OT: To You SF Natives

Miss the Academy of Sciences, unless you like paying $25 for a $10 museum. It’s not that it’s bad, it’s just the equivalent of going to a chi-chi restaurant and paying $30 for filet mignon the size of the palm of your hand. And the Academy of Sciences isn’t as good as filet mignon.

What exactly do you want to do? Get books? Get drugs? Get Thai ladyboys? A little elaboration heah..

Pretty much all of San Francisco is fairly safe, even the Loin. If you’re looking to score crack it might get sketchy but as long as you keep to yourself (and if you’re girls, in numbers) you should be OK. The best drinking, IMHO is outside of downtown, which is hugely overrated.

Muni has pretty good maps on their website: http://www.sfmta.com/cms/mmaps/official.htm

One safe place to stay would be Parker House, a BnB in the Castro: http://www.parkerguesthouse.com/. The J runs right past it so you can take it to and from the park; all the other muni lines run through Church Station or stop above it so you can hop a train to go wherever else you like (i.e. the N train to the ocean, the L Taraval to the Zoo, the F streetcars to the Wharf (see below)). And, you’re in a fun neighborhood when you aren’t at the ballpark.

If you want a more regular hotel, there’s a Courtyard by Marriott on 2nd St. not far from the park: http://www.marriott.com/hotels/travel/sfocd-courtyard-san-francisco-downtown/. I’ve never stayed here either, but it seems like your typical corporate america lodging, and it’s an easy and safe walk to and from the park. It’s closer to BART so if you want to go over to Berkeley that’s an easy walk.

Food-wise it’s pretty hard to suggest something without knowing what you might want to try. If you stay in the Castro there’s a fun sushi place called Amasia Hide’s (on a quiet section of Noe St. a couple blocks north of Market). For sandwich/salad/cafe type eating there’s Crepevine and Chow, both on Church St. right by Market. There’s a cool used book store right there too called Aardvark.

If you’re more adventurous you might try one of the places around 16th and Valencia. There’s a tasty Vietnamese place called Sunflower, a pizza dive called Arinell, and a couple of decent Indian places (Pakwan on 16th past Valencia, and Al-Hamra on 16th near the BART if you’re cheap and don’t mind grumpy service). There’s also a dumpy cafe near Arinell on the east side of Valencia that can be a good rest stop, and a whole bunch of weird and fun stores as you head south on Valencia (Paxton Gate, Dog Eared Books, Borderlands bookstore, 826 Valencia). This is all about 2 blocks uphill (west) of the 16th St. Mission BART station; it doesn’t feel particularly safe at night and I wouldn’t recommend it to you then. It is close to Castro so if you stay there it’s an easy and safe walk down the hill. The Chron has a dated guide on its website: http://www.sfgate.com/neighborhoods/sf/mission_dolores/

If you stay nearer the park, you can get good (albeit pricey) dim sum at Yank Sing in one of several locations. The gate to Chinatown is at Grant and Bush; Chinatown and North Beach are an easy bus ride or long hike from the Courtyard. If you’ve been to any other Chinatown you aren’t going to miss much by skipping it. There are pretty old churches to see up that way, Old St. Mary’s on California, SS. Peter and Paul on Washington Square, and a shrine of St. Francis. Also I should say that the Farmers’ Market in the Ferry Building (end of Market St.) is really popular and a good place to pick up snacks on Saturday morning, if you don’t mind crowds of feral yuppies.

Places not to go: “Mid-Market”, basically Market St. from 4th St./Powell St. down to, say, Octavia St. The Tenderloin is west of Market St., more or less in the same area. It’s gritty and dangerous and you probably don’t have any reason to go there (there are some good eats but for the time you are here no need to venture therein). Mission St. around the BART Stations (16th, 24th Sts) is spooky at night but you might want to risk it for some restaurant or bar you are interested in. Around the ballpark, unless you wander past maybe 5th or 6th St. (past the CalTrain station) after a night game you will be fine.

If you are interested and can score a ticket the tour of Alcatraz is really interesting and a fun boat ride. Other than that you should stay away from Fisherman’s Wharf. It’s stupid, unless you’re into wax museums, turning pennies into commemorative medallions of your trip, etc.

