Ex-Giant Report
by oldjacket on Mar 17, 2009 7:11 AM PDT
31 comments
Julian Tavarez thinks that the Nationals are a 600 lb woman at 4 a.m.. Given his looks and pitching abilities, I would say that the Nationals probably also required a few shots of tequila to brace themselves for "The Julian Experience".
Jason Schmidt is not going to be the fifth starter for the Dogs. That should surprise no one. But the guys that he lost the fifth starter job to should make you feel sorry for him: Eric Stultz, Eric Milton, Eric Roberts (okay, not really), Claudio Vargas and Shawn Freakin' Estes are all still in the running for the job. That list reads like like the Jeopardy answer to the question: "Who are four pitchers worse than Barry Zito?"
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Poetry
“I would like to be a starter, but it’s like my father said: ‘You want Jennifer Lopez, but does she want you? No.’ You just take whatever she is giving to you. So I just take whatever they give to me … They give to me as a long man, I take it as a long man. Set up man, I take it. Starter, I take it. I can do whatever.”
by xanthan on Mar 17, 2009 7:21 AM PDT reply actions 0 recs
They give to me as a long man, I take it as a long man.
I'm spent, just can't rosterbate anymore.
by oldjacket on Mar 17, 2009 8:11 AM PDT up reply actions 0 recs
“I started it as a father to me:” I do not think so, I would like JENIFAROPESU What you want? I think not. … I do what people like me at the same time very long time I man. I understand the show. Default, the. What can you do. "
Fred Lewis can stand under my umbrella.
31 May 2007, 21:38 EST - the last time Matteh's career W-L wasn't below.500
We are at war with Los Angeles. We have always been at war with Los Angeles.
by S.F. Giangst on Mar 17, 2009 8:35 AM PDT up reply actions 0 recs
TWSS?
When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realized God doesn’t work that way, so I stole one and prayed for forgiveness. - Emo Philips
Neglectful father of David Quinowski
by marcello on Mar 17, 2009 9:15 AM PDT up reply actions 0 recs
I thought that must be satire at first...
…but apparently he actually said all that.
John Ryan noted this in the Mercury News with the comment:
June 11 will be Julian Tavarez Beer Goggles Night at Nationals Park.
Adoptive father to the All-Father. Does that make me the All-Grandfather?
by EliminateMe on Mar 17, 2009 11:16 AM PDT up reply actions 0 recs
You must not be have heard him talk much before. That guy is batshit crazy.
Adoptive Parent of Francisco Peguero. He can throw, he can run, he can hit(fastballs), and he's Dominican. What else do you need to know?
by haverecords on Mar 17, 2009 11:17 AM PDT up reply actions 0 recs
edit fail. you must not have heard-
Adoptive Parent of Francisco Peguero. He can throw, he can run, he can hit(fastballs), and he's Dominican. What else do you need to know?
by haverecords on Mar 17, 2009 11:18 AM PDT up reply actions 0 recs
Also, Jerome Williams got sent down by the As. Like Schmidt, I’m intrigued to see him pitch, even (especially?) against the Giants.
by non sequitur on Mar 17, 2009 7:24 AM PDT reply actions 0 recs
"Who are four pitchers worse than Barry Zito?"
trick question, the answer is – there arent any.
[Brayen] of sabean, your semi- conscious potato trip across "to gold winches" democratic pavement will bring Communist pride to the orange and black democratic perfection. your [randay] of Johnson – spy for the Russian Mafia. warn yourselves they warn themselves! you will purchase smirnoff the vodka
by Headhunter Rollins on Mar 17, 2009 8:43 AM PDT reply actions 0 recs
DING DING DING DING!
Sergio Romo: striking out professional hitters since 2005.
by Lyle on Mar 17, 2009 1:48 PM PDT up reply actions 0 recs
The real question here is
who the fuck is Dan Ortmeier?
Matt Cain: He'll save children, but not the Dodger children.
PABLO SANDOVAL AM STEAL DEATH, DESTROYER OF WORLDS.
by jponry on Mar 17, 2009 12:34 PM PDT reply actions 0 recs
If he drank enough beer, Julian Tavarez might end up asking that very question.
I'm spent, just can't rosterbate anymore.
by oldjacket on Mar 17, 2009 12:39 PM PDT up reply actions 0 recs
Julian Tavarez Off Topic
I lucked out and saw the first game of at PIttsburgh/St. Louis doubleheader in 2005 when I was there for a night meeting (read Lucinda Williams Concert).
Sat with a family of Cardinal fans. Julian gets tossed from the game for putting a foreign substance on the ball – and the family goes ballistic yelling at the ump (in proper midwestern G-rated language) “Golly Gee, Blue – He’s a Cardinal..not a cheater…”
I said – look: He was on our team for years and I can tell you without a doubt the guy likes to put a lil’ dab on the slider now and then. Once in a while you get caught.
They said: Your Team?!?
I showed them my Giants t-shirt.
