Haiku: Dodgers Edition
by Grant Brisbee on Aug 8, 2008 12:19 PM PDT
Email
PrintIt's been close to three years since one of these things? Wow. For someone as dedicated to mailing it in as I am, I've neglected the haiku post for far too long.
Fire Joe Morgan?
Perhaps, but never forget
1982
Kent and Piazza
Mustache war. Bloody. Epic.
Follicle of man
Chan Ho Park good now?
Zito for A's in six years:
Forty-seven saves
*Rake* *Dumb comment* *Rake*
*Dumb Comment* *Rake* *Lazy jog*
Left field: Your turn
Slow Eddie Murray
Right back to Beck: 1-2-3
Brian Johnson time
Godless Mueller thieves
This aggression will not stand
(You can keep Conte)
I hate the Dodgers
Bumgarner Merkin Bocock
I hate the Dodgers
Your turn. Five syllables, seven syllables, five syllables, in case you were wondering. And don't forget to keep it Dodgers-related.
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First! First! First! First! First!
First! First! First! First! First! First! First!
First! Dodgers suck! First!
Psycho killer, qu'est-ce que c'est?
i think ... that's cheating!
If my head is full of white hairs by the end of this season.. I blame Brian Wilson. (I'm only 22, dammit!)
Tim is enchanting
Matt Cain third starter at best
Sanchez is dirty
Speed, defense... and an almost fanatical devotion to getting picked off.
manny ramirez
is on my fantasy team
does that make me gay?
"ever so cynical yet whimsical giants related signature"
by The Gene Hackman on Aug 8, 2008 12:29 PM PDT reply actions
Ramirez in blue.
3 weeks until Kent goes ape.
Match made in heaven.
Hector Sanchez: really getting tired of playing baseball in foreign countries...
+ ROFL Cat
Angel Villalona: Waiting for fastballs since '07.
by AngelintheInfield on Aug 8, 2008 12:39 PM PDT up reply actions
Eat The Dirt Fat Man
Slow Rolling Mountain of Flesh
Fall Lasorda Fall
yeah, well, the whole world stinks, francine -- so get used to it!
by satyricrash on Aug 8, 2008 12:35 PM PDT reply actions 1 recs
this is quite lovely
"ever so cynical yet whimsical giants related signature"
by The Gene Hackman on Aug 8, 2008 12:48 PM PDT up reply actions
Yes, and it incorporates nature
...part of the best haikus
That's all I can stands, I can't stands no more!
Manny in left field
Will Dave Roberts play in left too?
Worst defense ever? Yes
Angel Villalona: Waiting for fastballs since '07.
by AngelintheInfield on Aug 8, 2008 12:38 PM PDT reply actions
agent coletti
giant trojan masterplan
bums don’t recognize
"ever so cynical yet whimsical giants related signature"
by The Gene Hackman on Aug 8, 2008 12:40 PM PDT reply actions 1 recs
Coming this weekend
chant beat la beat la
pull mannys dreadlocks
Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.
by WilliamVanLandingham on Aug 8, 2008 12:42 PM PDT reply actions
I was not aware
That “field” had 2 syllables
I stand corrected
Billy Hayes: His job is better than yours.
more meta-haiku
how can anyone
express true dodger hatred
in five syllables?
"ever so cynical yet whimsical giants related signature"
by The Gene Hackman on Aug 8, 2008 12:55 PM PDT up reply actions
interesting view
do you have a newsletter
i can subscribe to?
"ever so cynical yet whimsical giants related signature"
by The Gene Hackman on Aug 8, 2008 1:08 PM PDT up reply actions
Brad Penny pitching
No ball will leave the infield
Burriss walks… steals… Win!
Angel Villalona: Waiting for fastballs since '07.
by AngelintheInfield on Aug 8, 2008 12:44 PM PDT reply actions
Zito on the hill
Blue clad Manny at the plate
I am very scared
Idolizing Robb Nen since 2002...
by Smoke on the Water on Aug 8, 2008 12:44 PM PDT reply actions
Jeff Kent’s facial hair
Frottaged me on the MUNI
There should be a law
Billy Hayes: His job is better than yours.
