Philips is wonderfully hilarious here. Let’s count down the wrong:

Steve, the Giants went 92-70 last year, not 90-72. This is embarrassing for you, since it’s so easy to find out that you’re wrong.

Also, the Giants’ starters won-loss record being close to .500 means jack shit. I thought the recent Cy Young votes might have indicated the media is finally realizing wins are a bullshit stat, but I forgot, you’re Steve Phillips. And the Giants may have put pressure on the pitching staff with a lot of close games, but I think that they proved not only could they handle it, but that’s where we should be putting pressure because they are the team’s greatest strength.

Last year, the Giants weren’t a bad offensive team, despite what you may think. They were ninth in the majors in offensive WAR, which I promise has nothing to do with the military. It’s baseball. Also, your assertion that they were a good power-hitting team which finished in the middle of the pack of the NL in runs scored but aren’t good offensively because they didn’t steal enough bases is downright stupid. If they’re scoring runs, who cares how they are doing it? A balanced offense is nice, but I’ll take a productive offense myself. They can’t "manufacture" runs except for that whole "everybody in the lineup is capable of parking one" bit.

While your impression of Sabean’s pitch to ownership is fairly good, you could make the voice a little deeper.

Mark DeRosa is going to back in 2011, but if you’re counting on him to do anything in the middle of the lineup, you’re screwed. Luckily, the Giants aren’t doing that, because you’re not the GM, which is pretty nice. DeRosa is going to be a utility guy, not a central offensive presence, which will prevent the offense from imploding when he hurts his wrist again.

You did aptly identify a full season of Ross as an asset. Good on you.

Of course, being right didn’t last long, and now you’re saying that Posey is the guy we’re going to rely on to drive in runs, which he apparently can’t handle. First, hell yes he can, he’s Buster Mother Fucking Posey. Second, Aubrey Huff, Pat Burrell, Ross, and hopefully Pablo Sandoval will be helping him out. Torres’ speed and OBP will make things easier, as will Sanchez’s high average and decent on-base skills. Posey is going to be a great middle of the order presence, but we’re not shouldering him with the entire offensive burden. Hell, we’ll probably be expecting more of Huff.

Ah, a "sign Beltre" idea. Great. Do you want to pay for it? Because the Giants can’t. They’re out of money at this point, and if they had enough to grab Beltre, going after Crawford would have been a better idea. And yeah, there’s no reason to think Sandoval might be better than he was in 2010, except for 2009. Better push him into a utility role now and just ignore that fabulous season he had a couple years ago that had every Giants fan penciling him into the #3 spot for the next six years. God knows one disappointing season is enough to write off a young multi-talented potential All-Star under team control for four more years who plays 3B on a team that needs one. The backup C idea is even better; he was having defensive issues at third, I’m sure giving him a break by putting him behind the plate will help. Oh, and with Huff, Ishikawa, and Belt in the minors he should really spend a lot of time at first.

Oh my God. Vlad Guerrero? Do you think it’s 2002? Jose Guillen’s defense was bad enough, but Jesus Christ man. The Giants have one of the biggest outfields in baseball, and you want to stick him out there? Are you insane? High? Diseased? Demented? Thinking like Steve Phillips? After that suggestion, Scott Podsednik actually sounds reasonable. Hell, we’ve only got like seven outfielders right now, and that 40 man roster thing is extended for the full season if you win the World Series the year before, right? That’s how bad your Guerrero idea is: it makes Scott Podsednik look like a good idea.

Wow. I agree, Sabean should pitch that, because then we’d get a shiny new GM and he could be our scouting director.