What's your fantasy?
by Sigualicious on Mar 12, 2009 4:29 PM PDT
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PrintNo, I don't mean you and Jennifer Connelly stranded on a deserted island (seriously, who doesn't have that fantasy?).
What's your baseball fantasy? We all have them. Here's mine:
It's the bottom of the 9th of game 7 of the NLCS. I'm obviously on the Giants and we're playing the St Louis Cardinals. We're down by 2 runs and I hit a 3 run homer for the game winner. Furthermore, right after I realize I've just hit the game winning home run, I round the bases with one flap down to exoricize the ghosts of The Hacman's past. And then here's the best part... For whatever reason the Cardinals aquired A.J. Pierzynski before the trade deadline and he decides to confront me at the plate about my hotdogging (I know, he's an idiot, right? I mean they've already lost, just hit the shower, bucko) so he blocks the plate, which means I'm forced to take him out. And I gotta do what I gotta do, right? So I plaster him and take him out while running full force and end his career. After which, the Cardinals players who have yet to leave the field, thank me for hurting A.J.
And then in the World Series when we're playing Anaheim, I climb the fence to prevent a homerun, but as I'm doing it I accidentally knock a small child dressed in a monkey suit who was planning on interfering with the play. He falls onto the warning track and is killed instantly. But nobody can blame me, because that effing kid shouldn't have gotten in the way like that.
This FanPost is reader-generated, and it does not necessarily reflect the views of McCovey Chronicles. If the author uses filler to achieve the minimum word requirement, a moderator may edit the FanPost for his or her own amusement.
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I just wish I could throw 90+ mph, I just think it would be cool.
Barry Zito probably has this same fantasy.
I used to be able to do that. My arm hurts on a regular basis these days though :(
We're all basically Pedro Feliz.
I used to be able to throw 55 I think. But now I Can’t Throw……..
55!
No seriously I haven’t tried to get my MPH since I was like mid-teens and it was around 55.
The Basil Fawlty Moderating Strategy:
"We could run a nice blog here if we didn't have all these members getting in the way."
I was once clocked at 66. I think I was about 15 at the time. But that was when I was throwing pretty regularly (tennis balls against the freezer is still throwing, okay!)
I think with a little time to get the kinks out of my windup (and there are some MAJOR kinks at this point), I could probably edge past 70 now. And I feel pretty good about that.
My Dave Righetti is better than your Dave Righetti.
by howtheyscored on Mar 12, 2009 8:24 PM PDT up reply actions
I used to be able to hit 70 and am pretty confident if I actually had a coach to teach me proper form and all that stuff I could have hit 80…
I can’t throw any more, though…well, not without pain. Yay for throwing way too hard with improper technique!
by positiveuphemism on Mar 12, 2009 9:45 PM PDT up reply actions
Ditto on those numbers. I hit 70 at one of those carnival games after throwing consecutive easy 67’s. I was too stupid to just put in 67 as the prediction and throw it again.
"[Greg] Vaughn is in a funk so deep, George Clinton wearing a miner's helmet couldn't find him."
- Jim Baker, ESPN.com, May 2002
by achiappanza on Mar 16, 2009 12:28 PM PDT up reply actions
You should take a pitching mechanics lesson from Lincecum's Dad.
We all should. Reading that SI article, he can teach that to someone else, or a lot of ppl. Short people of the World unite!!! …To play baseball for the Giants.
Keeping on SWOOPing in the free world! Also, by the reflexive property of the rubber/glue playground comeback, I enjoy wearing hats on my ass.
by SneakToBetterSeats on Mar 12, 2009 5:04 PM PDT up reply actions
With semi-unorthodox mechanics like that, I would assume that you would have to be taught that from day-one.
Giant Dirtbags: Brian Anderson, Todd Jennings, Steve Hammond, John Bowker
Don't F with the Affeldt
by Giant among Angels on Mar 12, 2009 10:07 PM PDT up reply actions
Huh?
SNEAKToBetterSeats?
aw , man…how invertebrate can you get?
