A Modest Trade Proposal II: Electric Boogaloo
by xanthan on Oct 12, 2008 1:30 PM PDT
71 comments
Matt Cain for Prince Fielder! This is a truly new and exciting trade scenario!
Things I learned while I was on my honeymoon:
1. Tons of xanthan hate on McC while I was away.
2. Denker is released for no good reason? Frowny face.
3. Walker, Hennessey, and Correia are gone. Happy face.
4. Jamaica is freaking hot.
5. I saw more fat, old, white people than I've ever seen before while in Jamaica. If you're over 50, overweight, and ghostly white, the banana hammock is not a good look.
6. Not having the internet for a week was weird. I don't know if that says more about me or more about the world at large. This series of tubes is truly amazing.
7. Yes, I really did get married.
8. No, it was not to Judy Steffes.
9. It's good to be back!
STATS OUT,
xanthan
PS. I'll post some wedding pics when I get them as verification of the event.
This FanPost is reader-generated, and it does not necessarily reflect the views of McCovey Chronicles. If the author uses filler to achieve the minimum word requirement, a moderator may edit the FanPost for his or her own amusement.
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Also, getting married is exhausting.
#1 JUDY STEFFES FAN
My favorite pie is (name of pie flavor)
Bay City Ball
by xanthan on Oct 12, 2008 1:32 PM PDT reply actions 0 recs
God love my honey for her immortal sentiment: “ah screw it. let’s just go to the courthouse and let everybody read about it later.” On the other hand, buying and selling houses while financial institutions are crashing all around you is no picnic either.
Congrats X.
Get the hell out the way Bengie, Pablito's hit the show!
by Roger on Oct 12, 2008 2:44 PM PDT up reply actions 0 recs
Hell yea.
That’s gonna be my wedding. Either that or Vegas baby!
I’ll get back to you what my girlfriend said.
The Basil Fawlty Moderating Strategy:
"We could run a nice blog here if we didn't have all these members getting in the way."
Giant Whiteout I wouldn't go there if I were you.
by WalrusMan on Oct 12, 2008 4:50 PM PDT up reply actions 0 recs
Vegas Baby!
Rafael Rodriguez: More tools than Home Depot.
by BrianBokake on Oct 12, 2008 4:50 PM PDT up reply actions 0 recs
I’d like to add one word to the previous post.
Tack it right onto the front.
Just a personal sentiment (although , truth be told , I got married in Vegas fourteen years ago)
Don’t just visit there – actually exist there for a prolonged period…you might change yer tune.
"Ain't got a hope in Hell - that's my belief." - Bon Scott
by victor frankenstein on Oct 12, 2008 11:11 PM PDT up reply actions 0 recs
I’ve never wanted to live in Vegas. I just enjoy its fervent hatred of sobriety.
Rafael Rodriguez: More tools than Home Depot.
by BrianBokake on Oct 13, 2008 12:14 AM PDT up reply actions 0 recs
Yes
Yes it is.
Catcher are base running. Hitters are offense.
by thehavenot on Oct 12, 2008 4:21 PM PDT up reply actions 0 recs
I bet marrying a computer made your honeymoon relatively affordable. Congratulations!
by rotorueter on Oct 12, 2008 1:37 PM PDT reply actions 0 recs
Moving all those tubes from his Mom's basement and shipping them to Jamaica had to be expensive....
j/k….Congrats…
Uncle Sabes...How much longer til we get there?
by NorCalGiant on Oct 12, 2008 1:53 PM PDT up reply actions 0 recs
I’m not buying it.
..so allow me to present Tim Lincecum and Matt Cain as two sweet, sweet bottles of warming hooch.
by Cookyman on Oct 12, 2008 1:41 PM PDT reply actions 0 recs
congratulations. If you really want to see fat white people over 50, try going on a cruise. If you want to believe it was an iceberg that sunk the Titanic, that’s fine, but it was actually all the buffets!!
