My Toe: a metaphor for Rich Aurilia
by thehavenot on Apr 25, 2008 12:11 AM PDT
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PrintDear Diary,
As I'm sure no one noticed, I was not around here for a week. The reason is this. I got into a minor motorcycle accident. Well, it was minor for my bike and for the car. It was not so minor for my left big toe. My left foot smacked into the bumper of a car and as soon as it did I knew something was broken. I thought it was my whole foot but it turns out that it was just my big toe. Here's the problem, and the reason I stayed nearly a week in the hospital, the big toe has four blood vessels in it and I severed three of them in the crash. I also got this huge laceration on my foot. So now my toe is a couple shades of dark purple and there's a big open gash in my foot. And, of course, totally useless. It's hindering, actually.
Now my toe wasn't always useless. In fact, my toe used to be quite useful. It was very helpful in my walking and stuff. Unfortunately, it will never return to its former useful self. Therefore, even though I am very invested in my left big toe, I feel that it is better if it is removed. Or, at least, this is how the doctors feel. I tend to agree.
I actually have a picture of my toe in all of its useless glory. Some might not appreciate it, so this couldn't be a visual metaphor. However, imagine my perfectly good, useful toe in complete health. This is Rich Aurilia circa 1999-200.....let's say 06. Then imagine my toe purpled, a little crooked and a big open gash under the toes on the right side. This would be Rich Aurilia 07-08.
Now, of course, the right choice is to cut off the toe. It will never be the same. Yes, I have a decent investment in it but it is useless now. Of course, if Brian Sabean was my doctor we would get what my foot looks like right now. That is, still untouched, still broken, still with an open gash but wrapped with bandages to make it look presentable. Heck, when my sock was first removed from my foot my toe was sort of hiding behind the other toes and the doctor had to move back to where a big toe belongs. If Sabes was my doctor he would have immediately proclaimed my big toe as a super-utility toe and left it where it was.
My toe will eventually be amputated (unless a miracle occurs). However, Rich Aurilia will still use up at bats. Just like my foot in its current state forces me to hobble around on crutches, so does Aurilia similarly hobble the Giants organization.
The question is, when will the amputation be? Not soon enough, certainly.
This FanPost is reader-generated, and it does not necessarily reflect the views of McCovey Chronicles. If the author uses filler to achieve the minimum word requirement, a moderator may edit the FanPost for his or her own amusement.
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Beautiful metaphor.
That really sucks about your toe though. Is it going to be difficult to walk without one?
Matt Cain: He'll save children, but not the Dodger children.
I have no idea.
I’ve never been without a left big toe in my life so it will be a new experience for me. I wonder if there are people out there, people who might read this, who know how difficult it would be to walk without a left big toe.
Thanks for the sympathy. It kind of sucks, but then again I get to lay around all day. ;)
Only 950 games until the end of Zito's contract
It's "Dear Fanpost" now...
My toe will eventually be amputated (unless a miracle occurs).
Your toe hit a HR yesterday. I think it’s a sign you should keep it.
..so allow me to present Tim Lincecum and Matt Cain as two sweet, sweet bottles of warming hooch.
Definitely a sign
You couldn’t have posted at a better or more appropriate time. Your left big toe may not only become a super utility toe, it may in fact regain it’s rightful place as a Starting Toe, and contribute occasional stability to your walking. I mean, you won’t be able to count on it when difficult circumstances occur. But, from time to time, it will suprise you with its adequacy.
All best wishes on your recovery.
Your 2011 SF Giants: the 2008 Augusta Greenjackets!
All best wishes on your recovery.
Yeah also that’s what I was trying to say with my stupid joke.
..so allow me to present Tim Lincecum and Matt Cain as two sweet, sweet bottles of warming hooch.
Not only that he should keep it
But also that he should start it at first tonight.
My Dave Righetti is better than your Dave Righetti.
by howtheyscored on Apr 25, 2008 12:05 PM PDT up reply actions
I can’t think of a joke to make here. I’m sorry to hear about all this. I hope the recovery goes well for you.
