Open Letter to the Philadelphia Phillies
Dear Phillies,
I’m starting to wonder if this burgeoning appreciation for your franchise was always there, but it just took this NLCS to really bring it out. I’m a fan. The Philadelphia Phillies are my team for the next week or so. I’m going to bleed pink, or fuschia, or snapdragon red, or whatever the hell that color is. I will refrain making Rocky or chesse steak references, as I know that there’s just so much more to you than that.
But cheese steaks are delicious. That can’t be taken away from you. And the Dodgers are as patently evil as Ivan Drago’s U.S.S.R.; they’ll send you all to gulags and reeducation camps the second you turn your back. The Dodger fans are also spineless enough to cheer for you if you humiliate their team in their home.
I love that your two best position players went from decent-enough prospects, to good prospects, to superstars in their mid-20s. That’s how the Giants roll too. You’ve blazed a trail for Nate Schierholtz to be an All-Star, even if you don’t know it. Maybe Fred Lewis will reach for the stars in his mid-20s instead of being resigned to middle management, as it were. I can appreciate that.
I’m a sucker for the change-up, so I love that the top two pitchers on your staff rely on the changeup. Back when I was inhaling the Noah Lowry fumes, Cole Hamels is what I hoped Lowry would become – a dominant prince of befuddlement. And Jamie Moyer’s legendary exploits at Normandy add to his mystique, so he’s cool too.
Your roster has a few ex-Giants, which is pretty cool. Plus, they’re all likeable ex-Giants, which is even cooler. I’m down with Scott Eyre, and Pedro Feliz was a Giant for the better part of a decade. Heck, you even gave Mike Cervenak an opportunity to get an RBI. That’s awesome. And even if I ignored the ex-Giant angle, the Phillies also feature two Bay Area products, Jimmy Rollins and Pat Burrell. This all more than makes up for the unfortunate Shane Victorino and his unfortunate rectum face. While a significant part of me wants Victorino to contract scurvy from a Dodger Dog – even though "science" seems to think that would be impossible – this does not affect my overall feelings for your fine organization.
So, good luck, Phillies. Because if I’m reading this Punnet square correctly, there’s a 25% chance that I’ll have to root for the damn Red Sox again in the World Series. I don’t think I would ever be able to forgive you for that. And if the Dodgers were to pass by you on the way to a championship…oh, man. That’s a betrayal I can’t even fathom. To put it in terms you can understand: You would become our JD Drew.
Good luck, and we’re all counting you.
Sincerely,
Grant
Giants Fan
Comments
The best part
the unfortunate Shane Victorino and his unfortunate rectum face
Giants! Giants! HELP US GOD!
by j14 on
Oct 9, 2008 11:42 AM PDT
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Now, whenever I see Victorino, I will think to myself, “there is Unfortunate Rectum Face.”
by out machine on
Oct 9, 2008 12:26 PM PDT
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Is Mike Cervenak part of the post season roster? That’d be awesome for the Mayor to play in the series. Or at least get a ring after so much has gone on with him.
The Basil Fawlty Moderating Strategy:
"We could run a nice blog here if we didn't have all these members getting in the way."
Giant Whiteout I wouldn't go there if I were you.
by WalrusMan on
Oct 9, 2008 11:55 AM PDT
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I don’t know what “Buzz up” is but I’m doing it.
Best Open Letter to Professional Sports Organization.
Travis Denker can hit a little. That's why I drive his bus. Not much about baseball here .
by oldjacket on
Oct 9, 2008 12:00 PM PDT
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Tommy "Rented Mule" Lasorda
Scott McClain: Great story, no place on the 2009 Giants.
by EliminateMe on
Oct 9, 2008 12:17 PM PDT
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Looks like Lasorda is bleeding green blood. I’m not surprised.
..so allow me to present Tim Lincecum and Matt Cain as two sweet, sweet bottles of warming hooch.
by Cookyman on
Oct 9, 2008 12:18 PM PDT
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He’s a Romulan!