Brian Sabean's new dad: Firm believer in corporal punishment
by rxmeister on Oct 12, 2008 2:00 PM PDT reply actions 0 recs
My BFF went on a cruise to the Caribbean for her honeymoon. The first thing out of her mouth when she got back was “OMFG FAT PPL”
"While conservatives tell you 'leave things alone and no one will lose,' and liberals tell you 'interfere a lot and no one will lose,' baseball says 'someone will lose.' Not only says it - but insists upon it! ... Democracy is lovely, but baseball's more mature." BVCE supports SF Dugout and Manny Burriss.
by BaronVonCurrentEvents on Oct 12, 2008 2:09 PM PDT up reply actions 0 recs
I’d have to say the average age was 70 on the cruise I went on. They weren’t fatties per se, but they did tend to overload the elevators to the point it sounded like the Death Star charging up.
by timmeh on Oct 12, 2008 8:42 PM PDT up reply actions 0 recs
Now that sounds fun. Buffets are like watering holes for the large.
#1 JUDY STEFFES FAN
My favorite pie is (name of pie flavor)
Bay City Ball
by xanthan on Oct 13, 2008 7:46 AM PDT up reply actions 0 recs
I would’ve thought you could’ve seen plenty of old, fat white people in Virginia.
Congratulations!
What man? Which man? Who’s the man? When’s a man a man? What makes a man a man? Am I a man? Yes. Technically I am. - FotC
by jcb9 on Oct 12, 2008 3:42 PM PDT reply actions 0 recs
xanthan? What about that jerk?
My Dave Righetti is better than your Dave Righetti.
by howtheyscored on Oct 12, 2008 3:54 PM PDT reply actions 0 recs
Oh, he’s back…
I mean, ummm… what about that… jork…?
My Dave Righetti is better than your Dave Righetti.
by howtheyscored on Oct 12, 2008 3:55 PM PDT up reply actions 0 recs
Man, that guy’s an ass. I wish he’d finally go away or something.
by Natto on Oct 12, 2008 8:53 PM PDT up reply actions 0 recs
If you’re over 50, overweight, and ghostly white, the banana hammock is not a good look.
What about two out of three?
Trent Kline: Decentish. Also, my website is called ChatterBalks Dot Com. It's not being updated right now. Hope for more at your own risk.
by groug on Oct 12, 2008 4:31 PM PDT reply actions 0 recs
I’ve missed you. Ever since the club split up, I missed you —Everybody missed you. All the beetles missed you.
Adopted Son: Brad Hennessey. Beloved for a stolen base much like Dave Roberts
by AndYourBirdCanSing on Oct 12, 2008 4:47 PM PDT reply actions 0 recs
Congrats Xanthan!
Judy Steffes is planning to boil all of your household pets. Be warned!
by Lars The Wanderer on Oct 12, 2008 4:51 PM PDT reply actions 0 recs
Congrats Xanathan
When can we expect little statheads running around?
Rafael Rodriguez: More tools than Home Depot.
by BrianBokake on Oct 12, 2008 4:52 PM PDT reply actions 0 recs
Whose alias is this "xanthan" anyway?
Congrats, man! Hope you had a great time.
"He called the sh** POOP!" -- Adam Sandler
by JRPhillips on Oct 12, 2008 5:16 PM PDT reply actions 0 recs
You caught me. xanthan is actually an alternate screen name of mine.
My Dave Righetti is better than your Dave Righetti.
by howtheyscored on Oct 12, 2008 7:17 PM PDT up reply actions 0 recs
also congratulation
"While conservatives tell you 'leave things alone and no one will lose,' and liberals tell you 'interfere a lot and no one will lose,' baseball says 'someone will lose.' Not only says it - but insists upon it! ... Democracy is lovely, but baseball's more mature." BVCE supports SF Dugout and Manny Burriss.
by BaronVonCurrentEvents on Oct 12, 2008 7:23 PM PDT reply actions 0 recs
Oh...
You were gone?
The Basil Fawlty Moderating Strategy:
"We could run a nice blog here if we didn't have all these members getting in the way."
