Simile Overload!
by Grant Brisbee on Apr 22, 2008 12:01 PM PDT
Email
PrintFor all of the grumbling about the continued reliance on cagey-yet-awful veterans, I have faith that both Ray Durham and Rich Aurilia will not be on the active roster by September. You may say I'm a dreamer, but I'm not the only one. So I propose a kind of "dead pool" -- who goes first? Rich Aurilia, in the conservatory, with an outright release? Ray Durham, in the kitchen, with a trade to a panicked contender? It's a tough call. Cases for each to be the first on the chopping block:
Rich Aurilia
* The emergence of the left-handed John Bowker gives the Giants a true complement to either of the right-handed first basemen on the roster. Watching the Giants' front office try to rebuild is like watching a pigeon try to shave, but even the Giants would understand that keeping Dan Ortmeier makes more sense than keeping Rich Aurilia.
* Aurilia can't hit any more. Ray Durham has merely been dreadful; Aurilia would need about six straight extra-base hits to reach dreadful. That isn't likely, as Aurilia doesn't have an extra-base hit this season.
* Jose Castillo hasn't been a train wreck; he's more like a flat tire or a sticky in-flight magazine. Aurilia could have competed with a generic train wreck as the name-brand train wreck.
Ray Durham
* Eugenio Velez hasn't exactly stolen Durham's job away, but Velez is as about exciting as a player can be with a .300 OBP. The fans have a fever, and the only prescription is more Eugenio. A well-stocked organization wouldn't have much use for a Eugenio. The Giants are like the homeless person accepting a chowderless bread bowl -- they're more than a little resentful, but danged if they can't use it.
The simile makes more sense in my mind. See, Velez is the bread bowl. Durham is the heroin addiction that caused the homelessness in the first place. Barry Bonds is the fantastic double album written on heroin that caused the Giants to keep trying to recapture the magic. Justin Upton would be creamy and delicious clam chowder. The person who gives away the bread bowl without a hint of self-awareness -- "They should be lucky they even get my bread bowl!" -- is a baseball god. With just one more, I can make sure this is the most ridiculous thing I've ever written, so allow me to present Tim Lincecum and Matt Cain as two sweet, sweet bottles of warming hooch.
You should get a Croix de Candlestick just for wading through that. Hey, it's free. And it's worth noting that Eugenio Velez can take over for Durham, which was my original point.
* Unlike Aurilia, Durham can only play one position poorly. Durham's defense used to be maligned unfairly. Things have evened out. If you are comparing Durham's fielding to that of anything with opposable thumbs, you are overrating Durham's defense. It'll get worse before it gets better.
* Durham's only ostensible use to a rebuilding team -- that he's a trade chip come July -- isn't helped by his slow start. If he follows April with a similar May, it would take a legendary June just to make him remotely palatable to a contending team.
Comment starter: Durham goes first, Aurilia goes first, or they both stay on the roster for the entire season?
117 comments
|
0 recs |
Do you like this story?
Comments
Aurilia can also hit a double...
... play.
My Dave Righetti is better than your Dave Righetti.
by howtheyscored on Apr 22, 2008 12:11 PM PDT up reply actions
Squirrel and a Nut?
Everyone gets lucky every now and then!
Go see my Giants blog at http://www.michaelnewjr.com
Arrivederci Aurilia
With Castillo, Burriss and any other “A” ball player they want to come up they have the infield covered. Durham is a switch-hitting machine with some in the tank left.
I thought for sure you would go with Durham
after your last response to my “DFA Aurilia” a few games back.
“The man comes around.”
J. Cash
Derin McMains had five fingers, but he only used three.
Aurilia is demonstrating absolute incompitence @ the plate
In fact, he is now Officially worse than Brian Bocock.
CALL THE MERC!
Rich Aurilia – .179/.233/.179
Brian Bocock – .179/.303/.196
Matt Cain – .200/.333/.800
Timmy – .400/.500/.400
Rich Aurilia now combines the worst performance on the team with the least upside. Someone PLEASE explain to me why we saw him pinch hit last night instead of Ort?
Richie has to go, sooner rather than later. Durham can hang for a while to see if there is interest.
