 2008 10:35 AM PST to parent up   0 recs

Re: Muy Feliz
If Feliz is the 84 Volvo, Ensberg is the 61 MGB. You got a good deal on it 'cause it doesn't run, and you know that you can fix it up with a little work and it will be so frickin cool. Except that you end up spending thousands of dollars working on it with nothing to show for it but oil stains on the driveway.

I had a friend who signed Morgan Ensberg once. Or else he bought an MGB, I don't remember.

2008: The year the Giants begin to stop sucking.

by EliminateMe on Jan 29, 2008 10:27 AM PST to parent up   0 recs

HAHAHA a MGB..
My dad had a 72 (I think, whatever was the last year before they went to the rubber bumpers) MGB.  He bought it for $500 because it didn't run.  He had a trailer to bring it home.  Got it home, started it up and drove it off the trailer.  It was hit and miss starting the rest of the time he had it.  Eventually he sold it, for $500 because it didn't run.

One interesting note, it was his Pretty Young Thing, the liscense plate on it had PYT in it.

Coming to you from the Land of Many Beers

by WalrusMan on Jan 29, 2008 3:16 PM PST to parent up   0 recs

Mi Analogía De Feliz
My last job was with..Let us just say a multi-national consumer goods company. I was there for twenty years. In the beginning, it was great. The work was challenging, and there were moments of extreme bliss. Not the everyday stuff, but the "special projects" I was tasked to complete. In those moments, the brilliant light of accomplishment was so blinding it concealed the ugly flaws in the pure dark heart of the company. These rare moments were enough. For a while.

Over the ensuing years, the company always promised to change. To take the work that we the employees, had put into that promise of change, and make this the place they told us it could be.

Alas, the change never occurred. The promise of change continued to be offered, but the ugly flaws began to surface more frequently. Toward the end came my ephinany. They would not change anytime soon.  They were successful as they were. Why change? Very, very good at what they do, but missing the piece that would make them great.

We parted ways. They wished me luck and supported my decision. I still respect and admire the company. I still have contact with representatives of the company on a monthly basis, as we work in parallel industries. I do not hate them. We just went in different directions. They are successful and strong. I learned a lot from them. They were not the place I needed to be.  It was not a good fit.  

Adiós y buena suerte Pedro Feliz.

My adopted son Matt Downs. Because face it, everybody else was already taken by the time I got here.

by nvsfg on Jan 29, 2008 10:22 AM PST   0 recs

Re: Muy Feliz
Thank you, Grant, for allowing me to make my peace with Pedro.

I had an '85 Toyota Celica. The interior was nice, the engine was an '83 without that many miles on it, and the car looked very shiny for a car that'd be on the road for 20 years. But it was still an '85 Celica. Through maintenance error, the car got towed from I-5 around Mount Vernon, Washington... I'd been on my way back from Kent (south of Seattle) checking out the car I soon bought, a 2000 BMW 323. This was  little over a year ago.

Good bye, Pedro. You played good defense and it was cool the time you played catcher.

I'm very pleased with the way my post came together.

Southern California: Water thieves and Dodgers fans.

by jasomack on Jan 29, 2008 10:29 AM PST   0 recs

Re: Muy Feliz
You have to admit he did a pretty good job at catcher.  He can block a ball in the dirt better than Eliezer Alfonso
Please don't trade Cain or Lincecum!

by BondOrBust on Jan 29, 2008 2:49 PM PST to parent up   0 recs

Re: Muy Feliz
Are we talking with the glove, or with the bat?
2008: The year the Giants begin to stop sucking.

by EliminateMe on Jan 29, 2008 3:18 PM PST to parent up   0 recs

Re: Muy Feliz
How long have you been waiting to use that title?

by kingofthacove on Jan 29, 2008 10:59 AM PST   0 recs

Re: Muy Feliz
Feliz is like an 'after nine' chick (when you can't find a chick at the bar before nine o'clock you give her a call).  

Fills the space and will always be there, but you know there's a better one out there.