OK if I adopt Randy Johnson?
"What kind of a stupid question is that?"
by victor frankenstein on Mar 12, 2009 11:36 PM PDT up reply actions
Baseball fantasy: Catching strike three in the ninth inning of the deciding game of the World Series. Wearing a custom painted goalie-style catcher’s mask and bright orange nikes with my uniform. Sad that they won’t give me my number 11, but in all fairness Carl Hubbell was there first.
Sportswriting fantasy: We’ve covered this one. Den Haag, honkbal, busty redhead.
"While conservatives tell you 'leave things alone and no one will lose,' and liberals tell you 'interfere a lot and no one will lose,' baseball says 'someone will lose.' Not only says it - but insists upon it! ... Democracy is lovely, but baseball's more mature." BVCE supports SF Dugout and Manny Burriss.
by BaronVonCurrentEvents on Mar 12, 2009 4:53 PM PDT reply actions
And leave nothing to the imagination.
by Lars The Wanderer on Mar 13, 2009 8:14 AM PDT up reply actions
stop fapping
"While conservatives tell you 'leave things alone and no one will lose,' and liberals tell you 'interfere a lot and no one will lose,' baseball says 'someone will lose.' Not only says it - but insists upon it! ... Democracy is lovely, but baseball's more mature." BVCE supports SF Dugout and Manny Burriss.
by BaronVonCurrentEvents on Mar 13, 2009 10:06 AM PDT up reply actions
I’m just trying to imagine you as a redhead.
Sergio Romo: striking out professional hitters since 2005.
I colored my hair a few weeks ago. It’s a subtle deep red that shows up better in the sunlight.
"While conservatives tell you 'leave things alone and no one will lose,' and liberals tell you 'interfere a lot and no one will lose,' baseball says 'someone will lose.' Not only says it - but insists upon it! ... Democracy is lovely, but baseball's more mature." BVCE supports SF Dugout and Manny Burriss.
by BaronVonCurrentEvents on Mar 13, 2009 3:11 PM PDT up reply actions
I think when it’s about you it’s called tapping.
My Dave Righetti is better than your Dave Righetti.
by howtheyscored on Mar 14, 2009 10:08 AM PDT up reply actions
Game 7 NLCS
Giants Dodgers. It’s the 15th inning. Runner on 3rd (Juan Pierre) 1 out. Line drive in the gap. I , the center fielder, make a full extension diving backhanded catch, somersault into the throwing motion and easily throw out Pierre trying to tag up. It’s not even close, my throw is a line drive. The double play preserves a 3-0 deficit as the Dodgers had scored 3 that inning off Yabu. I’m up last chance for the Giants, bases loaded, two outs. Fall behind 0-2 battle back to 3-2 after fouling off countless pitches. Grand Salami into the cove. Before I cross home plate i do one of those hand stand thingys that turns into a flip and land on home plate. Suck it, Dodgers!
Keeping on SWOOPing in the free world! Also, by the reflexive property of the rubber/glue playground comeback, I enjoy wearing hats on my ass.
by SneakToBetterSeats on Mar 12, 2009 4:55 PM PDT reply actions
Football Fantasy!!!
Somehow I make it to the NFL as a running back for the 49ers. Start off on the practice squad and work my way up due to injuries. Keep in mind i’m doing this while secretly taking night classes on how to do that Russian dance. My first touchdown of the career I score a TD and bust out that dance end with the 3 kick thing and saying (Hey, Hey, Hey!). I retire from the game after that play, legacy intact.
Keeping on SWOOPing in the free world! Also, by the reflexive property of the rubber/glue playground comeback, I enjoy wearing hats on my ass.
by SneakToBetterSeats on Mar 12, 2009 4:59 PM PDT reply actions
MLB Network on the Giants RIGHT NOW!
30 teams in 30 days
by Lars The Wanderer on Mar 12, 2009 4:59 PM PDT reply actions
Do they say MATT KANE SUCKZ?