Eugeniooooooo!!!!
by FairweatherFan on Apr 22, 2008 12:12 PM PDT reply actions
Now that I see the #'s
It makes me incredibly mad. Why the fuck was Aurilia pinch hitting for anyone last night? This is the kind of shit that makes me think that Bochy has his head way too stuck up the good ole’ boys club’s ass to effectively manage. I don’t give a shit if Rich Aurilia is batting 1.000 for his career against whoever the hell the pitcher is (which is the reasoning given for the pinch-hit last night, er I mean pinch strike out.) That statistic is now worthless. Rich Aurilia has fallen off the cliff and will NEVER EVER EVER BE BACK.
Eugeniooooooo!!!!
by FairweatherFan on Apr 22, 2008 12:15 PM PDT up reply actions
Imagine there's no Sabean
It’s easy, and it’s no joke.
Zito behind us.
Before us, Justin Smoak.
Imagine all the NL West
Knowing they’re the least.
You may say I’m dreaming,
But I’m not the only one.
Your 2011 SF Giants: the 2008 Augusta Greenjackets!
Ray is still sort of relevant, as much as it pains me to say. Richie however, is done.
"While conservatives tell you 'leave things alone and no one will lose,' and liberals tell you 'interfere a lot and no one will lose,' baseball says 'someone will lose.' Not only says it - but insists upon it! ... Democracy is lovely, but baseball's more mature." BVCE supports SF Dugout and Manny Burriss.
by BaronVonCurrentEvents on Apr 22, 2008 12:14 PM PDT reply actions
anyone who watched Richie’s AB at the end of last night’s game would have to agree.
2008 Giants: A steaming pile of scrap!
I am pretty certain
That pulling a fan from the crowd would have given us a better chance to extend the inning… Kind of a “Make contact and win a free car!” deal.
Eugeniooooooo!!!!
by FairweatherFan on Apr 22, 2008 12:17 PM PDT up reply actions
sounds like a good use of the 40th spot on the roster!
put fransden on the 60 day DL, and then use the 40th spot overall and aurilia’s spot on the 25 spot roster, to have some fan’s pinch hit.
Adopted papa of a bouncing new waiver wire 27 year old. Castillo hits doubles.
The Richie Aurilia Feel Good Nostaliga Tour
Never really kicked off for me, he mostly just sucked.
Why not replace him with Leone (yeah thats right, I went there)!? He can play multiple positions as well and I bet he could OPS better than .412
http://www.baycityball.com
I am okay with replacing Aurilia with anyone
Including Armondo Benitez or Lou Seal.
Eugeniooooooo!!!!
by FairweatherFan on Apr 22, 2008 12:18 PM PDT up reply actions
Somewhere in an alternate universe, my 15 year old self is weeping for the demise of Richie. The Shawn Estes shrine is in that AU too.
"While conservatives tell you 'leave things alone and no one will lose,' and liberals tell you 'interfere a lot and no one will lose,' baseball says 'someone will lose.' Not only says it - but insists upon it! ... Democracy is lovely, but baseball's more mature." BVCE supports SF Dugout and Manny Burriss.
by BaronVonCurrentEvents on Apr 22, 2008 12:46 PM PDT up reply actions
It would be nice
if one of the higher-ups in the front office could convince Aurilia to retire now, gracefully, then honor him for his many fine years representing the Giants, and then find him a job as bench coach or community liaison or something. If not, it’s time to release him. There’s no chance he can be unloaded to another club, whereas there’s a tiny, tiny chance (maybe 1.5%, Xeifrank?) that Durham will go on a hot streak and have some value to a contender in June or July.
Eagerly awaiting Crazy Crab Bobblehead Night on 7/18.
Seconded. It was absolutely amazing. Funniest thing I’ve read in a long time. The “pigeon trying to shave” and “bread bowl” analogies were particularly salient and fantastic.
Idolizing Robb Nen since 2002...
by Smoke on the Water on Apr 22, 2008 1:46 PM PDT up reply actions
thanks grant, my boss had to ask what happened
goddamn wit on this guy.
Dodgers fans eat their young.
By the way, this was the first time I’ve voted in a poll since the new format was put in place. The animation was soooo cool! Jurassic Park has nothing on SB Nation.
