We Can Compete in 2008!
by delorean on Aug 22, 2008 8:46 AM PDT
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PrintI know it sounds crazy on the face of it--the Giants have one of the most anemic offenses in professional baseball--but hear me out.
Time travel is possible.
It says so right here. So basically, to win the West this year, all we need to do is go back in time and put together a team that sucks less than the Dodgers and the Diamondbacks.
Now obviously the first thing that occurs to you (as it did me) is to December 2006 and simply not sign Barry Zito. As tempting as that sounds, it would cause a serious rift in the future; I can't go in to details, but let's just say it includes Alyssa Milano and an STD that involves crabs that look like the worms from Tremors. So it's best not to do that.
But if we make the right moves in the past, even the Albatross won't be able to hold us back. Here are my recommendations for moves we should make last year:
1. Sign Barry
2. Not sign Aaron Rowand
3. Profit
4. Win it all in 2008!
So, I think even the most skeptical among you will be forced to admit that the Giants will inevitably win it all this year. All we need is to locate the nearest wormhole, go back in time and make some shrewd moves, and possibly kill our own fathers while we're at it. Please resist the urge to kill Hitler; it never, ever works out the way you think it will.
This FanPost is reader-generated, and it does not necessarily reflect the views of McCovey Chronicles. If the author uses filler to achieve the minimum word requirement, a moderator may edit the FanPost for his or her own amusement.
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I would like to subscribe to your time traveling newsletter!
Giant STD tremor crabs? I might be willing to live in that timeline if it doesn’t include Zito.
Here’s my timeline for success:
1. Go back in time to 1838 when the first baseball game was played.
2. Change the rules so that the team with the LEAST amount of runs wins the game
3. Wait for 2008
4. WORLD CHAMPS
In Soviet Russia, shark jumps motorcycle
I'm adopting a true Giant and an awe-inspring gamer: tk. "Atta babe."
by Mayor of 311 on Aug 22, 2008 10:12 AM PDT up reply actions
Fun idea, but...
I’m not sure having Barry Bonds limp around left field for another year would have made up a double figure deficit, and say what you want about Aaron Rowand, but he’s had a decent year. As for not signing Zito, although that’s a given, I don’t think Matt Palmer in the rotation all year would have made us any better. Going back in time might be a better bet for next year, because you could take all that Zito money and sign CC Sabathia.
Brian Sabean's new dad: Firm believer in corporal punishment
Ow! Ow! Ow! Kill the pow... It kills! My pack! Ow! Turn it off! Turn it off, Kip!
Adopted brother of the AnVil / GIANTSPACE™ returns!
This is silly
you can’t go back in time and kill your own father. 1st of all, he’s better than you in the past. Sons/daughters are only more powerful than their dads in the future. 2nd, if you somehow managed to get the drop on him, 5 dwarfs and a member of the troop Monty Python would burst through a wall and stop the whole deal. Don’t even try it!
Castillo got the DFA. Guestimate for Castillo DFA to come before the 2009 season = 2.
C'mon, guys
You’re missing the most obvious answer. All you have to do is go back to 2002, give Dusty a fresh toothpick so he sits his ass down in the dugout, and watch Ortiz continue to earn the gameball he was given.
STEVE HOLM! refuses to be the odd man out.
by UnleashTheGore on Aug 22, 2008 10:23 AM PDT reply actions
When was this?
Did we stop the shortened 2002 season?
Adopted brother of the AnVil / GIANTSPACE™ returns!
by SoFa King Mike on Aug 22, 2008 10:39 AM PDT up reply actions
Alternately,
go back to 1971 and kill Scott Spezio’s father.
Like Barry Zito, I'm mildly half-OK.
by EliminateMe on Aug 22, 2008 11:35 AM PDT up reply actions
How has no one brought up the most important question
Could we travel back in time and make a jet engine fall on Dodger Stadium?
Trent Kline: Decentish. Also, my website is called ChatterBalks Dot Com and on it I make jokes about things.
Only if we can do it to the strains of “Love Will Tear Us Apart.”
Billy Hayes: His job is better than yours.
How about a medley
of “Love Will Tear Us Apart” and “Love Will Keep Us Together”.
Like Barry Zito, I'm mildly half-OK.
by EliminateMe on Aug 22, 2008 11:36 AM PDT up reply actions
Again?
"Ain't got a hope in Hell - that's my belief." - Bon Scott
by victor frankenstein on Aug 22, 2008 2:57 PM PDT up reply actions
i still maintain
if we can knock the Dodgers out of the playoffs, it will make this season successful for sure.
Although, it could be argued this has already been a very successful season, considering the playing time given to some of the kids and the progress they’ve made.
STEVE HOLM! refuses to be the odd man out.
by UnleashTheGore on Aug 22, 2008 11:26 AM PDT up reply actions
which rookie will deliver the game-winning blow to knock them out?
i vote for rohlinger. if he never makes it as a major leaguer, at least we’ll have that.
Bengie Molina: stretching doubles into singles since 1998.
Since our catchers are so good at hitting walk-offs against the Dodgers
Pablito!
STEVE HOLM! refuses to be the odd man out.
by UnleashTheGore on Aug 22, 2008 12:39 PM PDT up reply actions
That will be the day Pablito becomes
AN EPIC LEGEND
Adopted brother of the AnVil / GIANTSPACE™ returns!
by SoFa King Mike on Aug 22, 2008 12:52 PM PDT up reply actions
Pablo
The Legend Continues
"While conservatives tell you 'leave things alone and no one will lose,' and liberals tell you 'interfere a lot and no one will lose,' baseball says 'someone will lose.' Not only says it - but insists upon it! ... Democracy is lovely, but baseball's more mature." BVCE supports SF Dugout and Manny Burriss.
by BaronVonCurrentEvents on Aug 22, 2008 12:56 PM PDT up reply actions
QUICK
Someone ‘chop Paul’s head on the I Am Legend poster!