Weather note: April weather is really random. It’s often rainy, like opening day last season. Night games in April can be really miserable (I remember a 5 hour game with rain delays a few years ago), and unless we have some kind of freak warm spell (or you’re sitting in a club level) plan for very warm clothes and rain gear. There’s a Cole Hardware store not far from the park (4th St. between Mission and Market) where you can buy cheap ponchos if you need them, or Scotchgard and such.

How old are you and your friend?

That’s my turf! I peed on every street!

Other people can fill you in on places to drink and things to do. Me, all the years I lived in SF and every time I visit, I look for things to see that you can enjoy in quiet, alone or with a friend.

Depending on the weather, or your tolerance for precipitation, take the 38 Geary from downtown to the end of the line. This is the west coast of the city: Land’s End and Ocean Beach. Land’s End has a moderately serious hiking trail that winds around at times steep cliffs with a constant and glorious view of the bridge (again, pending fog; I hope people aren’t allowed on the trail during real fog-outs!)

Down the same slope but in the opposite direction as the trail, the ruins of the once-great Sutro Baths are eerie and beautiful, pools of rainwater or stormspray collected in the leftover basins amid sea-blasted walls.

The Cliff House is blah, although I hear the restaurant is trying to be a destination. But just around the corner from the entrance is the giant camera obscura. It looks like a giant camera, and you might think it’s horribly kitschy, but go inside.

Ocean Beach is always beautiful to me, rain or shine. Just so you know, it can get a bit treacherous, both in terms of weather, in waves, and in what might be in the sand!

A similarly themed, and somewhat cleaner (I’ve no strong aversion to yuppies), is the Crissy Field walk. A well-kept walking/hiking path along the city’s north coast beyond the Marina and the Wharf with restored wetlands filled with waterfowl including the occasional great blue heron, graceful trees, and sweeping views of the bridge and Alcatraz and Sausalito and Tiburon. On sunny days, assuming you’re straight girls, this is a lovely place to ogle guy joggers.

If you keep walking through Crissy Field you end up at Fort Point directly under the bridge, an amazing vantage point, and also on many days a good place to watch surfers tackle the break right behind the point. Don’t bother them though, they can be aggressive. Kind of like other forms of marine life.

There’s a stairway up the promontory from Fort Point to the bridge entrance and the more well-known photo vantage points. I once took my cousin-in-law and her friend from Long Beach on a walk across the bridge. They got to the halfway point before they started giggling in the freakout way. It was a drizzly winter day. I loved it.

Places to avoid? South Tenderloin and Market south of say … well, my cut-off is 6th street, except for the occasional visit to a theater. I also don’t see why a visitor should go to Western Addition. Or Bayview/Hunter’s Point. Or the Richmond and Sunset, although for slightly different reasons. (I love it there, but then I love empty streets with blowing sand. Exceptions: Clement Street in the Richmond, and Irving Street in the Sunset, are fun and colorful and busy. Clement Street is Chinatown without tourists and includes the Green Apple Bookstore.)

Apparently there’s a zoo in San Francisco, but eh.

And of course I suggest you roam Golden Gate Park. Paddleboats, bison paddock (are the bison still there?), lots of hidden gems. Just watch out for the lots of hidden people and hidden encampments, unless you’re cool with that. Stick to the main paths and you’ll be fine I expect.

Another native here… I’m not sure what the person above was talking about the Academy of Sciences… but it is an awesome place to hang out. If you go during the week, you’ll miss the stroller derby, and it’s amazing- get there early for planetarium tickets though. If you’re 20 somethings, there are a ton of lounges/clubs to hit up… Have fun, but don’t be stupid, there are crazy people up here.

1. if you want a cheap, cute, well situated, and nice place to stay, you should check out the hayes valley inn (417 Gough street, and remember Gough rhymes with cough. You don’t want to ask where “Go” street is or how do I get to “Go” street. You’ll come off as an ignorant out of towner), which ranges from $75 – 119 a night and includes breakfast. If you want to go out for breakfast, Stacks is 2 blocks away (hayes & octavia) and they serve a great range of breakfasty – brunchish food, plus they leave the pitcher of coffee & water at your table so you can get refills at your leisure.

