Giants lose to Mets, 10-6

Can't challenge Eric Young, Jr. That's when you give up a medium-ball to deep-short left. - Ezra Shaw

You don't need a clever headline to feel the despair.

Of all the days to use up my comic sans.

This will have to do as a substitute for ridiculousness.


This existed. It made sense at the time. We live in a ridiculous universe. There are birds that can't fly, sea creatures that look like rocks, and frogs that rain from the sky. Everything is made up after the fact to make it seem like time is linear. This is all nonsense.

So watch Diamond Dave waggle his bottom at you as he sings in Spanish for some reason. Then come back to the game. It's not so big of a deal, is it?

This planet is amazing.

Star-divide

When I was a little boy, I got a hornet and a spider in a jar and shook it. I'm not proud of it. But that's what little boys do.

The Mets and Giants right now are like two roly polies in a jar, and the universe is shaking it. They just curl up into a ball and clank off each other, and eventually one of their legs falls off, or they die of hunger.

Also, do you know what roly polies are really called? Armadillidiidae. That's a badass name for a bug. And do you know what it's called when they curl into a ball? Conglobation. Also, they're not even bugs, they're crustaceans.

This planet is amazing.

Star-divide

Barry Zito is the worst starter on the staff. Jeremy Affeldt is the worst reliever. The former we should have seen coming. The latter is a surprise. Still, when two of the worst pitchers on the staff form a supergroup and release an album, it's usually a big hit1, and everything turns to dust.

1. baseball term

The real bummer, other than the everything, is that the Giants scored six runs for the first time since June 14. The six-runsplosion would have been enough to win 11 out of the last 17 losses. They needed the Mets' help, of course. They kicked the ball around in a quality way. The Mets tried to met the hell out of this game. The Giants wouldn't let him. Proud of our boys.

Star-divide

Jeff Francoeur.

Star-divide

Kensuke Tanaka sure was a shot in the arm, though! It looks like he enjoys baseball. It looks like he has fun playing and watching this abhorrent, revolting game.

But this is a fun list: Every Giants' debut line since 1958:

