Dear L.A.
by giantsfansince1981 on Aug 2, 2010 10:36 AM PDT
Email
PrintDear L.A.,
I just wanted to give you some encouragement after what must have been a long weekend. I’m sure you feel like you just woke up from a week-long bender with some Jim Beam, a touchy-feely Mike Tyson and 13 howler monkeys. That’s understandable. Not to be too frank, but you did just get your ass handed to you on a platter with a side of shut-your-asses out. That has to hurt a little.
I’m just here to tell you it’s okay. You shouldn’t feel bad. I’m sure Kuo doesn’t feel bad about hitting Posey. I’m sure Broxton isn’t crying over his fourteenth bowl of cereal this morning about giving up Burrell’s homerun. And I’m sure if it hadn’t been for the sun, Matt really could have caught Edgar’s triple. It really wasn’t you this weekend, it was us. See, we’re the Giants and you’re the Dodgers. This is just how things are supposed to work.
But things are looking up for you. Pods is definitely going to make up for the absence of Manny. And after Manny returns from his fertility treatments or whatever, you might even win a few games. Try not to think of yourselves as being in fourth place, 8 games out; try to think of it as being 15 games in front of last place. And look, there are only 4 teams ahead of you in the wildcard! I’m sure New York and Florida won’t leap-frog you in the wildcard standings for at least the next 45 minutes. You could totally turn this thing around. Totally.
And now you get to go to San Diego. To be honest, I don’t like seeing you win. I don’t care if the Giants have a 161 game lead on you entering the final day of the season and you’re playing a team comprised of Neo-Nazis, I want you to lose. Nothing personal. But things are different this week. The Padres really need a reminder that they're the Padres. So split the series there for us, wouldn't you? We'll take care of Colorado, and hey, we can be in first by Friday morning! Do us this favor and maybe we won't make Casey Blake look like an asshat next time we play you. Well, anymore of an asshat than he already is.
We’ll see you in L.A. soon! I hear your stadium is dirty and you could use a good sweeping there too.
Sincerely,
A Team That’s Better Than You
P.S. Thank Ned for all his hard work. I mean, really, if he hadn’t started selling the farm in win now mode, you might have Carlos Santana around to replace Mr. Martin. Trust me, it’s not that great to have a hot young catching prospect. Definitely overrated.
P.P.S. Tell Russell to suck it for me, if you see him? Thanks.
This FanPost is reader-generated, and it does not necessarily reflect the views of McCovey Chronicles. If the author uses filler to achieve the minimum word requirement, a moderator may edit the FanPost for his or her own amusement.
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I’m sure Broxton isn’t crying over his fourteenth bowl of cereal this morning
LULZ!
Dearest, Susan - The Patron Saint of Patience
by Lars The Wanderer on Aug 2, 2010 10:50 AM PDT reply actions
LOL FAT
Tommy Joseph is the Dingerzball Wizard
by SoFa King Mike on Aug 2, 2010 11:27 AM PDT up reply actions
I like this.
Brian Sabean strongly encourages you to disregard the drudgery of your employment responsibilities and join him in the consumption of spirituous libations.
The Grand Canyon of chasm where the lolorado River flows with spite.
And I just shot the rapids with you as my guide. Well. Done. Sir.
Fathaigh go mbuaimid!
I AM PAT BURRELLZ'Z DADDY! (wait, that doesn't sound right)
by bigboneded on Aug 2, 2010 11:28 AM PDT via mobile reply actions
Wait
You mean it wasn’t intended to be dirty?
Giants best trade option: Bowker for Rowand, NOT BOWKER FOR LOPEZ!
Giants Front Office....Torture!
by Giant Torture on Aug 2, 2010 12:26 PM PDT up reply actions
I often luck into dirty comments, even if they aren’t intended.
I feel prickishly demanding!
I couldn't be prouder of my recent adoptee - Tim Lincecum's dealer. He provides the secret fuel behind both Cy Youngs. Also, he taught Timmy the change-up.
by giantsfansince1981 on Aug 2, 2010 1:06 PM PDT up reply actions
Try not to think of yourselves as being in fourth place, 8 games out; try to think of it as being 15 games in front of last place.
/ The Giants, having been in this position the last few years, chuckle akwardly.
Adopted Son:Matt Downs MLB , Now with More STATZ goodness !Matt Downs Fangraphs The Juan Uribe of 2011 !
This
P.P.S. Tell Russell to suck it for me, if you see him? Thanks.
Why hasn’t someone started producing “Sucki it, Russell Martin” shirts yet? I’d buy at least ten in various sizes so that I would never get too fat to wear one as I get older.
Giants best trade option: Bowker for Rowand, NOT BOWKER FOR LOPEZ!