Giant Whiteout I wouldn't go there if I were you.
by WalrusMan on Oct 12, 2008 8:01 PM PDT reply actions 0 recs
Well, now we know one person who don't read Bay City Ball...
:^)
Adoptive parental unit of Kevin "Most Spectacular Pitcher" Pucetas.
"I'm a Giant now... I like watching the ball get up there" - Wendell Fairley
"I'm really proud to be on this team." - Nate Schierholtz
by obsessivegiantscompulsive on Oct 13, 2008 3:14 PM PDT up reply actions 0 recs
I’m telling you, Martin, these people…. these people….
#1 JUDY STEFFES FAN
My favorite pie is (name of pie flavor)
Bay City Ball
by xanthan on Oct 13, 2008 5:05 PM PDT up reply actions 0 recs
What City Ball?
My Dave Righetti is better than your Dave Righetti.
by howtheyscored on Oct 13, 2008 7:02 PM PDT up reply actions 0 recs
It’s the #1 resource on the internet for pie based analysis!
#1 JUDY STEFFES FAN
My favorite pie is (name of pie flavor)
Bay City Ball
by xanthan on Oct 13, 2008 8:01 PM PDT up reply actions 0 recs
I like pie!
Neglectful father of David Quinowski
by marcello on Oct 13, 2008 8:21 PM PDT up reply actions 0 recs
“A Modest Trade Proposal II: Electric Boogaloo”
Minus The Bear?
by AmorVincitOmnia on Oct 12, 2008 8:05 PM PDT reply actions 0 recs
I didn’t even know computers needed vacations.
Trent Kline: Decentish. Also, my website is called ChatterBalks Dot Com. It's not being updated right now. Hope for more at your own risk.
by groug on Oct 12, 2008 9:11 PM PDT reply actions 0 recs
Yeah, that’s what screen savers are for.
by Natto on Oct 12, 2008 9:19 PM PDT up reply actions 0 recs
mazel tov
congratulations and welcome to the club!
Go Phillies.
Billy Hayes: His job is better than yours.
by delorean on Oct 12, 2008 9:59 PM PDT reply actions 0 recs
there goes the neighborhood (again)
congrats.
I hope it was a STATS wedding.
Matt Cain: He'll save children, but not the Dodger children.
PABLO SANDOVAL AM STEAL DEATH, DESTROYER OF WORLDS.
by jponry on Oct 12, 2008 11:25 PM PDT reply actions 0 recs
I hope it was a STATS wedding.
We exchanged a series of long, complex mathematical formulas instead of vows.
#1 JUDY STEFFES FAN
My favorite pie is (name of pie flavor)
Bay City Ball
by xanthan on Oct 13, 2008 7:47 AM PDT up reply actions 0 recs
The invitations were in binary, right? RIGHT?
Matt Cain: He'll save children, but not the Dodger children.
PABLO SANDOVAL AM STEAL DEATH, DESTROYER OF WORLDS.
by jponry on Oct 13, 2008 9:09 AM PDT up reply actions 0 recs
101 1001 100 0101 101 0011
Sergio Romo will gladly hand you a bench to sit on / GIANTSPACE™ / Adopted brother of the AnVil
by SoFa King Mike on Oct 13, 2008 2:12 PM PDT up reply actions 0 recs
Quit monopolizing all the good women
Can you please roll Judy Steffes up in the banana hammock and send her back to me?
Be sure to use lots of duct tape.
by Moggeee on Oct 13, 2008 3:27 AM PDT reply actions 0 recs
Congratulations, Xanthan!
I tried to translate my marriage advice into something more stats-friendly for you:
Many men upgrade from Girlfriend 1.0 to Wife 1.0 with the idea that Wife 1.0 is merely a Utilities & Entertainment program. This is a serious misconception. Although Wife 1.0 includes many Utilities and Entertainment functions, Wife 1.0 is actually an entire Operating System. It has been designed to run everything.
