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Beware the Sarchasm

Thumb_tiny by Grant on

Longtime readers of this site have probably picked up on a little secret. Heck, folks who have been reading for a couple of weeks know the score. When someone or something is praised on my site, everything goes to hell. I'm sure in a previous life, I wrote something like, "Man, those Romans! What an empire!", a commenter posted "LOLWVT?", and then the Roman Empire fell. I'm not superstitious; I just think that my opinions and thoughts control world events. We know what happens when I designate specific O_timism D_ys -- tears and corpses, not necessarily in that order.

So allow me to write about this awful bullpen with which the Giants are saddled. Good gravy; it's 2004 all over again.

  • Keiichi Yabu has been a disaster of a long reliever. He can't throw strikes, and his arm isn't durable. That's all a team needs for a long reliever, but Yabu can't even provide that.
  • Jack Taschner is bad enough as is, but why do the Giants think they can get by without a second lefty specialist to pitch 1/3rd of an inning every other day? Sooner or later, the organizational arrogance will catch up with them.
  • Merkin Valdez just isn't getting it done. I can't find the link, but there were reports that he was throwing in the low-80s in winter ball. How do you give someone a bullpen job -- a high-leverage bullpen job, at that -- when the pitcher in question has a combination of inexperience and a limp fastball? Unbelievable.
  • Tyler Walker: oh, this is a great idea. Let's take someone who was marginally effective when he was healthy, trade him, then reacquire him once his tendons melt. Oh, and he can learn a new pitch while he's rehabbing. Makes perfect sense. Even better, let's make this guy the setup man. Yeah, like he'll ever strike out another hitter.
  • Brian Wilson is the perfect closer for this ragtag bunch of misfits. He couldn't even beat out Armando Benitez last season, so obviously it makes sense to just hand him the job this spring. Wilson gets rattled too easily, and I'm not sure if he has the right attitude to close. His pitches don't have any movement on them, and he doesn't have a breaking ball of note, so I'm not sure if he can ever succeed as a major league reliever, much less as a closer.

There you have it: a bullpen that is the sole reason for the Giants' sub-.500 season to this point. Bullpens are often filled with spare parts. Sometimes the spare parts come from within an organization, and sometimes they come as lesser-known free agents. That's just dandy, but it doesn't mean that an organization can just stop trying. Where are the big name free agents? Where are the Scott Eyres, Joe Borowskis, and Doug Brocails on this team? The Giants can take all of the offseason to fix this problem, but that doesn't mean I can't be disgusted with the bullpen right now.

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You neglected to mention the worst move of all

The DFAing of Steve Kline. I mean, that was at least pretty okay!

Billy Hayes: Nine more big-league plate appearances than you.

by delorean on May 1, 2008 9:16 AM PDT reply reply   0 recs

that = he

more coffee, pleeze

Billy Hayes: Nine more big-league plate appearances than you.

by delorean on May 1, 2008 9:23 AM PDT to parent up reply reply   0 recs

You know what – This whole “Let’s give Fred Lewis an everyday job and see what happens” thing is failing as well. There is nothing that this guy has shown us that merits this oppurtunity. His .337 batting average is just a product of bloopers and pitchers having a bad day when facing him. I haven’t seen this guy hit a ball hard yet.

Also this Lincecum guy, the league is eventually going to catch up with him and I don’t care what anyone says, anyone who balks in that situation should not be given rotation spot. Send him down!!!

by WilliamVanLandingham on May 1, 2008 9:19 AM PDT reply reply   0 recs

LOLWVT is not funny at all. Jeez Grant you are so predictable and lame. History. Who needs it?

And I think it’s time to shave Merkin.

"While conservatives tell you 'leave things alone and no one will lose,' and liberals tell you 'interfere a lot and no one will lose,' baseball says 'someone will lose.' Not only says it - but insists upon it! ... Democracy is lovely, but baseball's more mature." BVCE supports SF Dugout and Manny Burriss.

by BaronVonCurrentEvents on May 1, 2008 9:24 AM PDT reply reply   0 recs

Yeah it makes it a lot less funny. To me he will always be Snatchwig.

