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Muy Feliz

I used to have an '84 Volvo. The paint was rusted and flaking. The glove compartment didn't close at all, so you had to jab a pen in the side opening to jam it shut. The back seats had springs jutting out in all directions. I consumed cigarettes and Snapple as if they were the secret to immortality and wealth, and I was also a lazy, lazy man. The combination resulted in a back seat filled with American Spirit boxes and Snapple bottles. We're talking piles of each. The ashtray was constantly overflowing, so throw a few soggy butts into the melange. About once a month, one of the Snapples would leak, and my back seat would become a primordial soup of nastiness. It smelled even worse than you think it did.

I got better. Trust me. Just focus on the car.

The last time I drove the car, the electrical system failed. The car died on 280 in San Bruno, and without an electrical system, all I had was a single flare to warn people to stay off the shoulder as they came around a blind curve at 80 MPH. It was one of the more terrifying sequences of my life.

Still, when I donated the car to a charity I didn't like, a large part of me was crushed when the tow truck pulled up to take the car away. It wasn't the car's fault that it stunk; it couldn't just decide not to stink. It wasn't the car's fault that it died; I've almost lost both eyes and a thumb trying to check my oil at various times in my life, so I had no business thinking I could handle the tics of a car with 200,000 miles on it.

And, heck, the car kept me safe. Volvos are made from adamantium and unicorn horns, or some crap, so they're built like tanks. So the car wasn't all bad. It provided good defense, if you will.

Every I see an early '80s Volvo, it's nostalgia time. I don't think about the hectares of black smoke that flowed from the exhaust every time the car was started. I don't think of the possum-in-a-rice-cooker smell of the interior. I just think of the car as a lyric in the opera of my early 20s. And if I were to see that exact Volvo again -- say, batting seventh for the Phillies -- I would stand and applaud.

We'll miss you, Petey. Parts of you. Mostly the parts that weren't involved with swinging a bat. But we'll still miss you.

Open Pedro Feliz Analogy Thread. The more forced and ridiculous, the better.

0 recs  |  Comment 108 comments

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*looks around disgustedly and begins to walk away*
walks a few feet and then slows down

turns around and looks nostalgiacly

nods head and walks back

Coming to you from the Land of Many Beers

by WalrusMan on Jan 29, 2008 7:56 AM PST reply actions   0 recs

Gah forgot to turn off formatting...
Coming to you from the Land of Many Beers

by WalrusMan on Jan 29, 2008 7:56 AM PST up reply actions   0 recs

Re: Gah forgot to turn off formatting...
No he didn't....he was doing all that loudly.
Screw the Giants, but not Omar. I'm getting drunk and watching some footy.

by PacBellBoozer on Jan 29, 2008 1:56 PM PST up reply actions   0 recs

Re: Muy Feliz
I too will applaud him when he returns to SF in a Phillie uniform, but I wouldn't buy him a beer. He doesn't seem like the type to drink anyway. And I don't have any money. Everybody wins! Good luck, Pedro.
Nattowear | comics | Durham? I hardly know 'im!

by Natto on Jan 29, 2008 7:58 AM PST reply actions   0 recs

Re: Muy Feliz
Pedro Feliz is like a loveless relationship. You're friends. You enjoy doing some things together. You fill in just enough of each others "gaps" that the partnership is justified year after year. But you know there is no love, you know there is no passion.

Deep down inside, you admit there is something better out there. Way better. Of course there will be nerves and maybe a little sadness upon the initial split. You've grown comfortable together. You've even shared some great moments. Maybe the sadness comes from a regret of all those wasted years.

Pedro Feliz is not the enemy, and deserves a very warm welcome back to Mays field. Feliz played whenever and wherever the Giants asked. He's gunna have a great season in Philly, but would have turned in his typical season in SF- so it's a mutually beneficial split. It's easy to get a little nostalgic right after the break up. But after a brief period of mourning, you realize there are more fish in the sea. And Giant fans can learn to love a third baseman again.

Defender of Noah Lowry.

by Kid Fresh on Jan 29, 2008 8:01 AM PST reply actions   0 recs

Re: Muy Feliz
Brian Sabean is headed off to Craigslist right now and will post under both "Men Seeking Men" and "Casual Encounters". Not that there's anything wrong with that.
Lon Simmons' adopted dad.

by Kitspool on Jan 29, 2008 10:00 AM PST up reply actions   0 recs

Re: Muy Feliz
He's seeking someone who can ably fill his gaping hole...at 3B...or anyplace else they might be when the mood strikes them.
Is anyone working on a drug to treat RPS? (Restless Penis Syndrome)

by Goofus on Jan 29, 2008 10:18 AM PST up reply actions   0 recs

Re: Muy Feliz
Pedro's departure means that Sabean has to go out and shop for another centerfielder to plug up that hole, right?

by jae on Jan 29, 2008 8:13 AM PST reply actions   0 recs

Re: Muy Feliz
Never thought I'd miss him but he's gone...I would have loved to see him as a #8 hitter on a good Giants team.  I hope you hit 30 jacks in the band box in Philly, though the fans there will soon learn to call you Cock Happy (just like me & my fellow Giants fans).
Down in front meat!

by Homerdrew on Jan 29, 2008 8:22 AM PST reply actions   0 recs

Re: Muy Feliz
that's a learned thing?
Pedro Feliz: Marginally better this year.

by SloIsLonelyForTheOrange on Jan 29, 2008 11:31 AM PST up reply actions   0 recs

Re: Muy Feliz
My old next door neighbor had that same car, but she's Filipino so it was an eighty-pour bolbo.
Is anyone working on a drug to treat RPS? (Restless Penis Syndrome)

by Goofus on Jan 29, 2008 8:37 AM PST reply actions   0 recs

Re: Muy Feliz
Do they have a Virgin Mary statue by their door as well?
Idolizing the Nuschler Face since April 8, 1986 / GIANTSPACE returns!

by SoFa King Mike on Jan 29, 2008 9:55 AM PST up reply actions   0 recs

Re: Muy Feliz
Birgin Mary.
Is anyone working on a drug to treat RPS? (Restless Penis Syndrome)

by Goofus on Jan 29, 2008 10:19 AM PST up reply actions   0 recs

Re: Muy Feliz
Aye 'SusMaryJose
Idolizing the Nuschler Face since April 8, 1986 / GIANTSPACE returns!

by SoFa King Mike on Jan 29, 2008 11:24 AM PST up reply actions   0 recs

Re: Muy Feliz
Feliz is like the annoying friend everyone has, where the friend constantly does things that make you feel uncomfortable and embarassed to know that person, but deep down you know he's a good guy. A lot of this isn't so bad. It's just dealing with the circles around you two that makes the friendship hard to maintain. And while people can crow "OMG FRIENDS FOREVER!" you know you can't always be friends with this person because they just drive you up the goddamn wall sometimes. Grasping for answers to the question, "why are you friends with him/her anyway?" etc.

So you apologize to alleviate your own guilt over judging another human being so harshly. And the friend sort of knows all along that they bug you, but since it's an awkward topic to breach for most people it never gets discussed. So you go on for years and years and years of periods of not speaking to one another, not because one necessarily did something bad to the other. Nothing outside of the minor offenses that caused this whole thing to begin with. It's just getting more and more awkward to let it go.

