As previously said, I am a flight attendant with JetBlue Airways. Today, I did something that I could not wait to get home and tell the McCoven.
For starters, I went to work very hung over from a beer and scotch binge. On my first flight of the day, I was trying so hard to not let out any of the toxic fumes that were brewing in my innards.
As my flight from Syracuse to New York City was boarding I saw some jack-ass wearing a UCLA football shirt and Dodgers hat.
"You have to remove that hat, sir."
"It's an FAA regulation."
"No, it's not."
"I know. But I'm a Giants fan, and your face makes me want to vommit."
I didn't say that last part but I wanted to. I did tell him I am Giants fan, however.
I didn't talk to him ever again in the flight. I didn't ask him if he wanted a snack, or drink or anything. And he didn't ask to get one. It was as if he accepted the fact that I was a Giants fan, it's my flight, and Dodger fans are not appreciated. But there's more...
When I was walking through the cabin collecting trash a foul wind was afoot. I saw the tasteless and offensive blue cap was only a few rows ahead. I held my stench in for a few more seconds, and as soon as I took one step past him, I let 'er rip. My ass was directly in his ear, and I let out a good one. I didn't look back to see if he noticed. My guess is he did not notice initially because he was watching TV and his head phones probably muffled my fart, but if my bomb was even HALF the mega-tonage of my previous expulsions, he could not have helped but taste it.
Here you go, Ass Hole. Here's some ass hole.