“… a casual fan – AT BEST”

I couldn’t care less about baseball. As far as I’m concerned, baseball is just something men turn to when they’re afraid of having actual conversations or being called homosexuals. I came to spring training because I want some reassurance about the economy.

I don’t see how this qualifies him as even a casual fan. What sort of idiot attends spring training for economic insight?

I’d gone to a "Legends of Baseball" game at Bright House, looking for a few old-timers who seemed wise and talkative. The lineup included Jim Kaat, Bert Blyleven, Doug Creek, and a bunch of other guys I’d never heard of.

Why did someone write an article about xanthan?

"You might say that baseball is just as good as chemotherapy," I say with a wry smile.

Girl: Mom, do you ever get that…not so fresh feeling?

Mom: Oh, honey. Of course! Every woman does. That’s why I use Eric Spitznagel. He’s the only one I trust to keep me clean and fresh.

Girl: Thanks, mom. I’ll use Eric Spitznagel for all my feminine needs.

Why do we pay those lousy baseball players that aren’t even fixing our economy? Instead they should write four-page magazine articles about subjects they don’t even find interesting. That will help turn things around.

maybe if the President nationalized baseball – ya know, because it’s too big to fail – he could fix it by putting some of his lower level staff (who probably know as much about baseball as this writer) in charge of it. Then we’d all get the economic answers we’re looking for.

“As far as I’m concerned, baseball is just something men turn to when they’re afraid of having actual conversations or being called homosexuals.”

Did that moron actually type this?

"The Mets actually have the nerve to give out a bobblehead on the last day of spring training," Eric Marinbach tells me. "So I have to stay for that. I extended my vacation just for that! Just for a Daniel Murphy bobblehead. It’s nuts."

When I first read this, I got Daniel Murphy confused with Peter Murphy. It occurs to me that goth musicians have really missed a big marketing opportunity by not getting into the bobblehead business.

God this article made me angry, why would you send someone like that to do an article on baseball, thats like sending a sports reporter to Wall Street to try and figure out why things failed. Fuck that guy!

I have read a lot of stupid and shallow writing about sports – I was a regular reader of FireJoeMorgan, for one – and yet I was still taken aback by the cynicism and disingenuousness on display here.

First, the author asks a bunch of athletes a stupid question about inspiring the nation during hard times, and makes fun of their non-answers. Then he asks Gaylor Perry the same thing, gets a boilerplate athlete interview answer, and opines that if he was facing foreclosure this answer would inspire him to violence.

Dude…if your house was being foreclosed and your life savings had disappeared, you wouldn’t be asking Gaylord Perry how he could help. It’s not like Perry is setting himself up as an expert on fixing the economy, he’s trying to answer the lame question you asked him!

It’s also remarkable that Eric Spitznagel could have grown to adulthood without ever, apparently, hearing the phrase “heads up” before. Oh wait – now I’m being disingenuous. Must be catching.