First things first: I wrote this story for a charity blogathon at Old Time Family Baseball. It's based on true events, though a few things may -- may -- have been embellished for effect. I hope you enjoy it, and I hope you give Doctors Without Borders all of your rent money and crash on some couches for a while.
I was looking for a stirring Giants speech to put up here, so it could live on the site while the inauguration was going on.
That search didn't go well. My problem was that I was looking on YouTube, where baseball content goes to die. Instead, MLB.com has video of Buster Posey accepting his MVP award!
Skip past Chipper Jones to the part where Posey roasts Chipper Jones. Yesssss.
There are other options for speeches if you're so inclined. Like, uh, this one:
How does Hetfield give a motivational anything without saying GIMMEFEWLGIMMEFIEAHGIMMMEDATWHICHEYEDESIAHURRNF a dozen times? That's all I'd do, over and over again. It's probably good I'm not a rock star. I hadn't been that embarrassed for a legend speaking at a Giants-related event since this:
I remember a Bloom County strip with Binkley meeting his future self, and they take a spin by the Federal Self-Tying Shoelace Plant, where future Binkley led a union strike in 2007. The punchline is "... but then President Springsteen fired everybody.
That video up there is even more ridiculous than the punchline of a comic strip. Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger spoke at a World Series rally for the Giants, and he awkwardly referenced a man in bondage gear. You can't get there with a million games of Mad Libs over a million years, but it's something that actually happened.
I'd love to write something poignant about Martin Luther King, Jr., but I'm probably more qualified to write about the quadratic formula. So here's a nice article from Richard Justice that I read earlier today. If you have the day off, enjoy. If you don't ... well, your bosses are probably virulent racists. There's pretty much no other explanation from here. But as long as you're at work and unable to watch the inauguration, here are some speeches to watch.