With apologies to the Bard, I present LewWolffius SanJosaesar.

So Grant_ME_MERCY posted this link Wednesday about the A's-to-San Jose issue. It included this quote:

"I'd be amazed that, with all the public reassurances we've received from Bud Selig over the years, he would change his mind on this matter," Magowan said. "He's a man of his word, a man of integrity, and he has been clear and direct in the past about reaffirming our territorial rights. It's hard to see how he would not be bound by what he's said, as many times as he has been on the record in support of those rights."

And that got me thinking. Y'all already know how I like to adapt great works for my own purposes, so I had a go at this one. I was just going to reply to his comment, but I spent long enough on it that I decided to FanPost it instead.


Bud Selig is "a man of his word, a man of integrity?"
Oh, <em>that's</em> reassuring. I mean, a used-car dealer would NEVER lie to your face and stab you in the back.

LewWolffius to San Josaesar
Act III, Scene ii

Scene: Giants Fan Fest 2012

Fans, RDFomans, customers, lend me your panda ears.
I come to bury San Josaesar territorial rights, not to keep them.
The evil that men do lives after them;
The good is oft interred with their bones;
So let it be with San Josesar. The noble Buddus
Hath told you that keeping San Josaesar was ambitious:
If it were so, it was a grievous (San Andreas) Fault
And grievously hath Giants LLP answer'd it.

Here, under leave of Buddus and the rest [of the owners we pissed off by privately financing our park]-
For Buddus is an honorable man;
So are they all; all honorable men-
Come I to speak in San Josaesar's funeral.
It was our friend, faithful and just to us;
But Buddus says keeping it is greedy;
And Buddus is an honorable man.

It hath brought many fans home to Pacific Belle
Whose admissions and panda hats did the general coffers fill;
Did this in San Josaesar seem ambitious?
When that "poor!" the ownership group hath cried, San Josaesar hath bought luxury boxes.
To whom the fuck shall we now sell? It's-It?
Yet Buddus says we are ambitious;
And Buddus is an honorable man.

You all see that on the ballot
We thrice presented the public-financing option,
Which thrice was refused. Was this ambition?
Yet Buddus says it was ambitious
And, sure, he is an honorable man.
I speak not to disprove what Buddus spoke,
But here I am to speak what I do know.

You all did us these rights grant us once, not without cause:
What cause withholds you then, from letting us keep them?
O judgment! thou art fled to brutish Beanes,
And Giants LLP hath lost their cash cow. Baer with me;
My wallet is in the coffin there with San Josaesar,
And I must cut payroll till it come back to me.

This FanPost is reader-generated, and it does not necessarily reflect the views of McCovey Chronicles. If the author uses filler to achieve the minimum word requirement, a moderator may edit the FanPost for his or her own amusement.

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