I miss Wendell Kim's sprinting to 3rd base.

by hummbaby on Jan 29, 2008 11:10 AM PST   0 recs

Re: Muy Feliz
I for one feel no regret, sadness, or nostalgia at the departure of Pedro. I have had many cars, but I can't equate a single one of them to Feliz. The closest car analogy to Pedro for me is the years I lived in Boston when I did not have a car. I like driving; I like the freedom a car provides, and I do not feel nostalgic about those years.

Personally I liked the guy. I wish him the best. And I truly think he tried to improve. You have to believe that coaches were telling Pedro that he needed to take more pitches and get deeper into counts. I know for a fact that he did not always swing at, and pop up, the first pitch. When that happened it seemed like you could almost read his mind. I saw him several times taking a first pitch, and it always seemed to be a fastball strike. It seemed to me that, in his mind, he felt that he was then off the hook and free to start swinging again. He had done what the coaches wanted; he took a pitch, so he could then flail away at the next pitch, usually a breaking ball in the dirt. That would put him in an in an 0-2 hole, which, as we all know, is a distinct disadvantage for even average hitting players. And as we also know Pedro is not one of those. I could be wrong but I don't think I have ever seen Feliz draw a walk after being down 0-2.

At the beginning I kept hoping he was going to improve, but then it became obvious that he was never going to. For me he represented a loss of hope. I dreaded the thought of going into the '08 season with Pedro as our third baseman, because there would have been no hope that our third baseman would have any kind of decent approach as a hitter. I may be frustrated with whoever plays third by June, but at least now I can hope. Feliz = no hope. I have hope that I will not be watching cluelessness incarnate at the plate for 2008.

I will applaud him on his return to Mays Field. I wish him the best. And most importantly, no matter how well he does, how good his numbers are in Philadelphia, I will know it has nothing to do with us.

by marklar on Jan 29, 2008 11:40 AM PST   0 recs

Re: Muy Feliz
I work in a in a ten-story office building where there used to be a cafe on the bottom. The cafe was pretty poor in general, but I'd heard some decent things about a chicken caesar sandwich they had downstairs. So I tried it out. The Bread was soggy, and would stick to your gums. The chicken was bland and abnormally dry. However, the caesar dressing they used was outstanding. Very tangy without being too strong, it had a creamy texture that almost made you forget the other two main parts of the sandwich were so substandard. Out of convenience more than anything, I ate this lunch almost every day for a few months. People would ask, "Do you really like that sandwich?" and I'd reply, "Its okay. The dressing is really good, and its better than most of the other crap on the menu."

Eventually though, I realized that I actually hate that sandwich, and I dreaded ordering it. The cafe was eventually bought out and completely replaced my new management. The new cafe downstairs was really too expensive to buy lunch their consistently, so I was forced to look outside the confines of my building and explore differrent eatery options.

by hammystyle on Jan 29, 2008 12:02 PM PST   0 recs

Re: Muy Feliz
One of the biggest problems with the poor old car was that the crook who sold it to you had rolled back the odometer about 50,000 miles.  

by prospecthound on Jan 29, 2008 12:02 PM PST   0 recs

Re: Muy Feliz
Pedro Feliz = David Bell

Both were average offensivly

Both Filled a gap

Both did ok around 3rd base

Both went to Philly

Been there done that.  Hope Peter Happy's future is brighter than Dave's was....

by Make me an Offer on Jan 29, 2008 12:18 PM PST   0 recs

Re: Muy Feliz
Yeah but David Bell was somewhat clutch..

Pedro was about as clutch as Alex Smith.

by justinohan on Jan 29, 2008 1:35 PM PST to parent up   0 recs

Re: Muy Feliz
What's not clutch about Alex Smith? He's consistently played his best football late in the game when things were on the line.
He is Vengeance. He is the Knight. He is Dave Righetti. PRAY TO HIM!

by howtheyscored on Jan 29, 2008 1:41 PM PST to parent up   0 recs

Fond memories of another forgettable year
Yeah, I remember that.

