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State of the Mando

Pitchers and catchers reported yesterday, which is always fantastic news. The annual ceremony was held, where they pull Armando Benitez out of a burrow and check to see if his shadow is anywhere near the Giants' spring training facility. If they see it, that's supposed to mean six more months of bullpen suck.

Henry Schulman starts off a recent State of the Mando article with this:

Armando Benitez spent his Valentine's Day caressing a training table...
I know Schulman intentionally chose his verb to fit with the Valentine's Day theme, but that still doesn't make the image fit for any member of a decent society. It's just too easy to fill in the rest of the images. Armando and the training table on a picnic, Armando and the training table watching Dreamgirls in a dark theatre, Armando trying to figure out how to undo the training table cushion straps...it's all a slippery slope to hell.

I've given up trying to forecast bullpens, as evidenced by my lack of effort in all things relief for the NL West preview posts. It just makes a person look too stupid when they attempt to predict how effective a bullpen is going to be. Brendan Donnelly came out of the same mist as Manny Aybar, but only one became a dominant reliever. We could look up in August and have Mitch Wylie leading the team in saves. We could look up in August and see every reliever who didn't enter the season with major league experience in the middle of a 5.00 ERA season.

Even with that concession, there is a whole bunch to be said about past results. With Benitez, it just isn't clear which past results to go with. Should we hope for the Benitez that hadn't really ever had a bad season before he came to the Giants? Or is the mopey tub of save-blowing goo from the past two years who we should expect? I've constantly defended Benitez - this post, for example, didn't exactly hold up well - but eventually gave up on him last season. When the Marlins were offering nude photos of Wayne Huizenga for Benitez and several million dollars, I was hoping the Giants would jump on the offer.

The spring optimism has gotten to me, though, and I'm all for giving Benitez one more chance. In the Chronicle article, Brian Sabean says the right things regarding Benitez:

Asked Wednesday if he could imagine Benitez remaining a Giant if he were not the closer, Sabean said, "That's a good question. You'd have to ask him that. If you're asking me, I don't personally think so."

Benitez will not be handed the job."He's going to have to do it. Obviously in spring training, we give the veterans, including the closer, the benefit of the doubt over younger players, but we're going to want to see more overall, and hopefully the pitcher we saw in Florida, (which was) the reason we signed him."

That's exactly right. Give him the rope in March, and see what he does with it. Because the only thing worse than paying Benitez millions of dollars to suck would be to pay him millions of dollars to do well for another team. For some strange reason, I'm not that worried about the bullpen with or without Benitez, but asking for one good year of the three isn't too greedy.

Comment starter: Done with Benitez? One more shot? Cast him in a remake of Disorderlies? What to do, what to do?

0 recs  |  Comment 61 comments

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Re: State of the Mando
I'm all for giving him a shot in March.  However, he should under no circumstances be on the squad come Opening Day.  If he's good in March, trade him.  If he's bad, cut him.  That's all there is to it.

by Skaldheim on Feb 15, 2007 2:16 PM PST reply actions   0 recs

Re: State of the Mando
You had to get to this page first and say exactly what I was thinking.
Remember 1962!

by El Person on Feb 15, 2007 2:29 PM PST up reply actions   0 recs

Re: State of the Mando
Even if this guy were to reach Hoffman status, I still could not bring myself to cheer for him. I must have broken at least 4 radios last year, throwing them into walls following blown games. The only thing this guy was good for was the dancing mondo, Natto's mondo picture, and giving me a good excuse to drink on days that end in y.
"Some guys are admired for coming to play, as the saying goes. I prefer those who come to kill."

by SigChiJas on Feb 15, 2007 2:19 PM PST reply actions   0 recs

Re: State of the Mando
Remind me not to let you listen to the Giants at my house.
Never mind whatever I do!!! Fan is my tresure!!!

by leftymalo on Feb 15, 2007 2:51 PM PST up reply actions   0 recs

Re: State of the Mando
Can I come over?  I only break televisions. And small pieces of furniture
Save The Pitcher. Save The World

by E Ticket on Feb 15, 2007 4:30 PM PST up reply actions   0 recs

Re: State of the Mando
I've gone on record as saying that if Mando is on the opening day roster, I'll purchase one of Natto's shirts, so I'll continue to follow this story closely.