Billy Hayes: His job is better than yours.
We can do a double feature with PABLO AM LEGEND and Angel on Fire.
"While conservatives tell you 'leave things alone and no one will lose,' and liberals tell you 'interfere a lot and no one will lose,' baseball says 'someone will lose.' Not only says it - but insists upon it! ... Democracy is lovely, but baseball's more mature." BVCE supports SF Dugout and Manny Burriss.
by BaronVonCurrentEvents on Aug 22, 2008 1:24 PM PDT up reply actions
Adopted brother of the AnVil / GIANTSPACE™ returns!
by SoFa King Mike on Aug 22, 2008 1:26 PM PDT up reply actions
I love you
"While conservatives tell you 'leave things alone and no one will lose,' and liberals tell you 'interfere a lot and no one will lose,' baseball says 'someone will lose.' Not only says it - but insists upon it! ... Democracy is lovely, but baseball's more mature." BVCE supports SF Dugout and Manny Burriss.
by BaronVonCurrentEvents on Aug 22, 2008 1:29 PM PDT up reply actions
You are correct. Pablo is allergic to dogs. That’s a fake mutt with him.
"While conservatives tell you 'leave things alone and no one will lose,' and liberals tell you 'interfere a lot and no one will lose,' baseball says 'someone will lose.' Not only says it - but insists upon it! ... Democracy is lovely, but baseball's more mature." BVCE supports SF Dugout and Manny Burriss.
by BaronVonCurrentEvents on Aug 22, 2008 1:35 PM PDT up reply actions
Whoa, whoa
I will not sit idly by while these aspersions are cast! I have seen quite a few shops in my day, and I see absolutely nothing out of the ordinary w/r/t the pixels contained herein. I demand a retraction!
Billy Hayes: His job is better than yours.
Okay I love you too
"While conservatives tell you 'leave things alone and no one will lose,' and liberals tell you 'interfere a lot and no one will lose,' baseball says 'someone will lose.' Not only says it - but insists upon it! ... Democracy is lovely, but baseball's more mature." BVCE supports SF Dugout and Manny Burriss.
by BaronVonCurrentEvents on Aug 22, 2008 1:35 PM PDT up reply actions
Pablo looks way too jolly to be wandering aimlessly through a post-apocalyptic world.
But still well done.
"While conservatives tell you 'leave things alone and no one will lose,' and liberals tell you 'interfere a lot and no one will lose,' baseball says 'someone will lose.' Not only says it - but insists upon it! ... Democracy is lovely, but baseball's more mature." BVCE supports SF Dugout and Manny Burriss.
by BaronVonCurrentEvents on Aug 22, 2008 1:55 PM PDT up reply actions
I thought that too, but...
1. Was the best pic I found on short notice.
2. There’s something about that that seems very “Pablo” anyway, and it made me laugh thinking that.
Pablo is just a jolly fellow, so I bet you he would have a smile on his face in our ruined post-Armageddon world.
"While conservatives tell you 'leave things alone and no one will lose,' and liberals tell you 'interfere a lot and no one will lose,' baseball says 'someone will lose.' Not only says it - but insists upon it! ... Democracy is lovely, but baseball's more mature." BVCE supports SF Dugout and Manny Burriss.
by BaronVonCurrentEvents on Aug 22, 2008 2:10 PM PDT up reply actions
our ruined post-Armageddon world
YOUR 2008 GIANTS!
Adopted brother of the AnVil / GIANTSPACE™ returns!
by SoFa King Mike on Aug 22, 2008 2:13 PM PDT up reply actions
this
"While conservatives tell you 'leave things alone and no one will lose,' and liberals tell you 'interfere a lot and no one will lose,' baseball says 'someone will lose.' Not only says it - but insists upon it! ... Democracy is lovely, but baseball's more mature." BVCE supports SF Dugout and Manny Burriss.
by BaronVonCurrentEvents on Aug 22, 2008 2:16 PM PDT up reply actions
BTW - we ARE competing.
Technically.
"Ain't got a hope in Hell - that's my belief." - Bon Scott
by victor frankenstein on Aug 22, 2008 5:26 PM PDT reply actions
photoshop ideas
I figure this pile of random is a good place for this post.
I’ve been keeping these in my head for a while but since I don’t have photoshop and since I don’t know how to shop with anything I might have and since I don’t really have the time to mess around with it, I have decided to pass along the ideas and let our resident photoshop gurus have a crack.
1) The first is for when we play the Diamondbacks. I really think photoshopping a Diamondbacks cap on one of the snakes in the Simpsons episode “whacking day” would be quality. Especially if we found a pic with somebody with a club chasing after one of them and we photoshopped a Giants cap on whoever is doing the chasing. I haven’t really found very many good pictures on the internet for this. But maybe someone else will.
2) I have this picture of Inspector Gadget (as seen below) that would be perfect if someone photoshopped a bat into his hands and a Giants Cap on his head. It’d be a great gameday thread pic with the subject of “Go Go Giants Offense.” It also would probably be good to remove the background.
Only 849 games until the end of Zito's contract
why is inspector gadget robbing the new scotland bank? im not sure he could especially since he cant do shit without the lil girl guiding him what did she go evil too? rant over.
by lincypoo i wuv u on Aug 22, 2008 8:43 PM PDT up reply actions
That’s actually a picture of the headquarters of the Metropolitan Police Service in London, England.
Still in despair.
by Zetsuboushita on Aug 22, 2008 11:37 PM PDT up reply actions
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