And in the last play of the game, Jeff Francoeur hit a ball over the fence, but it was caught on an amazing, lucky, leaping, and juggling catch. The play saved the shutout for Bronson Arroyo, who was then congratulated after the 11-0 win by Mat Latos. Tim Lincecum gave up eight earned runs, and the Giants didn't keep pace with the Dodgers, who moved into first place.
There are … 218 things wrong with that paragraph. If the devil handed it to you on a piece of paper before Game 5 of the NLCS last year, you would still have your soul, and Barry Zito would have given up six earned runs. This is a Final Destination sequel. They've cheated disappointment's design. THEY'VE CHEATED DISAPPOINTMENT'S DESIGN.
Still looking for rock bottom? You know they play 162 games next year, too, right? Ha ha ha, this could go on for years. You might be a young sprite right now, but you'll eventually wake up covered in Funyun dust and gray hair, with a 1344 x 756 GIF of Ryan Theriot's slide looping on your monitor. You'll be in a bar trying to pick up on someone 30 years younger than you by telling anecdotes about Aubrey Huff's underwear.
But if this wasn't rock bottom, at least it was really, really, really awful. Like, really awful. I watched that whole game! That was awful.
It's funnier when you think that the Padres are just that awful instead of thinking that Lincecum pitched poorly against the Reds.
George Kontos was the player of the game. He allowed three runs in 3.1 innings, throwing 63 pitches, and saving the bullpen before a doubleheader. He'll probably get sent down to Fresno for a 10-day retreat now, and we didn't even get to watch Brandon Belt pitch. But when it comes to winning and losing baseball games, it was probably a good thing for Kontos to absorb the innings.
Player of the game, everyone.
The first inning was the Lincecumiest inning in a year filled with Lincecumy innings. There were poor defensive plays, walks, and a ball hit hard to drive them all home. Oh, and it seemed like he was going to get out of it. Goodness, that was the teaser trailer for the movie of Lincecum's season.
Everyone's going to focus on the 147 pitches. If I had to guess, I'll suggest that they had some effect. But that's only a guess. And the no-hitter was worth it if the only damage was short-term. Because it's only a guess, though, I'll save the outrage.Arguing about causation/correlation after a high-pitch outing feels like arguing about micro-splits. Maybe Jeff Francoeur really does see the ball better against Bronson Arroyo, and maybe he should have started. But I'm still going to laugh at people who argue in favor of micro-splits.
Suspicions are fine. Speak your mind. Then slink away. I'm guessing that Lincecum's arm was just a little more tired than it usually is. But now I'll slink away because how in the hell would I really know?
I also thought the Giants were going to be good this year. I am awful at opinions and baseball evaluation.
The 2013 Giants.
I had a note to make one of these segments about losing to Bronson Arroyo. But screw that, here's what I wrote last time, copied and pasted.
The Giants had two hits against Bronson Arroyo. Here is a list of things that are like getting dominated by Bronson Arroyo:
- outsmarting yourself with a vial of poison like Vizzini
- falling for one of those cons where the perpetrator intentionally confuses you while you're trying to make change
- losing a game of Scrabble to some smartypants who keeps using the dictionary to call you on your bullshit
- failing to turn your paperwork in by the deadline
- being cuckolded by a mime
- being unable to hit a dookie-throwing dookmaster from the dook nebula
Dook dook dook dook dook dook dook dook dook dook dook dook dook . Hack hack hack hack hack. Dook dook dook dook dook dook dook dook dook dook dook dook dook . Hack hack hack hack hack. I'd rather watch Mat Latos blow the Giants away with hard stuff and nasty breaking balls.
That saved me 25 minutes. Now I can stop thinking about this game, and I'll be fresh for the next time I have to be on point about an awful loss. There are two chances tomorrow! Cool, cool.