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All Optimism, All Season

Thumb_tiny by Grant on

It's April 8th. The Giants are bad. We have six more months of nothing to dissect. The Mercury News tried to make us feel worse, but this team is like a morphine injection right to the spine. There's a little pain, but it's fading.

So, quick! Before the pain moves from dull ache to complete numbness! We have to get our last jabs of incredulous pessimism in! In July, I'll be posting something about how Fred Lewis's .269/.340/.412 line is the best on the team, and how he might be playing himself into a starting job for 2009. You'll put up a fanpost in August with a title of, "John Bowker: 1B of the future?" We'll all start to root around for optimism, looking under the movie theater seat during Leonard Part 6 and trying to find a Junior Mint that hasn't been stepped on, or at least, still has most of the chocolate shell. Who cares if the chocolate has a thumbprint on it? You can't taste a thumbprint. Usually.

But we still have time to be absolutely stunned by how awful this team is. Here's a list of NL teams. The players to the right of the teams are hitters who are better suited to be a cleanup hitter than is Bengie Molina:

Florida - Jacobs, Uggla, Ramirez, Willingham, Hermida
Atlanta - McCann, Teixeira, Jones, Johnson, Francoeur
Philadelphia - Howard, Utley, Rollins, Burrell, Jenkins
Mets - Delgado, Wright, Alou, Beltran
Washington - Johnson, Zimmerman, Milledge, Young
Milwaukee - Fielder, Weeks, Hall, Hardy, Braun, Hart
St. Louis - Pujols, Glaus, Ankiel, Duncan
Cubs - Soto, Lee, Ramirez, Soriano, Fukudome
Cincinnati - Encarnacion, Dunn, Griffey, Votto, Arroyo
Pittsburgh - LaRoche, Doumit, Bay, Nady
Houston - Berkman, Wigginton, Tejada, Lee, Pence
Arizona - Jackson, Reynolds, Byrnes, Young, Upton, Owings
San Diego - Gonzalez, Kouzmanoff, Greene, Hairston
Los Angeles - Martin, Loney, Kent, Jones, Kemp

Every team in the National League has at least four offensive players the Giants could use as their cleanup hitter. I probably forgot a bunch, and maybe I stretched it with hitters like Kelly Johnson. Still, it's worth noting that during every game this season, we'll be facing a team with a #7 hitter that could bat cleanup for us. Every team, including the ones that usually get lumped in with the Giants, like the Pirates and Marlins. They can't even sniff this kind of offensive ineptitude. Please.

So today is open fun fact day. Did you know that ___? For example: Did you know that the Giants only have two players with more than one RBI? Did you know that 55 players have as many or more home runs than does the entire Giants team? Open fun fact day. Get digging. Think of a column Jayson Stark might write the day after he was dumped on his wedding day.

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'tis true

The Giants are HORRIBLE :(

First.

Eugeniooooooo!!!!

by FairweatherFan on Apr 8, 2008 1:39 PM PDT   0 recs

One Word:

Bocock

"You're all worthless and weak, now drop and give me twenty!"

by Lidocaine on Apr 8, 2008 1:43 PM PDT   0 recs

BUT AT LEAST WE DON'T HAVE PEDRO

or something. This team is SOO much better without him.

Eugeniooooooo!!!!

by FairweatherFan on Apr 8, 2008 1:45 PM PDT   0 recs

True..

His .592 OPS this year would raise the Giants total up a bit...

Did you know that Pedro's OBP is above his SLG?

The Basil Fawlty Moderating Strategy:
"We could run a nice blog here if we didn't have all these members getting in the way."

by WalrusMan on Apr 8, 2008 1:48 PM PDT to parent up   0 recs

or

was he referring to Pedro Gomez?

by m3lkor on Apr 8, 2008 3:06 PM PDT to parent up   0 recs

Serrano.

2008: My previous assessment may have been overly optimistic.

by EliminateMe on Apr 8, 2008 5:04 PM PDT to parent up   0 recs

DId you know that..

The Chicago White Sox are on pace to score 1041 runs this year?
The Giants are on pace to score 370 runs this year?
The Colorado Rockies are on pace to score 277 runs this year?
The Giants OPS this year is .573?
The average major league OPS this year is .726?
37.4% of Giants fans will commit suicide this year?