Jeff Kent cuts the cheese
but in soviet russia
cheese cuts….nevermind
Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.
by WilliamVanLandingham on Aug 8, 2008 12:54 PM PDT reply actions 1 recs
win
"ever so cynical yet whimsical giants related signature"
by The Gene Hackman on Aug 8, 2008 1:08 PM PDT up reply actions
Here comes Juan Pierre
Forty four million, five years
Sabean is bummed
yeah, well, the whole world stinks, francine -- so get used to it!
Andrew Jones is fat
Sabean almost bought in
McCovern applauds
Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.
by WilliamVanLandingham on Aug 8, 2008 12:59 PM PDT up reply actions
Timmy Doesn’t Pitch
Zito Correia Cain do
lucky to take one
Proud adopted parent of future big league slugger Thomas Neal
by nostocksjustbonds on Aug 8, 2008 12:59 PM PDT reply actions
Douchebag facial hair
Kent’s pornstache, Martin’s sideburns
You all look stupid
"While conservatives tell you 'leave things alone and no one will lose,' and liberals tell you 'interfere a lot and no one will lose,' baseball says 'someone will lose.' Not only says it - but insists upon it! ... Democracy is lovely, but baseball's more mature." BVCE supports SF Dugout and Manny Burriss.
by BaronVonCurrentEvents on Aug 8, 2008 1:00 PM PDT reply actions
yes
"ever so cynical yet whimsical giants related signature"
by The Gene Hackman on Aug 8, 2008 1:04 PM PDT up reply actions
BVCE presents Fatties: An Abstract
Jones Penny Broxton
Line up at the suck buffet
Dodgers ate it all
"While conservatives tell you 'leave things alone and no one will lose,' and liberals tell you 'interfere a lot and no one will lose,' baseball says 'someone will lose.' Not only says it - but insists upon it! ... Democracy is lovely, but baseball's more mature." BVCE supports SF Dugout and Manny Burriss.
by BaronVonCurrentEvents on Aug 8, 2008 1:10 PM PDT reply actions 1 recs
Hear hear!
Like a lesbian couple that's just a little too angry, I'm still waiting for my chance at adoption.
I’m going to hell for laughing at that. But I’ll see you all there.
"While conservatives tell you 'leave things alone and no one will lose,' and liberals tell you 'interfere a lot and no one will lose,' baseball says 'someone will lose.' Not only says it - but insists upon it! ... Democracy is lovely, but baseball's more mature." BVCE supports SF Dugout and Manny Burriss.
by BaronVonCurrentEvents on Aug 8, 2008 1:19 PM PDT up reply actions
Manny, It’s your turn
With Alissa Milano
“Not after Zito!”
yeah, well, the whole world stinks, francine -- so get used to it!
lmao.
If my head is full of white hairs by the end of this season.. I blame Brian Wilson. (I'm only 22, dammit!)
ewwwwwwwwwwww
"While conservatives tell you 'leave things alone and no one will lose,' and liberals tell you 'interfere a lot and no one will lose,' baseball says 'someone will lose.' Not only says it - but insists upon it! ... Democracy is lovely, but baseball's more mature." BVCE supports SF Dugout and Manny Burriss.
by BaronVonCurrentEvents on Aug 8, 2008 1:19 PM PDT up reply actions
There once was a man named Kent
His services, we would never rent
He ran into Manny
They went Kablamey!
And now the pornstache is bent.
STEVE HOLM: Better than Alfonso? Why yes, of course.
by UnleashTheGore on Aug 8, 2008 1:19 PM PDT reply actions 1 recs
This might be the best one yet.
