FanPost

Offday Truths, Ads Edition

The Giants on the radio are one of the great joys in life. I think we can all agree on that.

But the ads? The ads. It's enough to make me shut it off sometimes when the Hellmouths of Anaheim-Los Angeles are beating us anyway and 2/3 of the broadcast is commercials.

Here are some from the hall of shame:

• Frat-Rat Wasteoid. "Potato chips come in a cylinder. Energy drinks come in a cylinder. Sperm donors come in a cylinder. Cylinders are my friend!!"

• Door Number Three. "Are you a dickless wonder with a t-top Mustang, a sexually submissive CEO in a Beamer, or a minivan-driving soccer mom who eventually will throw down with one of the drum majors just after the kids graduate from high school? WHAT'S DRIVING YOU?"

• Dennis the Menace, Revisited. "Ohhhh. You're Lisa Stevens from Wells Fargo Bank. My dad said you'll drop trou for an autographed bat!" "Kids say the darndest things!"

• Mars-Venus. "Girls want beach vacations, garden hoses, and pretty, pretty appliances. We menfolk only want to save a dime. It doesn't matter what product this is for. It applies across the board."

• Gam-Anon. "If you win on a lottery ticket, you'll have not just a few thousand bucks but also the miraculous ability to play a decent piece of hair metal and get mad hookers and blow. Always play responsibly!"

• Brokeback Brewery. "Herrre in the Rrrocky Mount'ns, where for some reason we all tawk like we're from Texiss, we combine mule piss and acid runoff and call it 'bear.' Coors sponsorship, I wish I could quit you."

• ADD Generation. "As if you don't get enough overstimulation listening to these ridiculous ads atwhichtheytalkfivethousandwordsasecond, follow KNBR on Twitter, Facebook, MySpace, Bing, Geocities and Livejournal! Becausesportsmovesfast! Muchfasterthanyoucouldhearitontheradio orwatchitonTV! We're so hard for social media we're going to push it even though it's going to make us obsolete!"

 

You're up!

This FanPost is reader-generated, and it does not necessarily reflect the views of McCovey Chronicles. If the author uses filler to achieve the minimum word requirement, a moderator may edit the FanPost for his or her own amusement.

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