The Basil Fawlty Moderating Strategy:
"We could run a nice blog here if we didn't have all these members getting in the way."

by WalrusMan on Apr 8, 2008 1:46 PM PDT   0 recs

Did you know that ... the Giants pitching was going to be this bad.

by wilriv21 on Apr 8, 2008 1:47 PM PDT   0 recs

As of right now, Arizona has 16 homers, we have 16 runs...

by Azmanz on Apr 8, 2008 1:47 PM PDT   0 recs

I said that wrong, lemme try again

Did you know that... as of right now, Arizona has 16 homers, we have 16 runs...

by Azmanz on Apr 8, 2008 1:49 PM PDT to parent up   0 recs

17 homers

Reynolds hit his 5th last night

"I was tied to a chair and he had a baseball bat. Pissing him off was the smart thing to do."

by DbacksSkins on Apr 9, 2008 1:43 PM PDT to parent up   0 recs

You forgot that the Giants have some guys who would be better cleanup hitters than Molina:

Rowand, Winn, Cain...

No, really, I have updated my blog this year: http://skaldheim.livejournal.com/tag/baseball

by Skaldheim on Apr 8, 2008 1:49 PM PDT   0 recs

I'd be willing to throw Kuip into that mix. You cant go wrong with a guy who only has 1 career HR. Besides i hear he is a really really funny guy. What club house doesnt need that.?

I traded Cody Ransom for Khalil Greene in my PS2 EA Sports MLB'04 game because he sucked there too.

by rock n jock on Apr 8, 2008 4:46 PM PDT to parent up   0 recs

Did you know that

you included Bronson Arroyo and Micah Owings as players who are better suited to bat cleanup than Bengie Molina?

Oh.

I see what you did there.

Eagerly awaiting Crazy Crab Bobblehead Night on 7/18.

by Kitspool on Apr 8, 2008 1:50 PM PDT   0 recs

Fun project

Which AL pitchers could hit cleanup on the Giants? So far I have Dontrelle Willis and CC Sabathia.

SAVE_US.RAY
Get yer Nattowear

by Natto on Apr 8, 2008 1:53 PM PDT to parent up   0 recs

He forgot Carlos Zambrano though.

Weird.

If you like things that are funny, perhaps you will enjoy ChatterBalks Dot Com?

by groug on Apr 8, 2008 1:54 PM PDT to parent up   0 recs

obligatory Arroyo youtube

http://youtube.com/watch?v=0I-2YW0IzUU

Billy Hayes: Nine more big-league plate appearances than you.

by delorean on Apr 8, 2008 2:16 PM PDT to parent up   0 recs

free agents

here is a list of remaining free agents that would hit clean-up on this team:

b. lamar bonds
mike piazza
reggie sanders
sammy sosa
preston wilson

Dodgers fans eat their young.

by redhornet78 on Apr 8, 2008 1:57 PM PDT   0 recs

Did you know that..

3 of the 6 NL shutouts so far have been against us.

by Azmanz on Apr 8, 2008 1:57 PM PDT   0 recs

3?

2, no?

by BigO on Apr 8, 2008 2:18 PM PDT to parent up   0 recs

Did you know...

Joe Crede’s grand slam lifts White Sox to 7-4 win over Minnesota

"You're all worthless and weak, now drop and give me twenty!"

by Lidocaine on Apr 8, 2008 1:58 PM PDT   0 recs

Did you know...

Torii Hunter hits grand slam in ninth to give Angels 6-4 win over Indians

"You're all worthless and weak, now drop and give me twenty!"

by Lidocaine on Apr 8, 2008 2:00 PM PDT to parent up   0 recs

Did you know...

Joe Crede is .393/.419/.679 with 2HRs and 10 rbi?

by brandollars on Apr 8, 2008 2:13 PM PDT to parent up   0 recs

Batting average

"I been waitin' a long time for this! I been waitin' since the f**kin' amateurs!" --WILL "THE THRILL" CLARK

by Josh from Hollywood on Apr 8, 2008 3:20 PM PDT to parent up   0 recs

Did you know that the Giants have a 1st baseman version of Jack Cust in their farm system, who has hit 20 or more homers 8 times and 30 or more on 3 occasions, including last year, and yet they stubbornly refuse to promote him, ostensibly based on age, when he's a full 5 years younger than their starting shortstop?

Give McClain a fucking chance already!!!!!!

¿Julio is tourist in San Francisco?

by hairball on Apr 8, 2008 2:01 PM PDT   0 recs

Dear Abby,

Hi,

My name is Scott McClain. Here are my stats. Note all the home runs. I'm like Crash Davis and Jack Cust combined. And I'm a first baseman. Yet the Giants prefer to start Rich Aurilia and Dan Ortmeier instead of me, and have Benji Molina as their cleanup hitter. So anyway, on to my question...

