Dr. Veterangrit Or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Giants Offense

Starring:

Bruce Bochy as: Dr. Veterangrit, a scientist who believes that world domination can be achieved through the use of players who have a very long, somewhat productive career and men who have "been there". Known for his catchphrase, "Mein Gott! He took a walk!"

Brian Sabean as: General Util Infielder, a womanizing General (Manager) who advises the President on who to pay attention to during the offseason, usually in conjunction with Dr. Veterangrit, thus putting their maniacal plan into action.

Larry Baer as: President Reinny Deyfund, a somewhat weak President who is torn between two warring factions, those who want to spend money to field a competitive team, and those who want to save the money made from gullible fans, in preparation for a date in which precipitation falls from clouds.

Buster Posey as: Group Captain Lionel Backstop, The erstwhile hero, trying to stop the dangerous plans put into place by Dr. Veterangrit and General (Manager) Infielder, he uses his athletic talent and youth to give hope to the fans.

Matt Cain as: Major "King" (of the) Mound, an experienced, dedicated leader who ends up getting screwed over by the (front) office, forced to sacrifice himself to carry out the plans of the bad doctor.

Ned Colletti as: Ambassador Thankgod Newownership, a friend and ally of General Infielder, who shares his idea for world domination.

Aubrey Huff as: Brigadier General Firstpitch Ripper, a general who is slowly seeing his usefulness decline, so he goes to extremes to keep himself relevant on the team. (see: playing outfield)

Ryan Theriot as: Col. "Bat" Guano, so named because his bat resembles, well you get the idea. He fully supports the plan of Dr. Veterangrit and General Infielder, and will defend their plan to the death.

Miguel Tejada as: Miss Stake, a siren who lures General Infielder with her "ability in the clutch" and "experience". Expected to fill a position she hasn't been good at in 5 years. (also features Orlando Cabrera as an understudy for the part)

This masterpiece of black comedy and drama will be coming to AT&T Park for the next several months, and then probably the next couple of years afterwards. You don't want to miss it!