What man? Which man? Who’s the man? When’s a man a man? What makes a man a man? Am I a man? Yes. Technically I am. - FotC
by jcb9 on
Oct 9, 2008 12:20 PM PDT
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Fascinating
Definitely not Vulcan
Sergio Romo will gladly hand you a bench to sit on / GIANTSPACE™ / Adopted brother of the AnVil
by SoFa King Mike on
Oct 9, 2008 1:32 PM PDT
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I THOUGH HE OLNY BLEAD DOGDER BLUE!!!!!11111
Anagram of "Giants pitcher Matt Cain" = TRAGIC MAN, ISN'T PATHETIC
by Stuttering John Tamargo on
Oct 9, 2008 1:38 PM PDT
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I blame the years of Slim Fast abuse.
by rightcenterfielder on
Oct 9, 2008 1:44 PM PDT
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I’m guessing some of them are still in therapy for those encounters.
by rightcenterfielder on
Oct 9, 2008 2:02 PM PDT
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I forgot
why we have mandatory Victorino hatred.
refresher please…
Fairley odd parent to Wendell
by WTF on
Oct 9, 2008 12:20 PM PDT
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"The last of the five runs scored with Lincecum on the mound was unearned and its genesis a point of contention.
On the play in question, which was in the fifth inning, Victorino was caught between first and second base whentrying to steal. He ran into Omar Vizquel, who was called for interference, and later scored on a sacrifice fly by Aaron Rowland to extend the Phillies’ lead to 5-3.
The problem: Vizquel was on the infield grass.
Vizquel said he was told by Victorino that there is a new rule that allows a runner to make his own baseline and that the fielder has three feet to the right or the left of it to make a play. Vizquel said he was told the same by second base umpire Gary Cederstrom.
Vizquel said he believed Victorino ran into him on purpose."
What man? Which man? Who’s the man? When’s a man a man? What makes a man a man? Am I a man? Yes. Technically I am. - FotC
by jcb9 on
Oct 9, 2008 12:23 PM PDT
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Also, I’m pretty sure his parents were brother and sister. I brought these allegations to his attention while sitting in the bleachers this year, and he didn’t even deny it!
What man? Which man? Who’s the man? When’s a man a man? What makes a man a man? Am I a man? Yes. Technically I am. - FotC
by jcb9 on
Oct 9, 2008 12:27 PM PDT
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ZOMG!!!!1
What a fucking douchebag!
Fairley odd parent to Wendell
by WTF on
Oct 9, 2008 12:27 PM PDT
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It was pretty flagrant. At the time he ran into Vizquel, he was running directly towards the outfield fence.
What man? Which man? Who’s the man? When’s a man a man? What makes a man a man? Am I a man? Yes. Technically I am. - FotC
by jcb9 on
Oct 9, 2008 12:28 PM PDT
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FWIW
Victorinio pulled a similarly douchy play attempting to break up a DP by not sliding running to second and throwing a shoulder into Craig Counsell.
I hope he eats a Broxton fastball to the nuts.
Eugeniooooooo!!!!
by FairweatherFan on
Oct 9, 2008 1:27 PM PDT
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I hope he eats a Broxton fastball to the nuts.
If he’s got a unfortunate rectum face, I guess that means fastball to the neck? Or chin?
Castillo got the DFA. Guestimate for Castillo DFA to come before the 2009 season = 2.
by kennv on
Oct 9, 2008 1:31 PM PDT
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Extra Added Broxton Bonus
There’s nuts inside every fastball!
Get to ‘em while they’re hot! AW GNAW GNAW
"Ain't got a hope in Hell - that's my belief." - Bon Scott
by victor frankenstein on
Oct 9, 2008 2:36 PM PDT
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FWIW
Victorino pulled a massively more douchy play attempting to beat a throw to first when he ran helmet to face into Conor Jackson, knocking Jackson out of the game as a precautionary measure in case of concussion.
My Dave Righetti is better than your Dave Righetti.
by howtheyscored on
Oct 9, 2008 2:52 PM PDT
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Oh yeah, I forgot about that.
Strike 3!
Eugeniooooooo!!!!
by FairweatherFan on
Oct 9, 2008 3:08 PM PDT
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Because he’s a shithead.
My Dave Righetti is better than your Dave Righetti.
by howtheyscored on
Oct 9, 2008 2:50 PM PDT
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Context
under the right context, isn’t he a Gamer?
Ralph Barbieri, heal thyself.
by ThrillisGone22 on
Oct 9, 2008 4:24 PM PDT
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No
Catcher are base running. Hitters are offense.
by thehavenot on
Oct 9, 2008 5:29 PM PDT
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No
My Dave Righetti is better than your Dave Righetti.
by howtheyscored on
Oct 9, 2008 8:10 PM PDT
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Yes
Trent Kline: Decentish. Also, my website is called ChatterBalks Dot Com. It's not being updated right now. Hope for more at your own risk.
by groug on
Oct 9, 2008 10:06 PM PDT
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I mean no
Trent Kline: Decentish. Also, my website is called ChatterBalks Dot Com. It's not being updated right now. Hope for more at your own risk.
by groug on
Oct 9, 2008 10:06 PM PDT
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I don't mind the Phillies
When teams don’t win very much, I tend to root for them over other teams. This applies to the Phillies. And, of course, they are playing the Dodgers.