When in town avoid any chain restaurants. SF has 3 culinary schools in town so in addition to a metric ass-ton of foodies, there are a proportional number of well trained chefs to serve you tasty noms to your heart’s content. For the drunkard, there’s always a cheap drink night or a bar with normally cheap drinks somewhere around town.

If you’re searching for a doctor in town to write you an Rx for medical pot (to be purchased from any of 20 or so dispensaries), check out green relief on Sutter street (between Van Ness & Polk), but schedule an appointment in advance, as they are busy. Remember to bring cash as they don’t take checks or cards. Most dispensary locations are either located near safe and well lit ATM’s or take Visa/Mastercard.

Of the touristy type places to visit, Alcatraz is one of the few that’s worth the time, money & effort. You can purchase your tickets online or at Pier 35 on the embarcadero, where you catch the Ferry. If you’re a museum type, I recommend the Legion of Honor which is a western european and near eastern specializing museum, or you can be amazed (I went in with low expecations) at the Disney Museum. I’m not a huge fan of the mouse, but was blown away by the Disney Foundation (NOT THE DISNEY CORP.) and the museum they put together to highlight the life of one of the most influential Americans in history. It’s located in the Presidio on the main paradegrounds. Keep in mind they limit the number of daily visitors, so it’s important to buy your tix in advance. Additionally if you’re into American history, US Military history, Spanish influence on the Americas, etc. you will really enjoy the presidio as a whole. Up until 1989 it was the largest US Base on the west coast, and has been in use since the arrival of the Spanish in the 18th century.

Don’t bother renting a car as SF is a maze of 1 way streets that seem designed to confuse the visitors. Even using a GPS, it can be quite frustrating. Regardless of local critiques, the public transit system can get you anywhere in town in under an hour and a half, all at a fairly reasonable price. Google maps, as well as 511.org offer public transit mapping to make it easier on you, but every bus shelter has a map of the city and public transit service within it.

Taxis are fairly easy to get during the day on busy corners, or by calling Luxor Cab (shameless plug) at 415-282-4141, or by using the Iphone app Taxi Magic (Free). No trip in town should cost more than $25 (even from the Embarcadero on the bay to the cliff house on the Pacific Ocean), though travel to the airport (SFO) can range from $20-$50 depending where in the city you are.

Avoid spending money at the tourist traps (Pier 39 & Fisherman’s Warf) if possible, as they don’t offer anything you can’t find elsewhere in SF. If you’re into beatnik culture check out City Lights Bookstore of Vesuvio’s next to it. Coit tower is a nice view, but the interior isn’t worth the wait. Haight street is a series of kitchy hipster-esque clothing shops, mixed with decent places to eat, tattoo & piercing shops, bong/pipe stores, all while enjoying stepping over & around drug addicted (weed is not a drug) street rat homeless people. Don’t rent the little yellow guided scooter pods, as they are extremely dangerous and small and have no business driving on city streets.

I’m sure I’ve forgotten to mention a bunch of things here, and there’s probably a ton of stuff you would want to know more about, so feel free to email me (drew.bader@gmail.com) or call my google voice # (415-3000-USA). I hope you enjoy your stay in SF, as we need more visitors like yourself.

For pizza, I like me some Pizza Deflina. Good Italian style that is particularly hard to find down south. for Italian food in general, Tomasso’s is a good bet, but go with the knowledge that they don’t take reservations, are rather small, and will certainly be busy. Still, plenty of porn to check out while you wait…

I’m not big on the club scene, but I dig a few bars. Toronado’s in Lower Haight has a countless number of local and import beers. The best thing about that place is the sausage shop next door; their entire menu is to die for, and they will let you eat at the bar. The chili + veal dog is a fine experience, for those who don’t care if animals had to die alone and suffering in order to be made into a meal. Not far off is Hobson’s Choice, sporting the largest rum selection in town. From 5-7 is happy hour and they’ll have a couple of bowls of rum punch ready for the drinking, and cheap drinking at that. I’ve never had the food, but it looked pretty standard.