By the way, between the vision of nude pics of Wayne Huizinga and Mando dry humpin' a trainer's table, I think I need to tkae a shower.

Biggest mankinder in the history of no brain.

by Goofus on Feb 15, 2007 2:19 PM PST reply actions   0 recs

Re: State of the Mando
I was MIA for awhile, what are these shirts of which you speak?
"Some guys are admired for coming to play, as the saying goes. I prefer those who come to kill."

by SigChiJas on Feb 15, 2007 2:21 PM PST up reply actions   0 recs

Re: State of the Mando
...and on the topic of distrubing images, Tsuyoshi Shinjo, Japans #1 nude model.
"Some guys are admired for coming to play, as the saying goes. I prefer those who come to kill."

by SigChiJas on Feb 15, 2007 2:22 PM PST up reply actions   0 recs

Re: State of the Mando
For this alone Shinjo is one of my all-time favorite ex-Giants.
Never mind whatever I do!!! Fan is my tresure!!!

by leftymalo on Feb 15, 2007 2:56 PM PST up reply actions   0 recs

Re: State of the Mando
That is fantastic.  Shinjo is like the Chad Johnson of Japanese baseball.

by scotterduder on Feb 15, 2007 4:46 PM PST up reply actions   0 recs

Re: State of the Mando
These shirts
|
|
v
Mandowear - Clothing an entire generation | comics

by Natto on Feb 15, 2007 3:19 PM PST up reply actions   0 recs

Re: State of the Mando
Hey Natto...quick question for you.  How much do you get for each shirt sold?  I'm thinking about whipping up some designs (nothing Giants related) for a few extra bucks a month.  
Hats for bats, keep bats warm !

by PacBellBoozer on Feb 15, 2007 3:24 PM PST up reply actions   0 recs

Re: State of the Mando
Cafepress shop owners can set their own commission. You just add an amount to the base price and then sell it for that total price, so it's up to the owner how much potential cash he/she receives. I set a $2.01 amount for my shop. The 0.01 is to make prices even instead of x.99 'cause that .99 is a bugger to calculate when paying for something.
Mandowear - Clothing an entire generation | comics

by Natto on Feb 15, 2007 4:55 PM PST up reply actions   0 recs

Re: State of the Mando
Sounds like not a half bad thing then eh.  Thanks for the explanation.  
Hats for bats, keep bats warm !

by PacBellBoozer on Feb 15, 2007 10:54 PM PST up reply actions   0 recs

Clothing MULTIPLE generations
I have one of the shirts and my mini-me 16-month-old has one. So already, you've been a bespoke clothier to two generations of snarky San Franciscans.  Not bad for a drawing that's existed for 6 months.
Love Giants; get heart and mind fried by Giants; repeat.

by Mayor of 311 on Feb 15, 2007 3:26 PM PST up reply actions   0 recs

Re: State of the Mando
Well done sir... slow 80's clap... well done
"Some guys are admired for coming to play, as the saying goes. I prefer those who come to kill."

by SigChiJas on Feb 15, 2007 3:48 PM PST up reply actions   0 recs

Re: State of the Mando
Holy crap!  you did it!

by jckessler on Feb 17, 2007 12:45 PM PST up reply actions   0 recs

Re: State of the Mando
I think after last year, they are going to give him one more chance, lasting all of about the month of March.  If he stinks, he will be cut or traded.  If he is okay or even good, he will be moved.  The only way he can stay is if he is untouchable all spring, and I just don't think that he is capable of his prior performance level.  I think he is done as a top closer, due to being insanely delusional, inappropriate and broken down.  