Warning! Do not try to: un-install, delete, or purge the program from the system once installed. Trying to un-install Wife 1.0 can be disastrous, resulting in the loss of valuable system resources. You can not go back to Girlfriend 1.0. Wife 1.0 is not designed to do this.
Many have tried “workarounds”. These only complicate the situation. For example, some have tried to install Girlfriend 2.0 or Wife 2.0 and found the problems persist. Others, in an ill conceived attempt, have tried to run Girlfriend 2.0 in the background while Wife 1.0 is running. This almost always results in serious system conflicts, possibly leading to a non-recoverable system crash.
I recommend you keep Wife 1.0 and adjust a few user input parameters. I might also suggest you read the entire section regarding General Protection Faults (GPFs). Should a GPF occur, the best course of action will be to push the Apologize Button then Reset Button as soon as lock-up occurs.
The system will run smooth as long as you provide needed maintenance time.
Am I mad, in a coma, or back in time? Whatever's happened, it's like I've landed on a different planet. Now, maybe if I can work out the reason, I can get home.
by Lyle on Oct 13, 2008 6:27 AM PDT reply actions 0 recs
I laughed at this, thanks Lyle. Good advice all around.
#1 JUDY STEFFES FAN
My favorite pie is (name of pie flavor)
Bay City Ball
by xanthan on Oct 13, 2008 7:47 AM PDT up reply actions 0 recs
Darn!
Darn, Lyle, that was GREAT! Now I’ve GOT to get back to Memphis!
In actuality, that is going to be a tough one. My younger nephew has moved to Denver for school and will likely remain there for his career. My older nephew now lives in Castro Valley and goes to school in Hayward.
It was my oldest nephew’s wedding that I attended the last time I was in Memphis and right before I “met” you. This past weekend he and his wife celebrated their first wedding anniversary up the coast at the lodge where I have stayed many, many times — including last week right up until the day they arrived. Obviously the last thing a couple celebrating their first anniversary needs is an uncle in the way.
It is possible I might wind up actually living in the apartment above the office of that lodge, receiving free lodging and actually getting paid for working four part days a week. I can’t think of any other job I would take, but this one might be too good to pass up.
Receiving free lodging with a fabulous view of the ocean, the beach, the river and the cliffs and having to work only part-time in one of my favorite places in the world? Not too tough to take. :)
And for Xanthan, congrats on your marriage, which obviously came about almost exactly a year after my nephew’s. My nephew didn’t even wait three months to move from where he had been living just a couple of miles from Lyle out the the Bay Area. Hard to argue with THAT move — except that it moved him much further away from Lyle, of course.
My nephew’s marriage seems to be going great. I have no idea why his wife married him. :) Hope yours goes every bit as well, since your wife is probably lucky to have you.
The best advice I ever got? An old high school teacher told me, “Love is blind, but marriage is an eye opener.” ;)
by sharksrog on Oct 14, 2008 12:50 AM PDT up reply actions 0 recs
Hey, Rog
Any free financial advice for these troubled times? IIRC, that was your area.
Am I mad, in a coma, or back in time? Whatever's happened, it's like I've landed on a different planet. Now, maybe if I can work out the reason, I can get home.
by Lyle on Oct 14, 2008 6:26 AM PDT up reply actions 0 recs
I can see a very non-sharksrog post from him:
We’re all screwed.
The Basil Fawlty Moderating Strategy:
"We could run a nice blog here if we didn't have all these members getting in the way."
by WalrusMan on Oct 14, 2008 6:48 AM PDT up reply actions 0 recs
buy lots of stocks
you’ll thank me in about 5 years.
STEVE HOLM! refuses to be the odd man out.
by UnleashTheGore on Oct 14, 2008 8:26 AM PDT up reply actions 0 recs
yup
But not all at once. space it out over the course of a year.
Vanguard 500, baby
by oldjacket on Oct 14, 2008 10:20 AM PDT up reply actions 0 recs
Best
Of the advice given here, I compliment Old Jacket for likely providing the best. One might even want to spread his dollar cost averaging out over a little longer period.
