Wasting your time in yet another sense....

by Grant on May 10, 2008 12:53 AM PDT

Have you ever wondered what my voice sounds like? What voice do you hear when you read my posts? Comic Book Guy? Gilbert Gottfried? Mischa Barton? The guessing game ends here. We're testing out this new Windows Mobile dealie for SB Nation, and it seems like a pretty neat application. I went to the game tonight, and recorded my thoughts on a Windows Mobile post.

If anyone here works for KNBR, you know how to reach me. I won't be cheap, but I'll show up at least 80% of the time.

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Very interesting medium

SB Nation at the forefront and delivering for the masses.

by wilriv21 on May 10, 2008 1:09 AM PDT reply reply 0 recs

I think I can hear your mom in the background telling you to come up from the basement and walk the dog.

SAVE_US.RAY
Nattowear: now featuring new crap!

by Natto on May 10, 2008 2:21 AM PDT reply reply 0 recs

What do you need washed for tomorrow?

Do you want me to starch your collars?

The Basil Fawlty Moderating Strategy:
"We could run a nice blog here if we didn't have all these members getting in the way."

by WalrusMan on May 10, 2008 4:16 AM PDT up reply reply 0 recs

Humm, What I heard her say is “Grant, Honey, How many times do I have to tell you, get off that Internet and do your homework”

"You're all worthless and weak, now drop and give me twenty!"

by Lidocaine on May 10, 2008 9:32 AM PDT up reply reply 0 recs

not what i thought you would sound like

I thought you would sound like Brad Hennessey. Who I thought would sound like Christian Slater, except without the smugness.

I’ve always wondered about guys like Yabu. You’re near the end of your major league career, and you’re the guy that crappy teams abuse when it’s a blowout and they don’t want to waste, you know, arms they actually care about. I think he’s pitched in every single game this season. He’ll be ditched at the end of the year and he’s going to have go hold out his hat for some other team next year. He’ll end up in Texas, where the starters will get knocked out in the 3rd inning three times every turn through the rotation and Yabu will have to throw 3-4 innings twice a week in the 100-degree/200% humidity heat. I get depressed for him just thinking about it.

Time to go bed.

by non sequitur on May 10, 2008 2:21 AM PDT reply reply 0 recs

I kind of imagined him with the Hnnessey voice too.

Less arm, more talk. Raisingcain is a GAMER.
Adopted Giant: Henry Sosa

by raisingcain on May 10, 2008 8:48 AM PDT up reply reply 0 recs

yeah i felt sorry for Yabu too

until i remembered hes probably making half a mil to play baseball…...

by slojoe on May 10, 2008 5:15 PM PDT up reply reply 0 recs

Seriously, did you just post a recording of some Mischa Barton interview? Because that’s what it sound like to me.

My Dave Righetti is better than your Dave Righetti.

by howtheyscored on May 10, 2008 2:28 AM PDT reply reply 0 recs

I think your next one should be...

A recording of you calling someone else. Just call a random number and talk Giants to them, especially if it’s an old lady who barely speaks English.

The Basil Fawlty Moderating Strategy:
"We could run a nice blog here if we didn't have all these members getting in the way."

by WalrusMan on May 10, 2008 4:18 AM PDT reply reply 0 recs

So I guess the Comic Book Guy analogy was spot on… “Loneliness and cheeseburgers are a dangerous mix.”

Hitler was a Dodgers fan.

by The Nick on May 10, 2008 4:21 AM PDT reply reply 0 recs

You sound kind of like Jim on the Office. Well, his voice is a little deeper, but the way you talk.

Matt Cain: He'll save children, but not the Dodger children.

by jponry on May 10, 2008 5:36 AM PDT reply reply 0 recs

Yeah, he’s a caricature of smug and sarcastic bastards everywhere. Guilty as charged.

by Grant on May 10, 2008 9:24 AM PDT up reply reply 0 recs

yeah, you sounded like I expected you to sound. I even faintly heard the screams of some woman in the background. I guess the recording cut off right before you say, “it rubs the lotion on the skin or else it gets the hose again.”

Brian Sabean's new dad: Firm believer in corporal punishment

by rxmeister on May 10, 2008 6:05 AM PDT reply reply 0 recs

A 40 year old arm?

Pick me! Pick me! (Jumps up and down , waving)

Ever notice how the delivery of our written word and our spoken word can differ significantly?
I often wish I actually spoke like this…of course I don’t. (I cannot find the vocal rerpresentation for three successive periods. I thought I did , but people kept thinking it was four…)

Aaron "Swag" Rowand

by victor frankenstein on May 10, 2008 7:25 AM PDT reply reply 0 recs

I would hope that Sabean was your figurative Kurtz?

Maybe this could be used for an interview some time so we can hear the awkward pauses when analysts break down Giants position player prospects?

by out machine on May 10, 2008 8:43 AM PDT reply reply 0 recs

Dad?

Is that you?