Sergio Romo will gladly hand you a bench to sit on / GIANTSPACE™ / Adopted brother of the AnVil
by SoFa King Mike on Mar 12, 2009 5:28 PM PDT up reply actions
Sean Casey just called Rowand a ‘Gamer’ with a little ‘grrr’ in it. He’s that much of a gamer. He’s a GAAIMERRR!
Don't think, it could only hurt the ballclub.
But seriously. Is Sean Casey not the worst one on the MLB Network? I was really disappointed when he was on the panel for the Giants turn on the 30-30.
Giant Dirtbags: Brian Anderson, Todd Jennings, Steve Hammond, John Bowker
Don't F with the Affeldt
by Giant among Angels on Mar 12, 2009 10:09 PM PDT up reply actions
John Hart loves the Giants pitching
He works for the Rangers. I’m sure he would love some of the pitching.
They just showed the end of the ’02 NLCS.
/goosebumps
by Lars The Wanderer on Mar 12, 2009 5:51 PM PDT up reply actions
MLB Network Projections:
Leiter: 2nd
Casey: 3rd
Hart: 2nd (tied with Arizona)
by Lars The Wanderer on Mar 12, 2009 6:02 PM PDT up reply actions
The end of the ’02 season, you mean, before the stirke/tornado/alien-invasion disaster occurred that made Selig cancel the World Series after Game 5 ?
Aaron King is still my homeboy... iffy mechanics and all
If Dustin Pedroia played in Seattle, not many people would be talking about him.
For those who missed it
It’s the replay is scheduled for 10:30PM tonight (3/12), 4AM, 6AM, 9AM tomorrow.
You fantasize about Jennifer Connelly being on a deserted island? Don’t you think that’s a little cruel?
I fantasize about Charlize Theron in the middle of the Sahara. She’s an oasis in a sea of dirty, ugly sand.
My Dave Righetti is better than your Dave Righetti.
Jessica Alba, anywhere above the treeline.
Fred Lewis can stand under my umbrella.
31 May 2007, 21:38 EST - the last time Matteh's career W-L wasn't below.500
We are at war with Los Angeles. We have always been at war with Los Angeles.
by S.F. Giangst on Mar 12, 2009 11:32 PM PDT up reply actions
Much better fantasy!
Jennifer Connelly? Srsly? omg. Somebody give that woman a cheeseburger, stat!
Sadly, my fantasy would involve my playing SS for the Giants, and turning the Series-ending doubleplay to secure the championship.
Sergio Romo: striking out professional hitters since 2005.
My baseball fantasy would be making a perfect throw home from center field, a one-hopper into Bengie’s mitt for the last out as he puts the tag on Derek Jeter trying to score the tying run in the top of the ninth of Game 7. Jeter would lose at least 3 teeth in the collision, and I’d run into the stands and suck face with Jessica Alba for about a week and a half. Then I’d sign a fat 3-year deal based on the strength of being “that guy who made that throw that one time” and drink myself out of baseball.
Fred Lewis can stand under my umbrella.
31 May 2007, 21:38 EST - the last time Matteh's career W-L wasn't below.500
We are at war with Los Angeles. We have always been at war with Los Angeles.
by S.F. Giangst on Mar 13, 2009 6:51 AM PDT up reply actions
Fun Fact: She’s my wife’s 2nd cousin.
Giant Dirtbags: Brian Anderson, Todd Jennings, Steve Hammond, John Bowker
Don't F with the Affeldt
by Giant among Angels on Mar 13, 2009 7:57 AM PDT up reply actions
Lost in the threads....
Hold it! Your wife’s second cousin is who(m)?
Sergio Romo: striking out professional hitters since 2005.
To answer you and Lyle, Yes, Jessica Alba is my wife’s second cousin. Her dad is a real estate agent that is always sending flyers out to the relatives.
Giant Dirtbags: Brian Anderson, Todd Jennings, Steve Hammond, John Bowker
Don't F with the Affeldt
by Giant among Angels on Mar 15, 2009 2:49 PM PDT up reply actions
relationship test
You do understand that “second cousin” properly refers to the children of cousins?
