Of all the days to use up my comic sans.
This will have to do as a substitute for ridiculousness.
This existed. It made sense at the time. We live in a ridiculous universe. There are birds that can't fly, sea creatures that look like rocks, and frogs that rain from the sky. Everything is made up after the fact to make it seem like time is linear. This is all nonsense.
So watch Diamond Dave waggle his bottom at you as he sings in Spanish for some reason. Then come back to the game. It's not so big of a deal, is it?
This planet is amazing.
When I was a little boy, I got a hornet and a spider in a jar and shook it. I'm not proud of it. But that's what little boys do.
The Mets and Giants right now are like two roly polies in a jar, and the universe is shaking it. They just curl up into a ball and clank off each other, and eventually one of their legs falls off, or they die of hunger.
Also, do you know what roly polies are really called? Armadillidiidae. That's a badass name for a bug. And do you know what it's called when they curl into a ball? Conglobation. Also, they're not even bugs, they're crustaceans.
This planet is amazing.
Barry Zito is the worst starter on the staff. Jeremy Affeldt is the worst reliever. The former we should have seen coming. The latter is a surprise. Still, when two of the worst pitchers on the staff form a supergroup and release an album, it's usually a big hit1, and everything turns to dust.
1. baseball term
The real bummer, other than the everything, is that the Giants scored six runs for the first time since June 14. The six-runsplosion would have been enough to win 11 out of the last 17 losses. They needed the Mets' help, of course. They kicked the ball around in a quality way. The Mets tried to met the hell out of this game. The Giants wouldn't let him. Proud of our boys.
Kensuke Tanaka sure was a shot in the arm, though! It looks like he enjoys baseball. It looks like he has fun playing and watching this abhorrent, revolting game.
But this is a fun list: Every Giants' debut line since 1958:
Tanaka joins luminaries like Kevin Frandsen and John Bowker for making a big impression in his first game. That Will Clark feller had a moment in his debut, too.
In this episode of Bochy vs. Logic, the intrepid Bochy seemed to win. With one out and runners on second and third, he ordered a walk. Then Mijares struck out the next two hitters, and the threat ended.
In that at-bat, Josh Satin -- clearly a hotel check-in name, the rascal -- worked the count to 2-0. This is exactly why you don't want the bases loaded if you don't have to have them loaded. Especially with one out. Satin had so much count leverage. He could have sat on a pitch, or a location. There's a reason the league hits a billion with the bases loaded, ahead in the count.
Then Satin's Flowers for Algernon procedure wore off, and he got dumber and dumber as the at-bat progressed. He let Mijares off the hook. He let Bochy off the hook.
But, man, do I hate hate hate the intentional walk to load the bases. Especially with one out. Especially to have Mijares face a right-hander. But better to be lucky than good, I guess.
Boy, I really wish the Giants were good again. Or lucky.