Vituperationfest 2008: Probably Contains Language

While on the one hand, I hate the fact that I'm adding to the current Fanpost clusterfuck, on the other hand I feel like the regular infrequency of howtheyscored authored fanposts entitles me to making one or two every couple months, and it's been a while.

Also, I'm pissed. And that's a good reason too.

I have NEVER ONCE in my life, before tonight, gone to a baseball game, and left that game in a bad mood. And that's saying a lot since I'm currently riding a three year, completely unbroken losing streak. The Giants have not won a single game that I've attended since 2005. And I've never left a single game in a bad mood. Even when the team loses, even when the team loses in the most heart crushing, bullpen blowing Matt Cain starts ways, the sheer enjoyment of being at the park, the sheer pleasure of watching the motions of the game, the sheer fact of enjoying an experience with the people I care about, these things are always capable of trumping whatever negative events actually take place either on the field or in the stands.

But not this time. Not today.

I don't generally feel the strength of the Giants / Dodgers rivalry within myself. I hate the Dodgers and everything that they represent and everything that is representative of them, but the mere thought of blue and white will not send my body into a hate spiral. I lived very cordially with a Dodger fan for three years. He's a good guy. I've even been to Giants / Dodgers games where it was hard to get any blood flowing (and that includes losses). It takes events to really trigger my reflex. It takes a little something... extra.

I can't watch the Gibson clip without fighting back a massive gag reflex and punching something. I can't watch anything that has to do with Piazza, Gagne, Lo Duca, Lasorda, or Martin without needing to leave the room (unless said thing is humiliating for any of those people). I can't handle a beach ball without wanting to pop it, and I can't be in the middle of a wave without feeling somehow dirty (you can imagine how these last two things make going to the beach difficult). And so on. But the mere fact of the Dodgers doesn't generally work me into even a minor tizzy. Give me a playoff race. Give me circumstances. Give me something.

Which is why today is a milestone of sorts (good or bad, I don't know). There's nothing at stake for either of these teams playing each other. There is no playoff race (repeat after me). There's no... I mean, it might as well be an exhibition game there's so little on the line for anybody.

But when the Giants started losing today, it wasn't the fact that we were losing that was driving me the most insane. It was the fact that we were losing to mother fucking god damned Dodgers. But it wasn't just that. I've taken losses to Dodgers before. I've even taken losses to the Dodgers amidst douchy Dodger fans, and come out the other end in at least a passably decent mood. It was that we were losing to the Dodgers, but we weren't even doing that exactly. We were losing to ourselves, and we picked the motherfucking Dodgers to do it to.

It is maddening to watch bad baseball. It is infuckingfuriating to watch bad baseball lose to the Dodgers. If there is ONE FUCKING TEAM to go out against and play nothing more than fundamentally sound baseball... to provide a decent effort against... to do anything but sabatoge yourself from front to back... make it the Dodgers. Can you just play halfway decent baseball against the Dodgers? Can you possibly actually make THEM beat YOU, if you're going to lose the damn game anyway?

You might still suck. You might still lose. But for shit's sake, play these rivalry games in a way that gives any indication you've actually played the sport before. Play these rivarly games with any modicom of competence. DO NOT GIVE THE DODGERS WINS. They can take them if they earn them, but DO NOT, absolutely under no circumstances DO NOT hand a win to that motherfucking team and the shitsucking legacy they've left during my lifetime.

And there was a group of four people who sat a row behind me. They came in wearing black. BLACK was the color of their clothing. They weren't even wearing jeans that were blue. Khaki shorts, green shorts, and black shorts. Don't say a word for 7 innings, and then suddenly with a 4 run lead they start rooting blue and heckling everybody around them. But not in a decent heckling sort of "all in fun" way. In a jackassy, making personal attacks and yelling in your ear sort of way.

I was this fucking close to getting thrown out of the stadium. But since getting thrown out is the same as leaving early, and since I'm, you know, a Giants fan and I don't leave early, I didn't do it. I probably wouldn't have done it anyway just because I don't punch people. But if I would punch somebody. It would be those shitheads.

And now I've gone and ranted. And all I even wanted to do was spread the god damned vituperation. Remember the point, though, how the Giants beat themselves? How that was the heart of my shittastic bad mood? That's what we're going for here. That's why it's actually the Giants who draw my ire, and not the Dodgers. There's vituperation to go around, and every last drop of it is unconditional. So here's the deal, Giants team:


So that's the point. That's what it comes down to. Who do you blame? And please, don't pull any punches. Because I'm fucking pissed at what I saw today. And that means so are you. The logic there works, just take my word for it.

(Ray Durham played well again, though. He stays off the shitlist for now).

Also, sorry for the complete incoherency. My brain is functioning on pure rage right now, so the fact that I can even express myself in complete sentences is enough for me.

This FanPost is reader-generated, and it does not necessarily reflect the views of McCovey Chronicles. If the author uses filler to achieve the minimum word requirement, a moderator may edit the FanPost for his or her own amusement.

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