Player Date Tm Opp PA R H 2B 3B HR RBI BB SO
Juan Perez 2013-06-09 SFG ARI 3 0 1 0 0 0 1 0 0
Nick Noonan 2013-04-03 SFG LAD 1 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
Francisco Peguero 2012-08-25 SFG ATL 2 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 1
Charlie Culberson 2012-05-13 SFG ARI 4 0 1 0 0 0 0 0 1
Brett Pill 2011-09-06 SFG SDP 3 1 1 0 0 1 2 0 0
Hector Sanchez 2011-07-15 SFG SDP 1 0 0 0 0 0 0 1 0
Brandon Crawford 2011-05-27 SFG MIL 4 1 1 0 0 1 4 1 0
Brandon Belt 2011-03-31 SFG LAD 4 0 1 0 0 0 0 1 1
Darren Ford 2010-09-01 SFG COL 0 1 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
Buster Posey 2009-09-11 SFG LAD 1 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 1
Matt Downs 2009-06-16 SFG LAA 4 0 0 0 0 0 0 1 0
Jesus Guzman 2009-05-21 SFG SDP 2 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 1
Conor Gillaspie 2008-09-09 SFG ARI 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
Pablo Sandoval 2008-08-14 SFG HOU 4 0 0 0 0 0 1 0 0
Ryan Rohlinger 2008-08-13 SFG HOU 4 0 1 1 0 0 1 0 1
Ivan Ochoa 2008-07-12 SFG CHC 3 1 1 1 0 0 0 0 0
Brian Horwitz 2008-05-30 SFG SDP 1 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 1
Travis Denker 2008-05-21 SFG COL 1 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
Emmanuel Burriss 2008-04-20 SFG STL 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
John Bowker 2008-04-12 SFG STL 3 1 2 0 0 1 3 0 0
Clay Timpner 2008-04-08 SFG SDP 1 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 1
Steve Holm 2008-04-04 SFG MIL 1 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
Brian Bocock 2008-03-31 SFG LAD 3 0 0 0 0 0 0 2 0
Eugenio Velez 2007-09-05 SFG COL 1 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
Guillermo Rodriguez 2007-06-13 SFG TOR 4 0 1 0 0 0 2 0 1
Player Date Tm Opp PA R H 2B 3B HR RBI BB SO
Nate Schierholtz 2007-06-11 SFG TOR 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
Fred Lewis 2006-09-01 SFG CHC 1 0 1 1 0 0 1 0 0
Chad Santos 2006-07-16 SFG PHI 1 0 1 0 0 0 0 0 0
Eliezer Alfonzo 2006-06-03 (1) SFG NYM 4 1 1 0 0 1 2 0 1
Kevin Frandsen 2006-04-28 SFG ARI 5 3 3 0 0 0 0 0 0
Travis Ishikawa 2006-04-18 SFG ARI 1 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
Doug Clark 2005-09-14 SFG SDP 1 0 0 0 0 0 0 1 0
Daniel Ortmeier 2005-09-05 SFG LAD 1 0 1 0 0 0 0 0 0
Angel Chavez 2005-08-30 SFG COL 4 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 1
Adam Shabala 2005-06-16 SFG MIN 6 0 0 0 0 0 2 1 0
Justin Knoedler 2004-10-03 SFG LAD 1 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
Brian Dallimore 2004-04-29 SFG FLA 1 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
Lance Niekro 2003-09-05 SFG ARI 1 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
Todd Linden 2003-08-18 SFG MON 4 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
Carlos Valderrama 2003-06-21 SFG OAK 4 0 1 0 0 0 0 0 2
Francisco Santos 2003-06-18 SFG LAD 2 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
Jason Ellison 2003-05-09 SFG ATL 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
Trey Lunsford 2002-09-12 SFG SDP 1 0 1 0 0 0 0 0 0
Tony Torcato 2002-07-26 SFG LAD 4 0 1 0 0 0 0 0 1
Cody Ransom 2001-09-05 SFG ARI 1 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
Jalal Leach 2001-09-05 SFG ARI 1 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
Yorvit Torrealba 2001-09-05 SFG ARI 1 0 1 0 1 0 1 0 0
Pedro Feliz 2000-09-05 SFG PHI 1 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
Damon Minor 2000-09-02 SFG CHC 1 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 1
Juan Melo 2000-09-02 SFG CHC 2 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 1
Player Date Tm Opp PA R H 2B 3B HR RBI BB SO
Calvin Murray 1999-06-22 SFG MIL 1 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
Edwards Guzman 1999-04-06 SFG CIN 1 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
Armando Rios 1998-09-01 SFG MON 1 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 1
Ramon Martinez 1998-06-20 SFG SDP 4 2 3 0 0 0 0 1 0
Jeff Ball 1998-06-10 SFG SEA 1 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
Dante Powell 1997-04-15 SFG PHI 1 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 1
Wilson Delgado 1996-09-24 SFG LAD 4 1 0 0 0 0 0 0 2
Doug Mirabelli 1996-08-27 SFG PHI 1 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
Desi Wilson 1996-08-07 SFG CIN 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
Jacob Cruz 1996-07-18 SFG LAD 4 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 3
Dax Jones 1996-07-11 SFG LAD 1 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
Keith Williams 1996-06-07 SFG STL 1 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
Jay Canizaro 1996-04-28 SFG FLA 1 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 1
Bill Mueller 1996-04-18 SFG CHC 1 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
Marcus Jensen 1996-04-14 SFG CHC 4 0 1 0 0 0 0 1 0
Rich Aurilia 1995-09-06 SFG MON 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
Marvin Benard 1995-09-05 SFG MON 1 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
