My Letter to the Commish

If you’re using snail mail, you should take a dump in the envelope. You earned it. Or Selig did. Whoever, just do it.

I guess I was expecting a personalized reply…boy , was I surprised when all I got was a merchandising order form so I could get my Van Halen tee shirts , posters , colostomy bags , etc.

Where is your letter to the players?
Where is your letter to the MLBPA union?

That’s the letter U and the numeral 2.

I hate Selig too – but you seem to be coming from the whole ol’ “steroids has ruined baseball!” attitude. I just think Selig’s been a jerk for the way he’s arbitrarily gone along with the cultural witch hunts against some players. What Selig should have done is (a) stood up to Congress & the news media and told them all to get their intruding unConstitutional asses out of the business of the private joint venturers who have joined together to produce the entertainment product that is the MLB, and (b) taken care of any MLB rule breaking in house.

Personally, I kinda have the same attitude about steroids as Stephen Colbert -

“The big story in sports right now is athletes taking drugs, making themselves better with steroids and human growth hormone. Some people have a problem with this, but not me. NEWS FLASH: Athletes perform for our enjoyment. So ‘performance-enhancing drugs’ are really ‘enjoyment-enhancing drugs.’ The fact is, Americans want the best of everything. That’s why Americans won’t watch women’s basketball. Every time I see a lady make a shot I think, ‘I bet a guy could’ve made that better.’ ‘Enhanced’ athletics are the same way.”

“Back in the day when sports consisted of little slow guys hitting set shots, bunting, and staging Statue of Liberty plays, the public was satisfied because they didn’t know any better. But now that we’ve seen huge behemoths with 2% body fat and misshapen foreheads leap over piles of bodies to crush each other’s larynx, we can’t go back. That’s why I’m proposing the end of all regulations on what athletes do to themselves. If a guy wants to shoot himself up with hormones or chimp sperm, that’s his business. The only thing that matters is performance on the field. Now a lot of people ask, ‘What kind of message would this send to our young people?’ To which I reply, ’Don’t suck. Go the extra mile to actually be good or you’ll be selling insurance.’ With those forces at work in the marketplace of modern scientific body modification, our sports will continue to be the most entertaining in the world.”