Feliz signing with the Phillies is the cut ties that people in this situation almost never get. While the friend in this scenario might move away or get a new job or something, they still might email or call and say hey next time I'm out there maybe we can get coffee, and then you find yourself making excuses to get out of it, or accepting because that pesky guilt comes back. However I don't think Pedro will want to have coffee with us anymore.

Guilt. Guilt keeps you together. Pedro is gone now, so the guilt stops on our end. Or maybe it doesn't. Maybe it'll manifest itself as the annoyance we feel when some dumbass writer inevitably calls the Giants stupid for letting Pedro walk after he hits inflated home run numbers in that band box of a ballpark he's headed to. Either way, we may never be completely free of our annoying pathetic friend. And that, friends, is why hell is other people.

Democracy is lovely but baseball is more mature. BVCE supports Manny Burriss and SF Dugout.

by BaronVonCurrentEvents on Jan 29, 2008 9:11 AM PST reply actions   0 recs

Pedro is not gone...
The Phillies will pick up the option and then for the 2011 season, the Giants will 36 year old 3B man (who has lost most of his defensive prowess I might add) to a 2-3 year contract after his .275/.330/.490  averages in Philly.
Coming to you from the Land of Many Beers

by WalrusMan on Jan 29, 2008 9:39 AM PST up reply actions   0 recs

(sniff) you mean me, don't you? (sniff)
With the season over, I release my adoptee Brian Sabean. Good luck in the world, little buddy.

by Mayor of 311 on Jan 29, 2008 10:09 AM PST up reply actions   0 recs

Re: (sniff) you mean me, don't you? (sniff)
Nah, you don't strike out nearly as much as Fleas does.
Democracy is lovely but baseball is more mature. BVCE supports Manny Burriss and SF Dugout.

by BaronVonCurrentEvents on Jan 29, 2008 12:10 PM PST up reply actions   0 recs

Re: Muy Feliz

Pedro Feliz is like that third baseman who came up with the Giants, showed some impressive power, but then revealed that he was 2 years older than everyone thought.  He was fitting right in as a super-sub with some pop, and generally not much of an issue.  Then some genius decided to hand him the full time 3B job.  

He was just like that guy who continued his hacktastic ways for YEARS.  It seemed like every year Pedro would be like that guy whom everyone said  "this off-season he learns how to walk".  But he's like the guy who never did.

He's similar to that guy who becomes an object of ridicule - a lightning rod of abuse if you will - but all the while he's putting up really a ridiculously superb defensive effort.

Finally, just when you think he might not be like the worst possible option, he's like the guy who signs with another team.

 

by zenbitz on Jan 29, 2008 9:20 AM PST reply actions   0 recs

Re: Muy Feliz
Now that's way too farfetched.  Grant did ask for analogy stretching, but there really has to be a limit!

by North Side Chicago Expatriate Giants Fan on Jan 29, 2008 10:03 AM PST up reply actions   0 recs

Ahhhh the lightning rod of abuse...
So he's Colin Mochrie?
Coming to you from the Land of Many Beers

by WalrusMan on Jan 29, 2008 10:22 AM PST up reply actions   0 recs

Re: Muy Feliz
i like the car analogy, but if you included a few experiences when you were relying on it and it always seemed to break down in the same place at the most important moments, then id really be on board with ya.
lets hope we can find a cheap crede subcompact to hold us over til that first royalty check comes in and we can buy the a-rod hummer
my non-baseball friends think im listening to art bell all the time when they hear "giant spaceball is on the air"

by son of riles on Jan 29, 2008 9:22 AM PST reply actions   0 recs

Re: Muy Feliz
Feliz. Crede. Ensberg. Inge. This 3B used car lot is full of lemons.

by Goat on Jan 29, 2008 9:26 AM PST reply actions   0 recs

Re: Muy Feliz
yea crede may just provide us the same kind of thing with a new paint job, but ensberg has a turbo-charged engine that we might be able to tinker with and get running again.  either way id rather be riding a bike (frandsen) than commit to driving that old volvo for another 2 or 3 years.

by sam23 on Jan 29, 2008 9:44 AM PST up reply actions   0 recs

Re: Muy Feliz
IMHO, Ensberg>Crede≥Ingeliz.
***

Succumb to the Enchanted t-shirt! Adopted dad of Minor Izzy

by hairball on Jan 29, 2008 9:48 AM PST up reply actions   0 recs

Re: Muy Feliz
I saw that the Tigers have Inge coming into spring training with Pitchers and catchers this year. Positing this is true I would then put Inge > Crede. Not just from versatility but because the team that knows him best is going out of its way to find was to use one and  that is happening not so much so with the other. Of coarse someone sneezes hard enough at the right time and  it shuffle the order yet again.

by daveinexile on Jan 30, 2008 8:44 AM PST up reply actions   0 recs

Re: Muy Feliz
Except Inge has 3/$18+M remaining on his contract.

I like Inge, he's a good "all" utility guy. He has played LF, CF and RF, and of course he came up as a catcher. He's got good wheels for a catcher, and he fields well with a career .994 FP in 316 MLB games as a Catcher. As a 3B his .956 FP in 542 games puts him about the middle third of 3B. He just hasn't been able to provide the "stick", with a few exceptions.

He hit well in '04 and 05 with a combined average line of .274/.335/.436, 31 XBH, 15 HRs, OPS+ of 105 in 1024 total AB's. Light for a 3B, but decent numbers for a catcher.

In 2006, he started "swinging for the fences" and hit 27 HR's almost doubling his average HR's from '04 and '05. His AVG/OBP/OPS+ has not ever recovered. His SO rates have climbed since 2004, and 2007 was a horrible year for him at the plate.

His current numbers are similar to Feliz, with a little less power. Therein lies the problem. Why let Feliz go only to "trade" for a slightly younger version of him again. I suppose it is possible that he could recover, but the contract is pretty big to take that risk. Plus, the Giants would most likely have to trade young pitching. Now...if the Tigers picked up half of the salary, I'd consider it.

My adopted son Matt Downs. Because face it, everybody else was already taken by the time I got here.

by nvsfg on Jan 30, 2008 10:35 AM PST up reply actions   0 recs

Re: Muy Feliz
If Feliz is the 84 Volvo, Ensberg is the 61 MGB. You got a good deal on it 'cause it doesn't run, and you know that you can fix it up with a little work and it will be so frickin cool. Except that you end up spending thousands of dollars working on it with nothing to show for it but oil stains on the driveway.

I had a friend who signed Morgan Ensberg once. Or else he bought an MGB, I don't remember.

2008: The year the Giants begin to stop sucking.

by EliminateMe on Jan 29, 2008 10:27 AM PST up reply actions   0 recs

HAHAHA a MGB..
My dad had a 72 (I think, whatever was the last year before they went to the rubber bumpers) MGB.  He bought it for $500 because it didn't run.  He had a trailer to bring it home.  Got it home, started it up and drove it off the trailer.  It was hit and miss starting the rest of the time he had it.  Eventually he sold it, for $500 because it didn't run.