"While conservatives tell you 'leave things alone and no one will lose,' and liberals tell you 'interfere a lot and no one will lose,' baseball says 'someone will lose.' Not only says it - but insists upon it! ... Democracy is lovely, but baseball's more mature." BVCE supports SF Dugout and Manny Burriss.
by BaronVonCurrentEvents on Aug 8, 2008 1:20 PM PDT up reply actions
random poetry structures FTW!
STEVE HOLM: Better than Alfonso? Why yes, of course.
by UnleashTheGore on Aug 8, 2008 2:40 PM PDT up reply actions
QUICK WE NEED A SESTINA!
My Dave Righetti is better than your Dave Righetti.
by howtheyscored on Aug 8, 2008 2:43 PM PDT up reply actions
Damn. I have been working on a sonnet. Oh well. Another time.
Perhaps.
I'm adopting a true Giant and an awe-inspring gamer: tk. "Atta babe."
Show me on the doll
Where the bad mustache touched you
Lifelong therapy
Billy Hayes: His job is better than yours.
we are friends!
we are laughing!
STEVE HOLM: Better than Alfonso? Why yes, of course.
by UnleashTheGore on Aug 8, 2008 2:41 PM PDT up reply actions
Sign of the times
Stick figure drawing
Can no longer find large head
Barry is white now
"While conservatives tell you 'leave things alone and no one will lose,' and liberals tell you 'interfere a lot and no one will lose,' baseball says 'someone will lose.' Not only says it - but insists upon it! ... Democracy is lovely, but baseball's more mature." BVCE supports SF Dugout and Manny Burriss.
by BaronVonCurrentEvents on Aug 8, 2008 1:30 PM PDT up reply actions
Kent, Manny, Martin
Kemp, Loney, and Rafael
Brad, Juan and Jones: SUCK!
Only 863 games until the end of Zito's contract
Schmidt, Ethier, Lowe
Casey, Angel, Ozuna
Sweeney and Chad: SUCK!
Only 863 games until the end of Zito's contract
Johnson, Kershaw, Wade
Kuroda, Ardoin, Park
Toncoso, Young: SUCK!
Only 863 games until the end of Zito's contract
Garciaparra
Takashi, Tony, Broxton
Beimel, Bennett: SUCK!
Only 863 games until the end of Zito's contract
Koufax, Drysdale
Stengel, Durocher, Alston
and Lasorda: SUCK!
Only 863 games until the end of Zito's contract
Orel Hershiser
I don’t care if he was here
He still really sucks
Only 863 games until the end of Zito's contract
Thehavenot , it seems
Is bent on establishing
That all Dodgers SUCK!
Arizona thinks we're Washington which thinks we're Arizona.
by victor frankenstein on Aug 8, 2008 6:17 PM PDT up reply actions
Obscure pitcher comes
dominates our SF Giants
Jason Johnson, huh?
Only 863 games until the end of Zito's contract
Penny pitching bad
he will hold Giants to 1
God damn it to hell
Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.
by WilliamVanLandingham on Aug 8, 2008 1:38 PM PDT up reply actions
Hmm..
I thought “fire” was just one syllable. I suppose it can be two: fi-er. Oh well. Here’s mine:
Two thousand and eight
The Olympics have arrived
But the Giants suck.
Dodgers, Giants, Yanks
Centerfielder discussion
Duke, 3rd best AT BEST!
Only 863 games until the end of Zito's contract
Another Duke Snider one
Duke Snider, real name:
Um…Edwin Donald Snider?
HA HA HA HA HA
Only 863 games until the end of Zito's contract
golf clap..many a littel louder then that.
Ivan Ochoa - Heir to the legacy of Rob Andrews & Rikkert Faneyte!
way to go, brisbee
now just about everything
sounding like haiku
"ever so cynical yet whimsical giants related signature"
by The Gene Hackman on Aug 8, 2008 1:59 PM PDT reply actions
I guess it’s related since the Dodgers suck and apparently Rielle Hunter does too!
Adoptive father of howtheyscored. The beatings will begin momentarily.