2008 Giants: A steaming pile of scrap!
Durham seems like he’s close to breaking out into decency. Aurilia is just embarassing to watch at the moment. I watched the season opener from 2002 On Demand™ yesterday. He didn’t have that great a year then, but I’d take that version of Richie over our current old and busted model.
OT It’s cool that SB Nation automatically makes TM into a superscript. I wish they left the asterisks alone though.
It’e because he’s not using any of the Teen SpiritTM I gave him
My Dave Righetti is better than your Dave Righetti.
by howtheyscored on Apr 22, 2008 12:25 PM PDT up reply actions
Wha'm'I doin' wrong?
My Dave Righetti is better than your Dave Righetti.
by howtheyscored on Apr 22, 2008 12:26 PM PDT up reply actions
Oooooooooooooh™!
My Dave Righetti is better than your Dave Righetti.
by howtheyscored on Apr 22, 2008 12:27 PM PDT up reply actions
Now to delete all these comments and make it look like I did things the right™ way to begin with.
My Dave Righetti is better than your Dave Righetti.
by howtheyscored on Apr 22, 2008 12:29 PM PDT up reply actions
Does GameFreak have TM™ trademarked?
"While conservatives tell you 'leave things alone and no one will lose,' and liberals tell you 'interfere a lot and no one will lose,' baseball says 'someone will lose.' Not only says it - but insists upon it! ... Democracy is lovely, but baseball's more mature." BVCE supports SF Dugout and Manny Burriss.
by BaronVonCurrentEvents on Apr 22, 2008 12:41 PM PDT up reply actions
To take things a step further, assuming they have no trade value, who do you activate when you cut Richie and Ray Ray? Omat and Lowry?
2008 Giants: A steaming pile of scrap!
I actually thought for a second “Osiris Matos isn’t on the team!”
If you like things that are funny, perhaps you will enjoy ChatterBalks Dot Com?
I say Durham.
Aurilia’s more useful off the bench, and we’re going to be seeing lots of double switches and pinch-hitting for shortstops this season. Defensively, Aurilia can fill in for Velez at second probably as well as Durham can at this point; Castillo and Burriss (for however long they’re on the roster) can play there also.
If there’s one thing this team has more than enough of…well, it’s center fielders, but if there are two things, the other one is second basemen.
2008: My previous assessment may have been overly optimistic.
Agree
The bigger priority for Sabean SHOULD be moving Durham. He plays one position and can’t be relegated to utility infielder. At least Aurilia gives the benefit of “defensive” replacement and spot starter around the infield. Durham gives… nothing back.
"He called the sh** POOP!" -- Adam Sandler
Seems like an easy decision
Off the top of my head it’s easy to say Aurilia. The litmus test is… with a runner on second, two outs, down by a run late in the game and our pinch-hitting options are Aurilia, Durham and Roberto Kelly, who makes you want to die the least? Obviously, the correct answer in that situation is that you pinch hit with Noah Lowry. But, barring that, bringing up Durham at least keeps me from turning off the TV before he steps into the batter’s box. Aurilia does not.
However, we are an injury or two away from having to bring up yet another unprepared minor leaguer or from having Bochy trying to convert Bowker into a shortstop. If that happens, suddenly we’d be thinking… “well, at least Aurilia was a lukewarm body in the line-up who would force the opposing pitcher to make a minimum of 3 pitches to him. He should probably not start another game this year under any circumstances but if you have a choice between no insurance and insurance that only protects against injuries sustained in alien attacks… you go with Aurilia.
I don't know about Lowry
Have you seen Cain’s SLG for the year? He’s hitting OUT OF THIS WORLD!
My Dave Righetti is better than your Dave Righetti.
by howtheyscored on Apr 22, 2008 12:57 PM PDT up reply actions
Absolutely
Cain is another valid candidate. In this particular scenario, it was a 1-0 game in the bottom of the ninth with Cain on the hook for the loss after giving up one hit, one unearned run and striking out 19.
Every time i see Kelly talking to one of the graybears at first
It looks like he’s saying, damnit just put me in. I could to better than these hacks.
Tentatively adopting Dan Ortmeier. And Boom Goes the Dynamite.
by Andy from DC on Apr 22, 2008 1:04 PM PDT up reply actions
Was supposed to be graybeards. Lol.