One interesting note, it was his Pretty Young Thing, the liscense plate on it had PYT in it.

Coming to you from the Land of Many Beers

by WalrusMan on Jan 29, 2008 3:16 PM PST up reply actions   0 recs

Mi Analogía De Feliz
My last job was with..Let us just say a multi-national consumer goods company. I was there for twenty years. In the beginning, it was great. The work was challenging, and there were moments of extreme bliss. Not the everyday stuff, but the "special projects" I was tasked to complete. In those moments, the brilliant light of accomplishment was so blinding it concealed the ugly flaws in the pure dark heart of the company. These rare moments were enough. For a while.

Over the ensuing years, the company always promised to change. To take the work that we the employees, had put into that promise of change, and make this the place they told us it could be.

Alas, the change never occurred. The promise of change continued to be offered, but the ugly flaws began to surface more frequently. Toward the end came my ephinany. They would not change anytime soon.  They were successful as they were. Why change? Very, very good at what they do, but missing the piece that would make them great.

We parted ways. They wished me luck and supported my decision. I still respect and admire the company. I still have contact with representatives of the company on a monthly basis, as we work in parallel industries. I do not hate them. We just went in different directions. They are successful and strong. I learned a lot from them. They were not the place I needed to be.  It was not a good fit.  

Adiós y buena suerte Pedro Feliz.

My adopted son Matt Downs. Because face it, everybody else was already taken by the time I got here.

by nvsfg on Jan 29, 2008 10:22 AM PST reply actions   0 recs

Re: Muy Feliz
Thank you, Grant, for allowing me to make my peace with Pedro.

I had an '85 Toyota Celica. The interior was nice, the engine was an '83 without that many miles on it, and the car looked very shiny for a car that'd be on the road for 20 years. But it was still an '85 Celica. Through maintenance error, the car got towed from I-5 around Mount Vernon, Washington... I'd been on my way back from Kent (south of Seattle) checking out the car I soon bought, a 2000 BMW 323. This was  little over a year ago.

Good bye, Pedro. You played good defense and it was cool the time you played catcher.

I'm very pleased with the way my post came together.

Southern California: Water thieves and Dodgers fans.

by jasomack on Jan 29, 2008 10:29 AM PST reply actions   0 recs

Re: Muy Feliz
You have to admit he did a pretty good job at catcher.  He can block a ball in the dirt better than Eliezer Alfonso
Please don't trade Cain or Lincecum!

by BondOrBust on Jan 29, 2008 2:49 PM PST up reply actions   0 recs

Re: Muy Feliz
Are we talking with the glove, or with the bat?
2008: The year the Giants begin to stop sucking.

by EliminateMe on Jan 29, 2008 3:18 PM PST up reply actions   0 recs

Re: Muy Feliz
How long have you been waiting to use that title?

by kingofthacove on Jan 29, 2008 10:59 AM PST reply actions   0 recs

Re: Muy Feliz
Feliz is like an 'after nine' chick (when you can't find a chick at the bar before nine o'clock you give her a call).  

Fills the space and will always be there, but you know there's a better one out there.

I miss Wendell Kim's sprinting to 3rd base.

by hummbaby on Jan 29, 2008 11:10 AM PST reply actions   0 recs

Re: Muy Feliz
I for one feel no regret, sadness, or nostalgia at the departure of Pedro. I have had many cars, but I can't equate a single one of them to Feliz. The closest car analogy to Pedro for me is the years I lived in Boston when I did not have a car. I like driving; I like the freedom a car provides, and I do not feel nostalgic about those years.

Personally I liked the guy. I wish him the best. And I truly think he tried to improve. You have to believe that coaches were telling Pedro that he needed to take more pitches and get deeper into counts. I know for a fact that he did not always swing at, and pop up, the first pitch. When that happened it seemed like you could almost read his mind. I saw him several times taking a first pitch, and it always seemed to be a fastball strike. It seemed to me that, in his mind, he felt that he was then off the hook and free to start swinging again. He had done what the coaches wanted; he took a pitch, so he could then flail away at the next pitch, usually a breaking ball in the dirt. That would put him in an in an 0-2 hole, which, as we all know, is a distinct disadvantage for even average hitting players. And as we also know Pedro is not one of those. I could be wrong but I don't think I have ever seen Feliz draw a walk after being down 0-2.

At the beginning I kept hoping he was going to improve, but then it became obvious that he was never going to. For me he represented a loss of hope. I dreaded the thought of going into the '08 season with Pedro as our third baseman, because there would have been no hope that our third baseman would have any kind of decent approach as a hitter. I may be frustrated with whoever plays third by June, but at least now I can hope. Feliz = no hope. I have hope that I will not be watching cluelessness incarnate at the plate for 2008.

I will applaud him on his return to Mays Field. I wish him the best. And most importantly, no matter how well he does, how good his numbers are in Philadelphia, I will know it has nothing to do with us.

by marklar on Jan 29, 2008 11:40 AM PST reply actions   0 recs

Re: Muy Feliz
I work in a in a ten-story office building where there used to be a cafe on the bottom. The cafe was pretty poor in general, but I'd heard some decent things about a chicken caesar sandwich they had downstairs. So I tried it out. The Bread was soggy, and would stick to your gums. The chicken was bland and abnormally dry. However, the caesar dressing they used was outstanding. Very tangy without being too strong, it had a creamy texture that almost made you forget the other two main parts of the sandwich were so substandard. Out of convenience more than anything, I ate this lunch almost every day for a few months. People would ask, "Do you really like that sandwich?" and I'd reply, "Its okay. The dressing is really good, and its better than most of the other crap on the menu."

Eventually though, I realized that I actually hate that sandwich, and I dreaded ordering it. The cafe was eventually bought out and completely replaced my new management. The new cafe downstairs was really too expensive to buy lunch their consistently, so I was forced to look outside the confines of my building and explore differrent eatery options.

by hammystyle on Jan 29, 2008 12:02 PM PST reply actions   0 recs

Re: Muy Feliz
One of the biggest problems with the poor old car was that the crook who sold it to you had rolled back the odometer about 50,000 miles.  

by prospecthound on Jan 29, 2008 12:02 PM PST reply actions   0 recs

Re: Muy Feliz
Pedro Feliz = David Bell

Both were average offensivly

Both Filled a gap

Both did ok around 3rd base

Both went to Philly

Been there done that.  Hope Peter Happy's future is brighter than Dave's was....

by Make me an Offer on Jan 29, 2008 12:18 PM PST reply actions   0 recs

Re: Muy Feliz
Yeah but David Bell was somewhat clutch..

Pedro was about as clutch as Alex Smith.

by justinohan on Jan 29, 2008 1:35 PM PST up reply actions   0 recs

Re: Muy Feliz
What's not clutch about Alex Smith? He's consistently played his best football late in the game when things were on the line.
He is Vengeance. He is the Knight. He is Dave Righetti. PRAY TO HIM!

by howtheyscored on Jan 29, 2008 1:41 PM PST up reply actions   0 recs

Fond memories of another forgettable year
Yeah, I remember that.