by out machine on Feb 15, 2007 2:31 PM PST reply actions   0 recs

Re: State of the Mando
You are much more generous in your evaluation of the Demented Lard Barrell known as El Mando.
Save The Pitcher. Save The World

by E Ticket on Feb 15, 2007 4:32 PM PST up reply actions   0 recs

Re: State of the Mando
possible Mando scenarios from spring training:
  1. He is obviously out of shape, doesn't pitch well at all in spring training and reinjures himself. Giants DL him and its 2005/2006 deja vu all over again.
  2. He is obviously out of shape, works hard to get back into shape and nearly makes it, but pitches poorly in spring training. However, he is healthy. Wilson gets the closer's gig. Giants trade Mando. We party like crazy.
  3. He is obviously out of shape, but gets into shape. He pitches reasonably well in spring training, but doesn't have that great stuff he had in Florida. he is healthy. Wilson gets the closer's gig. Giants trade him. We party like crazy.
  4. He is obviously out of shape, but gets into shape. He pitches reasonably well in spring training, but doesn't have that great stuff like he had in Florida. However, he is healthy. Mando gets the closer's gig because he is a "veteran." I pull my remaining hairs out.
  5. He is obviously out of shape, but gets into shape. He pitches lights out in spring training, winning the closer's job as the team heads north. He is the Mando of 2004.
Of course, there are variations on these scenarios, some of which may involve unnatural acts with a trainer's table that no one could disapprove of Tim Hardaway for hating, but...Scenarios 1-4 are much, much more likely than #5. If I were a wagering man, which I am, but not on mando, I would say #2 is the most likely.
We'd be pretty good if we didn't suck so bad.

by nostocksjustbonds on Feb 15, 2007 2:54 PM PST reply actions   0 recs

Re: State of the Mando
Call me cynical, but my money is on:

6. He is obviously out of shape, pitches poorly, yet gets the closer job anyway, because he has veteran savvy. NSJB's remaining hair goes the way of the dodo.

You're nobody 'til everybody in
this town thinks you're a bastard - Elvis Costello

by EliminateMe on Feb 15, 2007 3:32 PM PST up reply actions   0 recs

Re: State of the Mando
  1. He is obviously out of shape, pitches poorly, yet gets the closer job anyway, because he has veteran savvy.  However, E crushes Mando's head with a cement-filled bobblehead from the upperdeck on Opening Day, just as Mando leaves the dugout and starts his waddle out to the pen. Brian Wilson closes out the game to earn the first of 49 saves.
  2. He is obviously out of shape, pitches poorly, yet gets the closer job anyway, because he has veteran savvy. However Mando is struck by 128 rounds of various sniper ammunition from mulitple sources around McCovey Cove and the left field bleachers as well as Section 311, just as he leaves the dugout and starts his waddle out to the pen. Brian Wilson closes out the game to earn the first of 59 saves.
  3. He is obviously out of shape, pitches poorly, yet gets the closer job anyway, because he has veteran savvy. Howver, Mando does not realize that a nuclear device has been taped to his more than ample ass and it explodes just as he leaves the dugout and starts his waddle out to the pen. Brian Wilson closes out the game to earn the first of 84 saves.
  4. He is obviously out of shape, pitches poorly, yet gets the closer job anyway, because he has veteran savvy. Howver, Mando does not realize that a nuclear device, along with Brian Sabaen and Edgardo Alfonso and AJ Piersyshitki have been taped to his more than ample ass and it explodes just as he leaves the dugout and starts his waddle out to the pen. Brian Wilson closes out the game to earn the first of 106 saves. Everyone at PacBell wearing one of Natto's Mandowear shirts gets a complimentary pizza and beer to commerate the moment.
Save The Pitcher. Save The World

by E Ticket on Feb 15, 2007 4:48 PM PST up reply actions   0 recs

Re: State of the Mando
Assuming that the game is in the big phone booth, and that fatty is warming up in the top half of the inning, would it also be safe to assume that said nuke would also put our 3rd baseman on the collateral damage list?  I'd like to think that our shortstop is safe, but fear that the opposing 3rd base coach might get it also.  
Hats for bats, keep bats warm !

