During tonight's especially exciting exhibition game, I experienced a revelation. Since it appears Emmanuel Burriss isn't going anywhere, and isn't going to hit anything, maybe we need to take drastic measures to improve his productivity.

We must have Burris show bunt in every at-bat. When he doesn't bunt, he fakes and goes for the slap over the infield. But really, his main job is to draw walks. Perform some sort of training sequence montage with a crusty but wise old "Walk Master", or maybe use cybernetic enhancements to improve his walk rate. Once on base, just cut him loose. Just unleash him. Cause havoc. Stir the pot. If we're lucky, it forces errors, gets some more baserunners in scoring position, and we waste fewer outs waiting for Burriss to start hitting doubles, or singles even.

I'm not sure how, or why, but as I began to think about this idea, the following verse sprang forth from me, as if from a dream:

If Manny must be on the roster,

May Bochy use him as

A bumblebee,

Buzzing and bunting his

Buoyant boots about

The basepaths.

The Bums

Will blunder,

Bewildered by the BB’s,

SB’s, and boo-boo’s

Brought by Burriss,

Brazen and brave

Basepath blazer, blitzer,

Blistering homeward like

The Darren’s of old.