If Sabean played chess...

by EliminateMe on Mar 17, 2008 11:25 AM PDT

Buried down in the comments of rxmeister's Sabean rant was a quote from this priceless column from Lowell Cohn, including this bit of prose worthy of Hemingway* :

He keeps things to himself as strong people do, and he is a man who is ahead of the game -- if he played chess, he'd plan seven moves in advance.

Now this deserves far more mockery than it received, so I'm dredging it up for you all to complete the sentence: "If Brian Sabean played chess, he would..."

(* Margaux, not Ernest )

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I'll go first...

If Sabean played chess, he would put a pawn at first base and claim it's a rook.

2008: The year the Giants begin to stop sucking.

by EliminateMe on Mar 17, 2008 11:26 AM PDT 0 recs

Dang E me beat me to this. I was gonna say Sabean would load up on pawns and say, "now look, we don't need a king! If we had a king, we wouldn't be able to afford all these awesome pawns!"

Democracy is lovely but baseball is more mature. BVCE supports Manny Burriss and SF Dugout.

by BaronVonCurrentEvents on Mar 17, 2008 11:57 AM PDT up 0 recs

... mistakenly eat the chess pieces because they looked like chocolate.

http://www.baycityball.com

by xanthan on Mar 17, 2008 11:46 AM PDT 0 recs

...get his pawns to the end of the board and turn them into new pawns because he likes their veteran savvy.

I looked up Steve Kline in the dictionary. He wasn't there. If he was, it would have said "pretty okay"

by groug on Mar 17, 2008 11:54 AM PDT 0 recs

Funny, I thought we were suffering from focusing too much on one move at a time. 7 moves in advance? Yes, this is all apart of his intricate plan. He just sacrificed the queen (sorry Barry) but we'll have checkmate in four!

by ResDog on Mar 17, 2008 12:06 PM PDT 0 recs

The game of chess is like a swordfight...

You must think first, before you move.

Matt Cain: He'll save children, but not the Dodger children.

by jponry on Mar 17, 2008 12:17 PM PDT 0 recs

When he was down, to just a king, he'd shout "Uno!"

2008 Giants: A steaming pile of scrap!

by Goofus on Mar 17, 2008 12:25 PM PDT 0 recs

No. He can't count that high.

by E Ticket on Mar 17, 2008 10:22 PM PDT up 0 recs

hey this got eaten by new s'ware

he would...
blame his losses on his queen!
... only draft bishops
... scour the globe looking for ancient chess sets

by zenbitz on Mar 17, 2008 12:38 PM PDT 0 recs

He'd surround the flag with 4 bombs.

by seyheystretch on Mar 17, 2008 12:39 PM PDT 0 recs

Best one yet.

Democracy is lovely but baseball is more mature. BVCE supports Manny Burriss and SF Dugout.

by BaronVonCurrentEvents on Mar 17, 2008 12:45 PM PDT up 0 recs

7 moves ahead?

obviously, none of those move were replacing Bonds or getting a 1st or 3rd baseman.

Bonds stands alone.

by nostocksjustbonds on Mar 17, 2008 12:57 PM PDT 0 recs

If Sabean played chess...

...he'd set up with six bishops and nothing else, and say he was building around speed and defense.

2008: My previous assessment may have been overly optimistic.

by EliminateMe on Mar 17, 2008 3:04 PM PDT 0 recs

And he'd put them all on black squares.

Proud member of the Adopt-a-Giant program (Aaron Rowand)

by antinous on Mar 17, 2008 3:47 PM PDT up 0 recs

And refer to them as Cardinals.

by E Ticket on Mar 17, 2008 10:24 PM PDT up 0 recs

Ahem.

Diddit diddit diddit diddit diddit diddit diddit didda.

I tried to find something "that has focus" in "Your Move" , a song by Yes that involves elements of chess and that's the most appropriate line I could think of.

Aaron "Swag" Rowand

by victor frankenstein on Mar 17, 2008 4:04 PM PDT 0 recs

If Sabean played chess...

he'd sign Aaron Rowand....awwwww...

"Branca throws..."

by Takimoto on Mar 17, 2008 4:25 PM PDT 0 recs

If Sabean played chess...

... at some point during the game he would yell "King me!"

Your 2011 SF Giants: the 2008 Augusta Greenjackets!

by Lyle on Mar 17, 2008 5:04 PM PDT 0 recs

And the fans would yell back. "Eat Me"

by E Ticket on Mar 17, 2008 10:25 PM PDT up 0 recs

If Sabean played chess...

He'd play hard right up until the end.

He is Vengeance. He is the Knight. He is Dave Righetti. PRAY TO HIM!

by howtheyscored on Mar 17, 2008 5:35 PM PDT 0 recs

He'd play the game the way it was "meant" to be played.

He is Vengeance. He is the Knight. He is Dave Righetti. PRAY TO HIM!

by howtheyscored on Mar 17, 2008 5:35 PM PDT up 0 recs

Blindfolded?

by E Ticket on Mar 17, 2008 10:26 PM PDT up 0 recs

Which should come around April 15th.

by E Ticket on Mar 17, 2008 10:25 PM PDT up 0 recs

After seeing the episode of Sports Science when the ump was asking the Regular Joe everything that he saw in multiple pitches and to explain himself to him after each pitch, I don't know if I'd want to play for even 15 minutes. These people are hyper competitive and probably would turnover the board if I started winning. Or at least play the game under protest.

it's always noonan somewhere

by sectionop92 on Mar 17, 2008 6:04 PM PDT 0 recs

Sabean would think 7 moves ahead...

... while the real experts typically think 15-20 moves ahead.

Anyone else think the Justice League of National is more strategic & interesting than the Justice League of America?

by Mayor of 311 on Mar 17, 2008 9:13 PM PDT 0 recs

the grandmaster

If Sabean played chess, he'd lose his bishop and then imply that management made him do it. Then, after an ill-advised attack cost him his queen, he'd blame The Lunatic Fringe for observing that he had, in fact, lost his queen.

I got one word for you: "youneverknow"

by senorvegas on Mar 17, 2008 9:29 PM PDT 0 recs