Apologies for the lack of anything resembling a point.

by Grant Brisbee on Aug 2, 2005 2:43 PM PDT in News

Bonds is done for the year. T'was a time when grown men would have cried after typing or reading that sentence, but if you didn't assume this would be the case in May, you're nothing but a glutton for punishment. When thinking about 2006, I even forget Bonds is supposed to be a part of the team in theory, so's not to be disappointed if he doesn't show.

So, how would a healthy Bonds have impacted this team? Well, I ran some simulations:

Current standings
San Diego 51-54
Arizona 52-55
LA Dodgers 47-58
San Francisco 45-59
Colorado 37 67

Simulated standings with Bonds
San Francisco 65-39
San Diego 45-60
Arizona 45-62
LA Dodgers 39-66
Colorado 36-68

Note that these simulations were not run by a computer or conventional simulation program, but rather pulled directly out of my ass. This particular program, the Assotron 4050, has served me well in these dark times. Take these simulated standings, for instance:

Simulated standings with Bonds, Joe Nathan, Livan Hernandez, and Ellis Burks (after harvesting the limbs and organs of Alex Sanchez)
San Francisco - ∞-0
San Diego 45-60
Arizona 45-62
LA Dodgers 39-66
Colorado 36-68

I don't want to get all technical here, but do you realize how good a team with infinity wins is? You know 100 wins? Well, take that team and add one more win, and then another. And then another. And another. It never stops. That's how good they could have been.

We don't know where the Giants would be if a healthy Bonds were kicking around, but it is plausible to think they'd be in front of the division. In fact, after Michael Jordan came back from a secret suspension, it only took two seasons to win a championship. So we have that going for us. Which is nice.

Comment starter: Give your playing-time projections for Bonds in 2006. I'll use the Assotron 4050 to come up with 212 at-bats and 348 plate appearances.

Tweet Comment 11 comments | 0 recs |

Do you like this story?

Comments

Argh...

...I was going to actually figure out what the standings would be with Bonds and a non-sucky Schmidt, using WARP and all that shit, and post it on my blog today.

But I cannot compete with the Assotron.

Suffice to say, first place would be ours.

by Skaldheim on Aug 2, 2005 3:09 PM PDT reply actions

Oh, you wanted a prediction...

...here it is:

Zero at-bats.

Zero plate appearances.

The swelling never goes away, and the dude never comes back.

by Skaldheim on Aug 2, 2005 3:10 PM PDT reply actions

Magic 8 Ball: "Not Sure"

150 abs, 200 pa. Barry squeezes out the 12 HRs necessary to pass Babe Ruth, then retires at the 2006 All-Star Break in Pittsburgh, where it all began.

I pulled this prediction out of the Assotron 4000, which is an older model.

by Kitspool on Aug 2, 2005 3:17 PM PDT reply actions

My Assotron...

Blue-screened (or is that brown screened?), so I'll fire up my trusty LeftField-o-nator Alpha. Appropriate considering Bonds once played LF a long time ago in a fog-shrouded ball park far far away...

it came up with:

23 uncomfortable press conferences where he berates the media

6 months where the Giants spin-machine finds a way to declare 2006 "The Year"

1 x 10^-12 seconds for the Lunatic Fringe to collectively roll their eyes.

< 20 HR when he comes back after A.S. Break 2006

Countless Giants fans crying in their Lagunitas IPA.

sigh

Respeck Knuckles!!!

by arbizu on Aug 2, 2005 3:32 PM PDT reply actions

I want to believe the Assotron 4050, I really do

but I must bring up these numbers that it predicted near the beginning of last year:

"New, Revised Predictions for 2004:

San Diego 90-72
Los Angeles 86-76
Arizona 85-77
Colorado 69-93
Giants 6-156

If March is the time for irrational optimism, April is certainly the time for needless panic. Hitting into sixteen double plays per game is not something a team can expect to do for a whole season, but it seems as if the Giants are well on their way."

They're still shitty.

by The Balls of Summer on Aug 2, 2005 4:06 PM PDT reply actions

Bonds

My PigFlyer 2200 says that Bonds will finish out 2006 as a 4 days a week player. They'll get him to play first base about as often as Kent did in '01, so he'd play LF only 3 days a week. With at least one DL stint, that puts him at, what, 400 PAs with 300 ABs? If that's the case, chalk him up for 20-30 HRs. I like Kitspool's idea about ending it where it began, only the PF 2200 says that with the Giants in third place at the All Star Break, but only three games back of the Dodgers and Padres, Bonds announces, in Pittsburgh, that he's retiring at the end of the season. That'd let him have a Farewell Tour of sorts, and then the Giants could unveil his statue at the ASG in '07.

venividivixi.blogspot.com

by David A. Arnott on Aug 2, 2005 7:24 PM PDT reply actions

I say.......

450 PA and 325 AB, another huge walk season. Not going to have any type of protection still. He's not going to play first at all, I don't think at least. Although he could platoon there against righties and be in left against lefties with Niekro at first.

Would like to have the retirement announcement in Pittsburgh and a statue at the 07 all star game.

Man: What they need is a front office. Jerry: But you gotta like their chances. .....Not so much this year.....

by WalrusMan on Aug 2, 2005 8:55 PM PDT reply actions

Zero.....

Games, AB's, PA's. I wish this was pulled out of my @$$, but it's based on a knowledge of the nature of a knee that has undergone 3 arthroscopies capped off by a serious joint infection, and a rehab that appears to not be going well at all.

by DrBGiantsfan on Aug 2, 2005 10:33 PM PDT reply actions