For the ramen lovers of the world (that should include everyone), there’s a lovely if tiny little place a block or two from Union Square, as though one were heading toward Lefty O’Doul’s, but on the other side of the street. For the record, don’t go to Lefty O’Doul’s. Katana-Ya is the name of the ramen place, and they’ve got a fair nigiri selection if you show up at the right time.

Hidden breakfast gem: Irving Street Cafe, Sunset. They give you an immense pile of eggs, pancakes, omelette, bacon, and every other stand breakfast standard. You won’t pay much more than five bucks for this feast. Again, no reservations, no credit or debit, but it’s way worth it. The lady who works the counter would be the perfect mom.

Now, what surprises me is that we’ve gone on this long with no mention of the Top of the Mark. For the ignorant, that’s the highest point of the Mark Hopkins’ hotel, which is a tad famous, it’s incredible lounge located at its highest floor playing a major role in this. You’d be hard pressed to find a better view of The City. This is one of the few places where I have seen the legendary ‘green flash’, that remarkable light phenomena that occurs at the moment of sun’s set, and only when the conditions are perfect…. Underscored by a clear view of the Golden Gate, I must say, it’s a hell of a thing. If the weather’s right, there are few places better in the city.

Or more expensive. It’s a martini bar, and not a cheap one. But if you show up earlish and dress well (which you should; go big, I always say) you can get in without a cover. Set up shop on the west side of the lounge and watch the show. Piano music will be provided by the incomparable Ricardo Scales, if you show up on the right day.

I’m quite fond of a few places in North Beach. Spec’s is a difficult to find bar that is stuffed to the fill with eccentric locales. You’ll just have go there to see what I mean, but I’ll give you an example: there’s an older Asian fellow who sits in the corner doing oil paintings, and it is quite possible that he’s a thousand years old and has mastered some sort of martial art. There’s no way to know, but he looks the part. Spec’s is also famous for its cheese and piano music. If you’re lucky, a weird guy will show up and start selling tamales. They aren’t cheap, but they are delicious; I suggest taking the avocado hot sauce. Just up the street from Spec’s is Vesuvio’s, home to some of the best absinthe in SF.

And now I’m exhausted. No way I’m proofreading that…

You should DEFINITELY go there. If you’re a chick they’ll crawl all over you and not expect tips!

Damn… I thought I’d be able to help you – but these guys have it covered. Excellent ideas =- and you all saved me the trouble of writing a book for this lil gal.

Since I know all the resident city folk are reading this…Have any of the board beer aficionado’s been to the Monk’s Kettle? I have some friends coming into the city (I am in the south bay) for a bachelor party. On Yelp, Monk’s Kettle looks like a cool place for dinner one night, but the site mentions how small it is. Will it be impossibe to get a group of 6 or so in there on a Saturday night? Thanks to any/all that may know

Cause that’s my Birthday!
I will be at work in Martinez then will go straight to the game followed by a night of gettin sh!ty in the city!!!!!!

…but I consider myself a huge SF fan, and all my friends call me a tour guide. Hell, I don’t drink, and they keep asking me where to drink in town.

All the above suggestions are great. I do have to say, I second (third? fourth?) the idea of going to Alcatraz. It’s worth it for the cruise alone, but it’s a good history trip, too. And, if that’s not enough, watch ‘The Rock’ before you go.

However, a few off the radar choices for you girls:

If you’re into interesting walks and climbing, check out Land’s End. Start at Sutro Heights (the top of the cliff ABOVE the cliff house). The ruins look like a castle in SF, complete with crumbling statues, overlooking the ocean. Then go down the cliffs, to the ruins of Sutro Baths. Haunting, and beautiful. Check out the cave next to it for fun. Then follow the paths along Land’s end, a good 2-3 mile hike. Great views of the Golden Gate, paths to hidden beaches, occasional tips of shipwrecks at low tides…but the best is a labyrinth (of the catholic variety) handmade by someone sitting on one of the cliffs over the ocean. Incredible Golden Gate views, wonderful spot to sit, or to walk and meditate.
http://www.jmg-galleries.com/best_of/2005/500/lands_end_labyrinth_at_dusk_832c.jpg
(I don’t know if it’s still there after the recent storms, but it’s been there for years; this storm shouldn’t have been enough)

