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Warp Speed Development (humor)

Giants purchase contracts of Villalona and Rodriguez
09/08/2008 8:05 AM ET
San Francisco Giants

SAN FRANCISCO, CA -- The San Francisco Giants have been making a great deal of noise with the rapid ascension of some top prospects, and they have made two stunning announcements today. The club announced that it has purchased the contracts of 17-year old first basemen Angel Villalona and 15-year old dominican outfielder Rafael Rodriguez.

The move is being made with an eye towards the future, said senior vice president, general manager and heavilly goateed Brian Sabean. "Angel and Rafael have a great deal of talent and both are from the dominican, which as we all know greatly accelerates aging. We feel that both of these kids can make an impact right away, and that between snacktime and naps that they can really show us what they are made of for next year and beyond."

In a supplemental move, Sabean suggested that the club may also bring up talented yet raw outfielder Wendell Fairley, citing the need for someone to drive Angel and Rafael around.

When asked his impression on the moves, Giants skipper Bruce Bochy was cautious in his wording. "We'll see what they can do. I am hoping that we make a play for an experienced bat like Julio Franco in the offseason to give Angel some competition."

Even though Villalona is still in low A ball, and Rodriguez has yet to play a professional game, Sabean thought that it was time to make the jump for both of them.

"We sat down and said to ourselves, if we bring up Rafeal now we can get 15 years out of him before we have stunted his development so badly that he can't even hold a bat without throwing up," said the always stried shirt wearing Sabean. "Our mismanagement, and his lack of production due to the horrible circumstances we will put him in, will represent a great value for the club in that we will have an affordable outfielder for over a decade."

When asked by one reporter if he was concerned about recent questions of possibly stunting the development of key young talent, Sabean responded that he was not.

"I have always done my job based on the baseball card mentality," said the heavyset GM. "You look at someones stats, and no matter their age, old or young, you have to believe that they will repeat them in the big leagues. Angel would be leading our team in home runs, and Rafael was hitting an incredible .873 with 1.098 OPS in his backyard league."

This FanPost is reader-generated, and it does not necessarily reflect the views of McCovey Chronicles. If the author uses filler to achieve the minimum word requirement, a moderator may edit the FanPost for his or her own amusement.

1 recs  |  Comment 13 comments

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Fred Lewis can stand under my umbrella.
31 May 2007, 21:38 EST - the last time Matteh's career W-L wasn't below.500

by S.F. Giangst on Sep 11, 2008 7:13 AM PDT reply actions   0 recs

Speeeeeeed!

Adopted brother of the AnVil / GIANTSPACE™ returns!

by SoFa King Mike on Sep 11, 2008 7:28 AM PDT reply actions   0 recs

this is weird

hitting an incredible .873 with 1.098 OPS in his backyard league

You’d have to go 97 hits (all singles) in 111 AB, no walks or HBP, and hit 219 Sac Flies to make that number work.

Fred Lewis can stand under my umbrella.
31 May 2007, 21:38 EST - the last time Matteh's career W-L wasn't below.500

by S.F. Giangst on Sep 11, 2008 7:31 AM PDT reply actions   0 recs

319 SF. sorry.

Fred Lewis can stand under my umbrella.
31 May 2007, 21:38 EST - the last time Matteh's career W-L wasn't below.500

by S.F. Giangst on Sep 11, 2008 7:32 AM PDT up reply actions   0 recs

stat nerd!

your 2008 SF Giants: this isn’t totally insane, just really stupid

by Lyle on Sep 11, 2008 9:11 AM PDT up reply actions   0 recs

i thought it was pretty darn funny

i think that makes me a stat nerd too S.F.

"But if he's swinging at real flies, well, in that case there are two definite solutions: 1) Fresno 2) Ritalin." - howtheyscored

by CPGiant756 on Sep 11, 2008 10:42 AM PDT up reply actions   0 recs

S.F. Giangst hard at work...

The Basil Fawlty Moderating Strategy:
"We could run a nice blog here if we didn't have all these members getting in the way."
How is my adopted son almost twice as old as I am? Nevermind...Go Omar! Warm the Bench!

by WalrusMan on Sep 11, 2008 9:15 AM PDT up reply actions   0 recs

False advertising

(humor)

FIRE BRIAN SABEAN

by zenbitz on Sep 11, 2008 9:44 AM PDT reply actions   0 recs

I’m not laughing.

Farewell, Ray. We'll miss your smile and your sugar. Welcome, Steve Hammond "Eggs". Throw strikes.
comics | cartoons | Nattowear

by Natto on Sep 11, 2008 11:36 AM PDT reply actions   0 recs

I am.

http://palinshovel.com/?p=203

 

"Ain't got a hope in Hell - that's my belief." - Bon Scott

by victor frankenstein on Sep 11, 2008 11:55 AM PDT reply actions   0 recs

Anyone else get the feeling Sabean is doing his best Scotty imitation with the prospects, but he’s just yelling at his computer and secretary?

“I’m bringing them up as fast as I can Captain, but I can’t work miracles with just a 40-man roster!”

it's always noonan somewhere

by sectionop92 on Sep 12, 2008 1:15 AM PDT reply actions   0 recs

He canna change the laws of physics.

Fred Lewis can stand under my umbrella.
31 May 2007, 21:38 EST - the last time Matteh's career W-L wasn't below.500

by S.F. Giangst on Sep 12, 2008 3:06 AM PDT up reply actions   0 recs

Damn it Jim, I’m a doctor – not a baseball scout!

your 2008 SF Giants: this isn’t totally insane, just really stupid

by Lyle on Sep 12, 2008 8:19 AM PDT up reply actions   0 recs

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