Tentatively adopting Dan Ortmeier. And Boom Goes the Dynamite.
by Andy from DC on Apr 22, 2008 1:26 PM PDT up reply actions
Gray bears
I bet a gray bear would have pretty good range at second base. I’d be willing to give it a shot definitely. Kind of like Air Bud except with more maiming potential.
I would’ve said that was an “Office” quote. The use of “Fact:” plus the mention of beets? So Dwight.
No, really, I have updated my blog this year: http://skaldheim.livejournal.com/tag/baseball
I think that’s from when Jim was pretending to be Dwight.
If you like things that are funny, perhaps you will enjoy ChatterBalks Dot Com?
Bears. Beets. Battlestar Galactica.
If you like things that are funny, perhaps you will enjoy ChatterBalks Dot Com?
False.
Black bear.
"I was tied to a chair and he had a baseball bat. Pissing him off was the smart thing to do."
by DbacksSkins on Apr 23, 2008 12:51 AM PDT up reply actions
Well, it IS San Francisco…and Steve Kline would have counted as a bear. If he was into that.
"While conservatives tell you 'leave things alone and no one will lose,' and liberals tell you 'interfere a lot and no one will lose,' baseball says 'someone will lose.' Not only says it - but insists upon it! ... Democracy is lovely, but baseball's more mature." BVCE supports SF Dugout and Manny Burriss.
by BaronVonCurrentEvents on Apr 22, 2008 1:42 PM PDT up reply actions
I can't imagine anyone less into that
unless his whole act was one of protesting too much.
Say, wait a minute…
Billy Hayes: Nine more big-league plate appearances than you.
He did hug Tim Lincecum completely naked. I’m just saying.
"While conservatives tell you 'leave things alone and no one will lose,' and liberals tell you 'interfere a lot and no one will lose,' baseball says 'someone will lose.' Not only says it - but insists upon it! ... Democracy is lovely, but baseball's more mature." BVCE supports SF Dugout and Manny Burriss.
by BaronVonCurrentEvents on Apr 22, 2008 2:00 PM PDT up reply actions
+1
"While conservatives tell you 'leave things alone and no one will lose,' and liberals tell you 'interfere a lot and no one will lose,' baseball says 'someone will lose.' Not only says it - but insists upon it! ... Democracy is lovely, but baseball's more mature." BVCE supports SF Dugout and Manny Burriss.
by BaronVonCurrentEvents on Apr 22, 2008 2:06 PM PDT up reply actions
That's a great point.
I still wouldn’t mind seeing Roberto taking some AB’s from Richie, though.
Tentatively adopting Dan Ortmeier. And Boom Goes the Dynamite.
by Andy from DC on Apr 22, 2008 2:38 PM PDT up reply actions
RE: Aurillia as Insurance Policy
But here’s the thing. Say you DFA Aurillia (or he man’s up and retires), but it turns out down the road that you need a utility type that can play some shortstop. Sign any quadruple-A shortstop out there. It’s not a difficult solution. We’re not asking him to be amazing, just better than Aurillia. And maybe even a better hitter than Bocock. At this point, a utility infielder capable of hitting .220 with a smattering of extra base-hits and maybe a walk or two would be worlds better than Aurillia. The whole point is, Aurillia isn’t the only answer to your question, just the most revolting.
I think that’s clearly Jesus on the toast.
If you like things that are funny, perhaps you will enjoy ChatterBalks Dot Com?
Haha
Reminds me of that classic Roberto Alomar Transaction Oracle entry on Baseball Think Factory.
Matt Cain: He'll save children, but not the Dodger children.
Hmmm...
So would somebody like Juan Pierre be french toast?
My Dave Righetti is better than your Dave Righetti.
by howtheyscored on Apr 22, 2008 1:24 PM PDT up reply actions
Grant:
I don’t say this lightly: that was a stellar entry. Bread bowls and hooch for all my friends!!!
Billy Hayes: Nine more big-league plate appearances than you.
Can it be old grandad? Or is that too nice…guess I’ll settle for Old Smuggler.
Tentatively adopting Dan Ortmeier. And Boom Goes the Dynamite.
by Andy from DC on Apr 22, 2008 1:10 PM PDT up reply actions
WAY too nice
I’m thinking something like Pete’s or Fred’s. Just a guy’s name.