Giants Front Office....Torture!
I doubt Russell Martin will be a Dodger past this season, tbh.
Matt Cain: He'll save children, but not the Dodger children.
"Out, out, Fred Lewis!" - JCTillam Gamerspeare
That's okay
I’m sure that I will still enjoy telling Russell Martin to suck it, even once he’s moved on, much in the same way that I still enjoy telling Orel Hershiser and Nutra-Slim Lasorda to suck it even though they’ve moved on.
So optimistic I fart sunshine and rainbows.
Giants Front Office....Torture!
by Giant Torture on Aug 3, 2010 8:53 AM PDT up reply actions
I advocate one of two scenarios in this series
1. The Bums score more than the Padres in at least 3 of the games, but every time they do, they suffer a Red Soxian spate of injuries. For example, tonight they score more and Blake wrecks his knee, tomorrow they score more and Kemp gets plunked and his jaw shatters, etc. e.g. even when they win they lose. or 2. The Bums get swept embarrassingly and the Giants win two in lolorado and the first in Atl. This way the Giants can jump the Pudres next week. If neither happen, I will be left unsatisfied.
Fathaigh go mbuaimid!
I AM PAT BURRELLZ'Z DADDY! (wait, that doesn't sound right)
by bigboneded on Aug 2, 2010 12:19 PM PDT via mobile reply actions
Either would be awesome
But I prefer the first scenario, especially if Blake wrecks his knee striking out. Not sure how that would play out, but it would be great. Also, I’d like to see Joe Torre somehow get a broken nose, bonus points if it’s from Tommy Lasorda falling on him. Actually on second thought, what if Lasorda fell down the dugout steps wrecking Blakes knee, Breaking Kemps jaw and busting Torre’s nose, after the Fodgers take the 2nd game in a row from the Padres.
Giants best trade option: Bowker for Rowand, NOT BOWKER FOR LOPEZ!
Giants Front Office....Torture!
by Giant Torture on Aug 2, 2010 12:25 PM PDT up reply actions
One more addition
When Tommy Lasorda falls down the dugout steps injuring Blake, Kemp and Torre he should be holding a can of Slim-Fast.
Giants best trade option: Bowker for Rowand, NOT BOWKER FOR LOPEZ!
Giants Front Office....Torture!
by Giant Torture on Aug 2, 2010 1:44 PM PDT up reply actions
Also
I would also like his pants to rip in the seat just before landing on Russell Martin’s face. Don’t believe he could take out 4 people:
He’s a fat fuck!
Giants best trade option: Bowker for Rowand, NOT BOWKER FOR LOPEZ!
Giants Front Office....Torture!
by Giant Torture on Aug 2, 2010 2:03 PM PDT up reply actions 1 recs
Did it not?
Utter frustration and futility.
Adopted 'nephew' to the ever avuncular and always awesome Jon Miller
by Johnny Disaster on Aug 4, 2010 11:33 PM PDT up reply actions
Ahem
Lasagna stains.
My adopted son is RHP Steve Edlefsen, no longer above Gerald Posey on the catching depth chart!
Well done, Giantsfan
We’ll see you in L.A. soon! I hear your stadium is dirty and you could use a good sweeping there too.
I especially enjoyed this part as well as the mental image of Broxton on his 14th bowl of Cap’n Crunch
"Buster's basically a 21-year-old hot-chick that's an old soul" - Barry Zito
by Prussian Creole on Aug 2, 2010 12:29 PM PDT reply actions
For some reason, I was assuming Cheerios, with lots of sugar on top.
I feel prickishly demanding!
I couldn't be prouder of my recent adoptee - Tim Lincecum's dealer. He provides the secret fuel behind both Cy Youngs. Also, he taught Timmy the change-up.
by giantsfansince1981 on Aug 2, 2010 1:07 PM PDT up reply actions
Mulit-Grain Cherrio’s because he is trying to lower his cholesterol.
Adopted Son:Matt Downs MLB , Now with More STATZ goodness !Matt Downs Fangraphs The Juan Uribe of 2011 !
Plus it takes a lot of grain to get last night’s 4 whole chickens and 7 steaks moving through the system.
Dearest, Susan - The Patron Saint of Patience
by Lars The Wanderer on Aug 2, 2010 1:33 PM PDT up reply actions
Four fried chickens, and a Coke.
I feel prickishly demanding!
I couldn't be prouder of my recent adoptee - Tim Lincecum's dealer. He provides the secret fuel behind both Cy Youngs. Also, he taught Timmy the change-up.
by giantsfansince1981 on Aug 2, 2010 1:50 PM PDT up reply actions
It’s a diet coke?
I feel prickishly demanding!