"While conservatives tell you 'leave things alone and no one will lose,' and liberals tell you 'interfere a lot and no one will lose,' baseball says 'someone will lose.' Not only says it - but insists upon it! ... Democracy is lovely, but baseball's more mature." BVCE supports SF Dugout and Manny Burriss.

by BaronVonCurrentEvents on May 1, 2008 10:25 AM PDT to parent up reply reply   0 recs

In German he’s Snatchvig.

"While conservatives tell you 'leave things alone and no one will lose,' and liberals tell you 'interfere a lot and no one will lose,' baseball says 'someone will lose.' Not only says it - but insists upon it! ... Democracy is lovely, but baseball's more mature." BVCE supports SF Dugout and Manny Burriss.

by BaronVonCurrentEvents on May 1, 2008 10:50 AM PDT to parent up reply reply   0 recs

I think he produced Nirwana’s “Newermind”

Fukusabean for not signing Fukudome

by Duelling Brandos on May 1, 2008 11:22 AM PDT to parent up reply reply   0 recs

always thought of him as crotchtoupee

by tyrannoman on May 1, 2008 3:15 PM PDT to parent up reply reply   0 recs

Is it the 6th or 7th inning?

< speedy oil change guy voice>
Then it must be time to insert the Merkin into the pickle.
It may sound backwards but it works well for us.

" Their still Shitty" - Major Leagues the movie.
I am a Giants fan. Thus I enjoy my pain. Currently enjoying it more then usual.

by daveinexile on May 1, 2008 10:27 AM PDT to parent up reply reply   0 recs

I know this is a bit late, but...

I think the whole reason for needing a merkin in the first place makes any shaving unnecessary.

by Johnny Disaster on May 1, 2008 8:19 PM PDT to parent up reply reply   0 recs

well yes but SHAVE THE MERKIN is funnier than saying “Wow Valdez sucks DFA him.”

"While conservatives tell you 'leave things alone and no one will lose,' and liberals tell you 'interfere a lot and no one will lose,' baseball says 'someone will lose.' Not only says it - but insists upon it! ... Democracy is lovely, but baseball's more mature." BVCE supports SF Dugout and Manny Burriss.

by BaronVonCurrentEvents on May 2, 2008 7:34 AM PDT to parent up reply reply   0 recs

True

I was thinking along the lines of ‘trim the merkin, its getting unruly’...

by Johnny Disaster on May 2, 2008 1:35 PM PDT to parent up reply reply   0 recs

He can get into some hairy situations.

"While conservatives tell you 'leave things alone and no one will lose,' and liberals tell you 'interfere a lot and no one will lose,' baseball says 'someone will lose.' Not only says it - but insists upon it! ... Democracy is lovely, but baseball's more mature." BVCE supports SF Dugout and Manny Burriss.

by BaronVonCurrentEvents on May 2, 2008 3:04 PM PDT to parent up reply reply   0 recs

Yeah, Sanchez has been pretty terrible

If he wasn’t, why wouldn’t he have more W’s? I mean come on, we all know the W-L is like the most important stat in pitching. Jeez.

Tentatively adopting Dan Ortmeier. And Boom Goes the Dynamite.

by Andy from DC on May 1, 2008 9:24 AM PDT reply reply   0 recs

I hate lamp.

by hammystyle on May 1, 2008 9:46 AM PDT reply reply   0 recs

In all seriousness, the good news is that the Giants have taken steps to remedy this situation by moving their best pitcher to the bullpen.

by hammystyle on May 1, 2008 9:47 AM PDT to parent up reply reply   0 recs

Guess what?

“This bullpen has a fever, and the only prescription….is MORE BRAD HENNESSEY!”

Eagerly awaiting Crazy Crab Bobblehead Night on 7/18.

by Kitspool on May 1, 2008 9:48 AM PDT reply reply   0 recs

the Minster of Cow Bell Rules!!!

" Their still Shitty" - Major Leagues the movie.
I am a Giants fan. Thus I enjoy my pain. Currently enjoying it more then usual.

by daveinexile on May 1, 2008 10:28 AM PDT to parent up reply reply   0 recs

He puts his pants on one leg at a time

2008 Giants: A steaming pile of scrap!

by Goofus on May 1, 2008 12:21 PM PDT to parent up reply reply   0 recs

" Notice the crease on the top of your lip? I put it there before you were born."