Sergio Romo: striking out professional hitters since 2005.
Umm.. Im no genealogist but My wifes grandma is her grandmas cousin. So however you call it, thats how they are related.
Giant Dirtbags: Brian Anderson, Todd Jennings, Steve Hammond, John Bowker
Don't F with the Affeldt
by Giant among Angels on Mar 16, 2009 6:08 PM PDT up reply actions
Fourth cousin. At best.
Fred Lewis can stand under my umbrella.
31 May 2007, 21:38 EST - the last time Matteh's career W-L wasn't below.500
We are at war with Los Angeles. We have always been at war with Los Angeles.
by S.F. Giangst on Mar 16, 2009 7:11 PM PDT up reply actions
No… dammit. Third cousin.
Fred Lewis can stand under my umbrella.
31 May 2007, 21:38 EST - the last time Matteh's career W-L wasn't below.500
We are at war with Los Angeles. We have always been at war with Los Angeles.
by S.F. Giangst on Mar 16, 2009 7:12 PM PDT up reply actions
Correct!
If the grandmothers were cousins, then the grandmothers’ kids are second cousins to each other, and the grandmothers’ grandchildren are third cousins to each other.
Based on the few family photos I’ve seen of my ancestors, I’m pretty sure I have no third cousins who are anywhere near as hot as Jessica Alba. Now I get the “among angels” part!
Sergio Romo: striking out professional hitters since 2005.
“Xth” cousins means how many generations you have to count back to reach a common ancestor, subtracting 1. Technically your brothers or sisters would be your 0th cousins… (Is it true French has no native word for “sibling”?)
Removed… hell, you all figure it out. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cousin
Agree about ancestral images… Hard to believe those troglodytes could combine their genes and produce something as magnificent as me. Women in the family tend to be breeding stock rather than trophies.
Fred Lewis can stand under my umbrella.
31 May 2007, 21:38 EST - the last time Matteh's career W-L wasn't below.500
We are at war with Los Angeles. We have always been at war with Los Angeles.
by S.F. Giangst on Mar 17, 2009 7:12 AM PDT up reply actions
Simply...
“cousin” means you and the other person are on the same generational level (i.e., the ancestor you share in common is equidistant from each of you).
“once removed” means there is one generational difference between you and the other person.
So “first cousin, once removed” is a person who is one generation off from you (in either direction), and parent/child to your cousin.
And yes, it does get weirder after that. I find the Infield Fly Rule easier to explain at that point.
Sergio Romo: striking out professional hitters since 2005.
It’s all derived from rules about which rich people can have sex with each other.
Fred Lewis can stand under my umbrella.
31 May 2007, 21:38 EST - the last time Matteh's career W-L wasn't below.500
We are at war with Los Angeles. We have always been at war with Los Angeles.
by S.F. Giangst on Mar 17, 2009 8:33 PM PDT up reply actions
My fantasies aren’t mutually exclusive.
My Dave Righetti is better than your Dave Righetti.
by howtheyscored on Mar 14, 2009 10:08 AM PDT up reply actions
I think I probably lived my baseball fantasy when I got to watch Barry Bonds play for what was essentially my entire self-aware life.
But if I was going to pick something that didn’t actually happen… I’d probably being playing shortstop in a ground-ball only league. I’d also be good at playing shortstop. In real life, my debilitating fear of ground balls is somewhat debilitating when it comes to this whole fielding ground balls things.
I wouldn’t even have to hit. I just love the feeling so much better when I do something cool with the leather.
My Dave Righetti is better than your Dave Righetti.
My baseball fantasy:
It also happens to be my loftiest dream/goal. It’s possible, just takes a lot of $$$.
I want to buy the Giants. Sole owner. Then I’d make myself manager and hire a group of true giants fan/statheads…kinda like some of the people here, to do the GM duties as a committee. I’d also allow for a great degree of fan input because after all, the team is supposed to be the fans. I believe that if the community feels actually involved in the path the teams is on then both team and fans will be happier. Not really sure exactly how to involve people other than polls and submissions on the website.