"While conservatives tell you 'leave things alone and no one will lose,' and liberals tell you 'interfere a lot and no one will lose,' baseball says 'someone will lose.' Not only says it - but insists upon it! ... Democracy is lovely, but baseball's more mature." BVCE supports SF Dugout and Manny Burriss.
by BaronVonCurrentEvents on Apr 25, 2008 7:24 AM PDT reply actions
me neither
but i know there’s a Brian Sabean/Barry Zi-TOE reference in there somewhere!!!
by ExcuseMeSwing on Apr 25, 2008 7:55 AM PDT up reply actions
I wish we could cut our own mangled good for nothing Zi-toe (off).
"While conservatives tell you 'leave things alone and no one will lose,' and liberals tell you 'interfere a lot and no one will lose,' baseball says 'someone will lose.' Not only says it - but insists upon it! ... Democracy is lovely, but baseball's more mature." BVCE supports SF Dugout and Manny Burriss.
by BaronVonCurrentEvents on Apr 25, 2008 7:56 AM PDT up reply actions
I like how when I type Zito a red line appears underneath it. I know it’s because of spell-checking but it’s appropriate in other ways as well.
Oh and thanks for the well-wishing
Only 949 games until the end of Zito's contract
I make a daily pilgrimage to my wishing-well
And ask that the Curse of the Zito be lifted from this team.
(Footnote: In the future, when pleading with the well, I will put in a few good words for your toe.)
Well...
...let’s bury Barry’s shirt under a stadium – in – progress…only we’ll forget to take Barry out of it.
Aaron "Swag" Rowand
by victor frankenstein on Apr 27, 2008 11:30 AM PDT up reply actions
keep the toe!
I am your toe’s adopted supporter – your toe is the best! keep it!
Still defending Rich Aurilia, and the Niners classic Unis
So sorry to hear about your wreck, THN
Best wishes for a speedy recovery!
Billy Hayes: Nine more big-league plate appearances than you.
A toest to your appendage...
and my best wishes for a speedy recovery.
Wishing you a speedy recovery...now on to the jokes
Your analogy was toe-rrifc…does this mean Rick Aurlia = Sgt. Hulka?
If they are going to amputate it, I suggest it party like there’s no toe-morrow.
When you got hurt, did they call an ambulance or a toe truck?
2008 Giants: A steaming pile of scrap!
Goofus...
That’s a toe-ribble thing to say.
There’s trouble afoot!
Proud pappa of....STEVE HOLM!!
by UnleashTheGore on Apr 25, 2008 9:16 AM PDT up reply actions
One more thought…
If you have a funeral and burial for an amputed toe, is that the final toe-nail in the coffin?
2008 Giants: A steaming pile of scrap!
How can you joke about something like this?
You’re a heel. Have you no sole?
2008: My previous assessment may have been overly optimistic.
by EliminateMe on Apr 25, 2008 10:30 AM PDT up reply actions
He probably gets a kick out of booting people around.
Aaron "Swag" Rowand
by victor frankenstein on Apr 27, 2008 11:31 AM PDT up reply actions
when will
this toemfoolery be stubbed out?
BROCK BOND LIKES HIS MARTINIS PUNCHED IN THE FACE, NOT STIRRED.
by SloIsLonelyForTheOrange on Apr 27, 2008 6:04 PM PDT up reply actions
I consider Goofus to be the main villain here
All of the rest of you are just toedies.
Only 947 games until the end of Zito's contract
Wow
Toe-dies. That was a really ballsy pun! You get 5 extra points for that one. And maximum charisma.
My Dave Righetti is better than your Dave Righetti.
by howtheyscored on Apr 27, 2008 10:07 PM PDT up reply actions
Ballsy?
Have we moved on to other body parts now? If so, I think we should toen it down.
Did I just kill the thread with that one?
Only 946 games until the end of Zito's contract
I think the shoe is on the other foot here.
