When thinking about the baseball we've watched over the past six months, there's an old saying that feels appropriate : "I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy." In the same way, most of us would rather read Grant's hilarious, observant, and thoughtful daily posts about the San Francisco Giants than have to endure another moment of the frontal lobotomy that has been the 2007 season. (And 2006...and 2005...great timing on the wesbite launch, Mr. Brisbee!) In this tortured analogy, Grant is the bottle in front of us, you see. Hmmmm. [Crickets.] Well, it sounded good when I started writing this paragraph.
Anyway, much like at the Oscars when they present the Irving G. Thalberg Award for lifetime achievement, let's turn to center stage as the lights dim, the screen lowers from the ceiling, and we sit back to watch the highlights from yet another brilliant year of blogging from Grant.
Here we go...
4/10/07: The Open Cry for Help Thread.
4/13/07 (Friday the 13th): Nine games have been played. That's it. The offense isn't really this wretched. It can't be. Give us a month to figure it out.
5/3/07: Tim Lincecum called up.
5/6/07: This poem on Lincecum Eve.
5/16/07: Benitez is like a walking abortion debate. He makes people emotionally incontinent, and he does it so well that it's more like a superpower than a talent.
6/9/07:If I turned this site into a celebrity gossip blog, would everyone here still read it? I'm tired of following the Giants. I'd rather write a post about the top ten anorexic stars than watch another game.
Nicole Richie's RORV (Ribs over Replacement Value) is at a 34.2. 34.2! I haven't seen anything like that since Waif Con '99.
7/15/07: When the Sony logo starts on the Midnight Express DVD, start up the Giants broadcast. You'll know that you timed it correctly if the protagonist's kneecap is smashed with a baton at the same time Dave Flemming is describing how the Giants weren't able to take advantage of runners in scoring position.
7/25/07:And thank you, Tim Lincecum. Thank you for being the copy of National Geographic in the dentist's waiting room. It means a lot.
7/30/07: An Open Letter to Jay Mariotti.
8/6/07: Point: Why does this team have 15 different centerfielders?
Counterpoint: I don't know. The same kind of thing happens to me when I go to Costco. All of a sudden, I'm like, "Hey, what in the world do I need with 48 boxes of Pop-Tarts?" Then I laugh at myself and move on. It's kind of like that, except instead of toaster pastries, they're human beings who are paid millions of dollars to play a specific role on a sports team. I can totally relate. Po-tay-to, po-tah-to.
8/11/07: The Sabean-Littlefield Dialogue.
8/23/07: Grant's Academic Treatise, "Theories on Rosterization and Other Stuff."
8/24/07: The Matt Cain Appreciation Thread.
8/29/07: Breaking out the Analogotron 3500.
8/31/07:[UPDATE - 8/31 - 8:23 a.m.] My sources tell me that no one wants Ray Durham.
[UPDATE - 8/31 - 8:24 a.m.] I've decided that the word "update" should be in bold.
[UPDATE - 8/31 - 8:27 a.m.] My sources are still sticking to the "no one wants Ray Durham for reasons of performance and salary"-rumor.
9/07/07: Choose Your Own Adventure.
9/14/07:[Bochy is] a hardcore veteranophiliac. Seriously hardcore. As bad as Dusty, but with lesser players. Bochy's thinking about veterans right now. The way they bunt...the way they come to play every day...oh, man...the way they take control of the clubhouse...the way they do that thing with their uniforms...mmm....
9/15/07:Matt Cain will pitch well, but throw 100 pitches before the 7th.
The Giants won't be able to hit Brett Tomko.
The bullpen will give up a run or five.
Scott Hairston and/or Khalil Greene will drive in some runs.
Thanks for visiting my site. I just saved you three hours. Come again tomorrow.
[Applause. Standing Ovation. Cue heartfelt comments.]