What friggin' universe am I living in, where I haven't been at least extended a good long look yet???

Signed,

"Die Hard in Fresno"

¿Julio is tourist in San Francisco?

by hairball on Apr 8, 2008 2:10 PM PDT to parent up   0 recs

Dang...

Was expecting to get Rick Roll'd and got actual Scott McClain stats instead.

That's all I can stands, I can't stands no more!

by tobias on Apr 8, 2008 4:28 PM PDT to parent up   0 recs

But that would that old guy would be blocking....um...Rich Aurilia? Wait a minute, whose older McClain or Aurilia? If its McClain then we're good.

by WilliamVanLandingham on Apr 8, 2008 2:10 PM PDT to parent up   0 recs

Aurilia's 2 years older

The D'uh continues...

¿Julio is tourist in San Francisco?

by hairball on Apr 8, 2008 2:12 PM PDT to parent up   0 recs

Crap, I was willing to give Sabean a break on this one, even if it was a matter of a couple months.

by WilliamVanLandingham on Apr 8, 2008 2:13 PM PDT to parent up   0 recs

It really does make you wonder, don't it?

I mean, does Brian Sabean even know he's got this guy in Fresno? WTF to the nth degree!

¿Julio is tourist in San Francisco?

by hairball on Apr 8, 2008 2:15 PM PDT to parent up   0 recs

I know, I know

He's playing Richie to increase Richie's trade value, then will trade for a legit 3rd baseman while Scott gets on the bus from Fresno...

Too bad the 3rd baseman will be from Pee Wee league....

by bennett on Apr 8, 2008 2:19 PM PDT to parent up   0 recs

WHY DO PEOPLE KEEP SAYING THIS?

Has this strategy ever once worked for the Giants? Ever? Once?

If you like things that are funny, perhaps you will enjoy ChatterBalks Dot Com?

by groug on Apr 8, 2008 2:34 PM PDT to parent up   0 recs

Sorry

I'm just tired of seeing "He's playing Terrible Veteran X ('Can he play CF?' -howie) to increase his trade value."

I'm at the point where I don't believe that.

If you like things that are funny, perhaps you will enjoy ChatterBalks Dot Com?

by groug on Apr 8, 2008 2:36 PM PDT to parent up   0 recs

Groug, I was trying to be funny...

The reality of the situation is that there is no reason for the situation.

Other than goofy theories, veteran "savvy" allegiance, and/or ineptitude of GM / management.

by bennett on Apr 8, 2008 2:50 PM PDT to parent up   0 recs

Oh, it's fine

I'm just at the point where that phrase drives me irrationally crazy.

No biggie.

If you like things that are funny, perhaps you will enjoy ChatterBalks Dot Com?

by groug on Apr 8, 2008 2:57 PM PDT to parent up   0 recs

YES

Watching Durham et. al. play lousy does nothing to entice teams into trading for them. It might prove they're injury free, but with this gang it's more likely to result in them injuring themselves.

by natteringnabob on Apr 8, 2008 2:53 PM PDT to parent up   0 recs

Hey!

I have never once asked that question!

I was leading the charge to change it to "WILL he play CF?" though. That never caught on.

He is Vengeance. He is the Knight. He is Dave Righetti. PRAY TO HIM!

by howtheyscored on Apr 8, 2008 4:19 PM PDT to parent up   0 recs

I offer my most sincere apologies.

If you like things that are funny, perhaps you will enjoy ChatterBalks Dot Com?

by groug on Apr 9, 2008 9:42 AM PDT to parent up   0 recs

Aurilia had one good year back in 2000. Durham was a pretty good player up to a couple years ago. Neither has any trade value, since every other front office in MLB is laughing at the fact that the Giants are keeping these clowns on a major league roster.

by Candlestick on Apr 9, 2008 8:06 AM PDT to parent up   0 recs

This is just nitpicky

But Aurilia had more than one good year. In fact, 2001 was a great year for Rich Aurilia.

Only 964 games until the end of Zito's contract

by thehavenot on Apr 9, 2008 6:38 PM PDT to parent up   0 recs

Not two years...

...more like 8 months older. Aurilia was born in September 71, McClain in May 72.

2008: My previous assessment may have been overly optimistic.

by EliminateMe on Apr 8, 2008 5:08 PM PDT to parent up   0 recs

Yippee kayay!