"While conservatives tell you 'leave things alone and no one will lose,' and liberals tell you 'interfere a lot and no one will lose,' baseball says 'someone will lose.' Not only says it - but insists upon it! ... Democracy is lovely, but baseball's more mature." BVCE supports SF Dugout and Manny Burriss.
by BaronVonCurrentEvents on Apr 28, 2008 3:03 PM PDT up reply actions
Guys, stop toe-ing around. This is a serious issue!
by withclubsauce on Apr 29, 2008 10:28 PM PDT up reply actions
Get Well Soon, Havenot
We’ll always have fond memories of the season your big toe hit 37 home runs.
Eagerly awaiting Crazy Crab Bobblehead Night on 7/18.
This was quite the alle-gory.
"While conservatives tell you 'leave things alone and no one will lose,' and liberals tell you 'interfere a lot and no one will lose,' baseball says 'someone will lose.' Not only says it - but insists upon it! ... Democracy is lovely, but baseball's more mature." BVCE supports SF Dugout and Manny Burriss.
by BaronVonCurrentEvents on Apr 25, 2008 9:44 AM PDT reply actions
It’s good to know I can still be an insensitive smart ass.
"While conservatives tell you 'leave things alone and no one will lose,' and liberals tell you 'interfere a lot and no one will lose,' baseball says 'someone will lose.' Not only says it - but insists upon it! ... Democracy is lovely, but baseball's more mature." BVCE supports SF Dugout and Manny Burriss.
by BaronVonCurrentEvents on Apr 25, 2008 11:07 AM PDT up reply actions
Toe Be Or Not Toe Be?
That is the question…
Aurilia's new name...
Toeby…Sultan of Swat
Good luck on your recovery
Seems like your username was prescient.
¿Julio is tourist in San Francisco? Harper's Bizarre!
Seconds on the recovery good luck.
i don’t much use “prescient” anymore, but okay.
Ryan Paul: Two four-letter words are better than one.
by The Enchanter on Apr 25, 2008 12:00 PM PDT up reply actions
The Big Toe
I doubt that if we shipped your toe off to some AL team looking for a toe off the bench, we’d get anything of value in return.
I'd take cash.
I’m sure thehavenot would, too.
My Dave Righetti is better than your Dave Righetti.
by howtheyscored on Apr 25, 2008 12:08 PM PDT up reply actions
Sorry about your toe
Only a true Giants fan would go through that and immediately construct a Giants-related metaphor.
Kudos.
If you like things that are funny, perhaps you will enjoy ChatterBalks Dot Com?
It was one of the first things I thought of
“Geez, this thing is ugly and useless….It’s Rich Aurilia!”
Only 949 games until the end of Zito's contract
hey now
rich isn’t ugly. he may be useless, but not ugly.
ignore the fact that I look a lot like him. that’s irrelevant. I’m only saying this because I adopted him
Still defending Rich Aurilia, and the Niners classic Unis
Well Richie is still good looking so you must still be good looking. Y/N?
"While conservatives tell you 'leave things alone and no one will lose,' and liberals tell you 'interfere a lot and no one will lose,' baseball says 'someone will lose.' Not only says it - but insists upon it! ... Democracy is lovely, but baseball's more mature." BVCE supports SF Dugout and Manny Burriss.
by BaronVonCurrentEvents on Apr 28, 2008 10:04 AM PDT up reply actions
Whoa.
Does this mean that you will no longer be able to do what your avatar is doing?
My sympathy, if it helps.
ZIPS: Milledge: 466 HR, 485 2B, 2282 hits, 278-379-524
I hear Bea Arthur is half crab.
If you like things that are funny, perhaps you will enjoy ChatterBalks Dot Com?
Richie had some game last night...
His hitting looked painfully bad, and when he somehow snuck a groundball through the infield late in the game to get a luck base hit, he was doubled up at first on the next hitters’ tiny little nothing pop up. Unbelievably bad base running. Richie’s a great guy, but he’s past done.
And best wishes for a speedy recovery
Have your doctors considered the healing benefits of a DL stint down in Frestoe?
Gordo, you stubbed your pun
Fresnose not any better than Sacramentoe.
Get well soon!
Very sorry to hear of your accident. While your injury is crappy, I am glad it is nothing worse.
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