It's July! That means ALL THE GIANTS' PROBLEMS ARE FIXED, right? It better, or I'm going to keep watching games in exactly the same way I have been. But oh, how I'll write catty tweets if they're still bad!
Royals Pitchers Get Called Out By Stripper For Being Cheap Jerks
Bruce Chen and Yordano Ventura recently spent what I'm assuming was a very pleasant evening for them in a strip club in Minnesota. And yet, the tips these Royals gave out were paltry, as if they were commoners. I have to assume that when England votes for its next king, this will cost both of them precious precincts among the stripper demographic.
Tomorrow is Bobby Bonilla Day and I'm Already Sick of It So I Wrote a Frozen Parody
Here's a good link for Grant especially. We all know how much he enjoys singing Let It Go to himself while in the shower, and when spending time with his kids, and even when listening to Dio. Well, if you were looking for a Mets-centric version of Elsa's number, then today being the day Bobby Bonilla gets paid inspired one Mets fan to rewrite the lyrics. Let's just be thankful there isn't a Giants version. And if there is a Giants version, then let's all be thankful that I haven't linked it.
Buyer Beware: How To Spot Baseball Autograph Forgeries
Apparently, about 90% of baseballs supposedly signed by Hall of Famers are forged. I should have known that some of mine were faked. I just cross-referenced with a database because I totally did that and didn't only want to sound cool like the computer person on that one TV show, and it turns out that there's never even BEEN a baseball player named "Roger Horny," much less one in the Hall of Fame. That's the last time I torrent an autograph!
Dr. Andrews' New App Aims to Reduce Tommy John Surgeries by 60%
Dr James Andrews has a new app that tells coaches and parents when their kids are being put at risk of future arm trouble. This will be a helpful tool for parents to use for their future major league aces and then be ignored by coaches, who will also have this app but completely disregard it because if they win just one more game in their amateur baseball league, that'll mean big things. BIG THINGS. So go out there and throw 140 pitches, kiddo. We all need that win.
Jaso vs Pigeon
There's an at bat in this link, but it's not the point. Because at around 0:37, John Jaso engages in a battle of wills with a pigeon. They both have very strong claims to home plate; Jaso is the batter, and the pigeon is a bird that is not intelligent enough to be considered a conscious being. Who emerges triumphant? Or is this standoff still going, even now, as you're reading these words?
. . .no. It's . . . not.