They stared blankly and never addressed me for the rest of the game.
Ahhh.
Upside → I saw Julian get tossed out of a game at the old Busch Stadium!
Charlie Hayes ate my homework
by glenallen hill's waterpipe on Mar 17, 2009 1:01 PM PDT reply actions 0 recs
They’re the Midwestern, religious, G-rated type who can’t be seen fraternizing with someone who associates himself with the sinfulness going down in San Francisco…
It quite possibly had nothing to do with baseball. Some people (religious type) are just intolerant.
Keeping on SWOOPing in the free world! Also, by the reflexive property of the rubber/glue playground comeback, I enjoy wearing hats on my ass.
by SneakToBetterSeats on Mar 17, 2009 1:15 PM PDT up reply actions 0 recs
Fixed
Some people (religious type) are just intolerant.
Sergio Romo: striking out professional hitters since 2005.
by Lyle on Mar 17, 2009 1:49 PM PDT up reply actions 0 recs
this
STEVE HOLM! refuses to be the odd man out.
by UnleashTheGore on Mar 17, 2009 2:38 PM PDT up reply actions 0 recs
I'll rephrase
Some people (including some religious type) are just intolerant.
Keeping on SWOOPing in the free world! Also, by the reflexive property of the rubber/glue playground comeback, I enjoy wearing hats on my ass.
by SneakToBetterSeats on Mar 17, 2009 3:52 PM PDT up reply actions 0 recs
Fixed
SneakSWOOPToBetterSeats
OK if I adopt Randy Johnson?
"What kind of a stupid question is that?"
by victor frankenstein on Mar 17, 2009 5:01 PM PDT up reply actions 0 recs
Saw this on the MLB Network bottom line
The Royals signed Sidney Ponson to a minor league deal.
by SFGuy on Mar 17, 2009 6:09 PM PDT reply actions 0 recs
I got “Rookie of the Year, Laugh Out Loud(s?)” out of that. Am I close?
Giant Dirtbags: Brian Anderson, Todd Jennings, Steve Hammond, John Bowker
Don't F with the Affeldt
by Giant among Angels on Mar 17, 2009 10:12 PM PDT up reply actions 0 recs
Never mind. The second I clicked post I got it.
/lowers head in shame
Giant Dirtbags: Brian Anderson, Todd Jennings, Steve Hammond, John Bowker
Don't F with the Affeldt
by Giant among Angels on Mar 17, 2009 10:13 PM PDT up reply actions 0 recs
Ha-Ha!
Fred Lewis can stand under my umbrella.
31 May 2007, 21:38 EST - the last time Matteh's career W-L wasn't below.500
We are at war with Los Angeles. We have always been at war with Los Angeles.
by S.F. Giangst on Mar 18, 2009 4:56 AM PDT up reply actions 0 recs
Thank you for your sympathy.
Giant Dirtbags: Brian Anderson, Todd Jennings, Steve Hammond, John Bowker
Don't F with the Affeldt
by Giant among Angels on Mar 18, 2009 10:12 AM PDT up reply actions 0 recs
Glad I could contribute.
Fred Lewis can stand under my umbrella.
31 May 2007, 21:38 EST - the last time Matteh's career W-L wasn't below.500
We are at war with Los Angeles. We have always been at war with Los Angeles.
by S.F. Giangst on Mar 18, 2009 10:18 AM PDT up reply actions 0 recs
Seeing the title...
Ex-Giant Report had me hesitant at first, then nervous as I clicked, then laughing the entire rest of the time! Great post!
Anybody get me tickets for Beer Goggles Night? hahaha
My Opinions are just that...my own. They may not represent those of my employer, associates, friends, relatives, or even people sharing similar names.
http://nickengvall.wordpress.com
http://www.nicekicks.com
by sactownxsi on Mar 17, 2009 10:59 PM PDT reply actions 0 recs
thanks
I'm spent, just can't rosterbate anymore.
by oldjacket on Mar 18, 2009 10:24 AM PDT up reply actions 0 recs
how come nobody calls the other kind “sober goggles”?
[Brayen] of sabean, your semi- conscious potato trip across "to gold winches" democratic pavement will bring Communist pride to the orange and black democratic perfection. your [randay] of Johnson – spy for the Russian Mafia. warn yourselves they warn themselves! you will purchase smirnoff the vodka
by Headhunter Rollins on Mar 18, 2009 10:06 AM PDT reply actions 0 recs
That’s more commonly referred to as bad judgment or poor taste.
Fred Lewis can stand under my umbrella.
31 May 2007, 21:38 EST - the last time Matteh's career W-L wasn't below.500
We are at war with Los Angeles. We have always been at war with Los Angeles.
by S.F. Giangst on Mar 18, 2009 10:35 AM PDT up reply actions 0 recs
or a visit from “Bad Decision Dinosaur”
I'm spent, just can't rosterbate anymore.
by oldjacket on Mar 18, 2009 10:42 AM PDT up reply actions 0 recs
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