Late in the fourth quarter, and Alex's clutch, shoulder and forearm laying on the 20-yard line.

by Moggeee on Jan 29, 2008 2:56 PM PST to parent up   0 recs

Re: Muy Feliz
Your analogy is flawed, Grant. The "glove compartment" in your Volvo should have been the only thing that always worked pretty well.
He is Vengeance. He is the Knight. He is Dave Righetti. PRAY TO HIM!

by howtheyscored on Jan 29, 2008 12:33 PM PST   0 recs

Re: Muy Feliz
It's a shame. I think working with Carny Lansford, he would have learned to be more patient.
"Candlestick made me a man." - Will Clark

by MeSoKrabby on Jan 29, 2008 12:33 PM PST   0 recs

Re: Muy Feliz
Carney Lansford is a tuneup and an oil change. After he's through, you'd have an 84 Volvo with fresh oil. And when your friends complain about the crappy state of your car, you'd say "yeah, but I just got it tuned up..."
2008: The year the Giants begin to stop sucking.

by EliminateMe on Jan 29, 2008 12:41 PM PST to parent up   0 recs

Re: Muy Feliz
Lansford himself doesn't appear to have been a very patient hitter during his career. He never topped 49 unintentional walks in any one season. His career OBP differential (OBP-AVG) was a pedestrian .053.

by tobias on Jan 30, 2008 8:43 AM PST to parent up   0 recs

Re: Muy Feliz
Pedro Feliz is like a truck.

BERSEEERKER!!!

He is Vengeance. He is the Knight. He is Dave Righetti. PRAY TO HIM!

by howtheyscored on Jan 29, 2008 12:33 PM PST   0 recs

Re: Muy Feliz
I haven't posted anything here since who knows when, but I had to login to give you the best obscure reference award. Congratulations

by Trenchtown on Jan 30, 2008 10:50 AM PST to parent up   0 recs

Re: Muy Feliz
Thank you.

Thank you. :)

He is Vengeance. He is the Knight. He is Dave Righetti. PRAY TO HIM!

by howtheyscored on Jan 30, 2008 10:58 AM PST to parent up   0 recs

Re: Muy Feliz
i used to use glasses; my prescription was 20/750, which meant if they fell off while i was driving it was pretty much the end of me. the glasses fogged up, got dirty too easily and i misplaced them too often. they were also prone to striking out with a man on third and one out. they were, however, a better alternative to not seeing.

then i allowed a young technician to shoot a laser into my eyes for 60 seconds, and i never needed the glasses again. i wanted to keep them around, just in case. but we all knew it was time to move on.

if i saw those glasses make an amazing play for the phillies, i'll cheer. unless it's against the giants, then i'll throw them into the lion's club donation bin again.

Dodgers fans eat their young.

by redhornet78 on Jan 29, 2008 12:34 PM PST   0 recs

My real analogy
Pedro Feliz is like a bunch of bananas.

You buy the bunch of bananas, even though it's still kind of green, because you really want bananas. You're craving bananas. You need a banana. You can't wait for bananas, so even though you know the bunch you got isn't ripe yet, you rip a banana off, peel it, and take a few bites. But it's not satisfying. It's still too hard and the sugars haven't really started coming out yet so it just tastes like paste.

You're disappointed, but you're sure that if you just wait one day, these bananas are going to be great. So you wait.

Next day comes, you head downstairs to grab a bite of that sweet, sweet banana. You look at the bunch, though, and it's still a little green. You figure, "I've got plenty of bananas here, I can eat one today and have plenty left over for when they're really good." So you take one, and it's only marginally better than the day before. The sugars have come out a little, but it's still hard as a rock made of hard banana, with two or three spots that show the potential to have been perfect with just one more day of seasoning.

This vicious cycle goes on for three more days. You only have 3 bananas left on your 8 banana bunch. You consider going out and buying a new bunch. A better looking bunch. You'd been out yesterday and all the bananas there had looked great. But you didn't do it. You didn't want to throw away the bunch you've been working on for five days. You didn't want to waste your money when you knew that what you had at home would ripen any day now and you'd be eating the best fruit you've had in weeks.

So you come back to the bunch at home. You get the banana the next day and take the ripest looking one there. You're done screwing around with this bunch. It's time to put up or shut up about bananas! The thing is mush, though. You can't believe it. You've been waiting for these things to ripen, and it looks like they passed you by in the middle of the night!