J.R. Phillips 1993-09-03 SFG STL 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
Rikkert Faneyte 1993-08-29 SFG FLA 5 1 1 0 0 0 0 0 2
Erik Johnson 1993-07-08 SFG PHI 1 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
Steve Hosey 1992-08-29 SFG CHC 1 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 1
Jim McNamara 1992-04-09 SFG ATL 1 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
John Patterson 1992-04-06 SFG LAD 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
Craig Colbert 1992-04-06 SFG LAD 1 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 1
Royce Clayton 1991-09-20 SFG SDP 5 0 1 1 0 0 0 0 1
Player Date Tm Opp PA R H 2B 3B HR RBI BB SO
Ted Wood 1991-09-04 SFG PIT 1 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 1
Steve Decker 1990-09-18 SFG CIN 4 0 1 0 0 0 0 0 1
Andres Santana 1990-09-16 SFG HOU 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
Mark Leonard 1990-07-21 SFG CHC 1 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
Rick Parker 1990-05-04 SFG MON 1 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
Mike Benjamin 1989-07-07 SFG STL 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
Greg Litton 1989-05-02 SFG CHC 3 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 1
Charlie Hayes 1988-09-11 SFG HOU 3 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 1
Tony Perezchica 1988-09-07 SFG ATL 4 0 1 0 0 0 1 1 1
Angel Escobar 1988-05-17 SFG PHI 3 0 1 0 0 0 0 0 0
Kirt Manwaring 1987-09-15 SFG SDP 2 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
Jessie Reid 1987-09-09 SFG HOU 1 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 1
Mackey Sasser 1987-07-17 SFG CHC 1 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
Matt Williams 1987-04-11 SFG LAD 3 0 1 0 0 0 0 0 1
Phil Ouellette 1986-09-10 SFG CIN 2 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
Randy Kutcher 1986-06-19 SFG SDP 5 1 2 0 0 1 1 0 2
Mike Aldrete 1986-05-28 SFG PHI 3 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 1
Robby Thompson 1986-04-08 SFG HOU 4 1 1 1 0 0 0 0 1
Will Clark 1986-04-08 SFG HOU 4 1 1 0 0 1 1 0 1
Mike Woodard 1985-09-11 (1) SFG HOU 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
Matt Nokes 1985-09-03 SFG PHI 4 0 2 0 0 0 0 0 0
Rob Deer 1984-09-04 SFG CIN 1 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
Chris Brown 1984-09-03 SFG CIN 3 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 1
Randy Gomez 1984-08-21 SFG PHI 1 0 0 0 0 0 0 1 0
Dan Gladden 1983-09-05 SFG CIN 3 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
Player Date Tm Opp PA R H 2B 3B HR RBI BB SO
Brad Wellman 1982-09-04 SFG STL 1 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
John Rabb 1982-09-04 SFG STL 1 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 1
Tom O'Malley 1982-05-08 SFG NYM 5 1 1 0 0 0 1 2 0
Jose Barrios 1982-04-23 SFG LAD 1 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
Jeff Ransom 1981-09-05 SFG CHC 1 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
Bob Brenly 1981-08-14 (2) SFG CIN 5 0 1 0 0 0 0 0 1
Chili Davis 1981-04-10 SFG SDP 1 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 1
Guy Sularz 1980-09-02 SFG PHI 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
Chris Bourjos 1980-08-31 (1) SFG NYM 1 0 0 0 0 0 0 1 0
Joe Pettini 1980-07-10 SFG SDP 3 1 1 0 0 0 1 0 0
Rich Murray 1980-06-07 SFG HOU 3 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 1
Bob Kearney 1979-09-25 SFG LAD 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
Greg Johnston 1979-07-27 SFG SDP 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
Joe Strain 1979-06-28 SFG HOU 3 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
Max Venable 1979-04-08 SFG CIN 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
Dennis Littlejohn 1978-07-09 SFG CIN 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
Skip James 1977-09-12 SFG ATL 1 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 1
Gary Alexander 1975-09-12 SFG CIN 1 1 0 0 0 0 0 1 0
Jack Clark 1975-09-12 SFG CIN 1 1 0 0 0 0 0 1 0
Johnnie LeMaster 1975-09-02 SFG LAD 3 1 1 0 0 1 2 0 0
Jake Brown 1975-05-17 SFG STL 1 1 0 0 0 0 0 1 0
Glenn Adams 1975-05-04 (2) SFG HOU 3 0 0 0 0 0 0 1 1
Horace Speed 1975-04-10 SFG SDP 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
Glenn Redmon 1974-09-08 SFG ATL 4 0 2 2 0 0 1 0 0
Steve Ontiveros 1973-08-05 SFG LAD 1 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
Player Date Tm Opp PA R H 2B 3B HR RBI BB SO
Bruce Miller 1973-08-04 SFG LAD 4 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
Mike Phillips 1973-04-15 (1) SFG CIN 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
Mike Sadek 1973-04-13 SFG CIN 1 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
Gary Matthews 1972-09-06 SFG SDP 5 1 1 0 0 0 1 0 1
Gary Thomasson 1972-09-05 SFG SDP 1 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
Damaso Blanco 1972-05-26 SFG ATL 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
Garry Maddox 1972-04-25 SFG PHI 3 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 2