Late in the fourth quarter, and Alex's clutch, shoulder and forearm laying on the 20-yard line.

by Moggeee on Jan 29, 2008 2:56 PM PST up reply actions   0 recs

Re: Muy Feliz
Your analogy is flawed, Grant. The "glove compartment" in your Volvo should have been the only thing that always worked pretty well.
He is Vengeance. He is the Knight. He is Dave Righetti. PRAY TO HIM!

by howtheyscored on Jan 29, 2008 12:33 PM PST reply actions   0 recs

Re: Muy Feliz
It's a shame. I think working with Carny Lansford, he would have learned to be more patient.
"Candlestick made me a man." - Will Clark

by MeSoKrabby on Jan 29, 2008 12:33 PM PST reply actions   0 recs

Re: Muy Feliz
Carney Lansford is a tuneup and an oil change. After he's through, you'd have an 84 Volvo with fresh oil. And when your friends complain about the crappy state of your car, you'd say "yeah, but I just got it tuned up..."
2008: The year the Giants begin to stop sucking.

by EliminateMe on Jan 29, 2008 12:41 PM PST up reply actions   0 recs

Re: Muy Feliz
Lansford himself doesn't appear to have been a very patient hitter during his career. He never topped 49 unintentional walks in any one season. His career OBP differential (OBP-AVG) was a pedestrian .053.

by tobias on Jan 30, 2008 8:43 AM PST up reply actions   0 recs

Re: Muy Feliz
Pedro Feliz is like a truck.

BERSEEERKER!!!

He is Vengeance. He is the Knight. He is Dave Righetti. PRAY TO HIM!

by howtheyscored on Jan 29, 2008 12:33 PM PST reply actions   0 recs

Re: Muy Feliz
I haven't posted anything here since who knows when, but I had to login to give you the best obscure reference award. Congratulations

by Trenchtown on Jan 30, 2008 10:50 AM PST up reply actions   0 recs

Re: Muy Feliz
Thank you.

Thank you. :)

He is Vengeance. He is the Knight. He is Dave Righetti. PRAY TO HIM!

by howtheyscored on Jan 30, 2008 10:58 AM PST up reply actions   0 recs

Re: Muy Feliz
i used to use glasses; my prescription was 20/750, which meant if they fell off while i was driving it was pretty much the end of me. the glasses fogged up, got dirty too easily and i misplaced them too often. they were also prone to striking out with a man on third and one out. they were, however, a better alternative to not seeing.

then i allowed a young technician to shoot a laser into my eyes for 60 seconds, and i never needed the glasses again. i wanted to keep them around, just in case. but we all knew it was time to move on.

if i saw those glasses make an amazing play for the phillies, i'll cheer. unless it's against the giants, then i'll throw them into the lion's club donation bin again.

Dodgers fans eat their young.

by redhornet78 on Jan 29, 2008 12:34 PM PST reply actions   0 recs

My real analogy
Pedro Feliz is like a bunch of bananas.

You buy the bunch of bananas, even though it's still kind of green, because you really want bananas. You're craving bananas. You need a banana. You can't wait for bananas, so even though you know the bunch you got isn't ripe yet, you rip a banana off, peel it, and take a few bites. But it's not satisfying. It's still too hard and the sugars haven't really started coming out yet so it just tastes like paste.

You're disappointed, but you're sure that if you just wait one day, these bananas are going to be great. So you wait.

Next day comes, you head downstairs to grab a bite of that sweet, sweet banana. You look at the bunch, though, and it's still a little green. You figure, "I've got plenty of bananas here, I can eat one today and have plenty left over for when they're really good." So you take one, and it's only marginally better than the day before. The sugars have come out a little, but it's still hard as a rock made of hard banana, with two or three spots that show the potential to have been perfect with just one more day of seasoning.

This vicious cycle goes on for three more days. You only have 3 bananas left on your 8 banana bunch. You consider going out and buying a new bunch. A better looking bunch. You'd been out yesterday and all the bananas there had looked great. But you didn't do it. You didn't want to throw away the bunch you've been working on for five days. You didn't want to waste your money when you knew that what you had at home would ripen any day now and you'd be eating the best fruit you've had in weeks.

So you come back to the bunch at home. You get the banana the next day and take the ripest looking one there. You're done screwing around with this bunch. It's time to put up or shut up about bananas! The thing is mush, though. You can't believe it. You've been waiting for these things to ripen, and it looks like they passed you by in the middle of the night!

Still, you concede that this might have just been one bad banana in the bunch, and decide to give it one more chance. A one day contract, if you will. You know there are two bananas on the bunch, but you're only willing to try one of them. So you eat one the next day. The last one you'll have of this bunch if it's no good. It's disgusting. All brown and way way too soft.

That's it, you're done. You throw the last one out your window, but some guy named Philly picks it up. He's a chef, and this way too ripe banana is perfect for this thing he's cooking. He's thrilled. The two are a perfect match.

All you have left at home are pears and oranges. You don't really want bananas anymore, but you want to remember what a good one tastes like. You go to store and all those great bananas you saw the other day are spotty and old. You're freaking sick and tired of bad bananas. So you screw it.

You'll just have a Frandsen when you get home. I mean an orange. It's not really a banana, but it's freaking time to settle for a piece of fruit that has any chance of being ripe.

He is Vengeance. He is the Knight. He is Dave Righetti. PRAY TO HIM!

by howtheyscored on Jan 29, 2008 12:59 PM PST reply actions   0 recs

Re: My real analogy
Good post.  Although your analogy states there had to been a point when the banana was at its peak flavor and you missed it.  With Feliz, when might have this been.  Could it have been when David Bell was our starting thirdbaseman?  Perhaps one of those winters, Feliz wasn't flailing at those sliders low and outside.
Please don't trade Cain or Lincecum!

by BondOrBust on Jan 29, 2008 2:59 PM PST up reply actions   0 recs

Re: My real analogy
Yeah, it looks like according to this analogy Feliz reached his peak briefly during Winter Ball after the 2005 season. He did play winter ball in 2005, right? If he did, then suddenly the analogy is flawless!
He is Vengeance. He is the Knight. He is Dave Righetti. PRAY TO HIM!

by howtheyscored on Jan 29, 2008 3:05 PM PST up reply actions   0 recs

Re: Muy Feliz
My first car (circa 1993-4) was a 1982 BMW.  The original owner did not take care of her.  She had been sitting for a couple years.  It also at one point was converted from a stick to an automatic.  She had some major problems.  But what the heck, it was dirt cheap & I had the first paychecks in my life burning a hole in my pocket.  I replaced a lot, put on some new tires, gave her a nice shiny paint job.  When it was done, I had a pretty nice looking car that could get me from school to work to home.  My friends that originally laughed at her were jealous.  Everybody wanted a ride from me.  I was the kid with the BMW.

After six months, it started breaking down on me.  It stalled constantly.  I couldn't give up on her.  I pumped more money into her.  But the damage was done long before me, there was nothing I could do.  I loved that car.  I was able to keep her going for weeks at a time.  My baby wouldn't die.  Then what happened?  One day I take off for the beach & some old *** in a cadillac runs a 5-way signal & crushes my baby (luckily on the empty passenger side).  I pretty much got my initial money back for her parts, but it couldn't replace her.  I was depressed, my baby was gone.