No, really, I have updated my blog this year: http://skaldheim.livejournal.com/tag/baseball

by Skaldheim on Apr 8, 2008 2:12 PM PDT to parent up   0 recs

Funny: Owings is listed under Arizona's replacements.
Sad: Could probably outhit Molina.

by MidKnight on Apr 8, 2008 2:09 PM PDT   0 recs

Did you know that I only read articles outlining how pathetic this team is, then send them to my friend whom is a red sox fan, to prove to him how bad this team really is, because he doesn't believe me!

by smell my socks on Apr 8, 2008 2:11 PM PDT   0 recs

Did you know?

The peanut is neither a pea, nor a nut?

"Candlestick made me a man." - Will Clark

by MeSoKrabby on Apr 8, 2008 2:14 PM PDT   0 recs

and the cashew is a seed

Billy Hayes: Nine more big-league plate appearances than you.

by delorean on Apr 8, 2008 2:18 PM PDT to parent up   0 recs

Stop talking crazy!

It has pea and nut in the name. Why would they name it that if wasn't at least ONE of those two things? Come on, use your brain.

He is Vengeance. He is the Knight. He is Dave Righetti. PRAY TO HIM!

by howtheyscored on Apr 8, 2008 4:20 PM PDT to parent up   0 recs

Then I have some really bad news for you about the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim.

Five words, two lies.

Anyone else think the Justice League of National is more strategic & interesting than the Justice League of America?

by Mayor of 311 on Apr 8, 2008 4:25 PM PDT to parent up   0 recs

Nicely played.

A well thrown pitch, Mayor.

He is Vengeance. He is the Knight. He is Dave Righetti. PRAY TO HIM!

by howtheyscored on Apr 8, 2008 4:47 PM PDT to parent up   0 recs

From wiki

"The plant's name combines the morphemes pea and nut, causing some confusion as to the nature of the fruit. Although a nut in the culinary sense, in the botanical sense the fruit of the peanut plant is a woody, indehiscent legume and not a nut. The word pea describes the edible seeds of many other legumes in the Fabaceae family, and in that sense, a peanut is a kind of pea."

"Candlestick made me a man." - Will Clark

by MeSoKrabby on Apr 8, 2008 4:26 PM PDT to parent up   0 recs

Now it's a fruit!?!

I'm never eating pealegumefruitnuts again.

He is Vengeance. He is the Knight. He is Dave Righetti. PRAY TO HIM!

by howtheyscored on Apr 8, 2008 4:48 PM PDT to parent up   0 recs

Pop quiz:

Who here knows what the word "indehiscent" means without looking it up? (I didn't.)

2008: My previous assessment may have been overly optimistic.

by EliminateMe on Apr 8, 2008 5:11 PM PDT to parent up   0 recs

It doesn't mean "naked"?

He is Vengeance. He is the Knight. He is Dave Righetti. PRAY TO HIM!

by howtheyscored on Apr 8, 2008 5:22 PM PDT to parent up   0 recs

Did you know that...

The worst offense in modern history was the 1910 Chicago White Sox, who "hit" .211/.269/.261. Yes it was the deadball era but that sucked even then. OPS+ of 73, worst in modern times.

So far the Giants have an OPS+ of 55.

by Salemicus on Apr 8, 2008 2:17 PM PDT   0 recs

DID YOU KNOW

The SFGiants have at least 4 starting position players who would not be starting on any other team in MLB? Maybe 5 if you count Roberts.

by fwoty oz on Apr 8, 2008 2:37 PM PDT   0 recs

Did you know that..

of the top 3 offensive performers by VORP on BP, two have no picture available (Velez, Lincecum) and one has a Philly hat on.

Also of the top 7 hitters by VORP, 4 are pitchers (Lincecum, Sanchez, Valdez, and Correia)

by sanfranfan on Apr 8, 2008 2:47 PM PDT   0 recs

Bad

Lincecum is not a good hitter. It's Tomko time!

by natteringnabob on Apr 8, 2008 2:53 PM PDT to parent up   0 recs

fuck

there are 5 Leonards that I have to see?

by WTF on Apr 8, 2008 2:56 PM PDT   0 recs

5 Leonards but Only 1 .......

There's only one Brian Bocock,
One Brian Bocock,
Walking along,
Singing a song,
Walking in a Bocock wonderland.

by wilriv21 on Apr 8, 2008 3:32 PM PDT to parent up   0 recs

Just noticed Hairston

Ha!

...aw.

If you like things that are funny, perhaps you will enjoy ChatterBalks Dot Com?

by groug on Apr 8, 2008 3:05 PM PDT   0 recs

Oooh, I got one...