Chris Arnold 1971-09-07 SFG LAD 1 0 1 0 0 0 1 0 0
Dave Rader 1971-09-05 (2) SFG HOU 1 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
Jim Howarth 1971-09-05 (2) SFG HOU 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
Dave Kingman 1971-07-30 SFG PIT 1 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
Jimmy Rosario 1971-04-08 SFG SDP 1 1 1 0 0 0 0 0 0
Chris Speier 1971-04-07 SFG SDP 5 1 2 1 0 0 2 1 0
Bernie Williams 1970-09-07 (2) SFG CIN 3 0 1 0 0 0 0 0 0
Ed Goodson 1970-09-05 (2) SFG ATL 3 1 1 0 0 0 0 0 1
Bob Taylor 1970-04-09 SFG HOU 2 0 0 0 0 0 0 1 0
Al Gallagher 1970-04-07 SFG HOU 5 2 2 0 1 0 1 0 1
John Harrell 1969-10-01 SFG SDP 5 0 2 0 0 0 1 1 0
George Foster 1969-09-10 SFG ATL 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
Bobby Bonds 1968-06-25 SFG LAD 4 1 1 0 0 1 4 0 1
Dave Marshall 1967-09-07 SFG HOU 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
Bobby Etheridge 1967-07-16 (1) SFG CHC 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
Cesar Gutierrez 1967-04-16 (2) SFG CIN 4 0 0 0 0 0 0 1 0
Frank Johnson 1966-09-07 SFG LAD 2 0 1 0 0 0 0 0 1
Dick Dietz 1966-06-18 SFG LAD 3 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 2
Player Date Tm Opp PA R H 2B 3B HR RBI BB SO
Don Mason 1966-04-14 SFG CHC 1 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 1
Bob Barton 1965-09-17 SFG MLN 1 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
Ollie Brown 1965-09-10 SFG CHC 3 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 1
Tito Fuentes 1965-08-18 SFG NYM 5 1 2 0 0 0 0 0 1
Ken Henderson 1965-04-23 SFG NYM 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
Bob Schroder 1965-04-20 SFG PIT 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
Randy Hundley 1964-09-27 (2) SFG CHC 0 1 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
Hal Lanier 1964-06-18 SFG STL 4 1 1 1 0 0 0 0 0
Gil Garrido 1964-04-24 SFG CIN 2 0 1 0 0 0 1 1 0
Jesus Alou 1963-09-10 SFG NYM 1 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
Jim Ray Hart 1963-07-07 (1) SFG STL 7 1 2 0 0 0 1 2 0
Jose Cardenal 1963-04-14 SFG CHC 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
Cap Peterson 1962-09-12 SFG CIN 1 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 1
Carl Boles 1962-08-02 SFG CHC 2 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 1
Manny Mota 1962-04-16 SFG LAD 1 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
Dick Phillips 1962-04-15 SFG CIN 1 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
John Orsino 1961-07-14 SFG PIT 3 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
Bob Farley 1961-04-15 SFG PHI 1 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
Ernie Bowman 1961-04-12 SFG PIT 0 1 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
Chuck Hiller 1961-04-11 SFG PIT 4 0 1 0 0 0 0 0 0
Tom Haller 1961-04-11 SFG PIT 4 1 0 0 0 0 0 1 1
Matty Alou 1960-09-26 SFG LAD 1 1 1 0 0 0 0 0 0
Neil Wilson 1960-04-17 SFG CHC 4 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 1
Jose Pagan 1959-08-04 SFG MLN 1 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
Willie McCovey 1959-07-30 SFG PHI 4 3 4 0 2 0 2 0 0
Player Date Tm Opp PA R H 2B 3B HR RBI BB SO
Roger McCardell 1959-05-08 SFG LAD 2 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
Leon Wagner 1958-06-22 (1) SFG PHI 1 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
Felipe Alou 1958-06-08 SFG CIN 4 0 2 1 0 0 1 0 0
Nick Testa 1958-04-23 SFG STL 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
Don Taussig 1958-04-23 SFG STL 1 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
Bob Schmidt 1958-04-16 SFG LAD 1 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 1
Jim Davenport 1958-04-15 SFG LAD 5 1 2 0 0 0 1 0 2
Willie Kirkland 1958-04-15 SFG LAD 5 0 1 0 0 0 1 0 0
Orlando Cepeda 1958-04-15 SFG LAD 5 1 1 0 0 1 1 0 0

Tanaka joins luminaries like Kevin Frandsen and John Bowker for making a big impression in his first game. That Will Clark feller had a moment in his debut, too.

Star-divide

In this episode of Bochy vs. Logic, the intrepid Bochy seemed to win. With one out and runners on second and third, he ordered a walk. Then Mijares struck out the next two hitters, and the threat ended.

In that at-bat, Josh Satin -- clearly a hotel check-in name, the rascal -- worked the count to 2-0. This is exactly why you don't want the bases loaded if you don't have to have them loaded. Especially with one out. Satin had so much count leverage. He could have sat on a pitch, or a location. There's a reason the league hits a billion with the bases loaded, ahead in the count.

Then Satin's Flowers for Algernon procedure wore off, and he got dumber and dumber as the at-bat progressed. He let Mijares off the hook. He let Bochy off the hook.

But, man, do I hate hate hate the intentional walk to load the bases. Especially with one out. Especially to have Mijares face a right-hander. But better to be lucky than good, I guess.

Boy, I really wish the Giants were good again. Or lucky.

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