This wasn't supposed to happen for at least another couple of years, and I'm not prepared. WTF?
I'm comfortable worrying. Say what you will, but it's the truth. It's not ideal, but it's what I'm used to, and I am NOT ready for this. I mean, I'm ready, but I'm not ready. Ever met the prospect of getting laid but haven't had a chance to pop your Viagra? Yeah, well, yeah.
I watch the scene from The Departed where Alec Baldwin's character screams "Patriot Act!" and goes ballistic, and I get it.
I read ESPN.com as though I may have forgotten first pitch and the Giants might be up 6-0 in the bottom of the first, Game Four, up 3-0 in the series. FUCK YOU, ESPN.COM!!!!!!!!!!!!!! FUCK YOU!
I am a 32 year-old man, you sonofabitch universe! Treat me with some sonofabitch respect!!!!!!!!!!! I DON'T KNOW HOW TO ENJOY SUCCESS AS A GIANTS FAN, SO TWO MONTHS OF PREP TIME ISN'T ENOUGH, YOU ASS! I SHOULD NOT BE DOING LAUNDRY EVERYDAY JUST SO I CAN MAKE SURE MY LUCKY SHIRT IS WEARABLE!
I WANNA PUNCH JAYSON STARK SQUARE IN HIS GAWDDAMN NOSE!
I WATCHED GINO VELEZ STUMBLE AROUND GRIZZLIES STADIUM ON MORE THAN ONE GAWDDAMN OCCASION THIS SEASON, AND NOW I SEE HIM SPRINTING OUT TO THE DOGPILE AFTER THE NL-MOTHERF'ING-CS! HOW ON EARTH AM I SUPPOSED TO RECONCILE THAT, HUH?
AND WHO THE HELL ARE THE TEXAS RANGERS? I STAYED IN YOUR STUPID AREA ONCE FOR A BUSINESS TRIP, AND IT SUCKED. SO FUCK YOU, NOLAN RYAN!
And I swear, if I happen to see Rob Neyer, EVER! Ooooh, fuck yeah. I'll give him a Monday Mendoza. Bitch!
God, I hope the Giants win this thing. I really do. This is so much fun; way moreso than I've had in a long time.
Don't even get me started on Ashkon, though. This is fun though, sincerely, I mean it. But Ashkon, seriously. Ohhh, it's cool and fun to make that song, and ohhh, I've got it on iTunes and I listen to it every morning. You know what, though? If that was a D-backs fan prancing around the desert, singing about snakes and shit, F YOU! I only like your song because this is the postseason, and I'm all f'ed up.
What do I do, huh? WHAT DO I DO NOW? DO I ENJOY THIS, DO I WORRY, DO I KEEP WATCHING BIP ROBERTS AND FRANK PAUL? I HATED THEM WHEN THEY WERE PLAYERS, BUT NOW I WANNA LISTEN TO AND WATCH THEM!?!?!
UGH! I swear, this is fun. If the Giants don't win this thing, I'll punch that guy I always see leaning up against the Mays statue playing a bunch of instruments, and it will feel GOOD!
Sorry everybody. Whew. Anyone know how Tim Alderson's doing?