I couldn't be prouder of my recent adoptee - Tim Lincecum's dealer. He provides the secret fuel behind both Cy Youngs. Also, he taught Timmy the change-up.
by giantsfansince1981 on Aug 2, 2010 2:36 PM PDT up reply actions
Of course. I worked in fastfood during highschool (saving money for college) and it never failed that people would come in and order the LARGEST size burger and the BIGGEST size fries and conclude the order with “oh and a diet coke.” Yeah like the 300 calories you saved offa that coke are going to put a dent in that 2700 calorie meal.
Oh, yeah, that is weird. I like seeing people who insist on taking a walk after dinner, after they’ve just eaten some massively large meal. Sure, that walk will burn off all those calories.
I was originally referencing Blues Brothers, where Jake orders “four friend chickens, and a coke” from Aretha Franklin.
I feel prickishly demanding!
I couldn't be prouder of my recent adoptee - Tim Lincecum's dealer. He provides the secret fuel behind both Cy Youngs. Also, he taught Timmy the change-up.
by giantsfansince1981 on Aug 2, 2010 10:04 PM PDT up reply actions
Walking after dinner is actually a comfort thing for me. It has nothing to do with my health.
"I just struck out looking three times, but in any other ballpark those would have been home runs." - Aubrey Huff
by howtheyscored on Aug 3, 2010 10:27 AM PDT up reply actions
Oh yeah, walking because you like walking is great. I just think walking with the thought that a casual stroll will burn off whatever meal one just ate is a little silly.
I love a good walk after dinner. Hell, anytime.
I feel prickishly demanding!
I couldn't be prouder of my recent adoptee - Tim Lincecum's dealer. He provides the secret fuel behind both Cy Youngs. Also, he taught Timmy the change-up.
by giantsfansince1981 on Aug 3, 2010 11:34 AM PDT up reply actions
Gotta keep it south of 3K.
Utter frustration and futility.
Adopted 'nephew' to the ever avuncular and always awesome Jon Miller
by Johnny Disaster on Aug 2, 2010 10:34 PM PDT up reply actions
And some dry wheat toast please.
Q: Did you ever make an offer for Vladimir Guerrero?
Sabean: In a word: No. If we had signed Guerrero or [Gary] Sheffield, we would have been without [Long list of replacement level vets]—obviously not being able to field a competitive team, especially from an experience standpoint, given our level of spending.
Nah, I think he has Coco Crisps, Cookie Crisps or Fruity Pebbles
Matt Graham is an anagram for .... why don't you ask the scrabble expert!
by say hey nation on Aug 2, 2010 1:35 PM PDT up reply actions
It's Coco Crisps.
Literally, he eats a bowl of outfielders.
The last time a major Bay Area sports team won a championship was January 29, 1995. Brian Sabean began his tenure with the Giants in 1996. There's only one explanation: Space Nazis are using HAARP mind-control rays on Northern California. We're through the looking glass here, people.
by Gabafnerhagen on Aug 2, 2010 5:11 PM PDT up reply actions
lol
Dearest, Susan - The Patron Saint of Patience
by Lars The Wanderer on Aug 2, 2010 6:46 PM PDT up reply actions
Dammit, I should’ve read this when it first went up. Now all the cool kids have already rec’d it.
Something I’ve long wondered: What made you a Giants fan in 1981? You a big fan of labor strife?
Emerging from my mother’s womb, in a crescendo of joy and light, made me a Giants fan in 1981. It’s a lame screenname, but I couldn’t think of anything better. I was conceived sometime in 1980 (I try not to think about it), so I guess I could say I was a Giants fan pre-birth and change it to 1980.
I feel prickishly demanding!
I couldn't be prouder of my recent adoptee - Tim Lincecum's dealer. He provides the secret fuel behind both Cy Youngs. Also, he taught Timmy the change-up.
by giantsfansince1981 on Aug 2, 2010 1:53 PM PDT up reply actions 1 recs
Goofus was cool
Gallant was a fucking poser.
These are my principles. If you don't like them, I have others. -Groucho Marx
Gallant was more of a suck up..
Adopted Son:Matt Downs MLB , Now with More STATZ goodness !Matt Downs Fangraphs The Juan Uribe of 2011 !
El Gallant Cielo?
Utter frustration and futility.
Adopted 'nephew' to the ever avuncular and always awesome Jon Miller
by Johnny Disaster on Aug 4, 2010 11:34 PM PDT up reply actions
I actually wanted to use my first name as my handle but unfortunately for me you have it.
"Buster's basically a 21-year-old hot-chick that's an old soul" - Barry Zito
by Prussian Creole on Aug 4, 2010 2:24 PM PDT up reply actions
Bravo
Wow! This was excellent.