126 Mil

"I been waitin' a long time for this! I been waitin' since the f**kin' amateurs!" --WILL "THE THRILL" CLARK

by Josh from Hollywood on Apr 8, 2008 3:28 PM PDT   0 recs

This much

"I been waitin' a long time for this! I been waitin' since the f**kin' amateurs!" --WILL "THE THRILL" CLARK

by Josh from Hollywood on Apr 8, 2008 3:29 PM PDT to parent up   0 recs

I always thought..

He was talking about Milano in that picture.

by mxmob33 on Apr 8, 2008 4:18 PM PDT to parent up   0 recs

Speaking of Alyssa, here's another "Fun Fact"...

Starlets

"I been waitin' a long time for this! I been waitin' since the f**kin' amateurs!" --WILL "THE THRILL" CLARK

by Josh from Hollywood on Apr 8, 2008 5:09 PM PDT to parent up   0 recs

Exhibit A

Charmed

"I been waitin' a long time for this! I been waitin' since the f**kin' amateurs!" --WILL "THE THRILL" CLARK

by Josh from Hollywood on Apr 8, 2008 5:10 PM PDT to parent up   0 recs

Exhibit B

Lizzie McGuire

"I been waitin' a long time for this! I been waitin' since the f**kin' amateurs!" --WILL "THE THRILL" CLARK

by Josh from Hollywood on Apr 8, 2008 5:10 PM PDT to parent up   0 recs

Exhibit C

Small Wonder

"I been waitin' a long time for this! I been waitin' since the f**kin' amateurs!" --WILL "THE THRILL" CLARK

by Josh from Hollywood on Apr 8, 2008 5:10 PM PDT to parent up   0 recs

Exhibit D

"Candlestick made me a man." - Will Clark

by MeSoKrabby on Apr 8, 2008 5:13 PM PDT to parent up   0 recs

That's hot.

"I been waitin' a long time for this! I been waitin' since the f**kin' amateurs!" --WILL "THE THRILL" CLARK

by Josh from Hollywood on Apr 8, 2008 5:59 PM PDT to parent up   0 recs

she was so hot when I was growing up...come to think of it she isnt all that bad right now.

I traded Cody Ransom for Khalil Greene in my PS2 EA Sports MLB'04 game because he sucked there too.

by rock n jock on Apr 8, 2008 5:33 PM PDT to parent up   0 recs

Milano that is.

I traded Cody Ransom for Khalil Greene in my PS2 EA Sports MLB'04 game because he sucked there too.

by rock n jock on Apr 8, 2008 5:34 PM PDT to parent up   0 recs

Dodger fan. Do not want.

Billy Hayes: Nine more big-league plate appearances than you.

by delorean on Apr 8, 2008 5:34 PM PDT to parent up   0 recs

A little optimistic?

The SFGiants have at least 4 starting position players who would not be starting on any other team in MLB? Maybe 5 if you count Roberts.

You mean The SFGiants have at least 4 starting position players who would not be on the 25 man roster of any other team in MLB.

by AthleticsReign on Apr 8, 2008 3:41 PM PDT   0 recs

Did you know..

Omar's rehab isn't going so well and nobody cares.

by mxmob33 on Apr 8, 2008 4:22 PM PDT   0 recs

not even kenshin?

"Candlestick made me a man." - Will Clark

by MeSoKrabby on Apr 8, 2008 4:24 PM PDT to parent up   0 recs

Bocock Cares

Eugeniooooooo!!!!

by FairweatherFan on Apr 8, 2008 4:26 PM PDT to parent up   0 recs

Dammit, Grant

Why are you trying to mix smart-assing with statistical fact? I can totally do the first but in my world, it's not a mixed drink!

I feel so left out.

He is Vengeance. He is the Knight. He is Dave Righetti. PRAY TO HIM!

by howtheyscored on Apr 8, 2008 4:23 PM PDT   0 recs

Too damn old :(

I'd rather see Orty suffer than Mclain. I want to see players that have a chance of helping this team 2 years from now. Otherwise, it's a waste of time.

Eugeniooooooo!!!!

by FairweatherFan on Apr 8, 2008 4:34 PM PDT   0 recs

Did you know....

the Giants blow? and that rhymes. I know, i'm clever, and i'm somewhat bitter because i'm in texas and can't watch the Giants games

by baetown415 on Apr 8, 2008 4:35 PM PDT   0 recs

Did you know...

The Giants have a PECOTA projected (including this season's results) 4% chance of making the playoffs!

That higher than the Orioles!

FIRE BRIAN SABEAN

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