Billy Hayes: Nine more big-league plate appearances than you.
I'm embarrassed to admit it but...
I actually like Ray Durham.
You deserve to be struck out, when your first name's a verb.
nice post
more references to the beatles plz
"They can trade me," Bonds said. "I don't think they will, though. It's not like I want to be traded, man. I'm a Giant. I'm stuck here till the end."
*sadly sings Something to himself*
If you like things that are funny, perhaps you will enjoy ChatterBalks Dot Com?
I actually kinda wish I’d gone with Octopus’s Garden.
That would’ve been a better joke.
If you like things that are funny, perhaps you will enjoy ChatterBalks Dot Com?
Ugh, the more I think about boch putting Riche in to hit
I get using track record against a pitcher. But doesn’t that assume the guy can still hit? Wouldn’t they compare it with his season ave, just to make sure, I dunno, he’s hitting over .230?
Goddamn boulderskull.
Tentatively adopting Dan Ortmeier. And Boom Goes the Dynamite.
It’s obvious that Aurillia is done, and will be DFA’d just as soon as there’s another IF to take a roster spot up. Oh, yeah. “just as soon”. So, I think we are stuck with Aurillia. If/When Vizquel returns, they will just flip a coin and send Bocock/Burriss back to rookie ball or the california penal league or whatever.
So, it’s actually pretty close, because it’s not INCONCEIVABLE that Durham gets hot (his secondary #s – ISO and isoOBP are not that bad) and gets traded for a bucket of warm spit.
The fact is – if they were going to cut Aurillia, they’d have cut him instead of Raj Davis. I do think he’ll be benched by mid-May for the rest of the season. The only way I see Aurillia off the roster is if we make a trade that nets us someone who goes on the 25-man roster.
So I voted that we were stuck with ‘em.
FIRE BRIAN SABEAN
I couldn't decide in the poll. So, I took #3.
If Richy and Ray Ray are going then PLEASE… trade Winn, Rowand, and Zito for prospects by the All Star Break. Henny should also visit fantastic Fresno again soon.
Let Ortmier and Bowker play everyday and bring up Nate…
If Sabes would just listen to me… “the world would be a better place for me and you.” “Put a little love in your heart.”
Sometimes you just have to take a dump.
More like,
“Take another piece of my heart, now baby”
Proud pappa of....STEVE HOLM!!
by UnleashTheGore on Apr 22, 2008 3:03 PM PDT up reply actions
Lol zito for prospects.
Tentatively adopting Dan Ortmeier. And Boom Goes the Dynamite.
by Andy from DC on Apr 22, 2008 3:46 PM PDT up reply actions
Disagree on Rowand. Defensive mistakes aside, I’m more impressed with him every day and see him as a vital piece of the next good Giants team.
2008 Giants: A steaming pile of scrap!
I agree with the Anti-Gallant
Even though I didn’t think he was altogether necessary for the team, I think he’s a good fit now.
Aurilia
I have a soft spot for Aurilia, but this was one of the worst signings of Sabean’s career. His signing made no sense at the time and looks like even worse now. He has no place on a rebuilding team. One could make an argument that he should be gone even if he didn’t stink. He is only occupying roster space and preventing the team from giving a good look at someone else.
FALSE
Roberts was the worst signing of Sabean’s career. He’s a less than mediocre player who has a track record of being injured like a quarter of each season, and he plays the one position we didn’t need.
At least Richie plays multiple infield positions, no matter how much he sucks.
Proud pappa of....STEVE HOLM!!
by UnleashTheGore on Apr 22, 2008 3:03 PM PDT up reply actions
and
he had a resurgence in Cincinnati. I doubt even Sabean thought he would hit 20 homerun ever again, however it was concievable that Auilia would be an okay vet backup plan at a number of positions. Instead, Aurilia has turned to toast before our eyes in SF, but not before he was signed. It was probably somewhat predictable’that his skills would continue to decline, but an OPS below 400 – thats a little surprising.
Adopted papa of a bouncing new waiver wire 27 year old. Castillo hits doubles.
Don't make me defend Roberts.
