Suck it, Winter.

Pitchers and catchers report today!

Pitchers and catchers report today!

Pitchers and catchers report today!

Or, wait. Maybe it was yesterday. How in the hell did I miss that? And maybe they mean "Pitchers' and Catchers' Report"?

Day One: Matt Cain came into the clubhouse, smiling and laughing. He greeted Aaron Rowand, and then said, "So who else did we sign?" We all exchanged nervous glances. Cain said, "No, seriously, who did we get to help the offense?"

Brad Hennessey broke the news. Cain seemed to take it in stride, but now he's just sitting in a corner and whittling. We thought about sending someone to talk to him, but he's whittling some pretty sharp sticks. Now he's putting on facepaint. This isn't boding well.

The start of spring training is definitely worth a link dump:

  • The Chronicle gives us a look at Aaron Rowand, our new Vice-President of Intangibles and Good Guyness.
  • Ned Colletti's son is now a scout for the Giants. Something's not right here. My first inclination would be to suggest that the elder Colletti is a Manchurian General Manager for the Dodgers, but he didn't trade away the farm this offseason. That's what a good secret agent would have done. So now I'll just assume that the younger Colletti is the spy.

    "Hey, Pops, the Giants don't have any hitting talent. More details as I get them.

    "That's some fine work, Lou. Don't forget about the cyanide pill if you're caught."

  • Matt Cain is the face of the franchise now, and he pals around with Barry Zito, who, uh...
    ...has taught Cain guitar, taught him politics and likes nothing better than dumb questions.
    Great. So now Cain walks around the clubhouse playing Dave Matthews songs in a "Vote Kucinich!" shirt. That'll take a monkey wrench to the ol' coolness valve.

    Seriously, though, has anyone else noticed that Cain is one of the funnier players in recent memory? He has all of the zingers of Jeff Kent with none of the jerkfaciness.

  • Uh oh. From another Mercury News article, this one about the non-trade of Noah Lowry:
    Opposing executives and scouts also were scared off by Lowry's peripheral stats
    Dammit. We've entered a new era - one where "Look at his winning percentage and ERA! Shiny, shiny!" doesn't cut it. I kind of liked the old era when it came to mock trades. Mentally pillaging another team's system was much easier then. It's weird to see the term "peripheral stats" in a major newspaper, so kudos to Andrew Baggarly.
  • Lefty gives a rundown of key spring battles here. I want a "Spring Training `08" logo too, dang it.

Open Everything Pitchers and Catchers Report Thread.

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