by PacBellBoozer on Feb 15, 2007 4:55 PM PST up reply actions   0 recs

Re: State of the Mando
good point, I E's #10 was ideal till i realized Feliz didn't go down too..

by Azmanz on Feb 15, 2007 6:08 PM PST up reply actions   0 recs

Re: State of the Mando
oh...oh...oh...I'm on a roll here...

After said explosion, can we please blame Iran and invade them too?

Hats for bats, keep bats warm !

by PacBellBoozer on Feb 15, 2007 4:57 PM PST up reply actions   0 recs

Nice thought, but...
... there are two offices in the Pentagon and two others in the White House that are waaaaaay ahead of you.
Love Giants; get heart and mind fried by Giants; repeat.

by Mayor of 311 on Feb 15, 2007 7:24 PM PST up reply actions   0 recs

Re: Nice thought, but...
How about North Korea.  They're "evil-doers" too aren't they?  Can we bomb them too?!?  Can we, can we?

You know, while our birds are in the air, maybe we can go after that Chavez guy in South America.  Now where is he from again?

Damn, if I had only payed attention when proudly serving in the Texas Air National Guard, I reckon I'd know where half of these countries are on that there pretty globe on my desk.

Hats for bats, keep bats warm !

by PacBellBoozer on Feb 15, 2007 10:59 PM PST up reply actions   0 recs

Re: State of the Mando
I expect Benitez will be decent, if not outstanding. New coach = new start & new contract. If Mando can avoid injury, an effective pitcher come June will certainly garner the Giants more in a trade than his current all-time low trade value. So any way you look at it, the Giants are stuck with Mando for at least a few more months. Might as well hope for him to pitch well... at least to drive up his trade value.

by Kid Fresh on Feb 15, 2007 3:09 PM PST reply actions   0 recs

Re: State of the Mando
Shoot him, throw him overboard, and leave him for dead.  Any questions?
Hats for bats, keep bats warm !

by PacBellBoozer on Feb 15, 2007 3:13 PM PST reply actions   0 recs

Just one question
what gun would you recommend?
Love Giants; get heart and mind fried by Giants; repeat.

by Mayor of 311 on Feb 15, 2007 3:28 PM PST up reply actions   0 recs

Re: Just one question
Elephant Gun...because he's nearly the size of a pachyderm.
Hats for bats, keep bats warm !

by PacBellBoozer on Feb 15, 2007 3:45 PM PST up reply actions   0 recs

When Mando is pitching..
I believe this is the appropriate gun.

Here's to a good 2007. Or 2008. Or 2009. Or 2010. Or...

by WalrusMan on Feb 15, 2007 3:50 PM PST up reply actions   0 recs

Re: When Mando is pitching..
Same firearm used by the Italian Biatholon team at last year's Winter Olympics.  Also the official Bud Selig starter pistol
Save The Pitcher. Save The World

by E Ticket on Feb 15, 2007 4:49 PM PST up reply actions   0 recs

Mando eh?
He'll be the closer when the season starts.  Unless, that is, if he injures himself (or is still injured) in Spring Training or he really bombs it (how could he do worse than last year?).
Here's to a good 2007. Or 2008. Or 2009. Or 2010. Or...

by WalrusMan on Feb 15, 2007 3:30 PM PST reply actions   0 recs

Done with Mando
I can't take this fat piece of crap "doing his job" any longer!  That is all.
Vote for Pedro...to be DFA'd!

by W8ingForATitle on Feb 15, 2007 3:50 PM PST reply actions   0 recs

Re: Done with Mando
it certainly doesn't help his case with the fans when he is such an ass, too.
We'd be pretty good if we didn't suck so bad.