Then about 13 years later Pedro Feliz signed with the Phillies & I've been feeling a little better ever since.

What?

by ResDog on Jan 29, 2008 1:22 PM PST reply actions   0 recs

Pedro
I'm gonna miss that guy. The single nicest ballplayer I've ever met. Just a good, solid guy. Definitely gonna miss watching him flash the leather @ 3rd.
Billy Hayes: Nine more big-league plate appearances than you.

by delorean on Jan 29, 2008 2:02 PM PST reply actions   0 recs

Re: Muy Feliz
Amazingly, this is not an effort to get myself banned, although given that most of you live in San Francisco, I'll bet most can understand this analogy (though none will admit it):

Pedro Feliz is Dorothy Zbornak from the Golden Girls.

Sure, always wanted something sexier at third, like the slut (Blanche).  You would have settled for a dumber-than-bricks but heavily-hootered airhead (Rose).  Hell, I'm sure enough freaks here have a granny complex or can at least appreciate cynical, sarcastic humor (Sophia).

But we were stuck wiuth Dorothy.  We didn't wanna admit it, but Dorothy showed us a good time quite often.  While there were things that Dorothy never once could get right, like looking good (like being able to hit with runners on base in close games), she did have other redeeming qualities.

She was the best at one thing: being responsible (playing Gold Glove defense).  And while being responsible isn't sexy, SOMEONE has to play good defense... err... be responsible.  It keeps the team - the household - together.  Everyone once in a while she said something funny (20+ HR per season) and she loved to help kids and people through charitable work and substitute teaching (never complained about changing jobs, place in the order, etc.).

Yes, it pissed us off that no matter how many times we begged her not to wear huge f-ing drapes for clothes (not to swing at the slider 3 feet outside even know we all knew it was coming), we still TRIED to love Dorothy.

Perhaps it was our fate for being Giants fans.  Perhaps it comes from chewing on the batteries before we threw them as kids.  Nobody wants to admit that Dorothy showed us a good time now and then.

But now that the lights are back on, thank god she is out of here.  Our shame is ended.

* I am now going to go cry a little, vomit a lot, and hit up the bar behind center field.

by mlb22 on Jan 29, 2008 2:16 PM PST reply actions   0 recs

"heavily-hootered"
ahahahhaha
Obama - ??? 2008 : Real change we can all believe in.

by RangerMoto on Jan 29, 2008 2:18 PM PST up reply actions   0 recs

Re: Muy Feliz
And there we have our Bea Arthur reference! Whoo hoo!
Nattowear | comics | Durham? I hardly know 'im!

by Natto on Jan 29, 2008 4:19 PM PST up reply actions   0 recs

Re: Muy Feliz
Bea Arthur: I'd hit it.
He is Vengeance. He is the Knight. He is Dave Righetti. PRAY TO HIM!

by howtheyscored on Jan 29, 2008 4:31 PM PST up reply actions   0 recs

Re: Muy Feliz
I didn't expect to read those words when I came into this discussion, or anywhere else, ever, for that matter.  

by out machine on Jan 29, 2008 4:48 PM PST up reply actions   0 recs

Re: Muy Feliz
Then you might be surprised to find that this isn't even the first time.
He is Vengeance. He is the Knight. He is Dave Righetti. PRAY TO HIM!

by howtheyscored on Jan 29, 2008 6:12 PM PST up reply actions   0 recs

First thing that turns me off that....
"I'd hit it."

Not her.  It.

Coming to you from the Land of Many Beers

by WalrusMan on Jan 29, 2008 8:01 PM PST up reply actions   0 recs

Re: First thing that turns me off that....
Tain't nothing but one fine piece of ass to me.
He is Vengeance. He is the Knight. He is Dave Righetti. PRAY TO HIM!

by howtheyscored on Jan 29, 2008 8:12 PM PST up reply actions   0 recs

Re: First thing that turns me off that....
I'd hit her just sounds wrong. The bad kind of wrong.
Nattowear | comics | Durham? I hardly know 'im!

by Natto on Jan 29, 2008 10:50 PM PST up reply actions   0 recs

Re: First thing that turns me off that....
Yeah, uh, so... that's what I meant to say. "Fine piece of ass" just came out somehow. You must get the two mixed up all the time, too.
He is Vengeance. He is the Knight. He is Dave Righetti. PRAY TO HIM!

by howtheyscored on Jan 29, 2008 11:47 PM PST up reply actions   0 recs

Re: Muy Feliz
Wow, what a coincidence. I was just over at Borders, leafing through a copy of "World's Longest Lists". "Things 'howtheyscored' would hit" was #17!

by tobias on Jan 30, 2008 7:17 PM PST up reply actions   0 recs

Re: Muy Feliz
Pedro Feliz is like smoking American Spirits.

Sure, you look kind a slick smoking them and people remember you for those images.   But when you pull out the pack and everyone in the smoking hutch see that you've been puffing hippie stoges, they just can't look at you the same way.  

They would rather just know that you're a smoker without the image of you buying your cigs at the local head shop.  It's like it almost cancels out your cool (or gold glove defense?).

by chefasaurus on Jan 29, 2008 2:52 PM PST reply actions   0 recs

Re: Muy Feliz
I thought you were going to say, you may look cool, but you're the last one to realize how much you stink.
I'm Goofus McPenisbutter and I approve this message.

by Goofus on Jan 29, 2008 3:21 PM PST up reply actions   0 recs

Re: Muy Feliz
I didn't care about the whole "natural tobacco"-thing, but I loved smoking so much that I never wanted my cigarettes to end. American Spirits last for-freaking-ever.

Before I quit, I was smoking a pack of Dunhills a day. Good god, how I wish I had that money back. It wasn't just enough to throw it away on cigarettes -- they had to be premium cigarettes. Ugh.

by Grant on Jan 30, 2008 4:55 PM PST up reply actions   0 recs

Re: Muy Feliz
I went through a Dunhill phase as well before I quit.  Man they were good.  I still say that the wisest financial decision I ever made was quitting smoking.  

by chefasaurus on Jan 30, 2008 11:17 PM PST up reply actions   0 recs

Re: Muy Feliz
Feliz is like a dumb brother in-law. He'll swing by everyday at 6th in order with a bag of air when he promised to bring the kids home from third.

He'll talk constantly through the movie, eat your Ben and Jerry's and then lie to your face about being able to hit the curve.

Sure, he'll be there every now and then when your wife is in a jam and save her from a bullpen double, but most importanly....

Pedro Feliz is like a dumb brother in-law, because when your sister divorces him, he's no longer your problem.

"But I AM a stepchild!"-Pedro Feliz

by Smotheredinhugs on Jan 29, 2008 2:59 PM PST reply actions   0 recs

Re: Muy Feliz
Watching Pedro Feliz leave the Giants is like being trapped in a dark theater with your wife/girlfriend watching the worst romantic comedy you have ever seen in your life. Not only does the movie blow chunks, but there's a guy a few rows in front of you who 6-foot-6 and is sitting as tall in his seat as he possibly can. He is making disgusting noises while drinking soda and eating movie nachos, making him all the more annoying. It's not so much that he's making noise during the God-awful movie, but it's the actual sounds that are annoying.