Yin is to the Yang as the Yee is to the Haw!

by the degenerate on May 10, 2008 8:45 AM PDT reply reply 0 recs

UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU

Psycho killer, qu'est-ce que c'est?

by shikantaza on May 10, 2008 8:49 AM PDT reply reply 0 recs

Hey I know that dude!

You still owe me that $20 I loaned you.

"You're all worthless and weak, now drop and give me twenty!"

by Lidocaine on May 10, 2008 8:56 AM PDT reply reply 0 recs

KNBR Should hire you

I am serious. KNBR should give you a call and hire you on the spot.

They should fire Ralph Barbeirri (because who wants to listen to that voice?) and give you his job. It could be called “The Grant and Mr. T Show” or “The McCovernator and Mr. T” show.

I would listen to that. Plus, you would have more of a clue about the Giants than Ralph does. Oh, and you could ask Sabean some meaningful questions for once!

by Squire_Boone on May 10, 2008 9:13 AM PDT reply reply 0 recs

Ralph Barbieri

He really does not look like what he sounds…

by withclubsauce on May 10, 2008 10:45 AM PDT up reply reply 0 recs

Actually, he does. At least to me.

No, really, I have updated my blog this year: http://skaldheim.livejournal.com/tag/baseball

by Skaldheim on May 10, 2008 11:05 AM PDT up reply reply 0 recs

he does to me too. only he’s taller than he sounds.
he sounds 4 feet tall.

Ryan Paul: Two four-letter words are better than one.

by The Enchanter on May 10, 2008 8:48 PM PDT up reply reply 0 recs

he also sounds like he would wear a beret. but no in a chic continental way, but rather a sam kinison kind of homage.

people hate you, but why do they hate you? because the are jealous!

by satyricrash on May 10, 2008 8:53 PM PDT up reply reply 0 recs

ralph drives a miata

by slojoe on May 10, 2008 5:17 PM PDT up reply reply 0 recs

Double T and Mr. Bee

SAVE_US.RAY
Nattowear: now featuring new crap!

by Natto on May 10, 2008 11:25 AM PDT up reply reply 0 recs

Or Grant and Goofus could have a show together.

The Grant and Mr. McPenisButter show!

If you like things that are funny, perhaps you will enjoy ChatterBalks Dot Com?

by groug on May 10, 2008 12:02 PM PDT up reply reply 0 recs

For some reason

I envision you on NPR. Really. I don’t think KNBR is in your future. But if NPR ever gets a Giants (or heck, a baseball) show then you, sir, are the man for the job.

Only 936 games until the end of Zito's contract

by thehavenot on May 10, 2008 9:18 AM PDT reply reply 0 recs

I like Yabu. A lot. Unironically.

I was really pissed when he got sent down, and some of my faith in this idiotic team was restored when he was brought back up. Tremendous value in this guy. Plus, yabulog!

Billy Hayes: Nine more big-league plate appearances than you.

by delorean on May 10, 2008 9:23 AM PDT reply reply 0 recs

Yeah Boo!

Only 936 games until the end of Zito's contract

by thehavenot on May 10, 2008 9:54 AM PDT up reply reply 0 recs

藪ログ = win

Still in despair.

by Zetsuboushita on May 10, 2008 10:17 AM PDT up reply reply 0 recs

Played Backwards...

It sounds like he’s saying, “Turn me on Dead Man”.

"You're all worthless and weak, now drop and give me twenty!"

by Lidocaine on May 10, 2008 9:33 AM PDT reply reply 0 recs

So, I actually got around to actually listening to this, and I see you learned your lesson about making sudden references to the Sarlacc Pit.

My Dave Righetti is better than your Dave Righetti.

by howtheyscored on May 10, 2008 10:33 AM PDT reply reply 0 recs

I feel like I should know what that means.

by Grant on May 10, 2008 10:36 AM PDT up reply reply 0 recs

Star Wars

Return of the Jedi, actually. The Sarlacc was that pit with teeth that Jabba was going to throw Luke and Han into. So I guess howie thinks you sound like Harrison Ford? Or maybe Mark Hamill?

by taliesin on May 10, 2008 10:55 AM PDT up reply reply 0 recs

I do a mean “Awwww, I was supposed to go to the Toshi station and pick up a new power converter!”-impression.

by Grant on May 10, 2008 10:59 AM PDT up reply reply 0 recs

WRONG!

Actually, it was a McCC Night at the Yard 2007 joke. Grant made this Sarlacc Pit reference, and he got three completely blank stares back. I actually knew what he was talking about, but my brain wasn’t working at the time.

My Dave Righetti is better than your Dave Righetti.

by howtheyscored on May 10, 2008 12:49 PM PDT up reply reply 0 recs

“At the time”?

SAVE_US.RAY
Nattowear: now featuring new crap!

by Natto on May 10, 2008 9:57 PM PDT up reply reply 0 recs

At the time doesn’t mean not all the time.

My Dave Righetti is better than your Dave Righetti.

by howtheyscored on May 10, 2008 11:01 PM PDT up reply reply 0 recs

Well done, Grant! I think you have a talent for this kind of thing. I couldn’t even hear the panic in your voice.