by nostocksjustbonds on Feb 15, 2007 4:37 PM PST up reply actions   0 recs

Re: State of the Mando
Bad knees, choker rep, and general dislikeability aside, Benitez looks like he still has the stuff to be a pretty decent relief pitcher --  ERA under 4, slightly above average strikeout rates, like that. I'd much rather have him be the one on the mound for the ninth (and thus the one who takes the heat for every blown save) so Wilson, Sanchez, Sadler, et al. can break in without the pressure of the "closer" title.

by Evan on Feb 15, 2007 3:56 PM PST reply actions   0 recs

Re: State of the Mando
< Sitting by his locker after his workday ended, sweat dripping from his shirtless form >

Wow, that's a tough interview.

I'm Officially Nauseated.

State of the Mando sounds, and probably smells, very much like State of the Tyler Walker.

With Barry back, what could go wrong?

by Rusty the Mechanical Man on Feb 15, 2007 4:27 PM PST reply actions   0 recs

Re: State of the Mando
unfortunately, the State of the Mando costs a lot more than the State of the Tyler Walker.
We'd be pretty good if we didn't suck so bad.

by nostocksjustbonds on Feb 15, 2007 4:38 PM PST up reply actions   0 recs

Re: State of the Mando
Nevertheless, "Mad Money" is bullish on KFC
Save The Pitcher. Save The World

by E Ticket on Feb 15, 2007 4:51 PM PST up reply actions   0 recs

He Is Saying All the Right Things
SF bullpen needs helps.  Benitez seems to be making amends.  He understands that while he has tried to help the team he has not pitched well.  He's in camp lighter  in weight, better health and much improved attitude.  Let him approach his teammates and make amends.  If his teammates can forgive and accept him then let Benitez have the opportunity to pitch his way to closing.

To trade or dump Benitez at a time when value is low and salary high while his teammates want him on the team and he can still pitch does not make a lot of sense. If he can close and would like to be traded then SF should consider accomodating the big fella and getting value in return.

by wilriv21 on Feb 15, 2007 4:31 PM PST reply actions   0 recs

Re: He Is Saying All the Right Things
saying the right things isn't the same as mowing down opposing hitters, which is his job. And the 'right words" also won't undo what he has done here for 2 years, which is pitch horribly and alienate his teammates and the fans as well.

In any event, I'd rather have a guy who says the wrong thing and produces good results on the baseball diamond, than a nice guy who sucks. right now, Mando is a wrong thing sayer who sucks. he should work on changing the sucking part more than the talking part.

We'd be pretty good if we didn't suck so bad.

by nostocksjustbonds on Feb 15, 2007 4:43 PM PST up reply actions   0 recs

Doing his job
Benitez quotes from the article:

"The last couple of years, I really couldn't do my job"

"I was in a situation where everyone expected to see Armando Benitez come into the game and do my job, get them 1-2-3. It's very hard when you can't do anything."

"That's what people expect to see. ... And what do they see? I come in and don't do the job. If I pay the ticket and don't see my guy do the job, I'll boo. I'll be mad at him."

And, just in case you thought he'd gotten over being an arrogant jerk:

When asked if he expected to be closer come Opening Day, he said, "What do you think?" He then asked, "Who else they got?" When told that some folks were mentioning Wilson as a candidate, Benitez smiled, paused as if to ensure he did not say the wrong thing and said, "We'll leave it like that."
You're nobody 'til everybody in
this town thinks you're a bastard - Elvis Costello

by EliminateMe on Feb 15, 2007 4:42 PM PST reply actions   0 recs

But he did his job.
Here's to a good 2007. Or 2008. Or 2009. Or 2010. Or...

by WalrusMan on Feb 15, 2007 5:47 PM PST up reply actions   0 recs

Re: State of the Mando
Training table = the new Fonz.

