Come on, Rockies. I didn't mean to … jeez. Here, let me get that. oh, man, let me hold your hair. Get it all out. Get it all out.
There. Look, I know we've had our differences. I know you don't like me, and I sure don't like you. But get it together. I mean … wait, what is that? Is that a bag of trash, just sitting there in the kitchen? I … look, just put it in your garage like a normal lazy person. When it's garbage day, you just put it out front. Let me just open the door to your garage and oh god the whole garage is filled with garbage bags and oh god the smell what in i can't …
Is that garbage bag filled with needles?
Come on, Rockies, get up. Look at yourself. Look at yourself. What is going on? You used to be so good here. You used to own this place. Get up, get up. Come on ….
I just got these shoes shined.
Get up. Come on.
We've watched Ryan Vogelsong pitch for a bit now. Like, 11 years, if you want to get technical. But this new Vogelsong has been going strong for a year-plus. And he's good. Really good. Even with tonight, he's still third in baseball in ERA -- behind Jordan Zimmermann and Jered Weaver. Zimmermann was drafted in the second round of the 2007 draft, and he was the #41 prospect in baseball in 2009. Weaver was a first-round pick in 2004, and the #57 prospect heading into 2006.
Two years ago, Ryan Vogelsong was sleeping under a bridge. Look it up.
But here's the thing about Vogelsong: When he's going well, he's not pretty. He's never an elegant pitcher, overpowering hitters with his heat, or breaking knees with a devastating curveball. He's a grinder. Grind, grind, grind. Two-seamer on the outside corner, two-seamer on the outside corner, two-seamer on the outside corner. Come on, swing. Swing at the outside pitch that's close enough. Grind, grind, grind.
I've never seen a pitcher be so successful and look so inelegant, so workmanlike. Vogelsong is like John Turturro in Rounders -- let the other guys have the glamour, he's just trying to make a living.
That's where the elegance is, though. I've seen pitchers referred to as surgeons before, and it usually seems a little hackneyed. But there's a precision to Vogelsong, to how much he'll give in. His corner pitches, his high fastballs, when and where he spots his breaking balls … it's all part of a plan. And it's ugly and industrial and imperfect and beautiful. The Giants haven't had a lot of pitchers like Vogelsong since I've been a fan. There have been overpowering guys and lefty control artists, but Vogelsong is unique.
As recently as last winter, people weren't convinced. The first tweet came out about the Vogelsong extension, and there was a freakout. Better not be for too long! Better not be for too much! Saaaaabes! That's hilarious in retrospect. He's due $5 million next year. And after that? An option for $6.5 million. I don't discount the possibility that he'll disappear as quickly as he arrived, but if this is the real Vogelsong, we're looking at one of the best contracts in baseball. No risk. All reward.
Anyone rooting against Brett Pill can go make out with Dinger.
I understand the sentiment. Whenever Pill does well, an angel rips the wings off a Belt at-bat. Based on minor-league stats, major-league stats, and that cryptic realm known as "critical thinking", Belt is better in just about every respect. But Pill has that je ne sais hack that the Giants look for, and he's aggressive, and he'll drive his pitch every so often, and he doesn't take no sissy walks and what have you, so for some reason, like Hector Sanchez, the person in charge of the lineup seems to think Pill is a sweet option.
You know what? I hope he's right. I thought Joe Nathan was washed up in his mid-20s, and I laughed when the Giants signed Vogelsong. I missed both of those. I miss all sorts of things. I'm kind of a baseball moron, just like everyone else.
All my fancy critical thinkin' will get me far enough, but every time Pill does something good, I'll cheer him on. I want the Giants to be good more than I want to be right. And if Pill starts screwing up and proving that he's not worthy of a starting first-base job in Major League Baseball -- which I still expect -- well, I'll yell at Bruce Bochy twice as hard. Rooting against Pill doesn't do anything.
He's still a decent bench option, if used correctly. If used correctly. I wish the Giants could use him correctly. But even when they don't, he's a Giant. And he did well tonight. Huzzah for Pill!
He still looks like Joffrey, of course.
Buster Posey is now hitting .325/.392/.523. He's a catcher. He's a fantastic defensive catcher.
Look at the players drafted above him. I would have been happy with any of those players at the time. The correct answer was Posey. Posey.
By law, I'm required to link to the 2008 draft thread at this point.
If the Rockies jumped out to a 12-0 lead, this game would have been much, much more epic. Where's your sense of narrative, Vogelsong?