The guy finishes his food, gets up from his seat, and leaves the theater. While you are still there stuck watching a horrific movie, at least the one distraction is gone.

by Teh Nuschler Face on Jan 29, 2008 3:05 PM PST reply actions   0 recs

Would this worst romantic movie be...
John Tucker Must Die?

Because I actually found that movie fairly amusing.  Ok I'll admit it.  I liked it.  But so did Matt Cain!

Coming to you from the Land of Many Beers

by WalrusMan on Jan 29, 2008 8:03 PM PST up reply actions   0 recs

Re: Would this worst romantic movie be...
LOL. No. I am talking excruciatingly bad, like My Best Friend's Wedding or Pretty Woman or Sweet Home Alabama.

You know - movies that make you want to dig your eyeballs out of their sockets with a dull, rusty spoon while scorching your inner ear with a blowtorch, thereby freeing you from having to watch or listen to them for a second longer than you have to.

That is the SF Giants of 2008 and Pedro Feliz is the annoying food-eating guy who gets up and leaves the movie, freeing you from that one little bit of hell. You still have to watch the movie, but it's not quite as annoying as it was when he was slurping his drink and smacking on the nachos.

by Teh Nuschler Face on Jan 30, 2008 1:13 PM PST up reply actions   0 recs

Re: Would this worst romantic movie be...
Oh, you're talking about Fear Dot Com. Gotcha!
He is Vengeance. He is the Knight. He is Dave Righetti. PRAY TO HIM!

by howtheyscored on Jan 30, 2008 1:45 PM PST up reply actions   0 recs

Re: Would this worst romantic movie be...
I was going to say "Manos: The Hands of Fate," but that's not a romantic flick. That's not an anything flick.
I can't wait for May to come around - then I won't be teased for being a Giants fan anymore. I swear these Virginians don't know what they're talking about.

by KyrieEleison on Jan 30, 2008 5:06 PM PST up reply actions   0 recs

Re: Would this worst romantic movie be...
Whoops, I forgot we were talking romantic comedies.

In that case... uhm... Joe Versus the Volcano?

He is Vengeance. He is the Knight. He is Dave Righetti. PRAY TO HIM!

by howtheyscored on Jan 30, 2008 5:14 PM PST up reply actions   0 recs

Well...
There is that random couple who are making out through the whole movie.  And I'm not sure if you can count the polygamous cult as a romantic part of it either.

At least it's funny to watch.

Coming to you from the Land of Many Beers

by WalrusMan on Jan 31, 2008 9:37 AM PST up reply actions   0 recs

Re: Well...
I bet you liked to watch Feliz hit, too.  And traffic accidents.

by zenbitz on Jan 31, 2008 12:44 PM PST up reply actions   0 recs

Re: Well...
I have to admit, I did that a few times in my younger days. I was completely unapologetic at the time (I mean, who wouldn't make out all the way through Monsters Inc., Pirates of the Caribbean, and The 25th Hour???), but I can't even fathom the guiltshame that would well inside me if I tried to pull something like that now, older and wiser as I am.

And I'd like to humbly apologize to Emily, who was sitting on the other side of me during The 25th Hour. That was gross, and it probably ruined the movie for you.

He is Vengeance. He is the Knight. He is Dave Righetti. PRAY TO HIM!

by howtheyscored on Feb 1, 2008 12:13 AM PST up reply actions   0 recs

Re: Muy Feliz
Fuck Feliz.. Bedard to the M's and Santana to Mets..

Does this mean Crede for Lowry? Sanchez for Nick Johnson? Lowry + for Edwin Encarnacion (I hope so)?

by justinohan on Jan 29, 2008 3:18 PM PST reply actions   0 recs

Re: Muy Feliz
Feliz was like a blow job from someone you didn't really find attractive.  It wasn't gonna be pretty, but it got done right.

Wait a second.  I was thinking of Harris Barton, as I usually do when I make oral references.

Feliz sucked for SF.  He'll suck for the Phillies.  Good riddance.

Just because you CAN vote doesn't mean you SHOULD vote. Support Natural Selection!

by Angry Mike on Jan 29, 2008 3:56 PM PST reply actions   0 recs

Re: Muy Feliz
I never ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever wanted to associate Harris Barton with blow jobs.

Thanks a lot.

He is Vengeance. He is the Knight. He is Dave Righetti. PRAY TO HIM!

by howtheyscored on Jan 29, 2008 4:04 PM PST up reply actions   0 recs

Re: Muy Feliz
We're going to get some interesting ads on this site now.
Nattowear | comics | Durham? I hardly know 'im!

by Natto on Jan 29, 2008 4:27 PM PST up reply actions   0 recs

Re: Muy Feliz
I will admit that one thing I did love (and will miss) about Feliz was exactly how much his jumbotron picture for the 07' season looked just like a big happy Mexican Santa.

by boonitez on Jan 29, 2008 4:26 PM PST reply actions   0 recs

Correction
a Mexican severely lazy-eyed Santa
Obama - ??? 2008 : He's not Hillary

by RangerMoto on Jan 29, 2008 4:56 PM PST up reply actions   0 recs

Re: Muy Feliz
This thread had to be posted while I'm at work and don't have access to my Pedro Strike 3 animated gif...  It'll have to wait until later.  With some modification!
Hitler was a Dodgers fan.

by The Nick on Jan 29, 2008 4:35 PM PST reply actions   0 recs

Re: Muy Feliz
My first car was a '69 Volkswagen Bug.  It was crap.  It didn't used to be, but my parents bought it in 1969 in Germany and had it shipped back to the States.  It survived a family of seven driving around in it as our primary car for a while, it survived five teenage drivers...  It was a warrior.  By the time I got it, it was like driving a big steaming pile of crap.  Among the many highlights of the car:
  • It had, for a long time, an auto-shutoff feature.  When I stopped at a stoplight or stopsign, the engine shut off.
  • The paint job was initially blue.  It oxidized so badly, though, that it became black.  Thus the color Bluck was born.
  • My sister ran it into the back of another car and crushed in the hood.  Even when I finally bothered to replace the hood, it couldn't latch because the body was damaged.
  • Shortly after putting on a new hood sans the gigantic dent, but still with the bicycle lock chain holding the hood down, a pipe from somewhere or another flew up and slammed into the new hood.  Thus, my SECOND dented hood was made.
  • The tail pipes regularly fell off.
  • My dad dropped a tree branch on one fender and scraped the other up on the fence in the backyard.
  • When my brother drove the car, someone kicked the door and dented it.  To cover the wound, my brother put bondo on the dent.  It looked terrible.
  • At another time when my sister was driving the car, someone keyed the door.  The key mark remained there until the day we sold it.
  • The Oh Shit handle in front of the passenger seat was loose and could be pulled out.
  • The ceiling liner was torn all over the place.
  • The driver side seat was essentially busted, so one butt cheek sat lower than the other.
  • The vents in the front somehow leaked, so if I was driving when it rained, I got a second shower.
  • The window roller handle thingies both fell off.
I took terrible care of that thing, even if I didn't abuse it necessarily.  And yet, I drove that car all of my senior year of high school, and almost all of college.  Until I bought a new car, shortly before graduation.  We actually sold the Bug for over $1200, which amounts to legal robbery.

