I just wanted to give you some encouragement after what must have been a long weekend. I’m sure you feel like you just woke up from a week-long bender with some Jim Beam, a touchy-feely Mike Tyson and 13 howler monkeys. That’s understandable. Not to be too frank, but you did just get your ass handed to you on a platter with a side of shut-your-asses out. That has to hurt a little.
I’m just here to tell you it’s okay. You shouldn’t feel bad. I’m sure Kuo doesn’t feel bad about hitting Posey. I’m sure Broxton isn’t crying over his fourteenth bowl of cereal this morning about giving up Burrell’s homerun. And I’m sure if it hadn’t been for the sun, Matt really could have caught Edgar’s triple. It really wasn’t you this weekend, it was us. See, we’re the Giants and you’re the Dodgers. This is just how things are supposed to work.
But things are looking up for you. Pods is definitely going to make up for the absence of Manny. And after Manny returns from his fertility treatments or whatever, you might even win a few games. Try not to think of yourselves as being in fourth place, 8 games out; try to think of it as being 15 games in front of last place. And look, there are only 4 teams ahead of you in the wildcard! I’m sure New York and Florida won’t leap-frog you in the wildcard standings for at least the next 45 minutes. You could totally turn this thing around. Totally.
And now you get to go to San Diego. To be honest, I don’t like seeing you win. I don’t care if the Giants have a 161 game lead on you entering the final day of the season and you’re playing a team comprised of Neo-Nazis, I want you to lose. Nothing personal. But things are different this week. The Padres really need a reminder that they're the Padres. So split the series there for us, wouldn't you? We'll take care of Colorado, and hey, we can be in first by Friday morning! Do us this favor and maybe we won't make Casey Blake look like an asshat next time we play you. Well, anymore of an asshat than he already is.
We’ll see you in L.A. soon! I hear your stadium is dirty and you could use a good sweeping there too.
A Team That’s Better Than You
P.S. Thank Ned for all his hard work. I mean, really, if he hadn’t started selling the farm in win now mode, you might have Carlos Santana around to replace Mr. Martin. Trust me, it’s not that great to have a hot young catching prospect. Definitely overrated.
P.P.S. Tell Russell to suck it for me, if you see him? Thanks.