Eventually, I'm not going to do this. You'll get progressively more tired of me, and there are only so many Serpentor references one man can make about a bench. If I could choose, then, I want to be reincarnated as a rumormonger. I would work hard and do the job respectfully and ethically.
But once every day, I'd drop a fantastical rumor that made people scurry like ants.
Giants checked in on the David Price sweepstakes, but haven't gotten into any sort of exchange with the Rays yet.— Buster Olney (@Buster_ESPN) December 11, 2013
SCURRY, ANTS. FIND THE TRAIL OF SUGAR. Not that's what Olney was doing. It's what I would do. And I think I deserve that shot.
The Giants writers pooh-poohed the rumor, though I don't doubt it actually happened.
"Hey, Andrew. What's up with Price? Would we have to 'pay a lot for that muffler'? Ha ha ha."
Boom, that's checking in. Of course the Giants did that. Why wouldn't they?
Alas, there were no aces traded for on this day. Instead there were rumors of platoony-types -- the Dustan Mohrs of a new generation. Some of the names mentioned:
- Franklin Gutierrez, the preferred, non-threatening outfield option of McCovey Chronicles
- Jeff Baker, whose pinky folds out into a corkscrew, and whose forehead has a gnarly toothpick jammed in it that no one in their right mind ever uses
- Alejandro De Aza, who totally wasn't on the Giants last year, which means he's an upgrade or something
- Mike Morse, who is probably already on Craigslist looking for a $5,000 studio in San Francisco right now
I forgot Baker was a free agent, actually. He's interesting. He had excellent numbers in limited at-bats last year, but it's hard to tell where the real player ends and the fluke begins. He's a genuine lefty-thumper, though, and while his defensive stats don't look good, learned people seem to think that's not as much of a problem as you might think.
Still on the Gutierrez action committee. I could talk myself into Baker. Could kinda sorta talk myself into Morse. Would do the same for De Aza only if the Giants gave up nothing.
Really, if it's not Nelson Cruz, I'm thrilled. That's my motto for the Winter Meetings.
Now if you'll excuse me, I need to not write a post about David Price trade rumors because that would be ridiculous. Unless ...