I have no idea how this could possibly relate to Pedro Feliz.  But I saw other people sharing their car stories, I thought I'd share mine.

So long, Pedro!  Best of luck in Philly.  I'm sure we'll miss you more as soon as Sabean sticks us with an even crappier third baseman.  But if it's Frandsen for the time being, I won't miss you THAT much.

"He called the sh** POOP!" -- Adam Sandler

by JRPhillips on Jan 29, 2008 5:11 PM PST reply actions   0 recs

Re: Muy Feliz
Your post really took me down memory lane.  My first vehicle was a '70 bug and it had a lot of shit wrong with it.  It used to catch on fire because the fuel filter would disconnect directly over the firing engine.  Genius.  Water would intrude somehow into the car and sit, swampily, under the rear seat.  There was no defrost feature so far as I could tell, despite knobs to the contrary on the dash.  Mine had many of the issues yours did as well.  Trade in value was a mere $200 when I was through with it.  I know this is not a Feliz analogy, but your post prompted my response.

by out machine on Jan 29, 2008 5:51 PM PST up reply actions   0 recs

Re: Muy Feliz
I'm no mechanic, so you'll have to bear with me on this one if I start making zero sense (a very likely scenario).

The mechanic I regularly took my VW to often told me that I needed a new fuel filter.  I took that to mean I needed it replaced...

Then one day, my car died on me on a lovely 110 degree day in the Central Valley.  I was a little too far from home to get towed to our regular mechanic, so I took the car to the mechanic next to where Ol' Blukey died.

When I got it back, he said I needed a fuel filter.  Not a NEW fuel filter, I needed to have one.  So he put one on, and he even showed it to me.  I swear, it was never there before.

Also, the rear defrost never worked for me either.  I think it worked up until my sister who had the car just before me, and then it stopped.

I also had the clutch cable break on me in front of a local high school (embarrasing enough, especially since I was going to a different high school at the time), and the gas cable broke another time.  The speedometer broke on me at one point, and the gas gauge another time.  And once, my windshield wipers quit working on me...  In the middle of a massive downpour.

But I thank my lucky stars, in all that time, my car never once caught fire.

Oh, and Pedro Feliz.  He's good.  Or not good.  I don't remember what we're talking about...

"He called the sh** POOP!" -- Adam Sandler

by JRPhillips on Jan 29, 2008 10:47 PM PST up reply actions   0 recs

Re: Muy Feliz
hello fellow Volkswagoneers!

JRPhillips:

Not having a fuel filter is better than having a cheap one.  Some of the OEM ones they sell at autoparts stores are made from a cheap plastic material.  If they're not fastened up correctly, the filter can sag down and onto some hotter sections of the compartment and melt, spilling OPEC's finest all over the engine.  

I had a 196970717274 Bug.  It had a '70 VIN, a '69 engine block, '71 tail lights, '72 Hood and '74 seats.  My wife still thinks I'm crazy because I'll point out bugs on the street and say, "Hey, that '69's got the wrong decklid!"  She doesn't understand me.  

by chefasaurus on Jan 30, 2008 12:51 AM PST up reply actions   0 recs

Re: Muy Feliz
I can fix a computer, but I can't fix a car.  Even an allegedly easy vehicle to work on like a Bug.  My brothers used to be able to do the same thing you could, pointing out various years on the street.  I learned a couple telltale signs, like tail lights and back window, but that was about it.

But this I know...  If your mechanic says, "You need a new fuel filter," and he never puts one on...  He's probably not doing his job.  But in all honesty, with all the other crap that went wrong with Ol' Blukey and for all of how bad she looked, the fuel filter was just about the least of my worries! =)

"He called the sh** POOP!" -- Adam Sandler

by JRPhillips on Jan 30, 2008 8:22 AM PST up reply actions   0 recs

Re: Muy Feliz
I had 3 Bugs. My first was a '59 that I paid $350 for. It didn't have a gas gauge. If you felt it running out of gas you flipped a lever for the reserve tank with your foot. That was fine most of the time except when you forgot to flip the lever back when you filled up. It was a sinking feeling to reach over with your foot and realize the lever was already flipped.

None of my 3 had any front end damage, but it still took a lot of finagling to get the front hood to latch correctly. What I liked about them though was they were extremely easy to work on. I never had to pay a mechanic a dime until my brother blew an engine why playing race care driver, missed a shift, and over-revved it.

I wish Pedro had been as dependable as any of my Bugs, but if he was any of them he was the one without the gas gauge. They both gave me that sinking feeling much too often.

by marklar on Jan 29, 2008 6:38 PM PST up reply actions   0 recs

Re: Muy Feliz
I also had a '69 Bug. That was my second car. My first car was a metallic blue 1964 Lincoln Continental convertible with the suicide doors that my Dad gave me. It got about 0.73 miles to the gallon. The electrical system was completely messed up. When I'd try to put the top down or up, the wiring would short out right out in the middle of the process, leaving me to drive around with the top accordioned halfway between up and down. My Dad told me it was the car given to Ken Venturi after he won the '64 US Open. I don't know if that's true or not.

I bought my Bug in 1974 from my Dad's friend for $1200, when it had around 37,000 miles on it. It was beige. Rebuilt the engine twice, replaced the seat covers twice, had it repainted once. Generally, I took  By the time I sold it in 1990 for $800, it had around 250,000 miles on it but still looked like new. I'm not really sure about the miles, actually, because the speedometer broke at one point and I didn't replace it for about a year and a half. I still miss that car.  If Feliz was Grant's Volvo, my Bug was Robby Thompson.  And the Continental was Rob Deer.

by tobias on Jan 30, 2008 9:23 AM PST up reply actions   0 recs

Re: Muy Feliz
I don't know about an analogy that would work.

All I do know is, I cannot fathom the amount of strikeouts coming out of the NL East this coming year. Santana in the same division as Ryan Howard and Fleas? Let the K-count begin.

Aurilia sounds like a planet out of StarFox.

by Gabafnerhagen on Jan 29, 2008 5:36 PM PST reply actions   0 recs

Watching Pedro hit
is like asking every girl you meet to go to bed with you.  Every once in awhile you get really really lucky and it feels great and you remember it forever and ever.

However, most of the time you get completely rejected and smacked around and arrested and it makes you wonder whether you're really crazy for wanting that cheap thrill so bad.

Just one time before I die

by Katman on Jan 29, 2008 5:54 PM PST reply actions   0 recs

Re: Muy Feliz
Pedro Feliz is like Jesus and everyone else on this board is like a bunch of drunken Roman soldiers.