Still, you concede that this might have just been one bad banana in the bunch, and decide to give it one more chance. A one day contract, if you will. You know there are two bananas on the bunch, but you're only willing to try one of them. So you eat one the next day. The last one you'll have of this bunch if it's no good. It's disgusting. All brown and way way too soft.

That's it, you're done. You throw the last one out your window, but some guy named Philly picks it up. He's a chef, and this way too ripe banana is perfect for this thing he's cooking. He's thrilled. The two are a perfect match.

All you have left at home are pears and oranges. You don't really want bananas anymore, but you want to remember what a good one tastes like. You go to store and all those great bananas you saw the other day are spotty and old. You're freaking sick and tired of bad bananas. So you screw it.

You'll just have a Frandsen when you get home. I mean an orange. It's not really a banana, but it's freaking time to settle for a piece of fruit that has any chance of being ripe.

He is Vengeance. He is the Knight. He is Dave Righetti. PRAY TO HIM!

by howtheyscored on Jan 29, 2008 12:59 PM PST   0 recs

Re: My real analogy
Good post.  Although your analogy states there had to been a point when the banana was at its peak flavor and you missed it.  With Feliz, when might have this been.  Could it have been when David Bell was our starting thirdbaseman?  Perhaps one of those winters, Feliz wasn't flailing at those sliders low and outside.
Please don't trade Cain or Lincecum!

by BondOrBust on Jan 29, 2008 2:59 PM PST to parent up   0 recs

Re: My real analogy
Yeah, it looks like according to this analogy Feliz reached his peak briefly during Winter Ball after the 2005 season. He did play winter ball in 2005, right? If he did, then suddenly the analogy is flawless!
He is Vengeance. He is the Knight. He is Dave Righetti. PRAY TO HIM!

by howtheyscored on Jan 29, 2008 3:05 PM PST to parent up   0 recs

Re: Muy Feliz
My first car (circa 1993-4) was a 1982 BMW.  The original owner did not take care of her.  She had been sitting for a couple years.  It also at one point was converted from a stick to an automatic.  She had some major problems.  But what the heck, it was dirt cheap & I had the first paychecks in my life burning a hole in my pocket.  I replaced a lot, put on some new tires, gave her a nice shiny paint job.  When it was done, I had a pretty nice looking car that could get me from school to work to home.  My friends that originally laughed at her were jealous.  Everybody wanted a ride from me.  I was the kid with the BMW.

After six months, it started breaking down on me.  It stalled constantly.  I couldn't give up on her.  I pumped more money into her.  But the damage was done long before me, there was nothing I could do.  I loved that car.  I was able to keep her going for weeks at a time.  My baby wouldn't die.  Then what happened?  One day I take off for the beach & some old *** in a cadillac runs a 5-way signal & crushes my baby (luckily on the empty passenger side).  I pretty much got my initial money back for her parts, but it couldn't replace her.  I was depressed, my baby was gone.

Then about 13 years later Pedro Feliz signed with the Phillies & I've been feeling a little better ever since.

What?

by ResDog on Jan 29, 2008 1:22 PM PST   0 recs

Pedro
I'm gonna miss that guy. The single nicest ballplayer I've ever met. Just a good, solid guy. Definitely gonna miss watching him flash the leather @ 3rd.
Billy Hayes: Nine more big-league plate appearances than you.

by delorean on Jan 29, 2008 2:02 PM PST   0 recs

Re: Muy Feliz
Amazingly, this is not an effort to get myself banned, although given that most of you live in San Francisco, I'll bet most can understand this analogy (though none will admit it):

Pedro Feliz is Dorothy Zbornak from the Golden Girls.

Sure, always wanted something sexier at third, like the slut (Blanche).  You would have settled for a dumber-than-bricks but heavily-hootered airhead (Rose).  Hell, I'm sure enough freaks here have a granny complex or can at least appreciate cynical, sarcastic humor (Sophia).