Oh yes I know what I have to dig up this weekend.

" Their still Shitty" - Major Leagues the movie.
I am a Giants fan. Thus I enjoy my pain. Currently enjoying it more then usual.

by daveinexile on May 1, 2008 12:32 PM PDT to parent up reply reply   0 recs

and makes gold records!

Ryan Paul: Two four-letter words are better than one.

by The Enchanter on May 1, 2008 9:18 PM PDT to parent up reply reply   0 recs

Did you notice

that Hennessey was mysteriously missing from Grant’s post?

"Candlestick made me a man." - Will Clark

by MeSoKrabby on May 1, 2008 10:49 AM PDT to parent up reply reply   0 recs

When you’re that solid, you don’t deserve criticism.

If you like things that are funny, perhaps you will enjoy ChatterBalks Dot Com?

by groug on May 1, 2008 11:11 AM PDT to parent up reply reply   0 recs

Highest Paid in the Majors

And the biggest earner hasn’t even pitched out of the pen yet!

by SheboyganBratwurst on May 1, 2008 9:59 AM PDT reply reply   0 recs

Flip-Flop the Bullpen and Starting Rotation

Hell, we should just flip-flop the starters and that bullpen. Then we’ll have a rotation that looks like this:

1) Brian Wilson
2) Jack Taschner
3) Tyler Walker
4) Merkin Valdez
5) Keiichi Yabu
6) Barry Zito (Spot Starter)

Go see my Giants blog at http://www.michaelnewjr.com

by Mike New on May 1, 2008 10:12 AM PDT reply reply   0 recs

+1

If you like things that are funny, perhaps you will enjoy ChatterBalks Dot Com?

by groug on May 1, 2008 11:11 AM PDT to parent up reply reply   0 recs

Those kids on the infield, Durham and Aurilia, are really gettin’ it done.
Youthful enthusiasm is totally underrated.

by WTF on May 1, 2008 10:19 AM PDT reply reply   0 recs

and there's this kid Dave Roberts

i think they’re hiding him in triple A, maybe. a holy terror on the basepaths! wait til he gets up to the show.

Billy Hayes: Nine more big-league plate appearances than you.

by delorean on May 1, 2008 10:23 AM PDT to parent up reply reply   0 recs

This "Gamer idea" isn't working...

The whole speed and defense thing really doesn’t work with this team—the infield consists of such stellar defenders as Castillo, Durham, and Bowker.

Wait…I don’t think I did that right…

Proud pappa of....STEVE HOLM!!

by UnleashTheGore on May 1, 2008 10:23 AM PDT reply reply   0 recs

I think speed and defense has evolved into

Speed and lights-out pitching.

Eugeniooooooo!!!!

by FairweatherFan on May 1, 2008 10:33 AM PDT to parent up reply reply   0 recs

What team are you watching?

Sources tell me that the Giants are old and in the way.

¿Julio is tourist in San Francisco? Harper's Bizarre!

by hairball on May 1, 2008 12:30 PM PDT to parent up reply reply   0 recs

Go D-Blanks!

Sorry . But knowing Arizona’s underdog status after 38 years of flogging the dog for the Giants – the perennial powerhouse -I feel supernaturally compelled to kick them to the curb and throw my considerable support behind a truly deserving organization.

Aaron "Swag" Rowand

by victor frankenstein on May 1, 2008 10:48 AM PDT reply reply   0 recs

What "June Swoon"?!

Oh, right, It’s only May 1st.

"You're all worthless and weak, now drop and give me twenty!"

by Lidocaine on May 1, 2008 10:59 AM PDT reply reply   0 recs

Photobucket

My adopted son Matt Downs. Bill Mueller without the two-flap helmet .

by nvsfg on May 1, 2008 11:01 AM PDT reply reply   0 recs

This baby is off the charts, mmmhey!

2008: My previous assessment may have been overly optimistic.

by EliminateMe on May 1, 2008 11:04 AM PDT reply reply   0 recs

Oh, a Sarcasm Detector….. That’s REAL useful!