God bless Pedro Feliz (except for when he plays against the Giants -- he can go to hell then).

by GaryEdmundCarter on Jan 29, 2008 5:56 PM PST reply actions   0 recs

Re: Muy Feliz
This man must really really love green and brown bananas.
He is Vengeance. He is the Knight. He is Dave Righetti. PRAY TO HIM!

by howtheyscored on Jan 29, 2008 6:13 PM PST up reply actions   0 recs

Re: Muy Feliz
Pedro's biggest problem wasn't the low OBP, it was the fact that he was a very good glove who was expected post 2002 to be an offensive cog. I am sure in a good line-up like Philly has, he won't be the goat in their fans eyes like he was in SF.  That is not to say that the Phil fans won't wear him out with boos, they boo Santa Claus. The Phils will bat him 7th or 8th always.  A change of hitting philosophy may help him too. I think 25-30 HR's in that bandbox is a given. That is probably 20-25 more than your God-like Kevin Frandsen.

by drysdalecousin on Jan 29, 2008 6:01 PM PST reply actions   0 recs

My Car Story
Okay, so my first car was a '90-something Ford Aerostar minivan. It was one of those things where I got my license and my parents said, "Here, you can drive this." The list of things that were wrong with it was longer than the list of things that worked: the passenger window wouldn't roll down, there were a few seatbelts missing, you had to snake your arm around the front passenger seat in order to open the sliding door from the inside, the brakes were bad, one of the taillight covers was broken (the result of my first accident) and there was no climate control. You had to have a blanket in the car with you in the winter and drive with the window rolled down in the summer, which wasn't so bad until a fly ended up coming in through the window at 40 mph and hitting me on the lips.

But it was effectively mine - my Ford Battlecruiser. (Probably because nobody else wanted to drive it.) I could go where I wanted to go, and I could take lots of friends along with me.

Eventually though, it got to be that the car stopped producing. The brakes got worse, and I almost spun out on a particularly rainy day. Basically, it had outlived its usefulness. My parents traded it in and got $500, which was about all it was good for, and I got a '97 Chevy Lumina. It was my baby. It had a CD player, and I could actually decide how warm or cool it was going to be inside. But then I left for school, and now my sister drives it more than I do, and she just doesn't understand the level of gracefulness needed to steer such a darling. (Yes, I'm a girl, and I'm getting poetic about my car.)

Draw any Pedro Feliz connections you will. Here's wishing him good luck in Philly.

This is a clever and thought-provoking signature.

by KyrieEleison on Jan 29, 2008 9:26 PM PST reply actions   0 recs

Re: Muy Feliz
Pedro Feliz is like a mid-80s album from any classic rock greats.  You start listening and you think "Alright Paul McCartney.  This isn't your best song.  But maybe the next one will be good."  Then you get to the next song and you think "Oh come on, Neil Young.  You don't suck now, right?"  Then you get to the next song and you're like "You might have totally lost it, Bob Dylan."  Then you get to the next song and it's decent.  Not great, but decent enough that you think "Hey George Harrison.  Good job."  Then you get to the next song and it's like "Oh, Jesus, Eric Clapton.  What in the name of God is wrong with you?"  Then you get to the next song and it's like David Bowie isn't even trying, it sucks so much.  And then on the next song, you think "This isn't as good as Pink Floyd should be.  It's not terrible, I guess, but it's  not really good and I'm sure there are better things out there."  You hear the Stones and you think they should just quit because it's never getting any better.  You hear the Kinks and, you know, a lot of this isn't anything special but Living on a Thin Line is stunningly good.  Who knew they still had it in them to do anything you'd like?  And then that '84 Who live album comes up and you're just like, "No.  Get out.  Just.  Get out."

That's Pedro Feliz.

Nate Schierholtz cannot play third base. Nate Schierholtz cannot play third base. Steve Kline is pretty okay. Nate Schierholtz cannot play third base.

by groug on Jan 29, 2008 10:28 PM PST reply actions   0 recs

Re: Muy Feliz
And Lou Reed's decent too.
Nate Schierholtz cannot play third base. Nate Schierholtz cannot play third base. Steve Kline is pretty okay. Nate Schierholtz cannot play third base.

by groug on Jan 29, 2008 10:33 PM PST up reply actions   0 recs

Re: Muy Feliz
Feliz is like crystal meth....there would be the times where he got 30 RBI's in a month, and played gold glove defense.....just like there were times when you'd sit in the back of your friend Tony's Acura Integra and soak up 120 bucks worth of billywhizz and have the most amazing conversations where everything you have to say, and everything you hear is the most insightful, amazing thing you could imagine.

And then there were the times when you spent your 2nd shift at the budget grocery store wondering if you would ever be able to eat again. And Pedro Feliz would flirt with the wrong side of the Mendoza line and the manager would wonder if he had any options left.

Cammie Blackstone: How do you spell her first name?

by Karlifornia on Jan 29, 2008 11:57 PM PST reply actions   0 recs

OK I guess a car story too.
My first car: 1987 S-10 Blazer.  It was my grandpa's car that he gave to me.  Well, ok, I "payed" $1 for it.  It was a pretty high model when he got it.  But by the time I got it, it had gone a bit.  It did have Air Conditioning (vent).  It also had a heater (vent until about 20 minutes of running).  The headliner had been coming down always.  The seats were worn and torn.  And it had a stuck lifter rod (happened sometime after I got it...I swear it wasn't me) so essentially it was running on 5 cylinders.  Total gas mileage: in the 12 MPG range.  Also it wouldn't go on the freeway either, or else I'd be one of the people going around 50-55 in the slow lane.

I tell you though, when it was nice out before school/work, I'd open up the tailgate, lay back against the back seat, and just listen to some music.  Those were the perfect times with that car.

Hey, I guess it was an analogy.  Or were we not doing those anymore and just talking about our first cars?

Coming to you from the Land of Many Beers

by WalrusMan on Jan 30, 2008 9:10 AM PST reply actions   0 recs

Re: Muy Feliz
Pedro Feliz is like this thread. Solid in some ways. A few great moments here and there. And yet, prone to meandering away from the strike zone with a lot of wasted, disappointing posts.

Come to think of it, my posts are sort of like Pedro Feliz, save for the great moments.

by tobias on Jan 30, 2008 9:37 AM PST reply actions   0 recs

Re: Muy Feliz
Pedro Feliz is the "could have been" who "never was". That's a shame. A good guy, and the first time a Giant swings and misses at a slider away/in the dirt, I'll reminisce a little.
Jonathan Sanchez. He's left-handed, like Barry Zito. His fastball breaks 80, unlike Zito.

by Aadik on Jan 30, 2008 12:48 PM PST reply actions   0 recs

Re: Muy Feliz
Pedro is like an interesting tool that you see in the hardware store. It's one of those gadgety specialized tools, and on first glance you think it might be really useful for those specialized, gadgety things that you think about doing with it. You're into tools and cannot resist buying it. But the first time you try it, it doesn't work as well as you hoped or as the picture of the box leads you to believe. Ah, but this is a tool, and tools take practice to use correctly. So you try again and again; you keep trying. You analyze your technique, and you cannot figure out why it doesn't work the way you expected it to. Eventually you come to the conclusion that the tool just isn't going to work as you hoped and thought it would. You fell for a tool that was designed to appeal to someone like you. You feel that the intent was there to actually make a good tool, but the reality was a tool that just didn't work. But you keep it around until one day you look in your tool box and find it broken. With a certain sense relief you toss it into the trash, and hope that you learned a lesson.

by marklar on Jan 30, 2008 2:58 PM PST reply actions   0 recs

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