But we were stuck wiuth Dorothy.  We didn't wanna admit it, but Dorothy showed us a good time quite often.  While there were things that Dorothy never once could get right, like looking good (like being able to hit with runners on base in close games), she did have other redeeming qualities.

She was the best at one thing: being responsible (playing Gold Glove defense).  And while being responsible isn't sexy, SOMEONE has to play good defense... err... be responsible.  It keeps the team - the household - together.  Everyone once in a while she said something funny (20+ HR per season) and she loved to help kids and people through charitable work and substitute teaching (never complained about changing jobs, place in the order, etc.).

Yes, it pissed us off that no matter how many times we begged her not to wear huge f-ing drapes for clothes (not to swing at the slider 3 feet outside even know we all knew it was coming), we still TRIED to love Dorothy.

Perhaps it was our fate for being Giants fans.  Perhaps it comes from chewing on the batteries before we threw them as kids.  Nobody wants to admit that Dorothy showed us a good time now and then.

But now that the lights are back on, thank god she is out of here.  Our shame is ended.

* I am now going to go cry a little, vomit a lot, and hit up the bar behind center field.

by mlb22 on Jan 29, 2008 2:16 PM PST   0 recs

"heavily-hootered"
ahahahhaha
Obama - ??? 2008 : Real change we can all believe in.

by RangerMoto on Jan 29, 2008 2:18 PM PST to parent up   0 recs

Re: Muy Feliz
And there we have our Bea Arthur reference! Whoo hoo!
Nattowear | comics | Durham? I hardly know 'im!

by Natto on Jan 29, 2008 4:19 PM PST to parent up   0 recs

Re: Muy Feliz
Bea Arthur: I'd hit it.
He is Vengeance. He is the Knight. He is Dave Righetti. PRAY TO HIM!

by howtheyscored on Jan 29, 2008 4:31 PM PST to parent up   0 recs

Re: Muy Feliz
I didn't expect to read those words when I came into this discussion, or anywhere else, ever, for that matter.  

by out machine on Jan 29, 2008 4:48 PM PST to parent up   0 recs

Re: Muy Feliz
Then you might be surprised to find that this isn't even the first time.
He is Vengeance. He is the Knight. He is Dave Righetti. PRAY TO HIM!

by howtheyscored on Jan 29, 2008 6:12 PM PST to parent up   0 recs

First thing that turns me off that....
"I'd hit it."

Not her.  It.

Coming to you from the Land of Many Beers

by WalrusMan on Jan 29, 2008 8:01 PM PST to parent up   0 recs

Re: First thing that turns me off that....
Tain't nothing but one fine piece of ass to me.
He is Vengeance. He is the Knight. He is Dave Righetti. PRAY TO HIM!

by howtheyscored on Jan 29, 2008 8:12 PM PST to parent up   0 recs

Re: First thing that turns me off that....
I'd hit her just sounds wrong. The bad kind of wrong.
Nattowear | comics | Durham? I hardly know 'im!

by Natto on Jan 29, 2008 10:50 PM PST to parent up   0 recs

Re: First thing that turns me off that....
Yeah, uh, so... that's what I meant to say. "Fine piece of ass" just came out somehow. You must get the two mixed up all the time, too.
He is Vengeance. He is the Knight. He is Dave Righetti. PRAY TO HIM!

by howtheyscored on Jan 29, 2008 11:47 PM PST to parent up   0 recs

Re: Muy Feliz
Wow, what a coincidence. I was just over at Borders, leafing through a copy of "World's Longest Lists". "Things 'howtheyscored' would hit" was #17!

by tobias on Jan 30, 2008 7:17 PM PST to parent up   0 recs

Re: Muy Feliz
Pedro Feliz is like smoking American Spirits.

Sure, you look kind a slick smoking them and people remember you for those images.   But when you pull out the pack and everyone in the smoking hutch see that you've been puffing hippie stoges, they just can't look at you the same way.  

They would rather just know that you're a smoker without the image of you buying your cigs at the local head shop.  It's like it almost cancels out your cool (or gold glove defense?).

by chefasaurus on Jan 29, 2008 2:52 PM PST   0 recs