Giant Dirtbags: John Bowker, Steve Hammond, Brian Anderson.
Jeremy Affeldt induces strained obliques
by Giant among Angels on Aug 2, 2010 1:56 PM PDT reply actions
I'm sure they would take it down, but
Any chance someone could post this letter to the Dodger’s site?
Giants best trade option: Bowker for Rowand, NOT BOWKER FOR LOPEZ!
Giants Front Office....Torture!
I thought about that, but I think that would be kind of mean. I’m sure they’re pretty aware that their season is pretty much over. At this point, I’m just curious if they deal Manny or not.
On the other hand, they are Dodgers fans, so it’s hard to feel bad for them.
I feel prickishly demanding!
I couldn't be prouder of my recent adoptee - Tim Lincecum's dealer. He provides the secret fuel behind both Cy Youngs. Also, he taught Timmy the change-up.
by giantsfansince1981 on Aug 2, 2010 2:37 PM PDT up reply actions
Kind of mean?
Aren’t we talking about the Dodgers, so isn’t that kind of the point?
So optimistic I fart sunshine and rainbows.
Giants Front Office....Torture!
by Giant Torture on Aug 3, 2010 8:54 AM PDT up reply actions
Well now that is a good point. Still, let them troll over here and see it and be sad because they know it’s true.
I feel prickishly demanding!
I couldn't be prouder of my recent adoptee - Tim Lincecum's dealer. He provides the secret fuel behind both Cy Youngs. Also, he taught Timmy the change-up.
by giantsfansince1981 on Aug 3, 2010 9:24 AM PDT up reply actions
Great post
I’m not sure whether to add or subtract points for the indenting your paragraphes, but great stuff.
Proudly adopted Aubrey Huff. You can't beat that!
I love me some indented paragraphs. Like bees love honey.
Looking at it though, block paragraphs might work better for this format. I don’t like the lack of space between the paragraphs.
I feel prickishly demanding!
I couldn't be prouder of my recent adoptee - Tim Lincecum's dealer. He provides the secret fuel behind both Cy Youngs. Also, he taught Timmy the change-up.
by giantsfansince1981 on Aug 2, 2010 2:38 PM PDT up reply actions
I have concurred. The indents are no more. In fact, they never were…
I feel prickishly demanding!
I couldn't be prouder of my recent adoptee - Tim Lincecum's dealer. He provides the secret fuel behind both Cy Youngs. Also, he taught Timmy the change-up.
by giantsfansince1981 on Aug 2, 2010 3:27 PM PDT up reply actions
Burn her!!!
I feel prickishly demanding!
I couldn't be prouder of my recent adoptee - Tim Lincecum's dealer. He provides the secret fuel behind both Cy Youngs. Also, he taught Timmy the change-up.
by giantsfansince1981 on Aug 2, 2010 4:17 PM PDT up reply actions
Perfect
" I don’t care if the Giants have a 161 game lead on you entering the final day of the season and you’re playing a team comprised of Neo-Nazis, I want you to lose"
Just perfect.
Etiquette demands that we do not outwardly gloat when we totally destroy a team like the bums.
Its best to internalize the joy, elation, and downright glee, so one can internally
effervesce, all the while knowing that the dodger fans internally are questioning
their very souls. Lets not gloat and have all the dingbats come in and make unwelcome
comments. At night Tommy Lasorda can only dream that he was a giant.
/SAD TROMBONE
Brian Sabean strongly encourages you to disregard the drudgery of your employment responsibilities and join him in the consumption of spirituous libations.
Gallo del Cielo . . .
. . . will now fight anyone anywhere at the side of giantsfansince1981 and will not even ask what it is we might be fighting about.
He is the World's Most Annoying Rooster.
by gallo del cielo on Aug 2, 2010 10:42 PM PDT reply actions
How come the whole post isn't green?
Is there any way to make that happen?
So optimistic I fart sunshine and rainbows.
Giants Front Office....Torture!
enroll your computer monitor as a contestant in double dare
Holy shit, Marc Summers is old now:
"The BB's are out. The BB's are being arseholes to me." - Brian Wilson.
Physical Challenge!?!?!
So optimistic I fart sunshine and rainbows.
Giants Front Office....Torture!
by Giant Torture on Aug 3, 2010 11:17 AM PDT up reply actions
Or wait for it to say "I don't know" at just the right time
"Buster Posey" anagram = OYSTER PUBES
by Stuttering John Tamargo on Aug 3, 2010 9:45 AM PDT up reply actions
I'm not a fan of gloating...
But this is AWESOME
Brian Sabean is akin to a treatable form of cancer... just get rid of it before it kills you
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