Chris Young signs with Mets

Otto Greule Jr

The fast one, not the tall one.

In which we gnash our teeth and wail that the outfielder with the .280 on-base percentage got away.

Chris Young wasn't going to solve everything. The Giants weren't going to jump from 629 runs to 829 if they signed him. He was a nice complementary piece -- Pat Burrell with good defense, but not the sweet, sweet contact skills. But he's almost certainly the only free-agent outfielder I wanted the Giants to sign. He's with the Mets now.

Shin-Soo Choo or Jacoby Ellsbury? No way. They're going to get deals that make Pence's look reasonable. And locking up an over-30 outfield for five years and two Zitos seems like a bad idea.

Corey Hart? Deserves a closer look, but he's more machine than man right now. Them knees are creaky. If you're into microfractured knees, Grady Sizemore is looking for a job, too.

Mike Morse is bad at catching baseballs, and he was bad at hitting baseballs last year.

The thing about Casper Wells is ...

/pours Robitussin in coffee

Man, what a depressing offseason if you're not looking for outfielders who don't cost a tenth of a billion dollars. The correct answer is probably this guy:

2005 22 2 0 1 0 .000 .500 .000 .500 54
2006 23 141 1 3 28 .272 .288 .360 .648 68
2007 24 301 13 21 77 .266 .318 .472 .790 104
2008 25 440 8 27 87 .248 .307 .383 .691 84
2009 26 629 18 46 122 .283 .339 .425 .764 105
2010 27 629 12 50 137 .245 .303 .363 .666 87
2011 28 344 1 16 56 .224 .261 .273 .534 54
2012 29 163 4 9 31 .260 .309 .420 .729 105
2013 30 151 10 5 43 .248 .273 .503 .777 117
9 Yrs 2800 67 178 581 .256 .306 .391 .697 90

vs RHP as RHB 1954 .242 .290 .356 .646
vs LHP as RHB 846 .287 .344 .474 .818

That would be Franklin Gutierrez, who also has a pretty gnarly medical history. I mean, gnarly. He missed the last half of the 2011 season with irritable bowel syndrome, losing 25 pounds. He was finally medicated and healthy in 2012 ... and then he pulled his pec. When he was recovering from his pulled pec, he pulled his pec again. Then he got a concussion. Then his hamstring sproinged. It's been an awful, miserable road for someone who used to be a pretty good two-way threat.

He's the poor man's Chris Young, who was already the poor man's B.J. Upton, who is the rich man's B.J. Upton (because he's rich.) But with Young off the table, this is what we're reduced to. Franklin Gutierrez hopes and dreams.

At least the search for pitching is exciting. The Giants could literally have Roy Halladay next year. Literally! Don't look at his stats or velocity from last year. Just think of the name. Ol' Doc Halladay. Boy howdy, that's way more exciting than Gutierrez.

Stupid Chris Young. Didn't want his sour OBP, anyway.

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