Because I am no fan of either signing. It is unbelievable that both of these signing happened the same year.
yet
I was an oh so minor fan of the Roberts signing, mainly because he wasn’t Juan Pierre or Gary Matthews Jr.
Aurilia: 2 yr contract; Roberts: 3 yr contract
That makes Roberts the worse signing.
If they DFA Richie tomorrow, they’re swallowing nearly $4.5M. If they were to DFA Roberts, they’d have to eat nearly $13M.
2008: My previous assessment may have been overly optimistic.
On the other hand
When healthy, Roberts is still probably a MLB player, albeit probably a fifth outfielder. Richie is clearly not MLB caliber at this point.
The more I think about it...
...there are any number of contenders for signings just as bad as Aurilia:
Benitez
Russ Davis
Eric Davis
Marvin Benard
Michael Tucker
Edgardo Alfonzo
Not to mention Jose Vizcaino, whose 2006 stint with the Giants make Richie’s 2007 look All-Star caliber by comparison.
2008: My previous assessment may have been overly optimistic.
Benitez is up there
In terms of psychic pain, he is on a whole different level. I think I have successfully purged my memory banks of that era.
I am beginning to be persuaded by Xanthan. Bring up Leone. Clearly, Sabean has to remove Aurilia from the roster so that Bochy doesn’t have that fix to shoot up with anymore.
But looking in AA and AAA for a replacement is unbelievably depressing. The candidates who are hitting over 250 are:
(drum roll…...............................)
Ivan Ochoa (26) SS 258/324/379/703 (4 xbh, 16 k, 5 BB, 3 E) !!!!!!!
Julio Cordido (27) 2b 295/354/341/695 (1 xbh, 7 k, 4 BB, 1 E)
Cordido played all but 20 games last year in Conn (AA)
J Leone (31) 3b 239/358/463/821 (6 xbh, 17 k, 13 BB, makes Durham look like a Gold Glover
O Rosario (27) 3b 300/345/380/725 2 xbh, 15 k, 3 bb, 4 E) I don’t know this guy’s story – he doesn’t appear to have played minor league ball last year.
These guys all have about 50 ABs, as does Richie, and, as in Richie’s case, probably another month is necessary to draw any conclusions.
“makes Durham look like a Gold Glover” – is that even possible without some sort of terrible rift in the space time continium ripping the planet asunder?
by tyrannoman on Apr 22, 2008 3:19 PM PDT up reply actions 1 recs
Ochoa is actually 25...
...for whatever that’s worth (not much).
2008: My previous assessment may have been overly optimistic.
Sounds like
You’re getting your information from Miguel Tejada, hmm?
Proud pappa of....STEVE HOLM!!
by UnleashTheGore on Apr 22, 2008 3:55 PM PDT up reply actions
I for one welcome our new simile overlords
Billy Hayes: Nine more big-league plate appearances than you.
brilliant post, Grant
I love a good pregame chuckle mixed in with the usual tears.
Derin McMains had five fingers, but he only used three.
Analysis like MF Doom on a Giants kick......
Aurilia seems useless by any standard this year, its hard to imagine a scenario in which he’d help a team in any capacity, even if he made a minimum salary. Durham seems to be marginally more useful than this, and could conceivably be moved if a team was in dire enough straits to take such an unreliable player.
Rich Aurilia is this year’s Vinny Castilla (for the Padres in 2006), only Sabes doesn’t have the balls to cut him.
They’re both staying until the end of the year.
If you like things that are funny, perhaps you will enjoy ChatterBalks Dot Com?
What can I say?
McGowan loves those little guys.
If you like things that are funny, perhaps you will enjoy ChatterBalks Dot Com?
Comments For This Post Are Closed
Secondary Sidebar
User Tools
FanPosts
Community blog posts and discussion.
Recommended FanPosts
Recent FanPosts
In Association With
Big League Stew - MLB - Yahoo! Sports
- Baltimore’s tradition of fans shouting ‘O!’ during national anthem sparks interleague feud
- Chris Perez follows rant against Cleveland fans with even better rant against Cleveland fans
- Pitcher Clayton Richard gets key pinch single in 13th after coming in 0 for 16
- Livan Hernandez welcomes ball boy to the bigs with shower of sunflower seeds (VIDEO)
- Man beaten by four others in Dodger Stadium parking lot
