My labelmates at The Good Phight are matching up NL teams with their musically analogous counterparts. Their entry on the Giants:
San Francisco Giants are The Grateful Dead:
Defined for years by the presence of a bloated, drug-addled figurehead who all the fans paid to see, at the expense of developing or addressing the needs of the rest of the group. Owners/management gladly raked in the cash. His abrupt departure left his former comrades and bosses with a purposeless existence. Greatest accomplishments as a group were years in the past, but that didn't stop people from paying ridiculous sums to watch them.
The Grateful Dead comp is a good one. I had a lot more fun with both the Giants and The Dead back in my trial college run in the late '90s. Now...not so much. One is a band that I rarely listen to anymore, and one is draining my life force away every time a veteran codger grounds into a double play. Try and guess which is which. Go on. Guess.
There have to be comparisons out there that are equally as valid. If you've read this site for a while, you know that I'm big on the stilted analogies, so something like this is right in my wheelhouse. My attempts:
Creedence Clearwater Revisited
The bassist and drummer from Creedence Clearwater Revival now play as Creedence Clearwater Revisited. John Fogarty had one of the greatest songwriting runs in rock history. The bassist and drummer went along for the ride like a pair of nursing remoras, and now they're trying to rake in the dough without offering anything but a stale imitation of past greatness.
The Squeeze's Chris Difford and Glenn Tillbrook were hyped as the next Lennon/McCartney; Bonds and Kent were the closest thing to the next Mays/McCovey. Difford/Tillbrook and Bonds/Kent both did wonderful things -- amazing and wondrous professional achievements. But they'll never be as fondly regarded as the duos that preceded them, and neither the Squeeze nor the Giants are especially relevant now.
Bonus: Rich Aurilia's 2001 season is the equivalent to the Squeeze's keyboard player writing "Tempted."
"Master of Puppets"-era Metallica
For every five minutes of soothing music, there's twenty minues of screaming dissonance that makes you want to put your fist through the wall. Jason Newsted = Aaron Rowand?
Obvious, maybe. But if there were ever a final "Family Feud" category of "Crimes Against Nature", number one would be Michael Jackson's unfortunate plastic surgery. Number two would be Bengie Molina hitting cleanup. Oh, dynamic and youthful soul/perenially contending team: I want you back.
Your turn! And thanks to the good pholks at The Good Phight for providing the inspiration.