by tk on Feb 15, 2007 4:44 PM PST reply actions   0 recs

Re: State of the Mando
More like caressing a "buffet table", and making goo goo eyes at a plate of mashed potatoes while, while out on a date with a bucket of deep fried bacon while double timing with a bowl of crisco soup
Save The Pitcher. Save The World

by E Ticket on Feb 15, 2007 4:55 PM PST up reply actions   0 recs

Re: State of the Mando
As long as they're not playing some pervy version of ring toss with donuts...
"Strikeouts are boring. Besides that, they're fascist." Not fascist: SF Dugout

by BaronVonCurrentEvents on Feb 15, 2007 5:03 PM PST up reply actions   0 recs

Re: State of the Mando
I DROPPED MY MAPLE BAR
FONZIE.

by tk on Feb 15, 2007 5:05 PM PST up reply actions   0 recs

Re: State of the Mando
Yeah, I was kind of wondering whether "training table" is some sort of new euphemism the kids are using these days, or maybe even some sort of nickname/endearment.  Like "The Refrigerator" in the NFL.
Love Giants; get heart and mind fried by Giants; repeat.

by Mayor of 311 on Feb 15, 2007 5:16 PM PST up reply actions   0 recs

This is my favorite thread since
the last time the Giants actually played a game. Spring is definitely in the air. Bring. It. On!
Save The Pitcher. Save The World

by E Ticket on Feb 15, 2007 4:56 PM PST reply actions   0 recs

the greatest thing ever!
Just ordered my  Mando t-shirt...omg, it's, like, so cool! It is, in fact, the best piece of clothing I've ever owned. Except for my MCC t-shirt. And the purple and green, iridescent, french-cuffed silk shirt I save for special occasions (note: this shirt actually exists).
I got one word for you: "youneverknow"

by senorvegas on Feb 15, 2007 5:19 PM PST reply actions   0 recs

Re: State of the Mando
I heard our new Manager candidly admit that Mando "could lose 5 lbs." during an interview on KNBR this morning.

Can you imagine? Mando could lose 5 lbs. in order to lose 5 lbs.

Trade him now.
Trade him before dinner.
Trade him while someone still believes this junk he is blabbering.

He will hurt himself before the season starts.

With Barry back, what could go wrong?

by Rusty the Mechanical Man on Feb 15, 2007 5:31 PM PST reply actions   0 recs

Maybe if we
All hit our knees tonight and say a simple yet clear prayer for a TRADE. It will happen.
With Barry back, what could go wrong?

by Rusty the Mechanical Man on Feb 15, 2007 5:35 PM PST up reply actions   0 recs

See for yourself

I hope this works.

by tk on Feb 15, 2007 6:12 PM PST reply actions   0 recs

Hmm..
Somehow they didn't.  Here's one of the true images.  It's a shame the photographer didn't get his body in focus though..

You know I should not be the one who does these photoshop things.  I suck.

Here's to a good 2007. Or 2008. Or 2009. Or 2010. Or...

by WalrusMan on Feb 15, 2007 6:41 PM PST up reply actions   0 recs

Re: Hmm..
Yep, that looks like a man that has been "working out 5 to 6 days a week".

Seriously, this Closer cannot even run wind sprints with the team.

With Barry back, what could go wrong?

by Rusty the Mechanical Man on Feb 15, 2007 6:54 PM PST up reply actions   0 recs

Re: Hmm..
I'm more troubled that nobody else noticed his new after-workout snack sponsor.

Hats for bats, keep bats warm !

by PacBellBoozer on Feb 15, 2007 11:13 PM PST up reply actions   0 recs

Re: See for yourself
He's got quite a rack. Maybe he wanted to play Paula Abdul this year in the Giants American Idol competition.

by mxmob33 on Feb 15, 2007 9:17 PM PST up reply actions   0 recs

Re: State of the Mando
You just gotta give the guy credit for not spiking himself yet.  Find a hockey team and trade him for a goalie.  Or a sack of pucks.  

by getnby on Feb 15, 2007 9:39 PM PST reply actions   0 recs

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