Proud supporter of the Fightin' Hydrants.

by Little Napoleon on May 1, 2008 11:47 AM PDT to parent up reply reply   0 recs

Some more Home Runs would be nice

Giants last in NL with 16. Just saying…

"You're all worthless and weak, now drop and give me twenty!"

by Lidocaine on May 1, 2008 11:07 AM PDT reply reply   0 recs

Honestly

What real baseball fan gives a fuck about home runs? That’s like saying “well, the warriors are fun to watch and all, but I really wish they would just dunk more”.

Home runs please the weekender and the casual fan. “Ooo exciting he hit that one out. Is that Barry Bonds up there, does he still play for the giants?”

I would much rather watch a team play cunning baseball than batting practice.

Eugeniooooooo!!!!

by FairweatherFan on May 1, 2008 11:13 AM PDT to parent up reply reply   0 recs

I dunno, I got a pretty big kick out of Freddy hitting one into the water last weekend.

"While conservatives tell you 'leave things alone and no one will lose,' and liberals tell you 'interfere a lot and no one will lose,' baseball says 'someone will lose.' Not only says it - but insists upon it! ... Democracy is lovely, but baseball's more mature." BVCE supports SF Dugout and Manny Burriss.

by BaronVonCurrentEvents on May 1, 2008 11:43 AM PDT to parent up reply reply   0 recs

Chicks dig the long ball.

by cornball on May 1, 2008 11:44 AM PDT to parent up reply reply   0 recs

Cornball don’t lie.

"While conservatives tell you 'leave things alone and no one will lose,' and liberals tell you 'interfere a lot and no one will lose,' baseball says 'someone will lose.' Not only says it - but insists upon it! ... Democracy is lovely, but baseball's more mature." BVCE supports SF Dugout and Manny Burriss.

by BaronVonCurrentEvents on May 1, 2008 11:44 AM PDT to parent up reply reply   0 recs

Some guys dig it too.

Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

2008: My previous assessment may have been overly optimistic.

by EliminateMe on May 1, 2008 12:06 PM PDT to parent up reply reply   0 recs

I’m a guy; I dig the long ball. I am not ashamed.

by cornball on May 1, 2008 12:10 PM PDT to parent up reply reply   0 recs

Don’t get me wrong, nobody was louder than me yelling RUN RUN RUN at Velez when he was flying around the bases on that ninth inning RBI triple Saturday night. I just like watching my team get runs.

"While conservatives tell you 'leave things alone and no one will lose,' and liberals tell you 'interfere a lot and no one will lose,' baseball says 'someone will lose.' Not only says it - but insists upon it! ... Democracy is lovely, but baseball's more mature." BVCE supports SF Dugout and Manny Burriss.

by BaronVonCurrentEvents on May 1, 2008 12:13 PM PDT to parent up reply reply   0 recs

I would much rather watch a team play cunning baseball than batting practice.

“Cunning baseball” for the Giants is getting picked off when on base and flaring a single now and then.

http://www.baycityball.com

by xanthan on May 1, 2008 11:49 AM PDT to parent up reply reply   0 recs

I’ve been a double quotin’ fool lately, not sure what thats about!

http://www.baycityball.com

by xanthan on May 1, 2008 11:49 AM PDT to parent up reply reply   0 recs

I have a way with words and have always considered myself a cunning linguist.

2008 Giants: A steaming pile of scrap!

by Goofus on May 1, 2008 12:24 PM PDT to parent up reply reply   0 recs

Of course, goofus didn't actually say one

For some reason it triggered my reaction to “a cunning display of stunts”. Now THAT’s a spoonerism!

¿Julio is tourist in San Francisco? Harper's Bizarre!

by hairball on May 1, 2008 12:33 PM PDT to parent up reply reply   0 recs

Humm, like I said. I was just saying...

But come to think of it when Barry was at bat, not too many Giants got picked off of 1st base trying to steal.

"You're all worthless and weak, now drop and give me twenty!"

by Lidocaine on May 1, 2008 11:19 AM PDT to parent up reply reply   0 recs

What does that have to do with anything?

I don’t think Klesko or Aurilia were big threats to steal… The giants have stolen something like 33 bases in april – and guess what? It’s working.

Eugeniooooooo!!!!

by FairweatherFan on May 1, 2008 11:28 AM PDT to parent up reply reply   0 recs

No, it's not

Giants are 2nd to last in all of baseball in runs scored. Don’t kid yourself, their record is as good as it is much more because of their non-Zito starting pitching and a lights-out bullpen than because of those 33 (?) stolen bases.