By the way, my son closes on his first house in 15 days. I don’t know that either house prices or interest rates are at the very lowest they will be, but they both seem to be nicely on the low side.
He signed the intent to purchase, about three hours after the Dow closed down 777 points.
And to show you how much I can afford, I may be taking that free apartment I spoke about. Actually, if that works out right, it could be heaven. About as good a view as one could hope for.
I considered buying a second house there, but I couldn’t duplicate the view. There are many expensive houses with very good views — just not AS good. There is something magical about being able to wake up and see the ocean, the beach, the river and the cliffs — all without even having to get out of bed!
by sharksrog on Oct 14, 2008 10:36 AM PDT up reply actions 0 recs
Follow up question
So, you think the market is going to continue going down, or fluctuate up and down, for another year plus?
Neglectful father of David Quinowski
by marcello on Oct 14, 2008 11:32 AM PDT up reply actions 0 recs
Always
The market always fluctuates up and down to some degree, but I don’t the downtrend has yet ended. If you want to get some insight that has been pretty good of late go to www.dohmencapital.com. Bert Dohmen-Ramirez has written a book that has thus far been a decent predictor of the present decline.
by sharksrog on Oct 15, 2008 10:48 AM PDT up reply actions 0 recs
Tons of xanthan hate on McC while I was away.
Alright, who snitched?
by chilibean_3 on Oct 13, 2008 8:20 AM PDT reply actions 0 recs
Congratulations on the nuptials, my man! Can’t wait to see the pictures.
Zooperstars, they quack me up!
by Goofus on Oct 13, 2008 1:23 PM PDT reply actions 0 recs
nuptials
Just sounds dirty.
Eugeniooooooo!!!!
by FairweatherFan on Oct 14, 2008 1:22 PM PDT up reply actions 0 recs
Just wait until we get to the nuptial clamps.
My Dave Righetti is better than your Dave Righetti.
by howtheyscored on Oct 14, 2008 1:52 PM PDT up reply actions 0 recs
Pics of you in a “JAMAICAN ME CRAZY” t-shirt, or it didn’t happen.
The Examined Life
"I been waitin' a long time for this! I been waitin' since the f**kin' amateurs!" --WILL "THE THRILL" CLARK
by Josh from Hollywood on Oct 14, 2008 2:10 PM PDT reply actions 0 recs
OT: you guys are the 14 or so people on the planet who get this joke, so:
<“shameless self promotion”>
If you’re into this sort of thing you might enjoy our CD release party at the Jupiter (in Berzerkeley) on Sunday. </shameless self promotion>
PS Cudos Xanthan! I’ve been married two years now and i can say it’s pretty OK!
"ever so cynical yet whimsical giants related signature"
by The Gene Hackman on Oct 14, 2008 3:01 PM PDT reply actions 0 recs
sweet!
which dude are you, and do you know my boy Stephen Pride (banjoist extraordinaire, among other things)?
Billy Hayes: His job is better than yours.
by delorean on Oct 14, 2008 3:52 PM PDT up reply actions 0 recs
see my stupid reply fail below.
"ever so cynical yet whimsical giants related signature"
by The Gene Hackman on Oct 14, 2008 4:05 PM PDT up reply actions 0 recs
You married Steve Kline?
My Dave Righetti is better than your Dave Righetti.
by howtheyscored on Oct 14, 2008 4:11 PM PDT up reply actions 0 recs
i’m matt, guitar-dude and sometimes-banjo dude.
I don’t know your boy, stephen, however.
does he play in a bluegrass or oldtimey band?
"ever so cynical yet whimsical giants related signature"
by The Gene Hackman on Oct 14, 2008 4:04 PM PDT reply actions 0 recs
he used to
Now he fronts Collisionville and plays drums in Guitar vs. Gravity, but he used to do a lot of old-timey banjo gigs, which is how I figured you might’ve crossed paths.
Billy Hayes: His job is better than yours.
by delorean on Oct 14, 2008 4:16 PM PDT up reply actions 0 recs
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