And my little league team was the Phillies.
So, all in all, I’m down with the Phillies.
Catcher are base running. Hitters are offense.
by thehavenot on
Oct 9, 2008 1:13 PM PDT
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you best be posting this on the Phillies SB Nation site
Brad Hennessey: the next Kevin Correia
Kevin Correia: the next Brad Hennessey
by stealth snail on
Oct 9, 2008 1:25 PM PDT
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One of their members is named WholeCamels.
Anagram of "Giants pitcher Matt Cain" = TRAGIC MAN, ISN'T PATHETIC
by Stuttering John Tamargo on
Oct 9, 2008 1:39 PM PDT
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plus several
Billy Hayes: His job is better than yours.
by delorean on
Oct 9, 2008 2:26 PM PDT
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Man, for a while I was going in circles thinking “What the heck is that Camels pitcher’s actual first name…?”
Then I figured it out,
My Dave Righetti is better than your Dave Righetti.
by howtheyscored on
Oct 9, 2008 2:53 PM PDT
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He's a pretty creative writer also
Oh course, not quite up to Grant’s level – but creative in his own right
by Jakespaar on
Oct 9, 2008 3:39 PM PDT
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done and done
Travis Denker can hit a little. That's why I drive his bus. Not much about baseball here .
by oldjacket on
Oct 9, 2008 1:57 PM PDT
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haha
it’s really is amazing how much more traffic McCovey Chronicles gets compared to The Good Phight considering the state of the teams
Brad Hennessey: the next Kevin Correia
Kevin Correia: the next Brad Hennessey
by stealth snail on
Oct 9, 2008 3:43 PM PDT
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and that place is buzzing with activity compared to True Blue LA, which I’m convinced is just one guy having a conversation with his multiple personalities.
by rightcenterfielder on
Oct 9, 2008 4:01 PM PDT
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He doesn’t even have multiple personalities. Well, maybe on a good night he’ll get up to two.
What man? Which man? Who’s the man? When’s a man a man? What makes a man a man? Am I a man? Yes. Technically I am. - FotC
by jcb9 on
Oct 9, 2008 8:54 PM PDT
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i actually kinda liked a lot of the phillies players already
ryan howard played high school ball right in my backyard (literally like 3 blocks from my house), rollins is a bay area guy, and hamels is my favorite young arm in the game (outside of the giants candidates, of course).
i really feel like philadelphia needs to win this first game, though. hamels can match up with anyone the dodgers throw at him (lowe, in this case) but after that i think LA has a definite edge in pitching.
the good news is I think every team left in the postseason has the capability to beat the dodgers in a seven gam series. the bad news is, other than boston, i think la is going to be favored or a tossup in every series they could possibly play from here on in. so let’s go phillies! prove me wrong.
Idolizing Robb Nen since 2002...
by Smoke on the Water on
Oct 9, 2008 1:43 PM PDT
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A Phillies' victory over the Bums...
…will save our country from another Depression.
I mean, look at the facts ok? Dodgers make the playoffs, the Dow dips. The Dodgers make the NLCS, the Dow tanks into the 8000’s. If the Dodgers make the World Series, or win it, GOD HELP US ALL.
Kevin Pritchard has Chuck Norris tied up in the trunk of his car.
by otis29 on
Oct 9, 2008 1:53 PM PDT
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Science!

Scott McClain: Great story, no place on the 2009 Giants.
by EliminateMe on
Oct 9, 2008 4:22 PM PDT
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don't forget
Geoff Jenkins play high school ball in the Sacramento area…. so that’s kind of like hailing from the Bay Area. right? no? ok, just trying to give the Phillies some more credit
Adopted Giant: Aaron King
Wearing the crown by 2011. Or at least the LOOGY hat
by baetown415 on
Oct 9, 2008 1:58 PM PDT
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let's go, PhiLOLies!!!
Billy Hayes: His job is better than yours.
by delorean on
Oct 9, 2008 2:26 PM PDT
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