I was THE GREATEST OF ALL TIME (for 3 days in 1995).

by Mike Benjamin Hit King on May 1, 2008 11:38 AM PDT to parent up reply reply   0 recs

To work or not to work

How many runs would they have scored by now if they WEREN’T running the bases like they are?

"He called the sh** POOP!" -- Adam Sandler

by JRPhillips on May 1, 2008 12:52 PM PDT to parent up reply reply   0 recs

Probably even fewer

I can’t be sure though, because along with those stolen bases they’ve also run into an awful lot of outs. In any case, the point stands, the offense is not good and therefore whatever they are doing is not working.

I was THE GREATEST OF ALL TIME (for 3 days in 1995).

by Mike Benjamin Hit King on May 1, 2008 1:35 PM PDT to parent up reply reply   0 recs

Jesus, some people just don't get it...

If this offense plays station to station baseball, they score zero runs. Like literally zero. It would be so freaking pathetic it wouldn’t even be fun to complain about.

Just because the net is not sufficient doesn’t mean that you aren’t making the best out of what you have got.

The offense is bad because the over all talent level is low. The reason the giants are doing much better than expected is because they are doing extremely well with what little talent they do have. Utilizing the strengths (speed) is the key to being successful in any given situation.

Those of you who think that this team should sit around and wait to get bumped up one base and then eventually end up @ home are absolutely clueless about the game of baseball or this baseball team.

Eugeniooooooo!!!!

by FairweatherFan on May 1, 2008 2:28 PM PDT to parent up reply reply   0 recs

The reason the giants are doing much better than expected is because they are doing extremely well with what little talent they do have. Utilizing the strengths (speed) is the key to being successful in any given situation.

Those of you who think that this team should sit around and wait to get bumped up one base and then eventually end up @ home are absolutely clueless about the game of baseball or this baseball team.

You take your personal opinion, you declare it as a fact, and then say that all the people that disagree with you are stupid. What a productive way to have a discussion.

..so allow me to present Tim Lincecum and Matt Cain as two sweet, sweet bottles of warming hooch.

by Cookyman on May 2, 2008 1:42 AM PDT to parent up reply reply   0 recs

His opinion might be correct

In a low run scoring environment, such as when happens when the 2 teams have trouble scoring, outs become less valuable, whereas a single run becomes more valuable. Thus, it might make sense to trade / sacrifice outs for a run or 2.

Conversely, in a high scoring environment, such as the modern MLB environment, outs become more valuable, whereas the value of any single run decreases. Thus, it makes sense to conserve outs, and not sacrifice outs to get a run.

ZIPS: Milledge: 466 HR, 485 2B, 2282 hits, 278-379-524

by rfloh on May 2, 2008 8:05 AM PDT to parent up reply reply   0 recs

Your 2008 SFgiants

Is a low run scoring enviroment. Period.

“Modern MLB enviroment” IMO is going to change over the next few years as the powerball effects of steroids leave the game. We will see.

By the way, the total # of runs scored last year vs 20 years ago isnt that different, it’s just how they are scored.

Eugeniooooooo!!!!

by FairweatherFan on May 2, 2008 9:49 AM PDT to parent up reply reply   0 recs

20 years ago

The NL scored on average about .8 runs per game less than last year, FWIW.

Eugeniooooooo!!!!

by FairweatherFan on May 2, 2008 9:54 AM PDT to parent up reply reply   0 recs

I think

I think a lot of people overestimate the effect that getting steroids out is going to have on powerball. It will have an effect, absolutely, but the game is still played with harder/lighter bats, smaller parks, and balls that fly farther than the bats, parks, and balls were 15 – even 10! – years ago.

The game equipment is being tailored toward the power game. There will be a difference, but I don’t think we’ll ever see something completely like “the game before roids ruled.”

My Dave Righetti is better than your Dave Righetti.

by howtheyscored on May 2, 2008 11:46 AM PDT to parent up reply reply   0 recs

It may not be exactly the same as the pre ‘roid era, but I think it will be similar. Pitching and hitting league wide tend to go in cycles. I fell like overall, we will have an uptick in pitching and a downward correction in hitting over the next few years. Then, about 2023, we&#