If you are on a museum kick, check out the Palace of the Legion of Honor. They have a temporary exhibit on Cartier, with some of his rarest and most spectacular diamond pieces. It ends on April 18th, but is closed Mondays. (Parking is a bitch, so this is one to take a cab/bus to, even if you have your own car.) http://www.famsf.org/legion/exhibitions/exhibition.asp?exhibitionkey=1051

Check out the definition of the word ‘Defenestration.’ Then go check out the building on the corner of 6th and Howard. No pictures…don’t spoil it. This is a ten minute thing, and 6th and Howard is not a good part of town, but it’s worth a wander in the middle of the day. Trust me. Catch it before it’s torn down soon.

If you’re of age, there’s pretty much two real drinking areas in the City. North Beach is the cooler of the two. Good mix of people, college age and above. Quite a few live band venues, too. The other is Union Street, around Fillmore. The lounges/bars are Marina style (read: for the upper class who pretend they aren’t, and middle class who pretend they can be snobs too), but it is definitely some beautiful people if you like people-watching. Union Street can also be an underrated fashion spot, although the economy has hit it hard. Think of it as Melrose in LA, but without being so overexposed or overpriced.

If you like beautiful buildings, check out SF City Hall. If you’re either a fan of classic actresses, or classic baseball players, think about this when you check it out: that’s where Joe DiMaggio and Marilyn Monroe got married.

If you’re enough of a baseball fan to do this trip, I think you should do Lefty O’Doul’s. It’s overpriced and food isn’t what it used to be, but it’s worth seeing to see. It’s like the Hard Rock Cafe of baseball, with the stuff on the walls. Catch lunch there for whatever day you’re around Union Square. And you’ll be around it at least once.

If you walk around the Transamerica Pyramid, check out the Redwood Grove at its base. Find the plaque honoring the city’s famous dogs, Bummer and Lazarus. So famous that when the City enacted its first leash law, they were exempted by name. And Bummer’s obituary was written by none other than Samuel Clemens, later to be known as Mark Twain. But don’t believe that the dogs belonged to our famous Emperor Norton. The truth is that he despised being associated with two common street mutts.

Also near the Pyramid, check out the Cafe Zoetrope in the Sentinel building on the corner of Kearny and Columbus. The Cafe is owned and run by none other than Francis Ford Coppola, he that directed the Godfather movies. I don’t drink, but I hear his wine is very good. It’s also some nice views of an old, old building juxtaposed with the Pyramid.

Consider me another vote for hitting the farmer’s market at the Ferry Building on Saturday. What no one else has told you: take the food you get and walk a few blocks north to Pier 7. It’s a beautiful walk with great views of the Ferry Building, the Bay Bridge, and the best framing of the Pyramid you will see anywhere. Just don’t go all the way: on Saturdays, there are fisherman at the end, and unless you’re comfortable with them cleaning their catches in front of you, go 3/4’s of the way.

Finally, one more walk. Coit Tower is kitschy (though it’s SF kitschy, so I like it), but what it worth it is walking up Telegraph Hill. From the east side of the hill, get onto Greenwich Street. The street dead-ends into the base of the hill, but there are stairs. Up those stairs? Hidden, beautiful neighborhoods, actual streets (complete with street signs) that are nothing more than wooden walkways along the cliff, inaccessible by any vehicle, incredible bay views, and your best chance to meet the wild parrots of Telegraph Hill up close.

Oh, and walk the Golden Gate Bridge. It’s cliche, but for damn good reasons. Enjoy the fog whispering over it’s deck, and around its towers. And if you can, Crissy Field is beautiful, too.

Okay, at this point I’m just showing off. If you can’t tell, I’m a bit of a nature/walk geek, but the best parts of the City aren’t the ones with custom audio tours. If you need anymore details on these, let me know. Like I said: tour guide.

Enjoy the City.