The reason I’d make myself manager is because then if we lose, I can blame myself rather than feel frustrated at my lack of control. Honestly, there is no good reason to get so upset over a game unless you are actively involved. As a fan the whole point is entertainment. When I (and many of you) have my mood changed for the worse because of a ballgame, there is something wrong. Sometimes I really wish I was one of those people who didn’t like sports. EMO!!!
by positiveuphemism on Mar 12, 2009 9:52 PM PDT reply actions
My baseball fantasy
is to watch the San Francisco Giants win the World Series
Barry Zito: so-so command of the changeball
This
But also at home.
And me being there.
With tickets behind home plate.
And I get to storm the field after.
Because I own the team.
Formerly Revolution1 || Status: Fetal Position until April || Barry Zito: Throws Canyons Mildly Half-OK
This
Except I don’t storm the field
But I jump into the Cove
And everyone else does too
And we survive the water
And get out and run laughing into the roaring night
by shanghaijim on Mar 12, 2009 11:14 PM PDT up reply actions
Well you can storm the field.
Run straight out the right-centerfield arches.
Leap off the boardwalk.
And then swim across the coves to the lot on the other side.
Formerly Revolution1 || Status: Fetal Position until April || Barry Zito: Throws Canyons Mildly Half-OK
You can climb a mountain
You can swim a sea
You can jump into the fire
But you’ll never be BB
OK if I adopt Randy Johnson?
"What kind of a stupid question is that?"
by victor frankenstein on Mar 12, 2009 11:40 PM PDT up reply actions
I have several
One was for a young pitcher to rise out of the organization and win the Cy Young Award.
[check]
Giants sweep the playoffs
Marlins in the first round, Dodgers in the NLCS, A’s in the WS.
Close games are nice in the regular season, but postseason drama gives me heartburn (and insomnia, and a short temper…).
VAE PVTO DEVS FIO
I hit a frozen rope down the right-field line at AT&T, I decide immediately I’m going for three bases. The Mets right-fielder gathers it cleanly by the fence, and throws a one-hopper to second base just as I’m rounding first. I decide to stick with my original plan of getting a triple. I squint, purse my lips, and charge towards second. The second baseman and shortstop look at me in awed by what they perceive as insanity, but what I call living out my fantasy. Just as I’m about to be tagged out at second, a massive bald eagle swoops in and clutches me in its talons. I look down and see the Mets shortstop as dropped both his ball and glove, stunned.. The eagle and I fly off into the sunset. Destination: Burkina Faso. Objective: Fun
I’m actually writing an entire book of similar baseball fantasies.
Billy Ripken is not a fuck face
That’s so implausible. Major league infielders don’t drop their gloves.
Fred Lewis can stand under my umbrella.
31 May 2007, 21:38 EST - the last time Matteh's career W-L wasn't below.500
We are at war with Los Angeles. We have always been at war with Los Angeles.
by S.F. Giangst on Mar 13, 2009 1:21 AM PDT up reply actions
Which hut is Jabba?
Fred Lewis can stand under my umbrella.
31 May 2007, 21:38 EST - the last time Matteh's career W-L wasn't below.500
We are at war with Los Angeles. We have always been at war with Los Angeles.
by S.F. Giangst on Mar 13, 2009 6:53 AM PDT up reply actions
That is cool. I want to live in a cookie jar!
by Lars The Wanderer on Mar 13, 2009 8:15 AM PDT up reply actions
No, I don't mean you and Jennifer Connelly stranded on a deserted island (seriously, who doesn't have that fantasy?).
her unibrow is an island unto itself, do not want
[Brayen] of sabean, your semi- conscious potato trip across "to gold winches" democratic pavement will bring Communist pride to the orange and black democratic perfection. your [randay] of Johnson – spy for the Russian Mafia. warn yourselves they warn themselves! you will purchase smirnoff the vodka
by Headhunter Rollins on Mar 13, 2009 7:06 AM PDT reply actions
I’ll tell you what I’d do, man… Two chicks at the same time.
