I've heard a lot from fans about how it's hard to hate the Padres. Their players are boring, their fans are boring, hell, even the jerseys are boring. It would seem hard to hate something so boring. F that S. The Padres deserve our hatred, as does the city of San Diego.
Remember '93? They traded Fred McGriff to Braves for unforgettable names like Vince Moore, Donnie Elliott, and Melvin Nieves. Thanks, jackasses.
The city of San Diego is named after Saint Didacus. From Wikipedia:
In 1449 he was recalled to Spain, whence he went to Rome to be present at the canonization of Bernardino of Siena in 1450. At Alatraz he fulfilled the humble office of infirmarian in the convent of Ara Coeli; and his biographers record the miraculous cure of many whom he attended, through his pious intercession. He was finally recalled to Spain and was sent by his superiors to the Convento de Santa María de Jesús in Alcalá, where he spent the remaining years of his life in penance, solitude, and the delights of contemplation.
FUCKING. BORING. Didacus? Did a Kiss? That sounds like a tawdry Gene Simmons groupie. Try Saint Francis of Assisi, losers. Again, Wikipedia:
On May 8, 1213 he was given the use of the mountain of La Verna (Alverna) as a gift from the count Orlando di Chiusi who described it as “eminently suitable for whoever wishes to do penance in a place remote from mankind.”
Dude owned his own mountain. Where your mountains at, Didacus? Ohhh, that's right! You ain't got no mountains, bitch!
-Also, a gallup poll in 2009 confirmed that San Diego lead the country in Ed Hardy shirts per capita, narrowly edging out Tempe, Arizona.
-San Diego is also home to Qualcomm. The founder of Qualcomm is named Irwin Jacobs. He has a son named Adam Jacobs. He plays catcher for the Cornell baseball team. This makes him a douche. If your little sister told you she was dating the catcher for the Cornell baseball team, would you be happy? No! You'd take her directly to Planned Parenthood to get her caught up on her immunizations!
-"Padres" is Spanish for "fathers". I had a terrible relationship with my father. Enough said.
-The Padres all-time home run leader? Nate Colbert. Ugh. His claim to fame: He finished 8th in the MVP voting in 1972. You know what else happened in 1972? Harry S. Truman died. Think about it.
-You know who owned the Padres for a while? Ray Kroc, founder of McDonald's. Have you had a Quarter Pounder with cheese lately? They're disgusting, just like the Padres.
-They gave us Bochy.
One of the bricks at the center plaza of Petco Park was secretly purchased by the People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals, an animal rights organization that has protested the breeding and purchasing of the animals sold at Petco stores. The brick reads, "Break out your cold ones. Toast the Padres. Enjoy this champion organization." The first letter of each word is really an acrostic urging people to boycott the stores.
hahahahahaahahahaahaha! Suck it, Padres!
-They won the division in 2005 with a record of 82-80. One of my family traditions was to always watch the NLDS games with my grandfather. After seeing the Padres-Cardinals series that season, he said "Fuck this shit." and left the house. He divorced my grandmother, moved to Nepal, and hasn't been heard from ever since.
So, there you have it. Feel free to add. Let's hate!
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