excellent.

Since stereotypical jokes about how vapid and useless women are don't amuse me, I shall share an excellent joke forwarded to me at work today:

Two 90 year old men, Moe and Joe, have been friends all of their lives.

When it's clear that Joe is dying, Moe visits him every day. One day Moe says, "Joe, we both loved baseball all our lives, and we played minor league ball together for so many years. Please do me one favor, when you get to Heaven, somehow you must let me know if there's baseball up there."

Joe looks up at Moe from his death bed, "Moe, you've been my best friend for many years. If it's at all possible, I'll do this favor for you."

Shortly after that, Joe passes on.

At midnight a couple of nights later, Moe is awakened from a sound sleep by a blinding flash of white light and a voice calling out to him, " Moe--Moe."

"Who is it?" asks Moe sitting up suddenly. "Who is it?"

"Moe--it's me, Joe."

"You're not Joe. Joe just died."

"I'm telling you, it's me, Joe," insists the voice.

"Joe! Where are you?"

"In heaven", replies Joe. "I have some really good news and a little bad news."

"Tell me the good news first," says Moe.

"The good news," Joe says," is that there's baseball in heaven. Better yet, all of our old buddies who died before us are here, too. Better than that, we're all young again. Better still, it's always springtime and it never rains or snows. And best of all, we can play baseball all we want, and we never get tired."

"That's fantastic," says Moe. "It's beyond my wildest dreams! So what could possibly be the bad news?"

"You're pitching Tuesday."

IT'S FUNNY CAUSE IT'S TRUE

Two atoms walk into a bar...
The first one stops. "Damn...I lost an electron."
The second one says "Are you sure?"
The first one says "Yeah...I'm positive."

-clank-

A vacationing penguin is driving through Arizona when he notices that the oil-pressure light is on. He gets out to look and sees oil dripping out of the motor. He drives to the nearest town and stops at the first gas station.

After dropping the car off, the penguin goes for a walk around town. He sees an ice-cream shop and, being a penguin in Arizona, decides that something cold would really hit the spot. He gets a big bowl of vanilla ice cream and sits down to eat. Having no hands, he makes a real mess trying to eat with his little flippers.

After finishing his ice cream, he goes back to the gas station and asks the mechanic if he's found the problem. The mechanic looks up and says, "It looks like you blew a seal."

"No, no," the penguin replies, "it's just ice cream."

Some kids are playing baseball at a San Francisco park when one is attacked by a rabid Rottweiler.  Thinking quickly, one boy takes a bat and wedges it down the dog's collar and twists,
breaking the dog's neck.  A reporter who is strolling by sees the incident and rushes over to the boy.  "Giants Fan Saves Friend from Vicious Animal," he starts writing in his notebook.

"But I'm not a Giants fan!" the little hero replied.

"Sorry, since we are in San Francisco, I just assumed you were," said the reporter, and he began writing again.  "A's Fan Rescues Friend from Horrific Attack," he writes.

"I'm not an A's fan either!" the boy exclaimed.

"Oh, I assumed everyone in the Bay Area was either for the Giants or the A's.  What team do you root for?" inquired the reporter.

"I'm a Dodger fan," the child responded.

The reporter turned the page in his notebook and wrote "Little Bastard from LA Kills Beloved Family Pet."

The 3rd grade class assignment was to get up  infront of the class and describe what their father does for a living.  The kids described their fathers' professions; there was a banker, a fireman and a lawyer.

It was Timmy's turn so he got up in front of the class.  "My dad is a stripper at a gay male club.  He gives men lap dances and if they tip him enough, he'll take them into the back alley and have sex with them."  

The teacher was shocked and grabbed Timmy by the arm and took him outside.  "Timmy, is that true what you said about your father?" she asked. "No ma'am." he replied.  "Well then why would you say such a thing?" she wanted to know.  He replied, "I was to ashamed to admit he plays for the Dodgers."

On a Bike

Q:  If you see a Dodgers fan on a bicycle, why should you never swerve to hit him?
A:  There's a good chance it's your bicycle.

Birth Control

Q:  What do Dodgers fans use for birth control?
A:  Their personalities.

Humor

Q:  How do you make a Dodgers fan laugh on Monday?
A:  Tell them a joke on Friday!

IQ test

Q:  What does your average Dodgers fan get on an I.Q. test?
A:  Drool

Sex

Q:  What do they call a Dodgers fan having sex?
A:  A conjugal visit