It’s on.

Kirk Rueter, a man whose ERA reads like a Saks Fifth Avenue pricetag, told me he’s be happy to chat—later.

When?

“I need to loosen up first.”

OK.

I waited. And waited. And waited. No Kirk.”

Pearlman has true inferiority issues with major league baseball players.

San Francisco’s Mark Gardner - not even on the active roster - was warm enough to order me far, far away. Again, I approached Gardner no less politely than I would my own mother: “Hey, Mark, can I talk to you about the Giants?”

“No.”

Thanks, bud.

Really, he does. I don’t know why anyone listens to him on the subject of baseball. A lot of baseball players are inarticulate frat boys who are being paid millions of dollars not to grow up. That could get under anyone’s skin. Few writers, however, make it their life’s mission to feebly strike back with the Typewriter of Justice.

Get a real job, pal. If you don’t like being one of the 1,000 or so living humans that get paid to write about baseball, edit newsletters for Oracle, or something. He’s everything that I hate about baseball journalism.

Pearlman’s always come off as an obnoxious, self-aggrandizing jerk. This only further validates my belief.