Found: The Missing Swagger!

by Salemicus on Mar 13, 2008 5:14 AM PDT

Well, having checked thoroughly under the cushions and behind the sofa, none of us could find the swagger. And I've discovered why. The swagger wasn't lost, it was stolen - by Jimmy Rollings. In fact, Rollins has been swaggering so much lately that detectives believe alchohol may be involved.

Brian Sabean has already tried to get the swagger back. I uncovered this top-secret communique from Sabean to Rollins, pleading for the missing swagger:

Sadly, not only did Rollins not return our swagger, he proceeded to steal our verve and our backbone, and our supplies of chutzpah are running dangerously low. Now that Sabean has failed, it is up to us to bring this swagger-thief to heel and return our team to glory.

What say you, men?

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Re: Found: The Missing Swagger!

" MJ: What about in a brawl?

Rollins: I usually stay middle to back. Gary Sheffield schooled me early when we got into a brawl with Atlanta. I was running up front when Shef grabbed me and said, "Whatcha doin'?" I was like, "We're fighting!" He said, "You're not one of the big boys. Let the big boys fight." He asked, "You got your money [long-term contract]?" I was like, "Nope." He said, "Why would you take the chance? You're too small to be up here." "

So freekin true. LOL

I wonder if the three stick amigos even know what a brawl is... giving the other teams bat boy the finger?

Actually since we're going to blow up by the 5th inning in most of our games this year, we should be looking to replace our old infielders with cage fighters and WWE cast-offs, after the 6th inning. It would definitely keep the beer sales going and give real meaning to the Giants current lame ass swagger, grit, big swinging dick ad campaign.

I could kinda dig The Rock in at 1b and maybe The Undertaker on the mound throwing at Jeff Kent and Nomar Garciaparra's head. Then maybe somebody runs across the field drags Torre out of the dugout and gets him a in double throwdown suflex for the win in late innings.

That would be real swagger.

by E Ticket on Mar 13, 2008 6:29 AM PDT reply actions

Re: Found: The Missing Swagger!

I think Sheffield learned that lesson the hard way when he charged the mound against Trevor Wilson.

We're in a tight spot

by SF Pete on Mar 13, 2008 9:54 AM PDT up reply actions

Re: Found: The Missing Swagger!

Actually, I take that back. McGriff charged the mound. Sheff hit the grandslam that led to McGriff getting drilled.

We're in a tight spot

by SF Pete on Mar 13, 2008 9:55 AM PDT up reply actions

Re: Found: The Missing Swagger!

E - I think you are onto something here. With the Rays-Yankees brawl yesterday, maybe just a good ass-kicking would get our swagger back and by ass-kicking I mean us kicking ass not getting our ass kicked (there will be plenty of that this year on the scoreboard). First game of the season against the Dodgers before the first pitch, Dave Roberts turns around and kicks Russell Martin in the teeth starting a bench clearing brawl. We could even bring Barry back just for this game to see him choking Jeff Kent again.

by WilliamVanLandingham on Mar 13, 2008 10:03 AM PDT up reply actions

Re: Found: The Missing Swagger!

Well, we'd need Jason Ellison back to take everyone on.

Democracy is lovely but baseball is more mature. BVCE supports Manny Burriss and SF Dugout.

by BaronVonCurrentEvents on Mar 13, 2008 10:11 AM PDT up reply actions

Re: Found: The Missing Swagger!

this is one of the most hilarious things I've read on this site in a long time

2002? I'm over it. But I'll never be over Rich Aurilia.

by wjackalope on Mar 13, 2008 10:49 AM PDT up reply actions

Re: Found: The Missing Swagger!

I thought Frandsen had more hair than that. Though Eugenio's looking a little chubby there. And radioactive.

Democracy is lovely but baseball is more mature. BVCE supports Manny Burriss and SF Dugout.

by BaronVonCurrentEvents on Mar 13, 2008 7:32 AM PDT reply actions

Re: Found: The Missing Swagger!

I think if the team reads this:

"I think I'd trust Amy Winehouse to guard my bag of coke before I'd trust Sabes to build my offense." -Dan Szymborski, Baseball Think Factory

by Lyle @ McCovey Chronicles on Mar 13, 2008 8:03 AM PDT reply actions

Re: Found: The Missing Swagger!

This is a fake. Sabean's penmanship isn't that good.

by zenbitz on Mar 13, 2008 9:17 AM PDT reply actions

Re: Found: The Missing Swagger!

If we are going for fighting spirit, theres no better example than the asswhuppin that Nolan Ryan handed Robin Ventura. He can kick ass and is about the right age for the team. Get him!

Matt Cain's right hand beats a Royal Flush.

by Viva Gigantes on Mar 14, 2008 4:03 AM PDT reply actions