Therioting in the Streets: Giants Sign Ryan Theriot

And here I thought the Giants weren't going to have a huge offseason

ryan theriot in agreement with #giants on 1 yr deal. gives them good veteran ss option…

...theriot gets $1.25M from #SFGiants plus 750 grand in incentives

It might be raining, baby, but it's a good thing they squirreled that fund away for such an occasion!

As cynical as I want to be, though, here's the part that leads the story for me: Ryan Theriot has a career OBP of .344. He has Lincecum-esque power, he apparently runs the bases like Eugenio Velez, and he's not a highly regarded defensive shortstop. There are a lot of reasons to make an I-think-that-a-raccoon-must-have-been-trapped-under-the-house-and-died-there face.

Ryan Theriot has a career OBP of .344. Sold. Let's try it. Get a big trench coat, put him on Mike Fontenot's shoulders, and let them play there together at the same time. Because a .344 OBP is about a hundred points higher than I'm expecting from Brandon Crawford, and I wish that were hyperbole. This is what we've been reduced to.

True facts: Theriot hit .328/.412/.522 for the Cubs in 159 plate appearances in 2006; Mike Fontenot hit .305/.395/.514 in 284 plate appearances in 2008. Now I'm not sure how this whole "stats" thing works, but I'm pretty sure that you can just add those together to get what we should expect in 2012.

The jokes are a-flyin' on the Twitter machine about Sabean sabeaning a sabeaninstic archetype. Here, veteran: I got you this bouquet and some candy hearts with "Exercise My Heart's Option" printed on it. And that's fair. It's not like he hasn't earned the reputation of a veteranophile. But the jokes seem to miss just how screwed the Giants were at shortstop. Which is to say, very. There is an excellent chance that Theriot is an upgrade to the roster. That speaks to a lot of things that don't reflect well on the Giants, but it's true.

Crawford is still the ostensible starter -- and you just know this will be the one time that Bochy sticks with the youngster, just because -- but this gives the Giants another backup plan that isn't calling up Ehire Adrianza, or some such nonsense.

Ryan Theriot has a career OBP of .344. He gives a lot of that value back with his defense, and by running the bases like a nincompoop, but Ryan Theriot has a career OBP of .344. That would have been second on the 2011 Giants. ZiPS projects him to have a .324 OBP next season. That would have been fourth on the 2011 Giants, right behind the guy who's starting in right field. So I'll take it.

It's a half-eaten sandwich that you wrestled away from a seagull, and you have to spend more time than you want brushing the sand off the top, but it's still nourishment. Also, what kind of sandwich do you think Ryan Theriot would be? I'm thinking tuna salad with too much mayo.

Ryan Theriot: San Francisco Giant. Just when you think the universe isn't on rails, heading towards only one possible destination, something like this happens. But it's not a bad thing. Yet.

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