WHAT
"he walked 18; new league record! Struck out 18, another new league record! He also hit the sportswriter, the PA announcer, the bull mascot twice..."
by i did my job on Aug 9, 2008 12:56 AM PDT up reply actions
Aren’t haikus supposed to contain some reference to a season, though? It’s been a while since I was learned in the way of haikus, but I think that’s right.
UR ALL DOIN IT RONG!
Or in baseball haikus, is the seasonal reference replaced by the dodgers suck reference?
My Dave Righetti is better than your Dave Righetti.
That’s how the haikulaid drinkers want you to think.
Seasonal references are traditional, but this is New Style.
by Grant Brisbee on Aug 8, 2008 2:35 PM PDT up reply actions
Don't tear down others
Just because you can’t do one yourself.
Only 863 games until the end of Zito's contract
Correction:
Just because I don’t wanna.
My Dave Righetti is better than your Dave Righetti.
by howtheyscored on Aug 8, 2008 3:46 PM PDT up reply actions
I call it Pac Bell
It’s not AT&T Park
It is Pac Bell Park
Win, Barry Zito
Keep your streak going tonight
Pitch like your last start
Riddle:
I wear blue and white, I arrive to baseball games in the 4th inning, I leave in the 7th inning, my team's home stadium plays movie trailers between innings, I read magazines during the game, I play with beach balls, and I love the wave.
Who am I?
(sorry for the putdown, had to add it to get to 5)
No way, not ever
In my head it will always
be Mays Field, beyatch!
STEVE HOLM: Better than Alfonso? Why yes, of course.
by UnleashTheGore on Aug 8, 2008 2:45 PM PDT up reply actions
Just got free tickets
to watch Zito try to pitch
and chant beat L A
Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.
by WilliamVanLandingham on Aug 8, 2008 2:51 PM PDT reply actions
you got it wrong
Just got free tickets
to watch Zito try to pitch
and chant beat L A
STEVE HOLM: Better than Alfonso? Why yes, of course.
by UnleashTheGore on Aug 8, 2008 2:55 PM PDT up reply actions
Big deal, LA fans
Had Fernando-mania
But so did ABBA
Waiting for Spilman.
by dangjackson on Aug 8, 2008 2:56 PM PDT reply actions 1 recs
Not what I ordered,
Indian restaurateur:
This is Omar Daal
Waiting for Spilman.
by dangjackson on Aug 8, 2008 3:01 PM PDT reply actions 1 recs
Haipoo
Taught my son to call
his poops “Dodgers.” Wait ‘til he
discerns both joke and truth.
I'm adopting a true Giant and an awe-inspring gamer: tk. "Atta babe."
damn. Last line too long. Change to:
sees both joke and truth.
I'm adopting a true Giant and an awe-inspring gamer: tk. "Atta babe."
Sin City has hotties!
(Also , the Dodger minors.)
Sick contradiction.
Arizona thinks we're Washington which thinks we're Arizona.
by victor frankenstein on Aug 8, 2008 6:09 PM PDT reply actions
Jeff Kent’s facial hair
Stuck like rancid superglue
To his truck’s tailpipe
Still-proud, adoptive mama of Notgardo Alfonzo, who's back from the 50-game purgatory. He promises never to do it again. I couldn't get him to promise to hit, though. We're working on that with bribes of M&Ms, kind of like potty training.
Autumn approaches
Giants out of contention
Let’s see the kids play
Fred Lewis can stand under my umbrella.
Soul of pure blackness
A smell like rotting corpses
Must be the Dodgers
Trent Kline: Decentish. Also, my website is called ChatterBalks Dot Com and on it I make jokes about things.
Sweeney for Denker?
Agent Ned you complete me
Now let’s steal Kershaw
Trent Kline: Decentish. Also, my website is called ChatterBalks Dot Com and on it I make jokes about things.
Bless you.
My Dave Righetti is better than your Dave Righetti.
by howtheyscored on Aug 10, 2008 11:04 PM PDT up reply actions
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