No, really, I have updated my blog this year: http://skaldheim.livejournal.com/tag/baseball

by Skaldheim on May 10, 2008 11:05 AM PDT reply reply 0 recs

Grant actually says "ta ta"

too funny

Bonds stands alone.

Proud adopted parent of future big league slugger Thomas Neal

by nostocksjustbonds on May 10, 2008 11:10 AM PDT reply reply 0 recs

which can mean something different in a different context.
very risque move, grant.

Ryan Paul: Two four-letter words are better than one.

by The Enchanter on May 10, 2008 8:50 PM PDT up reply reply 0 recs

I listened as far as “it was not a good game” and decided I was already over my insightful analysis quota.

All-Father Watch: 1.40 ERA, 1.03 WHIP, 18 Ks in 19 1/3 IP

by EliminateMe on May 10, 2008 11:18 AM PDT reply reply 0 recs

Captain Grant

I was going to the worst place in the world and I didn’t even know it yet. Weeks away and hundreds of miles up a river that snaked through the NL West like a main circuit cable – plugged straight into Alou. It was no accident that I got to be the caretaker of Manager Felipe Alou’s memory – any more than being back at AT&T was an accident. There is no way to tell his story without telling my own. And if his story really is a confession, then so is mine.

"You're all worthless and weak, now drop and give me twenty!"

by Lidocaine on May 10, 2008 11:22 AM PDT reply reply 0 recs

/farts

by Grant on May 11, 2008 9:52 AM PDT up reply reply 0 recs

Hahaha!

*wipes tear *
Man, you could write for Mad TV.

SAVE_US.RAY
Nattowear: now featuring new crap!

by Natto on May 11, 2008 11:31 PM PDT up reply reply 0 recs

Which would then qualify him to write for Family Guy!

My Dave Righetti is better than your Dave Righetti.

by howtheyscored on May 12, 2008 1:35 AM PDT up reply reply 0 recs

So does Yabu represent Marlow?

If you like things that are funny, perhaps you will enjoy ChatterBalks Dot Com?

by groug on May 10, 2008 12:00 PM PDT reply reply 0 recs

It’s obvious you’re an amateur. It’s supposed to be ”... and then Fred Lewis made a Tap Plastics Great Catch of the Game.”

I hope corporate sponsors make you rich.

by Dan from NM on May 10, 2008 4:09 PM PDT reply reply 0 recs

impressive, grant, in that it sounded like it was done in one take.

oh, and you sound sober.

Ryan Paul: Two four-letter words are better than one.

by The Enchanter on May 10, 2008 8:52 PM PDT reply reply 0 recs

Grant = Dave Fleming + Valium

"I been waitin' a long time for this! I been waitin' since the f**kin' amateurs!" --WILL "THE THRILL" CLARK

by Josh from Hollywood on May 11, 2008 4:40 PM PDT reply reply 0 recs

By the transitive property of mathmatics:

Grant – Dave Fleming = Valium

Ryan Paul: Two four-letter words are better than one.

by The Enchanter on May 11, 2008 6:10 PM PDT up reply reply 0 recs

Valium – Grant = -Dave Flemming?

My Dave Righetti is better than your Dave Righetti.

by howtheyscored on May 11, 2008 7:31 PM PDT up reply reply 0 recs

Valium + Grant = ???

SAVE_US.RAY
Nattowear: now featuring new crap!

by Natto on May 11, 2008 11:35 PM PDT up reply reply 0 recs

Let me see...

Valium = Grant – Dave Flemming
Grant – Dave Flemming = Grant – Dave Flemming
Dave Flemming = Grant – Valium
Grant = Dave Flemming + Valium
Grant = Dave Flemming + Grant – Dave Flemming (ok… I’m getting into tautology here… time to regroup)

Valium + Grant = Valium + Dave Flemming + Valium
therefore:
Valium + Grant = 2 Valium + Dave Flemming
therefore
Valium + Grant = 2(Grant – Dave Flemming) + Dave Flemming
therefore
Valium + Grant = 2Grant – 2Dave Flemming + Dave Flemming
therefore
Valium + Grant = 2Grant – Dave Flemming

My Dave Righetti is better than your Dave Righetti.

by howtheyscored on May 12, 2008 1:45 AM PDT up reply reply 0 recs

A damn fine time.

by Grant on May 12, 2008 1:57 PM PDT up reply reply 0 recs

I actually just laughed out loud reading this, and my girlfriend asked me what was so funny. I responded, “I can’t really explain. It’s just that I’m a huge nerd.”

Eagerly awaiting Crazy Crab Bobblehead Night on 7/18.

by Kitspool on May 11, 2008 8:13 PM PDT up reply reply 0 recs

When that happens with me I actually can explain. I just tell my girlfriend “somone on the blog said something funny” and then she completely loses interest. She’s just not into blogs.

My Dave Righetti is better than your Dave Righetti.

by howtheyscored on May 11, 2008 8:31 PM PDT up reply reply 0 recs