Giants lose

Kelley L Cox-USA TODAY Sports

The baseball game. They lost the baseball game.

The best part about tonight was the news that Vin Scully is coming back in 2014.

Man, this season is the 2013 Giants of seasons. Just one big turd.

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Question: What are your hopes for the 2013 season?

April 2: Oh, easy. Another title. Titletown U.S.A.! This is fun! Whoooooooooo! Two in three years, baby! Two in three years!

June 14: You know, I'm just looking for them to get back over .500 and get in the race. That's all. Just a good, ol'-fashioned pennant race. I could enjoy that.

July 20: Prospects. I want prospects. Give us some young players to overrate. Let the burning embers of irrational hope keep the fires warm over the winter.

August 22: please stop hitting baseballs at matt cain

September 14: Huh. I didn't even know Brett Pill played short.

October 10: Go Mat Latos. Shut those Dodgers down. Go and succeed at your job oh screw this HELP HELLLLP HELP HELP HELP HELP ME

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The Giants got all five of their runs on two-out, run-scoring hits.

This was the game. This was the game with the clutch hits. This was the game that'll boost the stats to make it seem like the Giants haven't been historically awful with runners in scoring position. No, they were merely awful, the stats will say.

But we know.

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George Kontos is still second in bullpen innings this year.

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Clayton Kershaw has allowed 11 more earned runs than Mike Kickham this year.

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This traaaaaain.

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Brian Wilson pitched well for the Dodgers. There were people wearing fake beards in the stands.

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This was a tie game until Guillermo Moscoso and Jose Mijares were on the scene. Guillermo Moscoso is like the right-handed Yusmeiro Petit, who was like the right-handed Keiichi Yabu. Jose Mijares is like a poor man's Javier Lopez, except he's left in to rot against right-handed hitters.

There are seasons in which Brian Sabean's bullpen diamonds in the rough pay off. This is not one of those years.

I would like to formally apologize for half-heartedly defending the Giants when they were in extend-a-reliever mode this offseason. My argument was that the contracts were market value, which was true at the time. Look at what Brandon League got, what Jonathan Broxton got. Why wouldn't Santiago Casilla and Jeremy Affeldt get something similar?

Except that was the wrong approach. Bullpens are awful, moody things. The correct answer is none of them.

I guess that has little to do with Moscoso and Mijares, who are awful. They're like cops in a buddy movie, except awful cops. They're cops who actively attempt to look up porn all day when they're on the clock, but they just keep going in an About.com loop, clicking the next stories, hoping they eventually stumble on the About.com porn site. Also, they shoot out a window when cleaning their guns.

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The team leader in strikeouts per nine innings on the 2010 Giants was Denny Bautista. The leader on the 2012 Giants was Dan Runzler.

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If the Giants allow 10 runs or more in another game, they'll match the total of 10-run games allowed in 2010, 2011, and 2012 combined (16).

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In case you couldn't tell, I have nothing substantial to say about this game. Bad team plays poorly. Good team takes advantage. Well, how about that.

In the fourth inning, Joaquin Arias was hit by a pitch. The umpire didn't believe him, and Arias had to finish the at-bat, down in the count 1-2. He hit a line drive, a real shot, to the right side. It went right into the mitt of the first baseman.

Giants baseball, distilled. Remember, you chose this hobby on purpose, and it sure made you feel good last year. The most powerful force in the universe is compound interest, though. So we're all screwed.

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