That’s my baseball fantasy, you ask?
Damn straight, I always wanted to do that. I figure if I was a baseball player, I could hook that up, because chicks dig ballplayers with money.
Not all chicks, you’re probably thinking. Well, the kind of chicks that’d double up on a dude like me.
I'm thinking but nothing's happening.
Excellent.
"While conservatives tell you 'leave things alone and no one will lose,' and liberals tell you 'interfere a lot and no one will lose,' baseball says 'someone will lose.' Not only says it - but insists upon it! ... Democracy is lovely, but baseball's more mature." BVCE supports SF Dugout and Manny Burriss.
by BaronVonCurrentEvents on Mar 13, 2009 10:07 AM PDT up reply actions
3-ways are overrated.
Fred Lewis can stand under my umbrella.
31 May 2007, 21:38 EST - the last time Matteh's career W-L wasn't below.500
We are at war with Los Angeles. We have always been at war with Los Angeles.
by S.F. Giangst on Mar 13, 2009 8:20 PM PDT up reply actions
I wanna… lick, lick, lick, lick you from your head to your toe
by microwave donut on Mar 13, 2009 10:50 AM PDT reply actions
Tomko resurrects career
Comes back to the Giants, wins Cy Young, hits five homers.
Draws me a picture of Noah Lowry. Autographs it on the boxers.
What.
Still-proud, adoptive mama of Notgardo Alfonzo, who's back from the 50-game purgatory. He promises never to do it again. I couldn't get him to promise to hit, though. We're working on that with bribes of M&Ms, kind of like potty training.
The San Francisco Giants win a World Series.
The Dodgers finish in last place out of all NL teams for ten years in a row and don’t make it to the postseason for 70 years.
Adopted Giant: Clayton Tanner (unless someone tells me he's already been adopted)
"He [Sandoval] is a big, puffy crouton in our wilted salad of a lineup. Do No matter how bad a movie is a eight game sweep is wacky in baseball, so a one run loss in the series is not the end of the world. disparage the comedian." -sfgiantstoday
by walkoff baltimore chop on Mar 15, 2009 7:29 PM PDT reply actions
this
"While conservatives tell you 'leave things alone and no one will lose,' and liberals tell you 'interfere a lot and no one will lose,' baseball says 'someone will lose.' Not only says it - but insists upon it! ... Democracy is lovely, but baseball's more mature." BVCE supports SF Dugout and Manny Burriss.
by BaronVonCurrentEvents on Mar 16, 2009 12:11 AM PDT up reply actions
Game winning homerun to win the world series.
Pablo Sandoval greets me with a big (panda)bear hug at home.
Mischievously implosive purple pitching staff.
by SloIsLonelyForTheOrange on Mar 17, 2009 9:43 AM PDT reply actions
pandapile!
Fred Lewis can stand under my umbrella.
31 May 2007, 21:38 EST - the last time Matteh's career W-L wasn't below.500
We are at war with Los Angeles. We have always been at war with Los Angeles.
by S.F. Giangst on Mar 17, 2009 9:55 AM PDT up reply actions
same
"While conservatives tell you 'leave things alone and no one will lose,' and liberals tell you 'interfere a lot and no one will lose,' baseball says 'someone will lose.' Not only says it - but insists upon it! ... Democracy is lovely, but baseball's more mature." BVCE supports SF Dugout and Manny Burriss.
by BaronVonCurrentEvents on Mar 17, 2009 10:54 AM PDT up reply actions
We are all pandaphiles.
Fred Lewis can stand under my umbrella.
31 May 2007, 21:38 EST - the last time Matteh's career W-L wasn't below.500
We are at war with Los Angeles. We have always been at war with Los Angeles.
by S.F. Giangst on Mar 17, 2009 8:34 PM PDT up reply actions
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